by Fuller, Tara
I already knew what I was searching for. I flipped to the back of the book, nervously glancing up to the window in the process. If Alex caught me he wouldn’t be happy. Finally I stopped when the pages with sketches came into view. The faded image I’d stared at before lay in front of me but I didn’t settle on it. Instead I turned the page to look at another set of drawings. This one was of a girl; I assumed the same one, looking at the elegant line of her neck. It was of her bare back, her side profile barely visible through a sheet of long dark hair. Whoever she was the artist had done her justice. She was beautiful, vague. Like a dream. It was all done in a faded charcoal, but everything from the wisps of dark hair that clung to the side of her face to the sharp lines of her shoulder blades were etched perfectly into the paper. I jumped and my breath caught in my throat as a cold breeze drifted over me and, like an invisible set of fingers, turned the page. I turned my attention to the picture there and gasped. The image was clear. Her face was tilted towards the horizon as she stared wistfully into the distance. Her long dark hair framed her face and her lips were drawn into a pout, her expression sad. But it wasn’t one of those things that caught me off guard; it was all of them together. She looked like…me.
The sound of lattice scraping against the house broke my concentration as I flipped the book shut, shoving it back into the drawer in one fluid movement. By the time I hopped back into bed, Alex was at the window. He grinned at me once before he slipped through so quietly I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t been watching him.
“Do you have a secret life as a cat burglar or something? Because that was impressive.” I pulled my legs up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees to mask the way my chest was heaving.
“No. I’ve just had a lot of practice sneaking out. My room’s on the second story too.” He plopped down onto the bed and smiled. It was infectious and I found myself beaming back at him. I wanted so badly to show him the book and the picture of the girl that looked like me. I was desperate to understand. But as I sat there looking at him it all faded away. This was something I’d have to do on my own. Alex would never hear of it. I remembered his reaction to the book all too well. Besides, I had other things to worry about right now.
“So…are you staying all night?” I asked as innocently as I could. I had ulterior motives for him staying, but he didn’t need to know that. I already had my plan. When Alex crept out of bed in the morning. I’d follow him. I’d stay up all night and wait if I had to. Whatever he was into was dangerous and I had to know what it was. Because if I didn’t find out, then I didn’t know how to help him. And one thing I was sure of–Alex needed help. He might not belong in my world, but he didn’t belong wherever he was either.
“I’ll stay until you fall asleep,” he said. I panicked. It wouldn’t work like that. I wasn’t comfortable enough in those woods to go hiking around in the dark. I’d get lost for sure.
I slid across the bed until I could reach out and grab his hand. “Please stay all night. I sleep so much better when you’re here.” It wasn’t a lie. I did. And I still didn’t want to be alone either.
He smiled hesitantly but didn’t agree. I knew it wouldn’t take much to get him to.
He pushed the hair back from my face and sighed. It was almost strange for him to be so quiet now. We’d done nothing but talk all day. I’d told him everything about myself. Everything I had to give. I showed him the scar on my right palm where I’d burned myself on my easy bake oven when I was seven. I told him about my sloppy first kiss and my ridiculous obsession with vampire novels. I spilled all my secrets about Bevin and my old school back in Denver. I described how beautiful it was there. How the sun would glisten from the snow capped mountains and it was the most beautiful blinding thing I’d ever seen. And how if you spent enough time hiking you’d uncover hidden treasures like old forgotten rope bridges and frozen waterfalls in the winter. I told him about my mom. How her stories had captivated me and molded me. And I told him how she died. Every gruesome detail that I’d forced myself to forget I relived to tell him until I collapsed sobbing into his arms. He was there waiting when I resurfaced with a reassuring smile.
And to satisfy my curiosity he told me about himself. About his father who was a fisherman. About his mother who was Irish unlike his English father, which was apparently some kind of scandal in the village where he was raised before moving here. How she was eccentric and kind, with a heart of gold that no one understood. He liked to hunt only because his father had taken him, but his true love was painting, sketching. He was an artist. He quoted lines from favorite books and admitted he was deathly afraid of spiders. How his favorite sound was thunder and his favorite smell was fresh mint leaves.
