by Snow, Nicole
“I’m sure you weren’t,” she whispers. “I’ve heard it can do that. War, I mean...”
“Jonah said that’s how it was for him, too, when he’d come home from Korea. We did a lot of talking those first few days. Having been there himself, he could explain shit I thought no one could relate to.” Those conversations will always be private, but they’d healed me in ways I hadn’t known I even needed to be healed. I’d told him about the war, about my old man, and about Winnie, how she’d deserved to be more than an unsolved mystery, and that I’d come to North Dakota for justice.
“Well, I’m glad he was able to help you,” Bella tells me.
“Me too,” I admit. Weak fucking words.
If not for Jonah, I have no doubt I’d be in jail right now. My anger was so raw, so all encompassing, I’d wanted to kill someone. I wanted to find the Dragon and slaughter him in cold blood.
“I owe Jonah a whole hell of a lot, no surprise. That’s why I’m doing this, Bella. Because I can’t walk away and turn my back on the only man who ever set me straight again.”
She gets up then, walks to the fridge, and pulls out two waters. I take a bottle when she crosses the room and hands it to me, a strange reversal of our first night together in this place.
We both open them and take a drink at the same time.
Christ. Can this get more awkward?
“Gramps had a heart of gold.” She sets her bottle on the table. “There’s hardly a person in town who’d ever say different.”
“Except for your ma,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
She smiles slightly. “Yeah, well, she’s hated him forever. Kinda goes with the territory.”
The way her little tongue flicks out between her teeth, a mock tease, sends lightning arcing through my body. Goddamn. This girl doesn’t know her own power with the slightest gesture to make me a rock-hard, raving lunatic – and at the worst times, too – or I really am that far gone.
“He didn’t like that,” I say, trying to ground us again. “The feud that was between him and Molly. He said if it wasn’t for you, he’d have cut the purse strings long ago. He waited too long for his son to wisen up, and knew it wouldn’t ever happen with Gary.”
She nods and sits down, hands propping up her chin. “I believe it. Gramps couldn’t stand them.”
I step back and lean against the kitchen island, knowing I need to keep my distance. “I don’t.”
“What?” She does a double take.
“I don’t believe he truly felt that way. He convinced himself he should, maybe, but family was too important. Gary was his only child, and though he showered all the love he could on you, he regretted not being closer to him. Think he always hoped that somehow, someway, they’d come to their senses and bury the fucking hatchet.”
Bella shakes her head, green eyes wavering a little. “How do you know that?”
“He told me. Not in those exact words, but I read between the lines, and he knew I did. It was while we were fishing in Montana at the lodge. He’d been so happy to be there again. I had a hell of a time keeping up with him, truth be told. He was up every day at the crack of dawn, poles in his hand and a thermos of coffee, wondering why I hadn’t showered yet.”
That gets a smile, turning up her heart-shaped lips.
“It wasn’t till the third or fourth day that we’d been there when he told me about bringing Gary there once when he’d been young, and then how sorry he was that he’d missed so much about having a son. He’d hoped for years Gary would come around, see all that he was missing. Think he blamed himself for causing Gary to run off with your ma, too, the first pretty face who gave him attention. Running a company like North Earhart in the old days didn’t leave much time to be father of the year. He swore things would’ve been different if his wife hadn’t died while your old man was in high school.”
She twirls her water bottle in a circle. “Maybe. Maybe not. But there’s no changing what didn’t happen, is there?”
Obviously, but fuck if I’m willing to admit that to her, right here and right now.
“Jonah was convinced Molly stepped in at just the right time. A point in your dad’s life when he needed a shoulder to cry on. Someone he didn’t have to be the strong one for, and then...” I shrug. “Before too long, it was hard for him to change anything.”
A grimace forms, and she takes another swallow of water. “Wow. You two really did talk about everything, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. Wasn’t a one-way street, in case you’re wondering...” An internal debate erupts inside me, but in the end, I decide to tell her another fraction of what Jonah and me discussed. “Sometimes we talked about my family, too.”
She pauses, hand on the water bottle. “What about it?”
I pause, wondering where to start. “I hadn’t been home in years after the military. Even though I’d gotten letters and talked to them on the phone, I wasn’t prepared. My sister said my father had dementia, but he’d known who I was the minute I walked in the door. Our ma died of cancer when we’d been in grade school. I packed up and went into the service, while sis stayed behind in the same little town. When she married Nathan, he moved into the house with her and Dad. Didn’t last. Nathan moved out when they got a divorce.”
I try not to growl his name. I’d never liked asshole Nathan, and I was glad when he got out of the picture, except for when it came to Sherry and Terry. Kids need their parents. Both of them.
“Drake. What weren’t you prepared for?”
Shit, everything.
I clear my throat. “My sis, Angie, was busy sending Dad to a care facility while she worked and the kids were in school. She said he couldn’t be left home alone. I didn’t believe her, and the cost of sending him there was more than what our old man’s social security check was each month. I should’ve been sending them money all along, but neither of them fessed up and ever told me they needed help.” The truth I now know, is that I may not have believed that either.
