by Fuller, Tara
I tried to focus as a flame of hope flickered inside me. Had he found a way to change this? A way he could stay?
“Tell me,” I insisted.
Alex kissed the hollow of my throat, my collarbone, my shoulder. I was breathing hard when he pulled back to look at me. “Later,” he whispered, his thumbs pressing against my throat to tilt my mouth down to meet his.
His kisses were hungry, desperate. Full of need and want and so many things that I felt but couldn’t describe. Everything in me was burning and the fact that just one swift tug would leave me completely exposed to him made me even hotter. I had never felt like this. Never wanted someone like this before. It was unexpected and frightening and wonderful all at the same time. Alex rolled over so that he was on top of me and his fingers trailed along the top of my breast, dancing along the weak barrier that the towel provided. I shuddered with pleasure and slipped my hand under his shirt to feel the smooth muscular planes of his stomach, exploring every tantalizing ridge with my fingertips. A moan rose in his chest at my touch and the sound twisted my stomach into knots, but in a good way. In a spectacular way. I could feel my body moving, pressing into him in response and his hand slid in through the small opening that the towel provided and gripped the top of my hip. Something in me broke loose. I wanted more of him. All of him. At that moment I could feel a sliver of energy escape from the burning ball in my chest that had been growing stronger every day that Grams had been working with me. Oh no. I grasped for it but it exploded and a cascade of vibrations rattled through the walls. My eyes shot upward to the light bulb above our heads and with a final rattle it flickered and popped.
When everything was still, Alex looked at me, his eyes wide and questioning.
“Sorry. Grams has been working with me this week, it seems like something in me has woken up and now I’m having trouble containing it. I’ll try to stay calm,” I said. For some reason I was having a terrible effect on the light bulbs in the house when I got too excited. Grams had already had to replace three. This made four.
“You are amazing,” he said, lowering his face to my neck. He was totally distracted now. Witch or no witch, boys were boys.
Alex kissed me. Kissed me like he’d die without the breath in my mouth. Kissed me until the world around us fell away. It was just the two of us. Nothing else mattered.
That is until I heard Paige blare her car horn outside my window. Alex pulled away from me, breathing hard. I left my hand on his stomach and our limbs remained tangled. Our eyes were locked, both unwilling to move. Both acknowledging what would have happened if Paige hadn’t shown up. Somewhere inside me a small voice was screaming. You are not ready for this! But the much larger part of me was crying with disappointment.
“I have to go,” I said, forcing the words out.
He nodded but he couldn’t hide the disappointment in his eyes.
“Do you want to come?” I asked, hopeful.
He shook his head and laughed as I reluctantly detached myself from him and grabbed my clothes from the floor.
“No. That’s alright. You go and have fun.” He stayed on the bed, like he was trying to compose himself, but turned to face the door so that I could change.
I hurried and slipped on my clothes and grabbed a comb from the dresser to run through my hair as I spoke.
“Alex.” I stopped in front of him and tossed the comb onto the bed. “I can’t go three more days,” I said, my throat thick.
He rested his hands on my hips and pulled me close to bury his face in my stomach. His hair felt like silk as I ran my fingers through it.
He pulled away and looked up at me smiling. “Don’t worry. I’ll meet you back here tonight. Then we can talk.”
I bit my lip to keep from smiling like too big of a dork, but it didn’t matter. It broke through anyway. Alex pulled me down into his lap and kissed my cheek.
“That is if you can keep from distracting me next time.”
“Hey I have no control over your weak teenage hormones,” I said.
“No but you do have control over your attire,” he said as he ran his fingers down my shoulder. I shivered.
“You know most boys wouldn’t complain about seeing their girlfriends in a towel.”
He threw his head back and laughed. The sound pierced through me, infecting me with happiness.
“Trust me. I’m not complaining. Just don’t expect for me to be able to form rational thoughts if you insist on parading around like that.”
“Deal.” I bent down to give him a quick kiss, but I dissolved into his lips before I could pull away.
“Oh for crying out loud! I’ve been waiting for ten minutes so you can get your groove on up here!” Paige’s voice sounded from the doorway and I pulled away smiling.
“Sorry,” I muttered as I grabbed my purse from the dresser and smoothed on some cherry lip gloss.
“So are you going to join us Alex?” she asked with a knowing grin spreading across her face.
He laughed. “No. But thank you for the invitation. Rowan?”
I pulled the purse over my shoulder and met his eyes. “Yeah?”
“I’ll see you later, right?”