“Rowan…” he trailed off like he didn’t want to interrupt my memories and his hand slid up behind my neck and knotted itself in my hair to pull me forward. I closed my eyes and drifted closer.
“Please,” I whispered, almost forgetting exactly what it was that I was asking him to do. I couldn’t think about anything when he was this close. I didn’t want to think about anything else. My plan was slowly fading into the background of my thoughts. “Please,” I said again, but I knew that I was asking for something else now. I couldn’t even remember the stupid plan anymore. There was an energy between us that was almost palpable. It glowed warm within me and I knew he could feel it too.
Before I could even begin to understand it, Alex jerked me forward in one swift movement and I gasped. He kissed my open mouth, silencing me in an instant. I slipped my hands around his neck and pulled him closer, feeling the adrenaline surge mercilessly through my all-too-eager body. My head was swirling as he pushed me down onto the bed and an indescribable heat swept through me like wildfire. His lips tore away from my mouth just long enough to explore the length of my neck and back up to my jawline, his tongue flicking against my skin like flames.
“Rowan I love you. Oh God… I love you.” His fervent whispers curled around me like soft satin threads, caressing every part of me. “You’re amazing. You have no idea how truly incredible you are.”
I grabbed his face and kissed him slow and hard, opening my mouth wide to take more of him in, the intensity burning me up inside. It wasn’t enough. I wanted more of him and I knew that he wanted the same from me. Our kisses were growing more desperate by the second, driven by a need that neither of us really understood. I couldn’t take much more. My mind was just a useless haze of desire.
As if he could read my thoughts, Alex slipped his hands under my tank top, my skin tingling from the heat of his touch, and I raised my arms to help him shrug it off. I tossed it to the floor and he quickly covered me with his body, infusing me with heat. His hands were so warm, running along my stomach, my sides. I gasped as they ran lightly over my breasts. I was shivering. I was…freezing? My eyes flew open. The room was cloaked in a dense, consuming fog. It settled, silvery and thick, over the furniture making it hard to see. An unnaturally cold breath slipped through the threads of my hair and whispered against my ear. “A leanbh mo chroi.”
My heart was pounding. Cold, unimaginable fear swept through me like a wave of icy water extinguishing the heat.
A leanbh mo chroi. I repeated the strange words in my head as I glanced around for the source of the whisper. The fog still hung heavily in the air and frost crackled as it spread across the window.
I grabbed Alex’s hands and it took a moment for him to register that I wanted him to stop. He leaned back to look at me, panting.
“Wait.” I squeezed my eyes shut trying to make the frightening illusion disappear. I opened my eyes and scanned the room. The fog was gone. The crackling frost on the window nonexistent. Had I imagined the whole thing? I pressed my fist to my eyes and shook my head.
“Rowan what’s wrong?” Alex pulled my hands away from my face and forced me to look at him.
“Nothing. I just thought I saw something, or heard something. I don’t know.” Could that have actually been real? I couldn’t get
the strange words out of my head.
“What did you see?” He leaned in close and rubbed his thumb across my palm to comfort me. It did. Each swirl of his thumb sent a ripple of warmth drizzling through my body. I took a deep breath.
“I heard it just now. Like a whisper.” I shivered like I could still feel the cold against my ear.
“What did it say?” He was serious now, his thumb freezing into place as it pressed deep into my palm.
I glanced to the window half expecting it to glaze over with ice as I tried to recall the words.
“What? Rowan what did it say?” He jerked my hand to get my attention.
“A leanbh mo chroi.”
“Where did you learn that?” He sounded afraid.
“I didn’t. I don’t even know what it means. Do you know?”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “It’s Gaelic. It means child of my heart,” he said as he opened his eyes.