I’m quiet too long.
That’s why Bella perks up and whispers, “What happened?”
She knows something did.
I have to look away from the sympathy in her eyes. It’s the last damn thing in the world I deserve.
“I had plenty of money, so I told her that I didn’t need to find a job right way and would take over looking after Dad. She argued it wouldn’t work. That we shouldn’t upset the schedule he was used to. I insisted, told her I wouldn’t get worn out like she had. It couldn’t be that hard. At first, it wasn’t. He was forgetful. Got confused real easy, but we had some good times together.” I still can’t look at her and I press my feet harder against the floor to keep myself from leaving the room.
From admitting my mistake.
It was more than a mistake. It was a colossal fuck up.
I’d caused my own father to suffer and die.
“What happened, Drake?”
That’s when we get to the part I can’t tell her. Not the hell yet.
Then Winnie came up missing. We were never a thing, never lovers, but she was my best friend.
The girl I’d gone to school with when I was little and kept hanging around long after I was grown.
I kept my promise, dammit.
Winnie always had a friend in me. Even when her folks got killed and she got trapped in our podunk town, her worst fear come to life. Even when she wound up working odd jobs, first in the dive bars and then in this little damn deli, and always seemed to have just the right sandwich waiting for me piled high with all the fixings.
Even when the fuckheads she dated used her and drifted away.
Even when I got half a mind to date her myself just so she’d have somebody she could trust. And even when she told me no.
The only woman who ever turned me down was that smart. She knew it’d fuck our friendship over, and I realized she was right.
Chicks come and go. We had something special and deeper than any bullshit attraction that’d only le
ad us both to ruin. We had a bond like me and Ang. Hell, maybe stronger.
Like siblings. Like true friends. Like blood.
“Drake?”
I look up at Bella, shaking off the fury curdling my blood. Back to Dad...
“I had to go out one day. Something came up.” I can’t let myself pin any of the blame on Angie. It wasn’t her fault. It was mine, all mine. “Dad liked to watch westerns most afternoons, all the old ones. The Lone Ranger. Gunsmoke. Big Valley. High Chaparral. I was sure he’d sit right there in his chair the entire time he was alone like he always did, drinking his Coke with a splash of molasses we told him was rum. But he didn’t. He must’ve gone looking for me out back and got lost that day. It was snowing and cold. My sister called me when she got home in a panic, and I rushed right back...but by the time we found him.” My teeth clamp down on my tongue. “It was too fucking late.”
“Oh, Drake. I’m sorry.”
It’s amazing how one word can tear through you easier than a bullet. Hearing Bella say sorry grinds right through me like an armor-piercing round.
Somehow, she’s off the chair and has her arms around me before I have a chance to form words.
They won’t fucking come, so I just wrap my arms around her and hold on tight.
Hold her against me.
Hold on to the woman I need to keep safe, the one I can’t fail like I did Dad and Winnie.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “So sorry for your loss.”
She has no reason to be sorry, but I accept the comfort her arms lend.
It’s a relief to spill my guts to someone besides Jonah. He told me that’s what I had to do, in order to let it go. He called it 'confession' in his wise, old, small town oil man way.
“You can’t blame yourself,” she says quietly. “Listen to me, you can’t.”
“I can,” I snarl back. “I deserve it. And maybe if I do, I’ve come to live with it. I’ve made peace with what I’ve done.”
She leans back and looks up at me. Her arms are still around my neck and she combs her fingers into the hair on the nape of my neck.
“You’re wrong. That’s why you took such good care of Gramps,” she says. “You poured everything you’d have done for your father, but couldn’t, into taking care of Gramps. Everything. People make mistakes, sometimes bad ones, but if you just let it define you, take you over, well...I know you wouldn’t have been here for him. And I know you wouldn’t be here for me, either.”
I don’t answer. Don’t have to. She’s searching my eyes with hers, and sees she’s right.
Fuck. Me.
“Thanks, lady. I’m man enough to admit my mistakes and my limits. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s kick some ass.”
She smiles, soft and slow, leaning into me. A heavenly scent wafts my way, flowery and light, drifting up from her shining hair, into my nostrils.
“You’re a good man, Drake. Man enough to do more than cover up my weaknesses and chase down bad guys...”
Oh, shit.
I know it’s going to happen when she leans in closer, looking up at me, her eyes big and bright and waiting.
I see it, I know, but I damn sure can’t stop it.
A screaming freight train full of TNT couldn’t.
When her lips meet mine, fierce yet subtle, I fight for a single second. But it’s useless.
I devour Bella’s mouth.
Kissing her alone, without any games or interlopers in the way, is a goddamn dream come true.
I take her mouth, her tongue, her lips one angry pull at a time.
Then my hands slide under her shirt, rubbing the silkiness of her skin. Those lush tits press flush against my chest.
My cock throbs like lightning, straining against my jeans as I press it against her stomach. She gives me one little whimper and I’m absolutely gone.
This is fucked in the purest sense, but it doesn’t put a dent in the animal need driving us forward.
Even with the turmoil of my past swirling in my brain, all I can think about is her.
