I heard the dial tone. She hung up on me and left me to the empty darkness where there’s no air, no light, and no Jessica. The blankness engulfed me as I gasped for air. She’s gone from my life and this deep gut wrenching told me I’d never see her again.
When everything went black my body convulsed in reaction to the abandonment. A hand came around me to pull me back to reality, but I didn’t want to come back without Jess. I stared into the empty space that was now my life without her. I didn’t understand any of this because my world had ended. It would be easier to not live than go one day without her face to brighten my day.
10
Everything left me in a daze, numb to the world. Theo’s hand gripped the back of my neck as his eyes pierced into mine. His lips moved like words should be coming at me but there’s nothing. Not grasping anything the air escaped my lungs while I stood there in limbo.
Jessica
He would never forgive me for this. I hurt the one person that I loved more than myself. My tears continued to stream down my cheeks as I made my way down the single isle to the very last seat taking the one by the window. The idea of not seeing Paul for a full year is bad enough, but the pain in his voice told me what this did to him. Lost in my misery startled by a man standing over me when he asked, “Do you mind?”
Avoiding eye contact I nodded without looking up to show him my misery. He sat down and I heard him sniffle. A guy with a heart sitting down next to me, that’s how lucky I am. He spoke to me, “What is his name?”
Not wanting to talk about my miserable life I gave him a one word answer, “Paul.” My eyes wandered over to get a glimpse him. My guess is correct. He’s as miserable as I am so I asked, “What is her name?”
He gave me a slight grin amongst his misery, “Alison.”
Giving him an approving smile and then went back to looking out the window. The plane’s engines roared and the sadness is over bearing the tears a full stream now. Leaving Paul this way had to be the worst day of my entire life.
As a gesture of comfort this guy put his hand out with his pinky in the air. Not deserving this at all I still wrapped my pinky around his. The gasp that came from him filled me with relief. We shared the same pain, the same torment, and the same comfort. We didn’t need to talk to understand each other.
Paul
Sting with a heated sensation across my face shocked me into breathing again. Tears filled my eyes when I realized Theo slapped me to my senses. Pleading with hope that he’d understand, “I love her. I kept to my promise.”
He gave me a small smile while asking me, “What did she say to you before she left?”
I gasped for air, “She didn’t.”
Matt handed him the note. As he read it his forearm pressed against my chest holding me up against the wall. A smile grew on his face, “Paul, this tells me she loves you.”
That’s something I already know, “But you let her go.”
“No, she tried to get out of this. She didn’t want to go but she signed a contract. You understand contracts.”
“No, she’s gone and…” Squeezing my eyes shut, not wanting to see the reality of her loving me and then just like nothing at all she’s gone from my life.
A strong sting against my face again caused the reality to come back and fill my lungs with air. Not only did I not want to come back to this nightmare I didn’t want to go one day without her. Words escaped my mouth without my brain working, “shit, that hurts.”
Theo laughed at me, “Are you back with us now?”
My heart bleeding, my face throbbing, and my eyes burning I nodded staring into his eyes wishing for an answer.
Theo gripped my shoulders firmly as he stated, “She wants you to wait for her if you can handle that. Boy, can you handle that?”
All I got from his determined voice is wait for her and handle that. Men aren’t supposed to cry at least that’s how society molds us, but losing two people I love in less than one decade. It’s enough to put any man in the loony bin. So what am I supposed to do while I wait? My eyes searched Theo’s eyes for answers.
The warmth of his smile, the steady gaze he gave me brought calmness to my hysteria. As if reading my mind, “Now, if you love her and you can wait for her there are things that you may want to get worked out in your life.”
Lost in wonder I asked, “Like what?”
“You need to stay busy. Treat this situation like she is here at home and you just can’t see her for a while.”
I nodded but confused about what he said.
“You need to go back to school and finish your degree. Try to fill your days with classes, studying, and whatever else you can do to take up all your time. You don’t want to ponder about where Jess is. For all you know she is at school a hundred miles from you, and she needs time to grow into a woman. Can you do this for her, for me, and for yourself, Paul? I love you like my own son and she said yes to marry you. It would be my honor to make it official. You need to handle this like a man and get your life straight.”
Everything he said made sense, but cluttered into a mumble of words that rolled together. Jess is at school? Part of their family? Life straight? What is this man trying to tell me?
