by Jo Watson
Ben looked at me with absolute sadness in his eyes. “I’ll come around later and we can talk about this.”
“No, you won’t,” I snapped. “You will forget I even exist and you will certainly forget I live next door.”
I turned my back on him and to my relief, heard his footsteps moving away from me. He was finally gone, and I was finally alone.
When I got home and had spent sufficient time ranting and raving with JJ and Bruce, I poured myself a cup of coffee, adding a few tots of liquor to it—because it was that kind of fucking day—and headed outside to my thinking tree. I had a lot to think about. It seemed that in one day, my worst nightmare had become a horrendous reality. I felt broken, as if I’d been surgically cut up and pieced together incorrectly. Everything felt wrong and out of place.
It was early evening already and when I got there, I found a note on the bench with a flower laid across it. My heart raced. Had Ben also discovered the one spot in the world where I could be away from him? Fortunately, I noticed the name “Snow White” written across the envelope. With a big sigh of relief that my hiding place was safe, I quickly tore open the envelope and pulled out the cutest little invitation:
Hear ye! Hear ye! Our fairest princess, Li Hau, hereby cordially invites all the noble ladies and gentlemen of the land to join in celebration of her birthday.
The handwriting looked adult, so I assumed she must have actually followed through and gotten her parents’ permission. At the bottom she had written, Pleez!
How can you say no to that? Sure, it would probably be a bit awkward going without having met her parents first, and considering that I was eighteen years older than her, but why not? One, it would get my mind off Ben. Two, it would get me out of the house so he couldn’t come knocking or tapping, and three, it would give me a chance to finally catch a glimpse of Superdad, which I know JJ would be desperate to do.
The next morning I went past a dress-up shop and bought a sparkly pink wand that I knew she would love and wrote in the card …
So all your magical dreams come true.
My wish for this little princess, more than anything else, was that she could keep on believing in magic for as long as possible. If only magic wands really worked and you could just wish away all the bad. We could all use a bit more magic in our lives.
With all the cars out front, it looked like the entire world had been invited to her party—mind you, six is a big deal! I tried not to think about what had happened at my sister’s sixth birthday party. How my dad had arrived late, smelling of booze, and had caused such embarrassment when he’d started singing Happy Birthday too vigorously and had knocked over the table with the cake on. Thoughts like these just made me more determined than ever to help my sister and at the same time, made me panic. I needed my job, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to do it much longer. And the advertising world is a small one, no doubt word would have spread about me—I’m sure Angie would have helped that along. And since no one was really prepared to hear my version of the events, I’m sure stories of me would probably gain momentum like the stories I’d heard about Ben.
Yes, this party was exactly the distraction I needed when I walked into a literal zoo. Her parents had obviously pulled out all the stops. There were jumping castles, a petting zoo, pony rides and a woman dressed up like a Princess reading stories and painting faces. It was quite a sight to behold. I felt nervous and awkward walking into a place where I knew no one, other than the birthday girl, but I had to be brave. After all, I had promised JJ that I would sneak some photos of Superdad.
As I got closer and people started coming into focus, someone stood out from the crowd. I noticed her immediately; you couldn’t help it. She had to be Miss China. No, that title was not even vaguely adequate. Miss Milky Way was probably more like it. I’d never seen anyone so beautiful before—not even Cindy. She was tall, ridiculously so, like a svelte runway model. She had those long well-toned limbs designed especially for ballerinas. Her hair was dead straight, enviably black and shiny, and her features were perfect. They looked like they’d been airbrushed, smoothed, polished and put back on her face in the most geometrically appealing way possible then finished off with a bit of photoshop. Her features were familiar though. She was clearly Li-Hau’s mother. There went JJ’s notion of divorced parents. What man would divorce her? She walked towards me and even though I was a full-blown straight girl, my breath quickened.
“Hello. Can I help you?” She spoke slowly, with the kind of condescending tone that only someone really beautiful could get away with.
“Hi, sorry. I’m Sera. I met—” But as I was about to finish the sentence, Li-Hau came bounding up to me.
“See. I told you she was real, Mommy!”
“Snow White?” her mother asked.
I gave her a smile. “It would seem so.”
Her mother sort of looked me up and down over her perfectly shaped nose—no doubt wondering how I had been deemed “the fairest of them all.”
“When I wrote out the invitation,” she explained, “I honestly thought it was just another imaginary friend.” She didn’t sound particularly happy about the fact that I was real.
Li-Hau shook her head. “Told you!” Then she took me by the hand and marched me away. “Come. I want you to meet my friends.”
As Li-Hau walked me towards the crowd, I spotted Lerato, who gave me a little wave and smile, so I went over to greet her. I was grateful that I knew another adult there at least. While Lerato and I exchanged pleasantries, Li Hau let go of my hand and ran into the crowd.
“Daddy! Snow White is here!” she yelled—Daddy? I turned and my entire universe shook—
44. A Magical Invisible Whip …
It was Ben.
But how? But what? But … what the fuck was going on?
I froze. My heart felt like it had stopped beating and I was going into full-blown organ failure. My eyes scanned the surroundings, looking for an exit strategy, or a place to hide before he saw me. But when I turned, Miss Milky Way had also started walking in my direction.
