by Jo Watson
“I think that our pasts and our circumstances shape us and make us who we are. Especially the bad parts. Having Li taken away actually made me become a better father to her now that she’s back in my life. The bad parts are building blocks. And from where I’m standing, you’re just about the best person I’ve ever met, so whatever happened, I think you turned out pretty well. Perfect, really.”
I tilted my head up to look at him. His lips came down and grazed my forehead. “Whatever you tell me, Sera, won’t change the fact that I’m still totally in love with you.”
I laughed again. “No, you’re not.”
I felt two strong hands come up under my arms and then suddenly I was being turned around in the bath. We were face-to-face now, our naked bodies pressing into each other as the warm water lapped against our skin. And then he smiled at me.
“No, actually, I am. I’m in love with you, Sera.”
Suddenly I was dizzy. He’d said this so many times before, but until now, they had all sounded like they’d been said in jest. This time it didn’t sound like that.
“You’re being serious?” I could barely talk.
“Yes.” He leaned in and whispered against my mouth.
“I … I …” I stuttered, unsure of what I should say back to him. Besides the obvious three words that were appropriate in a situation like this and that were sitting on the tip of my tongue, wanting to come out. Even though I’d barely acknowledged them to myself yet.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it back to me. In fact, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to right now.”
“I don’t?”
“No. You’ll tell me all about your life tomorrow night while we lie in bed together naked after I’ve made love to you because you’ve finally confessed your undying love to me.”
I burst out laughing again. “God, you say the most ridiculous things sometimes.”
“They aren’t ridiculous if they’re true.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him.
“By this time tomorrow night, you’re going to be totally in love with me, Sera.”
“And how do you know that?”
Ben’s hands roamed down my naked back and he cupped my bum. He pulled me firmly towards him and the water around us rippled. I let out a breathy moan as he slid one of his legs between mine. If he was trying not to have sex with me tonight, this wasn’t exactly the right thing to be doing.
“Trust me. I just know these things.”
57. Ben 4 Sera 4 Eva
It felt like we stayed in the bath kissing for hours. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d kissed someone for so long. And when we weren’t kissing, we were staring into each other’s eyes and smiling like idiots.
By the time we’d climbed out of the bath, my lips were red and stinging from the endless friction. Ben wrapped me up in a towel and then took me by the hand and took me to the bed.
It suddenly dawned on me that this was our first sleepover together. It was strange how our relationship had played out in reverse: sex on the first night to not having sex during our first official sleepover. But with Ben I couldn’t imagine the relationship playing out any other way. He constantly surprised me. “Which side of the bed do you sleep on?” he asked.
“Um …” I hesitated as I tried to remember. “I think that side.” I pointed to the left, but before I could move to climb in, Ben took me by the shoulders and marched me to the other side of the bed. He pulled the blanket down and maneuvered me in. He then jumped over me and climbed into “my” side.
“Why did you do that?”
Ben moved closer. “Because,” he said slowly, loosening the towel and letting it fall to the floor. His hand reached inside and ran over my stomach. “I don’t want this to be like sleeping in bed with any other guy.”
I pushed his hand away quickly. “That’s kind of rich coming from you.” I’d intended it to come out playfully, but there had definitely been a slight sting in my voice.
“Okay, let’s just pretend we’re both innocent virgins doing everything for the first time and—”
I burst out laughing. “Not likely.”
“Why? It’s not such a leap, everything I do with you feels like a first.” The look in his eyes transformed the moment again.
I sighed out loud. “Did you enroll in a course where they taught you what women want to hear? I mean … are you for real?”
“You’ll just have to find out tomorrow night.” His contagious smile had me smiling again.
“What the hell have you got planned for tomorrow night?” I asked, giggling slightly as I wrapped my arms around him. Suddenly, without warning, Ben rolled me over so I was sitting on top of him.
“I already told you what’s happening tomorrow night,” he said with that familiar confidence.
“That I’m going to confess my undying love to you?” My tone was slightly mocking.
Ben nodded, looking dead serious. “Exactly!”
“You’re crazy, you know that?” I laughed, putting my hands on his chest and then running them over the lines of one of his tattoos. We both watched as my fingers traced the dark lines up and down his torso, his arms and neck. He let out a sigh as goosebumps broke out across his skin.
“There’s a gap here,” I said when I came to a place that hadn’t been covered. He tilted his head up and looked down.
“Oh, that’s where I’m getting our names tattooed. Ben 4 Sera 4 eva!” He followed the sentence with one of those iceberg-melting smiles.
“Like I said … crazy!”
He wrapped he arms around me. “You think I’m joking?” he asked.
I stopped and thought about it for a second. Did I think Ben was capable of tattooing something like that on his chest? Well, if there was one person on earth who might do something that ridiculous, it probably would be Ben. “I’m not actually sure,” I confessed.
Ben pulled me down and laughed. “Oh Sera, Sera, Sera … you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?”
58. A Small Human Girl Child
We woke up completely tangled in each other’s arms and legs. Even our fingers were intertwined.
“Morning,” Ben said when I finally opened my eyes. He was propped up on his elbow, looking at me intently.
