by SE Chardou
If anyone was my equal, Max was it. He completed me like no other and I couldn’t give that up—no, I refused to ever end what we had. Not even for my beloved uncle.
It was the moment of truth and as he worked his way up my body before he spooned me and held me close, the tears began to fall from my eyes.
I’d done monstrous acts but that in itself didn’t make me a monster. He’d also done deplorable things and had the blood of the innocent—and not so innocent—on his hands as well. It was time to come clean and I realized that hurt me more than any physical damage he could ever do to me.
“What’s the matter, baby? Why are you crying?” Max questioned as he wrapped his arms around my body and held me close.
I didn’t ever want him to let me go but the decision would be forced from my hands if I confessed the truth to him. Could I do it? Was I strong enough to deal with the repercussions regardless what happened between us?
At that moment, realization hit me and I suddenly understood. Truly, if I wanted to be honest with myself, I didn’t have a choice in the matter. Not if I ever wanted our relationship to be based on trust and complete honesty. Any of fairy tales I told myself were outright lies to placate a conscience I wished I no longer possessed.
My eyes searched his gorgeous blue-green orbs and I fell in love all over again. Not with his physical beauty but because they were so full of hope and adoration. He might never look at me the same way again after I told him the truth but I had this absolute moment of perfection—a snapshot in time—to hold on to forever.
I took a deep breath and decided the best way to tell him would be just to tell him. Similar to ripping off a Band-Aid; there was no reason to prolong the agony any longer than necessary.
For him or for me.
“I have something to tell you,” I finally said, my voice sounding unlike my usual confident self.
“I figured as much.” Max sat up in bed, the warmth of his body leaving me frigid and feeling more alone than ever. “What’s up? From the look on your face, it can’t possibly be good news.”
I shook my head. “No, it isn’t. And part of me doesn’t even want to tell you because I don’t ever want you to change the way you feel about me, and this . . . well, it changes fucking everything.”
“Just tell me, Mags. No use beating around the bush. It can’t be any worse than all the shit we have been dealing with for the past months. Not unless it’s you telling me you’ve been fucking another guy.” His hands ran through his bed hair and he breathed shallowly. “I know I should be okay with that because I haven’t been exactly Mr. Faithful. For God’s sake, I had a lover when we started fucking one another but the thought of you with another man would crush me. It’s hypocritical and contradictory to the attitude I try to have but I can’t help it. I couldn’t stand it if another man had his hands all over you and kissed you, did all the things we do together with you. It would drive me insane.”
I glanced at him disbelievingly. “Truly, that is the worst offense you can come up for me to have committed? Fucking another man? We’re fucking assassins, Max—”
“No shit, Mags, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have our own code of morals. I can take a lot of crap but that is my end limit. I won’t share you—I refuse to. That’s not to say I will always be true to you but I’m a man and I would always tell you about my transgressions. With you, I know what those bastards did to you. I don’t even know how much you even enjoy sex. All I know is you’ve made me a less selfish lover because I want to please you and I want you to get something out of what we do even if you detest the act itself. Please tell me you understand.”
“I do,” I murmured and tried not to look away.
“Christ, this whole conversation has turned into Interview with an Assassin or some such shit. What do you wanna tell me?”
“It wasn’t Dimitri who killed Mila—it was me. Well, Vincent and me to be precise but I put the final bullet in her head. I ended her life.” The tears flowed down my cheeks and I felt so weak for breaking down. “I know I should have been able to forgive and forget but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. Angelo was intent on her dying, and if I hadn’t done it, he would have had someone else do it.”
Max got out of the bed and strode to the bar. He immediately poured a healthy amount of expensive vodka, swallowed it and slammed the tumbler on the bar counter. His head bent and his body language unreadable, I pulled my knees toward my body and squeezed my arms as tight as I could around my calves.
I just wanted to crawl into a ball and give in to my feminine emotions. The ones that desired me to cry and beg for my fiancé’s forgiveness but instead I said nothing at all. All I could do was stare at the back of my lover’s perfect nude physique.
“Goddamn it, say something! Tell me how angry you are with me, and how I’ve destroyed all the trust you’ve ever had in me, Max. Isn’t that what you want to shout at me?”
He finally turned toward me; his aquamarine eyes cool yet not cruel. “Well, you did what you had to do, babe. I couldn’t kill her. She gave birth to me and . . . I wish I didn’t have that mortal coil so wound around my core. Other than that, I should have murdered her for what she did to you alone. All I could think about was Edward and how he never met her. I won’t lie—I had this cheesy scenario in my head of them reuniting and him forgiving her for abandoning him.”
I stood to my feet and faced Max. “You know that would have never happened. There’s been too much time and pain that’s passed between the two of them. Edward hated her—he never wanted anything to do with her.”
“I know,” he said in a small voice. “Like I indicated, it was a cheap scenario that ran through my head. I wouldn’t have ever forgiven her either, not if I was Edward. I can hardly forgive her now and she raised me.”