“How do you know that?” I asked, bewildered.
“Because it’s what my mother used to call me.” His voice was barely audible, but before I could question him any further about it, he was moving away from me.
He dropped my hand and backed away, his eyes darting around the room like he was looking for something.
“Where’s the book?” he said in a low, hushed voice.
I pointed to the nightstand.
“Have you been reading it?”
I shook my head. It wasn’t a lie. I’d only looked at the sketches.
“Rowan?” His eyes narrowed and I cursed myself for being such a horrible liar.
“I didn’t read it. I just looked at the sketches.”
He shot up from the bed, his eyes flashing with anger.
“I told you not to look at it Rowan. Do you have any idea what you might’ve awakened? Do you want to ruin everything?” he said, his voice breaking into a thousand pieces.
“Alex you don’t understand. There’s something strange about that book. There are drawings of a girl.” He held his hand up like he didn’t want to hear it.
“Alex she looks just like me,” I said. He didn’t react. Instead he held his hand out.
“Give it to me Rowan. I’m getting rid of it.”
I shook my head and my arm shot out protectively to shield the drawer. “No.”
“Rowan there are things inside of you that you can’t begin to understand. Without the proper knowledge, you could cause real damage with that book. And the things you might find inside of it…I don’t think you’re ready to know any of it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I was shaking. No one was telling me the truth. I couldn’t stand this anymore.
“Rowan–”
“You know something,” I said. I couldn’t make sense of it but I knew it was true. What I’d seen. What I’d heard. It was all real and he knew something. Something that he desperately didn’t want me to find out.
He shook his head. “I’m begging you Rowan.”
“Tell me what’s going on. You know. I know you do.”
He was facing the window now. “You’re not ready.”
“What?”
He turned slowly to face me and continued. “If I tell you everything…that will be the end for us. Is that what you want?”
I shook my head. Of course that wasn’t what I wanted, but I was so tired of thinking I was crazy.
“I can take it. We’ll survive this.”
“We won’t,” he said. And somehow I believed him. Whatever he was hiding was dark. I could feel it.
“At least tell me why I’m different. You’re not the first person to tell me that and I deserve to know why.”
He stared motionless at the wall, refusing to answer.
“Tell me I’m not crazy.” I paused to get control of the anger building inside but it came bursting out regardless. “Damn it Alex, tell me the truth!”
“You’re not crazy,” he said. I waited for him to go on.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Rowan you are a witch.”
Something in me stirred at his words. My brain was telling me it was a lie. That such a thing didn’t even exist, but somewhere else deep inside of me it felt right.
“I don’t understand.”
“That book is spelled so that only a blood witch can read it, love. And your gift… the fact that you have clearly unleashed a spirit through those spells. These are things an average human cannot do. It’s the only explanation. Somewhere in your bloodline you are the descendant of a witch.”
I immediately thought of Grams, of my mother’s strange book. Could this possibly be true? If it was, how could she keep this big of a secret?
“How do you know this?” I asked.
“Because I’m a witch too,” he said. I let my senses stretch out and wrap around him. He opened himself to me and I felt nothing but sincerity and truth. I started to shake. I could barley breathe. Oh my God what was happening to me? Who was I? What was I?
In a flash Alex was at my side again pulling me to him. “Rowan, tell me what you’re thinking.”
I swallowed. Nothing in my world made sense anymore. The fact that Alex was a witch, now that actually explained a lot, but me? I didn’t know what to believe.
“I think that this is crazy. That I shouldn’t believe what you’re saying,” I said.
“But you feel it. Don’t you? You feel it’s true.” He stroked the side of my face and I nodded.
“I understand if you want me to go. If this is too much for you.” His eyes were tinged with sadness. He didn’t think I’d love him knowing what he was. I could feel the waves of insecurity coming from him. How could he feel this way if it was what I was too? There was more. I could feel it.