“Yeah. I promise.” I pecked him on the cheek and he spun around to leave before I could say another word. His taste clung desperately to my lips.
As soon as he was gone Paige pounced. “Holy crap! Why didn’t you text me or something. I could have been late you know.” She winked as she placed air quotes around the word late.
“Thanks Paige, but I didn’t even know he was coming over. He surprised me,” I said, trying not to blush.
By the time I climbed into the backseat of Paige’s silver jeep liberty, Alex was nowhere to be seen. I wondered what he would do all day without me. Surely he wouldn’t go back. God I hoped he didn’t go back.
“Hey Rowan.” Tyler’s voice interrupted my worrying as he leaned around the seat and flashed me a smile.
“Hey Tyler.”
“What took so long?” He groaned as Paige pulled her door shut and laughed. Please don’t say it. Please don’t say it. I chanted to myself praying that she would have mercy on me.
“Sorry. But I had to break up Rowan’s booty call.” Well, so much for that. Tyler shifted uncomfortably in his seat and switched the radio on and all I could think was I should have stayed with Alex.
I stood outside Noel’s bookshop staring at the wooden sign hanging above the door. My nerves tingled in my toes and my heart pounded in my chest. I needed to get over this. Noel could help me. Paige might think she’s a freak, but I knew better. She really did see something that night. And maybe if I was lucky she could help me figure out how to stop it. Who else could I talk to about this stuff? Not Paige for sure. She’d never understand. No, Noel was the answer. I could feel it.
“Hey Rowan! Wait up!” Tyler called as he jogged up the sidewalk. I had left him with Paige at a vintage clothing shop around the corner. I should’ve known I couldn’t escape them both.
“Hey,” was the only word I could muster. I was too busy scrambling for an excuse for why I was about to enter a store full of Wiccan paraphernalia.
“What are you doing here?” He glanced up to the store sign and squinted. “You know Paige’s cousin owns this, right?”
I nodded and swallowed, ignoring the way my stomach was rolling with anxiety. Tyler wasn’t going to make this any easier.
“So? What’s the story?” he said. At least he wasn’t being weird around me anymore.
“I want to check out some books on witchcraft,” I admitted. It wasn’t a complete lie. I really did want to learn more about what Alex was. What I apparently was. And then there was Rebecca’s book of shadows. Maybe I could find some kind of reference to help me understand more.
“Seriously?” He cocked his head to the side as if he were trying to determine if I was joking.
“Yes,” I snapped defensively. Who was Tyler to judge? So what if I was a witch? Or wanted to be? Maybe I didn�
�t need friends who were so short sighted. I was about to lay into him but before I could open my mouth he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.
“Sounds cool. Let’s go in.” He smiled warmly and pulled the door open for me.
I hesitated, more shocked than anything else, but also deathly afraid to face this girl again. He studied my face for a moment.
“What’s wrong?” God, why did he have to be so sweet? Why couldn’t he be a jerk? My life would be so much easier if he were.
“I’m scared,” I blurted out without thinking. “I’ve been here before. Noel kind of freaked me out last time.”
“We can find another store you know. There are tons of these places around town.”
“No, I need to see her. I have to go in there.” I stared at the door, foreboding as if it held answers I wasn’t ready to hear.
Tyler slipped his hand into mine. “It’s okay. I won’t leave you.”
I wondered if he knew how much I needed to hear those words. With everyone in my life always leaving, it felt so good to hear someone say they would stay with me. Even if it did just mean for the moment.
“Thank you.” I closed my eyes and let him pull me through the door.
The store was dark in contrast to the bright sunny day that blazed outside. The air looked foggy. Probably from all the incense burning. It did smell different than last time. This particular incense was slightly sweet. It was actually really nice. The fragrance seemed to work its way through my system. My shoulders rolled back and relaxed, the tension in my legs melted away. There was no sign of Noel so I perused a row of books. Tyler stayed by my side, plucking a few from the shelf himself, then held up a book on love spells and raised his eyebrows. I laughed, grabbing a book on herbal spells and an introduction to witchcraft and Wicca before making my way to the counter to wait for Noel. Tyler seemed engrossed in whatever it was he was reading so I took the chance to slip away. The glass case at the counter held a variety of athames and silk robes. They were really beautiful, though I had no idea what any of it was for. Maybe Alex could tell me later.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Noel’s tone was sharp as she rounded the counter to face me.
“I need to talk to you about what you saw,” I said, straightening my shoulders and hoping I didn’t look as terrified as I felt. She eyed me suspiciously for a moment, then her gaze shot over to Tyler.