“Have you been watching me?”
He smiled and looked up at the clock on the wall. “Only for half an hour.”
“You’ve been staring at me for half an hour?” I turned to face him, keeping my hand over my mouth, for fear of morning breath.
“Did you discover anything interesting?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Nothing I didn’t already know.”
“Like what?”
“Just how beautiful you are.”
I bumped him playfully with my arm. I still wasn’t used to the constant flow of his compliments. “Thanks.”
“Time to get up. We have a big day ahead of us.”
“What big day? We didn’t plan anything today, did we?” But then I remembered the so-called strange, mysterious night that Ben kept alluding too.
“I’m taking Li to the zoo today. She’s currently obsessed with polar bears and I promised I would take her to see one.” Ben climbed out of bed and searched the floor for his clothes. “I’d love you to come.”
“Uh … isn’t it a work day?”
“It’s Youth Day today. Public holiday.”
I nodded. I’d totally forgotten about that.
“So let’s be kids and eat cotton candy at the zoo and spend the whole day together having a great time.”
“I don’t know, Ben. It feels weird.”
“What about it is weird?”
“How should we act in front of her, now that we’re …?”
“Dating?” Ben sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder. “For now. Just friends,” he said, moving his hand up to my cheek and smiling, “but as soon as you confess your undying love for me, and I sign those joint custody papers, I’ll stand on
the rooftop and shout it to the world with a loudhailer.” He nudged me and I nodded.
We’d spent the previous evening deliberately not talking about all the complicated issues, and I’d almost forgotten they even existed. Until now.
“I really want you to get to know Li. She’s a massive part of my life, and I want you to be a part of my life, too. A big part.”
“You’re so confident about this … about us.” I gestured at the space between us. “We’ve only known each other for a few weeks and you seem so sure. How?”
“I’ll tell you tonight.”
I sighed loudly and shook my head. “What the hell is so special about tonight, Ben?”
Ben just winked at me playfully. “I told you already—”
I cut him off. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going to confess my undying love to you, yada, yada, yada …”
Ben’s playful smiled faded. Suddenly he looked serious.
“What?” I sat up quickly, concerned by the rapid shift in his demeanor.
“Sera.” His voice sounded strange, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. “When I didn’t tell you about Li and Mei, it was manipulative. I was trying to get you to go out with me under false pretenses. I didn’t let you decide for yourself whether you wanted to. This time, I’m not going to do that.” He tucked a loose tendril of hair behind my ear and continued, “Spend a whole day with Li and I, and then see how you feel about me after that because I’m a package deal …”
He paused.
“You gave me one date, now give me one more day and experience the other side of my life. If you feel like it’s all too much, you can tell me tonight. But after today, you’ll have the full picture to make your decision.”
I nodded. “Fine. But I can’t go to the zoo dressed like this.”
Ben dropped me at home and went to fetch Li. I walked into my bedroom and peeled off the clothes from last night and climbed into a bath. I was more nervous about spending a day with Ben and Li than I had been for our date the night before. It still hadn’t dawned on me entirely. Perhaps it was because I was still in so much shock, but Ben had a daughter—an actual living, breathing female human being. A small human girl child.
Ben was a package deal. Dating Ben meant inheriting a small person—a very cute one, mind you. But it also meant inheriting an ex-wife. Mei would always be in his life, whether I liked her or not, she would always be Li’s mother.
I started playing the movie in my head … the big one. If Ben and I ever got married, I would become a stepmother. JJ and Bruce would kind of inherit a step-grandchild—oh God, they would be beside themselves with hysterical excitement. Just imagine the costumes. This wasn’t just getting into a relationship with a guy I liked. And I did like him … maybe more than like. This was big.
“You missed your curfew last night!” I heard JJ call from outside the bathroom door.
“Sorry, Dad!” I joked.
“It’s too late for sorries, young lady. You’re grounded. No cell phone, no TV, no boys …” I heard JJ roar with laughter. “God, I’ve always wanted to say that! Thanks.”
“Pleasure,” I shouted through the door.
“Sooooooooo?” He dragged out the ‘o’ for added effect, and I knew exactly what he was asking about.
“No. We didn’t have sex,” I said, standing up and wrapping a towel around me.
“God, you have a filthy mind, that’s not what I wanted to know about.”
“Really?” I opened the door and eyed him suspiciously. “Then what do you want to know?”
JJ waltzed around my room for a while, I guess trying to drum up some dramatic theatrical beat before he dropped the question. Then he sat on my bed and crossed his legs. “Are you totally, madly in love with the guy yet?”
An instant bolt of heat rushed through me and scorched my cheeks. “Uh …” I reached up and touched them, no doubt they were as red as JJ’s lipstick. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”
I grabbed a hand towel, flipped my head down and fastened it around my wet hair, trying to hide my schoolgirl flush.
“Who keeps asking that?”