He turned to Matt, “I need you to make sure he does this.”
Not knowing what Matt said or did because my brain numbed to the world.
Theo held my neck tighter, “How is the business, Paul?”
I shrugged, “handed it over to Tom. I wanted to be with Jess and she needed more time together.”
He grinned and hugged me, “I am so happy you love my daughter.” He released me and looked into my eyes, “You will handle this because she needs you in her life. Someone that cares this much about her will be rare and I believe in you.”
Air entered my lungs again but the tears came to my eyes which made it impossible to see his face anymore.
Someone tossed him something but he lifted it to my face. Recognizing the softness of terrycloth I wiped my eyes so I’d see him clearly. I didn’t understand why he smiled at me. It’s the end of my happiness so why did he have to be happy about that.
He took a deep breath, “The house, how is it coming?”
I searched my brain for an answer, but what did this have to do with Jess? My only grasp came out, “It’s not done yet.”
“Well, if you two are going to get married in a year don’t you suppose you should get it done?”
None of this made sense. She couldn’t marry me if she’s gone.
“Paul, she wants to marry you when she gets back if you will forgive her for leaving. Think about it. She didn’t want to leave. She tried to get out of it. She said yes to marry you. She asked you to forgive her, and wait for her. Is that something you can do?”
I nodded as he explained this to me.
“Then you need to have a place for the both of you to live.”
Finally I understood as he went over the high points. Nodding with comprehension I need him to tell me the next step.
“Go finish the school year. Go home and work on the house. Get everything in order, prepare for the future, and be ready when she comes home. I would love to see my daughter in a white gown standing next to you, son.” He pulled me into the biggest bear hug, which shouldn’t come from my future father in law. He took me in when no one trusted me after losing Anne.
I nodded realizing that this man has given me more support than I ever deserved and I loved him and his daughter more than my own life.
“I need you to not do anything stupid, because my daughter loves you so much that you would be cheating her of a great life with you. This is not final like Anne’s death. Jessica is coming back!”
I nodded agreeing with him even though this seemed strange that he would be talking this way.
He gave me a smile and turned to Matt, “Did you get all of this, because you need to make sure he stays on track. You will call me if you need help with… call me if Paul needs help.”
“Yes
sir.”
“I mean no time alone for a while, can you handle that?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Take him back to school and make sure he stays on track. I will be up the first weekend you are at home. We will meet at the house. Paul, we are going to get started on the house.”
I nodded as he let go of my neck and walked me out to the car. I got in but something didn’t seem right.
Lying in my bed seemed so empty without Jess. This is the worst dream I have ever had in my life, worse than those of losing Anne. Tossing and turning couldn’t push them away this horrible ache in my chest wouldn’t subside. When I rolled over again I opened my eyes finding Jess there offering me comfort. Her fingers threaded through my hair relaxed me. She didn’t ask me the usual question, which made things seem out of place, but she’s here with me now and it’s all that mattered. I pushed the painful nightmare aside when she crawled over me rubbing against me with that cute little luring smile that begged me to kiss her. Reaching up I traced my hands along her sides pulling her to me. I didn’t want to hurt her or scare her off with that fear from the dream that took her away for a year. Her mouth came to mine and pressed hard and needy. She made me happy and took my breath away. She rubbed against me again and I forced myself to not close my eyes. Not wanting to get so absorbed in the moment that I might lose her. Every enticing move caused my hunger to grow. When she leaned down to nibble on my bottom lip I gave into the pleasure closing my eyes to enjoy every sensation.
Just like that she’s gone. My eyes flew open in search of Jess through the emptiness that engulfed me. Reaching into the air in search of her body, and her face gasping for air as I realized I let her escape me again. I rolled over and put my face to the pillow where her head had been. The scent she left behind filled my head with her essence.
This dream came again and again, each time being a little different, but each time being more real than the last. This dream I had filled my broken heart only to have it shattered again. The hardest part was waking from it to find her gone.
I wanted to see her more so I decided to be creative. There were nights I sprinkled the drying rose petals over my bed. Other nights I lit the candles and waited for her to come to me. It’s amazing to get this little time with her. To see the brightness of her eyes, the smile on her face. She’s so playful and cute that I wanted to hold her forever, but every time I thought it was real I woke to her not being there.