I turned and looked back in Ben’s direction and when I did, he saw me. The moment that passed between us was more intense than anything that we’d shared so far. He looked from me to Li-Hau’s mom and back, and the look that rushed over his face was one of indescribable panic.
Fuck!
Li-Hau’s mother started making a faster approach and suddenly Ben was on the move too, straight towards me. They both descended at the exact same time and my heart stopped.
“Hi, I’m Ben,” he said, making a point of sticking out his hand in my direction.
My eyes floated down to his hand and I stared at it in total confusion and shock.
“I’m Li-Hau’s dad,” he persisted. “So you’re the Snow White I’ve heard so much about.” He smiled at me, widening his eyes. I could see he was desperately trying to communicate with me. The message was clear.
Play along.
What the hell was I in the middle of?
“I … I …” I stuttered.
Ben jumped in, talking to Li-Hau’s mom now. “So Snow White is real after all.” He smiled at her and then turned back to me. “Sorry, I didn’t get your name?” He looked freaked out, but was trying to hide it—and not that well.
“S … Sera,” I stuttered.
“Nice to meet you. This is Mei, my daughter’s mother.”
He emphasized the word daughter as if I hadn’t caught on yet.
“I told you, Daddy. She’s real,” Li-Hau said again.
“Yes you did.” He reached down and put his arm around her.
This was Superdad?
I couldn’t speak, I could barely breathe. Ben had just pulled me into one of the biggest lies I’d ever been privy too. Clearly he was still with her mother. That was surely the only possible explanation for his behavior and this level of deception. He’d had an affair with me and now he was desperately trying to cover his tracks and I w
as unknowingly caught up in all of it.
“Well, thanks for coming,” he said to me. “Li hasn’t stopped talking about you.”
He said it like that was some kind of consolation prize. Like that should make me better in some way.
“So, Sera?” her mother spoke again. “How long have you lived at Killarney Gardens?” She was looking directly at me and I was unraveling under her gaze.
“About five, six years now.”
“Ben just moved in there,” she said, turning to look at Ben.
He nodded. “Yes. It’s a nice place.”
“It’s okay. A little small, if you ask me,” Mei said scrunching up her face. It was her. She was the woman who’d been at Ben’s apartment. She was the woman Ben had been so desperately trying to hide me from. I bit down on my lip to try and stop the tears. This time they weren’t tears of sadness, they were tears of anger.
“I suppose the gardens are okay,” she conceded. Mei was, without a doubt, the kind of woman that females naturally took an instant dislike to. She had that cool aloofness down to an art form and oozed a sense of superiority out of every one of her pretty, porcelain pores.
“Yes, that’s where you met Li, I believe?” Ben suddenly said. “In the garden?”
Mei shot Ben a filthy look. “You let her go to the garden by herself?” She stared daggers at Ben and he looked like his world was about to explode, shatter and collapse into a black hole.
And then Li quickly piped up, “Lerato was right there with me!”
I stared at the little girl in shock. She sounded totally desperate. Something was obviously very wrong. Li looked up at me for confirmation and my heart tugged when I looked into her pleading eyes.
I nodded, “Yes, I met Lerato there too.”
Her mother looked satisfied and I noted that Ben’s shoulders sagged in relief. I’d clearly stepped into the middle of a hornet’s nest, and if I didn’t tread carefully, I was going to end up being stung.
“So, Sera.” Mei turned her attention back to me and I wasn’t sure I liked the way she was looking at me. It seemed to make Ben nervous as well.
“What do you do?”
Ben flashed me a desperate look, and again, I knew what he wanted from me—I was never going to forgive him for this.
“I’m a waitress.” At least it wasn’t a blatant lie. She looked at me like I’d just told her I cleaned toilets for a living. I didn’t like this woman at all.
“And you?” I asked, pretending I gave a shit.
“I’m a model.”
I nodded. Of course she was a fucking model. Of course Ben would have had a child with the world’s hottest female alive.
“And you?” I turned to Ben, playing the role that had been forced upon me without my consent.
“Advertising,” he said quickly.
“How exciting!” I tried to hide the disgust in my voice, but I wasn’t sure I was doing a good job of it.
“Ben,” Mei spoke again, her voice stern and demanding. She was definitely beautiful, but there was something so ugly about her. “I really think you should speak to some of the other parents now.”
I glanced at Ben. He looked startled again. “Of course. Good idea.” He moved away quickly as if she’d just cracked some kind of a magic invisible whip. He didn’t look back and walked away as fast as he could.
“I want to show you what my dad got me for my birthday,” Li said, taking me by the hand and pulling me in the opposite direction. The last thing I wanted to do right now was look at Superdad’s gift. To be honest, I never wanted to be reminded of Ben again.
The next hour was up there with one of the worst of my life. Li was dragging me around, introducing me to her friends, showing me the ponies and making me get my face painted like a butterfly. Looking at her, I felt two things, pity and anger. Clearly he wasn’t father of the year after all.