I played with fingers nervously before my hands settled by my sides. “Babe, where does this leave us? Do you hate me? What about Karina? She never liked me to begin with but what is she going to think when she finds out what I did to your mother?”
“I’ll deal with Karina. She will never find out what really happened but I do plan to approach Angelo and Raymond. If this whole ruse against Dimitri is supposed to hold up, I need to play the part of wanting vengeance against the person who ended my mother’s life.”
My feet had a mind of their own as they walked over to where Max stood and I embraced him from behind. “I know it doesn’t mean much but I am so very sorry. What I did . . . I can never express the words for how I feel. This has been eating at me since the deception I started the moment I dropped you off at the airport.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I never stayed in New Orleans after I dropped you off.” My cheek pressed against his back as I closed my eyes. “I parked the car and boarded a later flight to Miami. Vincent met me there and you know the rest. It was bloody and brutal. I can honestly say that despite everything your mother did—how she put all this crap in motion, killing her was the hardest hit I have ever done. Not even the first time I murdered someone was as difficult or soul-destroying as what I put her through. Maybe because I knew how important she was to you.”
“You’re wrong on that account,” Max began in a quiet voice. “My mother was a person I tolerated out of habit. She was Dimitri’s wife and I knew I could never touch her—not if I wanted to live to see old age. In terms of what she meant to me, I was more than a little apathetic about her. The only person I have truly ever cared about is you. I have loved you for so long, I can’t remember a time when you weren’t important to me.”
Tears fell from my eyes again as I stifled a sob. My heart hurt because a part of me felt the same way about Max. There was no way I would allow anyone to harm him, my uncle included.
“I know I should be angry with you for what you did but all I can think about is if it was between my mother or you, I know who I want to spend the rest of my life with and she wasn’t even in the running. You are and will be the only person I can ever
care about. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I whispered as I stifled my sobs and allowed the tears to dry on my cheeks.
Max turned around and stared at me with expressive aquamarine eyes. “Then we will never speak of this again. The bitch is dead—nothing else matters as far as I’m concerned. We have so many beautiful memories to make, and I don’t want this to mar anything about our future. My mother is firmly in our past. She’ll never own any part of our lives now, is that understood?”
I looked at him for a long time before a small smile formed on my lips. “I love you so much, sweetie.”
He kissed my forehead, his lips lingering longer than necessary. “I love you more.”
My heart felt lighter and a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could finally breathe again and not feel like every breath was strangled and difficult.
Max and I weren’t out of the woods yet but we could see the sun shining on us and I had to believe that in the end, we would be all right. We had to be; there was no other alternative if he we hoped to survive as a couple and a team.
Part Two
The Aftermath
Winter, 2014
Chapter Eight
Max
After the huge reveal of what had really happened that night Mila died in Miami, the rest of autumn seemed to pass rather quickly and before Max knew it, they’d celebrated Halloween and Thanksgiving as a family in Lake Tahoe.
There was a part of him that wanted to hate Mags for what she’d done but then he would always flash back on her life and how she’d lost her childhood thanks to his mother’s actions. She should have grown up like a normal teenager, gone to college and been allowed to choose her own path in life but that hadn’t happened.
Everything about her adolescence was abnormal, and a life she’d never would have chosen for herself in a million years was mapped out for her. There was really nothing to discuss. She’d been wronged beyond any sort of restitution and although Mila’s death had reverberated throughout the criminal underworld, Dimitri had so many enemies, no one really seemed to give a shit he’d lost someone he loved.
Karina and Max continued to grow closer despite his reluctance to want to form any sort of deep bond with her. Not because he couldn’t accept her as his half-sister but the very fact Dimitri’s blood ran through her veins immediately made her less than trustworthy, at least in his eyes.
He wouldn’t ever tell her the truth; it was easier for her to think their mother’s death happened at the hands of her father. It also trapped her in a way that was quite beneficial for Max. If she couldn’t trust Dimitri, the chances of her betraying him were slim to none. Not only did that warm his heart but it also meant she could continue to make herself useful.
Christmas Eve came upon them before they knew it, and although they were less than ten days from 2015, Max could barely remember everything that had happened the previous year. It all seemed a blur. One they would celebrate with honors at Angelo and Rose Abandonato’s huge Lake Tahoe estate.
Northern Nevada was postcard perfect, covered in snow and the lake semi-frozen as whiteness blanketed every available surface imaginable outside. It was chilly and picturesque but Max wouldn’t change a single detail. Mags seemed happier lately and she’d smiled often during the holiday season. To say a weight had been lifted off of her for revealing the truth to him would’ve been the understatement of the year.
Dressed in a shapely, black vicuña sweater dress and a comfortable pair of UGGs, her hair flowed around her shoulders. Her lightly tanned skin—naturally sun kissed with an olive undertone—looked vibrant while her cheeks held a natural glow. She’d always been a beautiful woman but lately, her inner gorgeousness seemed to shine through all the time.
He admired her although he was also dressed to the nines in a dark Armani wool suit and a matching calf length, black wool coat.
