by Fuller, Tara
It’s true Rowan. And if you choose for this to be our end, remember that I loved you ~ Alexander
I clutched the yellowed note to my chest and sank back onto the floor. It was true. How? Nothing felt real anymore. Was this the end for Alex and me? How could we be together after this? Tears streamed down my face as I sat there in the dark. All I knew was that I needed to see him. Now.
As if to answer my demand, a sound outside my window broke my concentration. I leapt to my feet as another snap sent a jolt of electricity through my heart. Alex. I peered out the window and let my eyes rake across the dimly lit yard. Of course he would stay to talk to me after this.
My eyes froze and my heart nearly stopped when I spotted the shadowy figure under the large willow tree that shaded my grandparents front lawn. I shoved the window the rest of the way open and leaned out into the night. It was chilly and a soft breeze left the air churning with the smells of the forest that bordered the house.
“Alex?” I whispered into the darkness but the shape remained still, barley stirring at the sound of my voice.
I pulled on a pair of slippers and headed for the door, pausing to listen for any signs that Grams was still up. It was quiet.
The cool night air sent a shiver through me as I stepped out. And it was dark. Too dark. I could barely see, and the street lamp wasn’t helping much. I headed for the tree I’d seen Alex under but when I’d made my way across the dewy grass, he was gone.
“Alex?” I whispered into the dark, hoping I wouldn’t wake my sleeping grandparents. Where was he? And why didn’t he just come through the window? Before I had time to process my own questions, liquid fear trickled down my spine for reasons I couldn’t explain. It felt like someone was watching me. And it didn’t feel like Alex. I spun around and collided with a massive object, knocking the breath out of me. Grasping for balance I crumpled towards the ground but the dark object suddenly had arms and they were wrapping around me. My eyes drifted up to lock on Max’s cold gaze.
My lips parted to release a scream but it was smothered behind my lips when Max closed his hand over my mouth.
“Shut up!” he hissed. I wondered if he was drunk again. I didn’t think so. He didn’t smell like alcohol like last time. And his emotions were painfully clear. Anger and fear were burning him up inside, turning every one of his thoughts to ash.
“Do you want to wake up the whole neighborhood?” he said as he peeled his hand away from my mouth and took a step back, keeping his other hand locked around my wrist so I couldn’t run.
I stared back at him bewildered for a moment.
“Yes. As a matter of fact I do. Now let me go before my grandpa comes out here with his gun.” I jerked my arm from his grip and he stumbled back a few feet. I should have taken the chance to run. I should have screamed like my life depended on it, but something in his eyes stopped me. He looked…helpless. He didn’t look like he wanted to hurt me. More than that he didn’t feel like he wanted to hurt me. Max was afraid.
“What do you want Max?” I folded my arms across my chest and took a step back just to be safe.
“I want your boyfriend to make it stop,” he whispered. The wind picked up and his voice was almost lost in it.
“Make what stop?”
“The nightmares. The, the, whatever the hell he did to me,” he said, running his hands over his face like he was trying to wipe away the memories. When he pulled his fingers away he looked ten years older.
“And why would I help you?” Part of me was screaming to run, but the other part was curious, so I took a step forward. I wouldn’t cower to him again. I was in control here. I could feel it. His fear was crackling between us like fire.
“Look”–he paused and looked away–“I’m sorry I hurt you. I was drunk–” I held up my hand to stop him.
“That’s not an excuse for what you were going to do to me.”
“I know. I’m not saying that-–”
“Then what are you saying?”
He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. The air between us simmered, boiling his frustration with mine. “I’m saying I’m sorry. I’m saying I shouldn’t have done it.” He cocked his head to the side to pop his neck. “I’m saying whatever the fuck I need to say to make this stop!”
“What exactly do you want from me Max?” The words seeped through my gritted teeth like acid. His words offered me no comfort. Just a painful reminder.
“I told you. I need you to make it stop,” he said, his eyes flashing with anger.
I took another step back to put more distance between us.
“I didn’t do anything to you. I can’t make anything stop.”
“No, but your freak show of a boyfriend can. He did this!” He pounded his fists against his temples and I flinched back. “He can stop it. Make him stop it,” he said in a voice so low it sent a wave of fear rushing through me.
Run. The word rang out so clear through my mind I jumped. Run now! My mind screamed again, but I was frozen, unable to force my feet into action.
“I don’t know where he is, or how to reach him,” I said, and it was the truth. I never really realized how incredibly insane that sounded until I uttered the words out loud. To Max it may have sounded crazy, but I knew that there was no way to pick up the phone and call Alex where he was.
“Bullshit!” My feet tangled around my slippers and I stumbled backward, the sharp edge to his voice sent a burst of fear through my veins. He came towards me, his eyes flashing, wild and desperate.
“I swear, I don’t know. But I can talk to him when I see him again.” I was rambling. Rambling through my incoherent thoughts, succumbing to the fear. I hadn’t believed Max would hurt me before. But now his fear was gone, replaced by anger and desperation. I didn’t know what he was capable of now. I didn’t want to know. I wanted to crawl back into my bed and pretend none of this had ever happened. I wanted to go back in time and never have gone to that stupid party. I turned and my legs bolted into action. I didn’t get far.