“So…we’re the same?” I placed my hand over his heart, feeling it pulse beneath my fingertips. I was going crazy. Crazy because a huge part of me wanted this to be true. To know that I wasn’t the only one out there like me. And to be able to share it with him…God was I crazy for wanting this to be true?
“Can you still love me?” he asked softly.
I cupped his face in my hands and smoothed his hair back from his forehead. “How could I not love you Alex?”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you the whole truth about me. Can you accept that? Can you be happy with this alone?” He motioned between us and I nodded.
We stared at each other for an immeasurable moment, not speaking. There was still so much to say and he wasn’t willing to give me the answers. None of it mattered. I would know soon enough. And the rest I’d already learned… God help me, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to process it as reality.
I dreamed that night. When Alex’s arms had relaxed around me and his breathing had taken on a steady rhythm I drifted away despite my best efforts to stay awake. I was in the forest again, running and tripping over the gnarled roots that stuck up out of the ground. An urgency that I didn’t understand was surging through my legs, driving them deeper into the thicket of trees. I didn’t know what I was looking for but I knew I had to move. A branch caught me by my hair and it twisted ruthlessly to hold me back. I pulled and screamed out in pain as a clump of hair ripped away from my scalp. My fingers massaged the tender wound and found blood there but I kept moving. Above all, it was essential that I kept moving. The iron setting that held the jade stone around my neck was freezing. The cold so icy and severe that it burned against my skin. The toe of my boot caught on a stone protruding from the damp forest floor and I went spilling onto my hands and knees into the bracken below. As I scrambled to my feet the urgency faded away, leaving me awestruck and weak as I stared up a giant hemlock. It filled my vision and I knew at that moment that this is what I had been seeking. The wind screamed through the trees pushing me forward. A dark red liquid oozed from the strangely familiar symbol carved into the brittle bark. I moved my hand closer and laid my palm across the branded tree trunk. The red liquid bled through my fingers and poured down my arm
and I gasped. Blood. I jerked my hand away instinctively checking myself for wounds. But before I could find any, the tree made a low groaning sound and burst into ash, a disorderly grey pile forming at my feet. A burst of chilly air surged forward and tossed the pile into the air and without understanding why, I was screaming.
Chapter 19
I fear my days are numbered. My magic is weak and the stench of death hangs heavily in the air around me. Marion’s darkness is weaving my fate and I have little hope of fighting it. Soon I will join my beloved William. I can only pray that Alexander will find the strength to survive the evil here. Perhaps I was wrong all along. Perhaps my son does not belong in this time and place. Perhaps his destiny lies somewhere else altogether. I can only hope.
~ Rebecca Foster 1692
***
My eyes flew open and I gasped for air. It took a moment to realize where I was. Just a dream. I closed my eyes and repeated it to myself. I pushed the hair back from my face. It was damp with sweat and clung to my cheeks. God would these nightmares ever stop? Sitting up I reached for Alex across the bed but when a cool breeze caressed my face I stopped dead in my tracks. My eyes darted to the empty bed, where my searching fingers were painfully alone, the crumpled bed sheets, and then to the window. The yellow translucent curtains were flapping in the breeze. Alex was gone.
Damn! I berated myself. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I ran to the window in time to see Alex walking across the street, running his hands through his disheveled hair. Without thinking, I pulled on the first pair of jeans I could find and a pair of hiking boots, slipped on a flannel shirt and went as quickly and quietly as I could manage to the stairs. I didn’t want to wake Grams and Grandpa. Having to explain to them why I was leaving the house at five in the morning would only kill my chances of catching up to him. When my feet hit the soft cushion of dewy grass outside I couldn’t help but smile triumphantly. I treaded carefully across the street and slipped into the tree line as smoothly as Alex had so many times before. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. The sun was slowly rising across the horizon and the sky was turning a light pink, tinged with traces of pastel purples and periwinkle blues. It gave off just enough light to illuminate my path.