After weeks of this I decided that I wanted to make her stay. Finding the perfect rose I went to bed with it in my hands. While I waited for her to come I planned out my persuasion to keep her here this time. It seemed like I waited forever but she did show up, only after I fell asleep. Her warmth caressed me as her hands wandered up my back massaging every tense muscle in my torso. Pleased that she made it I rolled over swiftly not only to feel her, I also needed to see her.
To my delight her grin sparkled with sin. I grabbed her thighs pulling her to me and she giggles without a sound. Confused how she could laugh without any sound worried me, but it didn’t matter. She is here with me, and had every intention of keeping her. I gasped for air as I pulled her warm moist core against me again. She leaned over kissing my chest while her hips ground into my rock hard dick. The pleasure too much to endure to wait a moment longer but I had to make this last all night. Refusing to close my eyes I, willed myself to hold on to this, I bit my lip to remember the pain that would come. When she scooted down further away from me I wanted to demand that she come back here and never leave me again, but she wasn’t leaving. Her hands roamed my abs, her eyes bright with mischief, and her mouth drooling, all while her intentions came clear. Her mouth dipped to the hardness she caused. Keeping my eyes on her became challenging when her tongue started at the base of my cock and trailed up to the very tip of me. I whimpered because if she put her mouth around me I wouldn’t be able to hold back my release. I grabbed her wrist holding her there so she’d have to stay here with me. It’s bad enough that I dreamt about her mouth wrapped around my dick but when her lips wrapped around the tip of me, not only did I close my eyes, but they rolled back in my head. Reminding myself that I shouldn’t have closed my eyes I hastily opened them again searching for Jess.
My hands held only sheets, I am hard as a rock, and Jess disappeared from my life again. My glorious night with Jess had ended leaving me wanting. I got up, blew out the candles, and fell to my knees by the side of my bed. I begged god to give this one back to me. I wouldn’t live through losing another love.
Night after night I prepare for my evening with Jess. I brought food one night, because if we didn’t go out we would need food. Another night I stocked bottles of water. Not sure what I did wrong that made it impossible to keep her here with me? I tried everything but she wouldn’t stay with me.
Matt came storming in, “That is it! I promised Mr. Jenson that I would make sure you stayed on track. You are going to class today if I have to get you in the shower myself.”
He pulled me from my bed dragging me with the sheets.
“No Matt, she comes here to be with me. I need to stay here. Not sure when she is going to come back. I don’t want to miss her.”
“You are delusional. That is it! You are getting back to your life now. I know it’s painful, but you have to be prepared. Remember what Theo said… when she comes back you’ll need to be ready to marry her. If you are delusional you won’t be ready.”
He pulled and pushed me into the bathroom but when I flatly refused the shock of severe pain against my cheek. I grabbed my face staring at him, “What the hell did you do that for?”
“Paul, do you love her?”
“Yes, of course I do that is why I need to wait here for her to come back.”
“No! Do you want her to come back?”
“Yes, but if I wait for her she comes every night. I just have to wait in the…”
“No! Is this helping you? I’ll answer that. No, it’s not! You need to go to school and finish the school year. We only have two and a half weeks left and you need to finish this.”
I had to agree with him. I decided to get in the shower, but he continued to talk to me.
“You need to show her that you’ve grown up and you appreciate the time you have together, and that you will be able to support her. Besides, it doesn’t help you to feel sorry for yourself.”
I got out of the shower. He did leave the bathroom, but he left the door open. I walked out glaring at him, “Fine, I am going.”
He grabbed his stuff and waited for me when I walked out. He laughed and I turned around in a circle wondering what he was laughing for.
“Paul, it’s not final like Annie. You can change this and you have a year to get your shit together.”
“Fine, I said I was going.”
“Yeah, well you might want to put pants on before we go.”
Taking notice that I forgot to put those on I walked back in my room and put pants on my body.
If you like the beginning of this story read It’s Not Over. You’ll see what happens for Jessica and Paul once she returns home.
Other Works by Melissa M Marlow
Forever Yours (Book 1)
Wasting Away (Book 2)
Growing Tears (Book 3)
Push Away (Matters of the Heart)
Losing You (prequel to It’s not Over)
Look in the future for:
It’s Not Over
New Beginnings (Forever Yours Book 4)
Horse Play (Matters of the Heart)
Melissa M Marlow
Visit my website: www.mmmarlow.com
[email protected]
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Losing You: a prequel to It's Not Over Page 12