Angelo and Rose’s elaborate home was festive as usual with an outrageously large flocked Christmas tree in the formal living room decked with silver and blue ornaments and finished off with clear lighting that complimented the dark interior. Dozens of wrapped gifts were arranged appropriately underneath though it was all for show. The Abandonatos were quite generous in the gift-giving department but usually, the over abundance of affection they showed toward one another could not be gift wrapped under a tree.
Several days before, Angelo and Rose had surprised both Max and Mags with brand new vehicles as gifts for the holiday occasion. Max had been gifted a beautiful black fully loaded Range Rover while Mags had received a brand new silver Porsche Cayenne with every gadget imaginable.
Though Karina was not, technically, a close member of the family nor was she considered to be in the inner circle, she was still gifted with a brand new loaded Ulysse Nardin cell phone and a fully equipped Apple MacBook Pro with all the latest hardware and software she could want or need. Rose’s gift to her was a beautiful, and perfectly polished Baby Desert Eagle Nine Millimeter, which was not only compact but an easy gun to use and one of the best to start off with as a novice. It only held ten rounds but with the hollow point bullets gifted to her along with the gun, it was a deadly weapon nevertheless.
Max didn’t know whether or not they were trying to buy his sister’s affection but it seemed to be working. He knew in his heart Mags would never want for anything as long as Angelo and Rose were around. They felt it their duty to make up for almost fifteen years of missed birthdays, Christmases and various anniversaries, which included atonement for the horrific death of her parents. No amount of wealth could ever make her even remotely close to the same person she would have been had she not lost the two most important people in her life but that didn’t stop them from trying.
He admired their tenacity and dedication if only because they truly wanted her to be happy. Money could only go so far but with her family behind her, she was unstoppable and they all knew it, even him.
Many a time he’d wished to be more than just an outsider looking in but as long as he had the childhood of his fiancée hanging over his head like a storm cloud, that’s all he would ever be to the Abandonato family. The Italians loved hard and hated even fiercer. Of course they weren’t the only ones and had nothing on the Scandinavians who dished love out like it was a rare delicacy to be savored only for the most special people and occasions. If Angelo was a shark then Rose was a viper hidden beneath layers of cashmere and a sunny disposition that well and truly concealed the icy and stoic strength surrounding her heart.
It was so obvious to him how much she loved and adored Magnolia. She was willing to give this woman—the daughter she never had—the world entire, and ready to rain vengeance down on anyone who dared to do her wrong or hurt one hair on her head.
In hindsight, Max knew why he hadn’t bothered to express any outright rage or anger over the death of his mother. It would have brought him nothing but pain, misery and a very long, excruciating death. However, that didn’t stop his sister from dreaming up her wild conspiracies nor was she perfectly sold her father had murdered her mother after all.
Dealing with the Abandonato family was like walking a tight rope and it made Max realize if he wanted to truly live a long and prosperous life with the woman he loved, forgiving and forgetting would be his best allies and his closest friends. He simply couldn’t afford to make an enemy out of the woman he loved because all of Hell would rain down on him if he made that kind of a mistake.
After what his mother had put him through during his adolescence, he decided it wasn’t worth the risk after all. He was right where he belonged with the only woman who brought him a sense of peace after so much gratuitous violence, and a life of deception, misery and lies.
“I wondered where you were,” Mags suddenly greeted in a soft voice, stirring him from his contemplation. He stood upstairs in the informal living room where another Christmas tree, this one smaller, evergreen and decorated just as elaborately as the one downstairs, stood in the corner of the room. It wasn’t
too far from the working fireplace, which warmed the room a comfortable temperature without it becoming too hot.
He sipped on a dirty martini while she walked to his side stealthily with a cup of hot apple cider in a mug.
Max smiled at her with a look of complete love and overwhelming passion simmering just beneath the surface. “Is that spiked?” he whispered to her before he winked conspiratorially.
She returned his look of affection before she shook her head reluctantly. “I’ve been feeling nauseous lately. I know it seems strange but right now, alcohol and me are a no-go. It’ll pass. My doctor has assured me it’s perfectly normal for women to feel like this during their first trimester.”
He felt as if someone had stopped his heart before it began to thunder in his chest with an overwhelming intensity again. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
Mags nodded her head. “I’m eleven weeks pregnant. At least it explains why I’ve been so moody and out of sorts though I must admit that started before I conceived. I’m so happy, baby. There’s no one in the world I would rather have a child with other than you. I’m just relieved there was nothing wrong with me . . . I mean, to explain the reason why I couldn’t get pregnant before now.”
“I never thought anything was wrong with you, baby. To be honest, I knew it would happen at the right time and it did. That’s what counts, doesn’t it?” He strode over after setting down his glass and embraced her warmly. “So, do we want to tell the rest of the family during Christmas Eve dinner or—”
“No.” She shook her head emphatically. “This is just between you and me. I heard Uncle Angelo talking and he feels like we’re ready to return back to what we’re good at. No offense but I have to get out of that house and this town. If he knew of my condition then he would insist I stay here and I can’t be out of commission for six months. Let’s tell him when I start to show.”