Max grabbed at my shirt and I swung, losing my balance and sending us both tumbling down into the wet grass. The ground was hard and unforgiving as my head slapped the earth. Colors bloomed across my vision and I could feel the weight of Max’s body on top of me. I could smell the sweat and feel the anger rolling off of him in consistent waves of heat.
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to feel yourself burn? To see it every night when you close your eyes. To go to bed hoping for sleep but instead, having to feel your flesh melt into flames.” His voice was a low rumble against my ear.
“Yes,” I said past the lump in my throat. He had no idea.
“I’m going crazy. I need this to stop.”
“I swear I don’t know how to reach him. I’m sorry he did this to you, but if you just–”
“Shut up!” Something in his voice, that crack of desperation, sent a jolt of adrenaline coursing through me. I felt heat, swift and fierce, boiling just beneath my heart. It trickled upward into my shoulders, down through my arms, until it was puddling into my palms. I needed it out. Oh God, the heat… I wriggled away and pressed my hands to Max’s chest and squeezed my eyes shut. With a burst of electricity the heat exploded from my palms and Max went flying off of me. His back hit the grass with a thud. We both stared at each other, eyes wide, hearts pounding.
I scrambled to my feet at the same moment as Max. His lips parted to speak but he was cut off when someone came barreling through the darkness. Alex plowed into Max, his shoulder catching him in the chest. The air went wooshing out of him as they both tumbled to the ground. Alex raised his fist into the air, the pale light of the moon glimmering from the shiny blade in his hand, and I screamed.
Chapter 21
“Stop! Alex stop!”
He turned his face towards me, keeping his fist wrapped around the knife, frozen in midair, ready to strike. Max didn’t even fight back. Instead he curled up into a fetal position and trembled.
“Rowan he–”
“He wasn’t going to hurt me.” I was surprised at the words coming out of my own mouth. “Right Max? You came to apologize. Right?”
He lifted his face up and nodded, his eyes locking with mine. Confusion flitted across Alex’s face.
“He was on top of you Rowan,” Alex said.
“He just wants it to stop. Whatever you did, make it stop.”
He stared back at me silently, understanding filling his face.
“I’m not asking you. I’m telling you Alex. Make it stop. I know you can.” I nodded to Max’s crumpled body.
“But he hurt you,” Alex said, his voice barely audible.
“Someone once told me that forgiveness is divine.”
His hand trembled and he looked almost ethereal, illuminated by the silvery moonlight that blanketed the yard. The wind whipped between us and I could feel it carrying his uncertainty towards me. Then with a nod and a wavering resolve in his eyes he flipped the knife shut and slipped it into his pocket, then lowered himself down beside Max and placed his hand across his forehead. Max flinched at his touch, then relaxed against the ground and began to breathe deeply, his fingers gripping the earth beneath them. Alex’s voice started soft, slow but quickly took on the steady drumbeat of a chant.
“Let the dreams that plague this mind, be gone for good and left behind,” Alex whispered completing his chant. Max squirmed under his touch. Then after a moment Alex pushed away from him, fighting for breath.
Max blinked and scrambled to his feet. He rubbed his forehead as a hysterical laugh slipped past his lips.
“It’s gone. I can…feel it.” His face abruptly fell into a scowl when his eyes connected with Alex. “It’s gone right? Whatever you did. It won’t come back?”
Alex shook his head. “Not unless you touch her again. And if that happens, I promise you that you’ll wish for those nightmares after what I do to you.” His voice was low and his eyes flashed. Max stumbled back as if he’d struck him physically.
“Rowan, I’m sorry. For everything,” Max stuttered before he turned on his heels and bolted for the street. We stood there in silence watching him disappear over the paved hill, and then Alex’s hands were on my shoulders.
“Are you all right?” His voice was barley a whisper, and I fought against the warmth fizzling through me. There was too much to talk about to get caught up in the moment. I spun around to face him.
“It wasn’t a trick. You put a spell on him.” I didn’t have to ask. I already knew the answer, but Alex nodded his head anyway. “Is it really gone now? He won’t have the nightmares anymore?” I placed my hands on my hips, and suddenly felt like Mom. It was the exact stance she would take when scolding me as kid. I let my fingers fall down to my sides as the sadness of the memory swept through me.
“It’s gone. I swear.” He took a step back, and for the first time since I’d met him I was thankful for the distance between us.
A cloud had meandered across the sky and now partially blocked the moonlight so that I could only see a shadow where Alex’s warm face should be.
“Did you find the ring?” he asked from the shadows. I wondered if he could see me. If he wanted to touch me? I curled my fingers at my side, refusing to give into the temptation.
“Yes.”
“And the note?”
“Yes.”
My thumb ran across the ring on my finger and his words from the note echoed through my mind.
“You believe it, you believe me.” He said it more like an observation as he took a step closer and I knew he must be able to read my face. The confusion, the longing, the pain and realization that we could never really be together like I thought.
I nodded unable to speak and he closed the gap between us and took me in his arms.