Tasting Bella. Touching Bella. Stripping Bella.
Fucking her till she screams and carves lines in my back with those tiny nails that promise to hurt so good.
There’s more to this hell-lust, too. Something new and different under it. Unfamiliar.
I’m afraid to acknowledge what it might be because I can’t have it.
I can’t be the caveman asshole to stake a claim on a make-believe wife I’ve known for under a month. I can’t be the man to get his head yanked around by any woman, especially not one overflowing with sugary sass like her.
Damn.
I break the kiss slowly because it’s the last thing a part of me wants to do and press her head to my chest, holding her there while I try to remember how to move.
When I’m able, I kiss the top of her head and release her. “I have to go finish the wind vane on top of the machine shed.”
Her hands leave my neck and fall to her sides as she sighs. “Wind vane. That’s what it is today?”
Stepping back, she looks up at me with eyes so full of naked lust, my cock jolts.
“You must love heights? You’ve been on top of every roof on the ranch this week.”
“I respect a pretty view, darlin’.” I try to tell myself I’m not talking about her while I step around her and grab my water bottle. After downing the rest, I set it down. “Just work that needs to be done, really,” I say.
Yeah, it’s work that needs to be done, but I haven’t truly been repairing anything.
Just like I’d called an Army friend for the ring on her finger, I’d called another for the long and short-range cameras I’ve installed on every building. Gabe Barin personally shipped ’em to me, the same high-grade stuff they use at his security firm out west.
You can’t do better than the gear trusted by Enguard Security, and even if old Gabe was a big slice of Louisiana crazy in the old days, I’d trust him with my life any day. We did that with each other plenty of times already.
These are more modern than the ones I’d put up the first time. I can control and view them from my phone instantly.
Sheriff Wallace confirmed the tattoo on one of the men he’d arrested. If Avery Briar finds a way to have Dragon released, I’ll be ready when that bastard tries to get anywhere near Bella.
“Grilled cheese or chicken salad?” she asks. “It’s almost lunchtime. I’ll make soup and sandwiches.”
I nod, then give her a wink. “Surprise me. Won’t stay gone all day this time. I promise.”
“Okay.” She smiles, but I wonder if she believes me.
Guilt roils my guts at the thought of disappointing her.
I head back outside. If her ma hadn’t shown up, the camera work would be done by now.
I was on the last two screws to finish attaching the solar panel, but I’d stopped and climbed down the moment the BMW came into view. By the time her ma was parked, I’d already entered the house through the kitchen, and heard every word Molly said.
Right up to the point where she’d been about to call Bella a bitch.
The fucking nerve of her. If there’s anyone born with a raging need to be knocked off their high horse, it’s Molly Reed.
I climb up the ladder, finish attaching the solar panel to the roof, and then turn on the camera to test it. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I open the app and see the live feed. Using the icon, I move the camera in a full pivot, comparing what I see on the screen to what’s visible with the naked eye.
I nod. This is the longest range one I could get, and the fact I can see old Edison in the front pasture, clear as day, tells me it works. Zooming in, I can even see his eyelashes.
I try another camera, and maneuver it about, zooming in on targets, including Edison again.
He’s blurry with some of the shorter-range ones when I zoom all the way in, but others, he’s crystal clear.
At one point, he looks up like he knows I’m watching.
/> I try taking a few pictures of him then and save them to a folder. When I open it up and pull up the photos, they’re stunning. He’s about as photogenic as he is a pain in the ass.
And maybe I can relate to how he feels about Bella. That damn horse does anything she asks because he loves her, though.
I don’t.
I’m not capable of loving anyone, but if I could, spending the rest of my life with her wouldn’t be half bad in a fairy tale sense.
Too bad I don’t believe in fairy tales.
Never have.
I’ve overdosed on real life. Here, the dragons are real, and they do worse than breathe scalding fire. The damsels always have issues, and the knights show up too damn late.
Satisfied with the cameras, I put them on auto-watch, so they’ll scan the perimeters and notify me of any unusual movements, then put my phone in my pocket and collect my tools. The app will give me live feed from all the cameras no matter where I am and send instant alerts if it detects any motion bigger than a squirrel.
I climb down and carry the ladder to the pole shed. When I exit the building, I notice Edison again. He’s still standing in the same spot. Staring back at me with his big, dark eyes.
Odd. But he’s an odd horse.
“Lunch is ready!” Bella yells out the window.
“Coming!” I shout, walking toward the house.
She tells me about her mother’s visit as we eat. I act like I don’t know exactly what was said, word for word.
It’s easy to pretend because the bread she made is fabulous. Soft and just a touch sweet.
She’s miffed by Molly barging in, but not overly upset, and changes the subject by asking me if I talk to my family often.
I slow mid-chew and swallow it. “No. My sister doesn’t talk to me.”
Not anymore. Not since Dad.
And if I’m being brutally honest, I’m the one who doesn’t talk to her. Can’t stand to face her after that mess and relive the day I shit things up with that sadness in her eyes.
“But you mentioned kids, didn’t you? A niece and a nephew?” Bella asks.