“You and Ben. Ben keeps asking me if I’m in love with him yet. In fact, he thinks I am going to ‘confess my undying love to him tonight.’” I stuck my hands in the air and started gesturing wild air quotes. “I mean, have you ever? Have you ever heard of anything more presumptious, and egotistical and weird, I mean, who says stuff like that and it’s also totally ridiculous and—”
“So you are going to confess your undying love to him then?” JJ interrupted me and before I could think about it, the words came out.
“Probably.” I nodded and a massive smile swept across my face. “Yup. I’m in love with him. I’m in love with the weirdest man I’ve ever met!” I put my hands on my hips and shook my head while JJ laughed. “Am I mad? After everything he’s done, and the lies and the child and cheating and and and …”
JJ shot up and smiled at me mysteriously as he sashayed to my door and exited.
“What?” I shouted after him, “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
I stuck my head out the door and watched him swish down the passage—he never walked. “Seriously, the one time I actually need advice you aren’t going to dispense it?”
“You don’t need any advice. You already know exactly what to do, it’s written all over your face! It’s been written all over your face since that night in the car with him.”
“Really?” I reached up and touched my cheeks and smiled to myself. He was right. I did know what I wanted to do. I knew what I wanted, more than anything. And that was Ben. Ben and all the complications he came with.
I was totally in love with him. It had taken me by surprise and sneaked up on me when I wasn’t looking for it, but it had happened and I couldn’t wait to tell him.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been to the zoo, certainly never with anyone as enthusiastic as Li. She ran ahead of us, skipping with excitement. She squealed and jumped as she watched the elephants getting fed and made funny faces at the playful monkeys swinging from the branches. She did a Happy Feet dance when she saw the penguins and when we finally got to the polar bears, she educated me about the nature of their fur.
“It’s not really white. It just ‘reflectionerates’ its ‘arroundings’,” she instructed—Who knew? Pretty impressive for a six-year-old, but I understood where it came from as each sentence was qualified with, “my daddy told me that.”
Ben nodded at me with a tiny smile. “True story that. It’s amazing how perfectly adaptable polar bears are,” he said, suddenly sounding like a cute science nerd.
The whole day felt so right. Something about the three of us just clicked, as if we’d known each other for ages. We all just fit.
As I watched Ben walking in front of me with Li bouncing happily on his shoulders, another realization dawned on me: this was what I’d always wanted. A sense of family. Togetherness. I wiped away a tiny tear as I watched father and daughter laughing together. They were eating cotton candy and a sticky piece had gotten stuck to Ben’s nose and Li giggled hysterically as she pulled it off. It was a true Hallmark moment. They were officially the front cover of a bestselling Father’s Day card. A cute video that would no doubt beat all the fluffy kittens playing with balls of string to go viral.
And when Li declared that I was her best friend, I secretly wiped away another tear. Everything about the day was making me feel so emotional. I looked up, and found Ben smiling at us. He was smiling at me, as if he’d known me his entire life and I was part of his world already.
59. Homeless Depressed Chihuahuas
While Ben dropped Li off, I went home to the guys. It was so predictable. The second I walked in, I was met by two sets of curious eyes.
“And did you tell him?” JJ said, the first to jump in.
“Not yet,” I said. “I’m telling him tonight.”
“Tonight, hey?” JJ said with a smirk before handing me a coffee. “Feel
free to accidentally not use protection and fall pregnant with a little Ben baby!” JJ added while wickedly smiling at Bruce. To my surprise, Bruce smiled back conspiratorially.
I choked on the coffee. “What?!?! Are you mad?”
JJ shook his head. “What can I say, I’m hungry for a grandchild.”
But JJ’s comment didn’t strike me as funny. “Have you both forgotten I practically have a child to support already?” I asked. “My sister. God, I wouldn’t be able to afford a baby. Not now. Not ever. You guys will just have to get a puppy.”
JJ put his hand on his hip and suddenly looked angry again, like he had yesterday. What was going on?
“You know,” he said, “Bruce and I have being trying to do this subtly over the years. But subtle doesn’t seem to work with you, Sera.” He turned to Bruce. “I think it’s time to have the talk with her. Don’t you think?”
Bruce nodded. “It’s about seven years overdue already,” he said. Suddenly, I felt very nervous.
“What’s going on, guys?” I’d never heard them talk like this and it put me on edge.
“You are the worst, and I mean the worst,” he shouted the words out, “at accepting any kind of help from anyone. Do you know that?”
Bruce nodded. “The worst.”
“It’s actually irritating. You walk around incapable of buying decent clothes and paying for the things you want, or for your sister’s education, when we walk around with so much money and no one to give it to.”
JJ’s tone caught me off guard. He genuinely sounded angry.
“You never accept our help. Like the car offer?” JJ asked before leaning in closer. I glanced to my left and Bruce was doing the same.
“Um … I, I …” I stuttered.
Bruce spoke up, “You seem to think it’s some kind of charity hand out. When it’s not. We don’t want to help you out of charity, Sera. We want to help you because we care. You’re part of our family. That’s what family does for each other. They help out when times get tough.”
I scoffed loudly. “That’s not what my family does.”
JJ slapped his hand down on the arm of the chair very loudly. “Stop it! Stop being such a suffering martyr, Sera.”