I counted the painful seconds until I could politely excuse myself. I didn’t want to disappoint Li, but my skin was crawling, I felt physically nauseous and my brain was about to explode.
Was Ben really with that woman? Maybe they were separated and were trying to work it out? But Ben looked whipped; he was jumping at her commands like a performing monkey—sign of a guilty conscience?
Eventually I was able to leave. I said the requisite goodbyes to Li and her mother, who seemed to have warmed up to me slightly. I didn’t say goodbye to Ben. He hadn’t looked in my direction once the entire time I was there. In fact, he’d done everything possible to stay as far away as he could and I hadn’t even seen him for the past ten minutes or so.
When I was finally out of sight of the party, I ran. I ran as fast as my still shaky legs would carry me, but when I got into the street, I found Ben waiting for me.
He approached me quickly. “Sera. It’s not what it looks like. I can explain, I promise. I can explain.”
I didn’t make eye contact and physically pushed him out the way with all the force I could muster. “I don’t want to hear it. Just leave me alone.”
“But I can’t leave you alone.” His voice sounded desperate and he grabbed my arm. “It’s not what you think.”
I finally willed myself to look up at him. I was fuming. “Don’t ever talk to me again. Don’t ever come near me again.” I pulled away forcefully. “And don’t you dare touch me again.”
“Wait.” He moved in front of me. “Please.”
“Ben …” I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. “You and I together is a disaster. Since we met, since that night, nothing good has come of us. We are so destructive and wrong for each other and all this is the universe telling me loudly and clearly that you are the last man on earth I should ever date, or even be near, for that matter.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“It doesn’t matter what you believe. I’m telling you how it is.” I shivered as a cold winter breeze went through me. “What happened at work isn’t your fault. I brought that upon myself because I should never have let things continue with you. But I did. And now everyone in the office knows what I did, and thinks I’m trying to sleep my way to the top and they also think I did it with Giovanni too. Do you know how mortifying that is? And how it undermines me and all the work I’ve done there since I arrived?”
“I’m sorry.” Ben shook his head.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ever met you and landed up in your car that night. But you’ve got some kind of strange power over me that keeps making me forget myself and act like a mad woman. But it’s over now. It has to be. All of it.”
He said nothing. Instead we just stood and stared at each other. “Bye, Ben.” It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and stomped on by Mei’s ten-inch heel.
He dropped his head and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m really sorry. I fucked up, big time.”
“Save your apologies for someone who cares.” I turned and walked away from him. The second I got into JJ’s car I put my head down on the steering wheel. My whole body was shaking from the shock and adrenalin surging through me.
I closed my eyes and the tears just came, smearing the pink face paint everywhere.
45. Depressed, Homeless, Pavement Sitter
Ben came to the restaurant later that night. Needless to say, there was a commotion. I wasn’t entirely surprised though—since meeting him I had come to realize that he was about as persistent as a pit-bull on heat.
“Right of admission reserved, bitch,” were the words JJ used when stopping Ben at the door.
Waiters turned and looked. Patrons put their knives and forks down. One of the kitchen staff even stuck his head through the door and gawked. Bruce jumped up and pulled JJ away, who by this stage looked like he was going to bitch slap Ben to hell and back.
“Just stay away from Sera now,” Bruce said in a much more diplomatic tone. “There’s no need for a scene.”
“Oh yes there is,” JJ said, stepping forward and doing some finger snapping.
“J
ust let me explain, Sera. Please!” Ben screamed his plea across the restaurant.
“No!” I shouted back.
It was turning into a soap opera. Luckily the clientele at Big John’s were used to such histrionics—and were always interested. Heads turned from him to me, and everyone looked giddy with excitement, like they had a front-row ticket to the season finale of The Bachelor.
“Give me ten minutes,” Ben persisted, “and then after that, if you don’t want to talk to me again, it’s fine.” Heads swung around and looked at Ben, then back to me. They were hanging on every word.
“No!” I shouted back again. Some of the patrons and staff looked disappointed by my reply. Clearly they wanted more drama to play out.
“Okay, let me explain it to Bruce then and let him tell you what he thinks.”
I looked to Bruce and he shrugged.
“You can explain it to me,” JJ said, stepping up again, claws out. Our audience grew extra excited and a few “ooohhhs” rose up from them.
Ben looked momentarily panicked, but collected himself, turned to JJ and managed a confident, “Okay.”
JJ pranced out the door indignantly and the two of them took up positions on the pavement outside. Everyone in the restaurant looked out the window. Some even got up for a closer look. Bruce came up behind me and slipped his arm around my shoulder. We both watched Ben as he desperately tried to explain his side of the story. JJ didn’t look impressed. He tutted and scoffed and switched his hand from hip to hip a few times … but then something changed. His face started to relax, so did his posture. He started looking at Ben with a strange look and by the end of it, JJ was hugging Ben and wiping tears from his eyes. Ben too looked like he had a tear—WTF?
Bruce and I exchanged looks.
JJ walked away from Ben and came back inside looking like he’d just watched Steel Magnolias. The crowd looked like a bunch of hungry lions at feeding time now. “It’s good. It’s really, really good,” he said, wiping a tear away.