“I just want to go to bed. I-I can’t think about all of this right now. I feel…I feel…” My legs wobbled, my vision blurred. Alex scooped me up into his arms and started towards the house.
“It’s the magic you used on him. You shouldn’t have practiced so soon after going through the gateway. You’re drained.” He snuck in through the front door and eased up the stairs. I grabbed my head where a steady pound was making itself known. When we got to my room we didn’t say another word. Instead Alex lay in my bed and opened his arms to me. I refused to think about my impossible world. Our impossible situation. Instead I burrowed down into the safety and warmth of Alex’s embrace.
“Rowan, are you okay?” Alex whispered. “You’re shaking.”
“It hurts.” I managed to get out. I looked up into his eyes and the world began to spin. And not in a good way. My blood was pumping too fast, my breath coming in too shallow. Pain wasn’t just something I felt. It was a thing, living inside of me, taking over. It was too much. I needed to shut down. I needed to- I couldn’t finish the thought. My mind quietly obeyed my last command and everything went dark.
“Rowan?” The sound of Alex’s voice was muffled. Like I was under water, but with each breath it was getting clearer, closer. I couldn’t see him but I could feel his fingers in my hair, and I could smell the familiar scent of the lilac fabric softener that Grams liked to use radiating from my sheets.
I ran my hand across the cool fabric of my pillowcase as my eyes opened. It was dark. For some reason I had the brief feeling of not knowing where I was, but when I looked up to see Alex it all became clear. Too clear.
“Alex?” I scrambled to sit up, my heart pounding in my chest. Had it all been a dream? Was it real? I was almost too embarrassed to ask. As if he could read my thoughts Alex slipped his arm around my waist and scooted closer to me.
“You fell asleep.”
I leaned back against the headboard and closed my eyes. This was too much. The most complicated boy problem I’d ever had was Riley Cooper. He was a senior and too cute for words. But after three dates it was obvious where his priorities were. He liked to party and I didn’t. He wanted sex and I didn’t. End of story. And now I was dating a boy from…1692? I couldn’t possibly be remembering right. I must have hit my head.
“Do you want me to go? I understand if you do,” he whispered.
I opened my eyes and stared back at him. Would this be the last time he held me? Would it be the last time I would see him? If what Alex said was true then they could catch him at anytime. If that happened I knew I’d never see him again. He wouldn’t get a slap on the wrist for this. He’d die for it. He’d die for these moments with me. I couldn’t believe that. I shook my head mechanically from side to side. “No. Please don’t go.”
I reached out to grab his arm and he sighed. He closed his eyes and it sounded like relief.
“I must be crazy,” I said. I wondered if insanity was a side effect of grief. I tried to laugh but it hurt too badly. If it were at all possible I was even sorer than I’d been that afternoon.
Alex studied the expression on my face and leaned in to kiss my forehead.
“I’m sorry. I’m so used to it now; I forgot how painful it can be the first few times. It’s very disorienting. I can’t even imagine what it’s like when you don’t know what’s happening.”
I nodded, barely remembering now the frightening way I had apparently stumbled into the “gateway” as Alex called it. I grinned. I felt like Alice falling into the rabbit hole. He looked at me curiously but I decided not to explain. Surely a boy from 1692 wouldn’t get references to Alice in Wonderland.
“You have questions I’m sure,” he said like he was preparing for a firing squad. He sat straight up and waited but I shook my head. I did have questions but there was no way I could take any more today.
“Yes, but not right now. I can’t even think straight.” I rubbed my forehead where the pain was pulsating like a drumbeat.
“Is your head hurting?” he asked.
I nodded. It was strange. I’d never had a headache right in the center of my forehead. I wondered if I’d bumped it.
Alex pulled my hand away and placed his palm over it. “That h
appens sometimes,” he said, and I assumed he was referring to the whole time travel thing. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around it.
“What are you doing?”
“If you’ll be still I’ll fix your headache,” he said, rubbing his hand in a circular motion. I closed my eyes and gasped as his palm heated up to an inhuman temperature. The heat felt like liquid metal dissolving into my skin. Then, with a gentle tugging sensation, it was gone. He pulled his hand away and shook it like it was numb.
“Better?” He smiled.
“Yeah. It is,” I said in disbelief. “So, another trick of the trade?”
“Yes.”
“And the trade is witchcraft?”
He grinned. “Yes.”
“But isn’t witchcraft…evil?” I felt stupid immediately after I’d asked. I was no better than the people that Grams told me about, the same ones that tormented my mother, fearing what I didn’t fully understand.
“No.” He sounded offended. “We believe in the three fold law, Rowan. If any witch uses magic to cause harm to another then that evil will come back three fold onto them. We don’t use magic to hurt people. More to help them if we can.” He stopped to study my expression.
“What about what you did to Max?” What had I done to Max? My hands started to tremble just thinking about the power that bled from my palms.
Staring down at the bedspread, he mumbled, “I shouldn’t have done that. I just lost control when I thought about what he was going to do to you.”
“Well you took it back, so I guess you’re not exactly a bad witch are you?” I teased, surprised I was able to be lighthearted about the whole thing.