“Where’s Paige?”
“She doesn’t know I’m here. I left her in a store around the corner.”
“And your friend over there?” she asked.
“Tyler. He won’t be a problem,” I said.
She was dressed in black leggings and a dark purple tunic today. Her makeup was light and natural. She didn’t look as threatening as last time, which put me at ease. She finally sighed and spun around towards the beaded curtain.
“Alright then. Come with me.” I hadn’t even realized before now, but Tyler was suddenly at my side. When he started to follow me she held her hand up.
“Just you.”
Tyler looked down at me and frowned.
“It’s alright. I’ll be fine. You can go hang out with Paige if you want.” He just shook his head and took a step back.
“I’ll wait here,” he said.
I nodded and swept through the beaded curtain after Noel. I was surprised. The mysterious room behind the curtain wasn’t at all what I expected. As a matter of fact it wasn’t anything special at all. Just a round wooden table with two miss-matched chairs on either side. There was a black light against the wall and candles lining the room. No windows or pictures. Just the table, a small metal desk shoved into one corner, and a large bookcase against the wall. Noel grabbed a book from it then sat down at the table and motioned for me to take the other seat.
“So what do you want?” she asked as I eased down into the chair.
“So you have visions?”
“Yes.”
“And you know about Alex? You saw him?” I said.
“Not everything, but yes I know enough. He’s not the only witch around here you know. But then again, I’m guessing you’ve figured that out by now.” She paused as she lit a candle in the middle of the table. “You didn’t take my advice, did you? You’re still seeing him. Still playing with a book you know nothing about.”
My cheeks flushed from a mixture of embarrassment and anger. I wanted to snap back at her but I didn’t. I didn’t because she was right, so instead I found myself nodding.
“And now you want to stop it. You want your boyfriend and you want the rest to disappear.”
I nodded again.
“You do realize that you can’t have the witch without the magic? If you strip him of that, you may as well strip away his soul. He’s not like you. You could walk away from your power now and be fine, but not him. Not someone who’s known it all their life.”
“No. I just want him safe.”
“No. You want to keep him here. To play house and pretend he doesn’t belong somewhere else. You’re selfish.” I winced at how true her remarks were and my eyes stung with tears. She looked at me for a moment then leaned back in her chair and smiled.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re human. We’re all selfish creatures by nature. Your Alex. He’s selfish too. He could have left you alone, but he didn’t. The difference is he’s always known the consequences.”
“And what are the consequences? What did you see?” I asked, my throat thick. I wasn’t ready for this answer.
“You really should learn your history better Rowan.” She slid the book across the table to me.
The book was open and her finger was pointed to a list of names. I took a deep breath and began to read aloud.
“A list of the accused witches hung at Gallows Hill.” I let me eyes wander down until they froze on one name. “Alexander William Foster.” The words sucked the life from me, leaving me limp and broken. My eyes met hers.
“What does this mean?”
For the first time since I’d met Noel her eyes lost their sharp defensive glimmer and now they were glazed over with sadness. She pulled the book back and grabbed my hand.
“It means that Alex is from a very different place. A place where there is no free will. When they find out what he is, he’ll hang for it Rowan. And they will find out. It’s all here. His future is our history. You can’t change that.” She tapped on the book as she folded the cover closed. I caught a glimpse of the title. The Salem Witch Trials.
“There has to be a way. What if he doesn’t go back?” I was desperate, grasping at any option but the one that lay right in front of me.
She shook her head. “You know that won’t happen.”
“How? How do we know that? He loves me. He’ll stay for me.”
“Because it’s here Rowan.” She patted the book again. I fought the urge to rip the book from her hands and tear it to shreds. I wiped the angry tears from my face with the back of my hand and shoved away from the table.
“Rowan there are more forces at work here than you can imagine. Do yourself a favor and let him go. You don’t have a chance against this. And if you’re not careful you’ll...”
I stopped, letting my fingers rest against the beaded curtain.
“I’ll what?”
She glared at the tabletop for a moment before her eyes met mine. She stood and placed the book gently in my hands, pressed it into my chest until I folded my arms around it. “Just be careful. Don’t get involved with things you don’t understand. It’s that simple.”
“I don’t care Noel. I don’t want a life without him.” I rushed through the curtain, fear and pain sweeping through my system. Fear because I knew it was true. There was no life without him. Not anymore.
Chapter 24
I lay in my bed and watched the shadows that the ceiling fan created spin a silent ballet across my walls. Tyler’s words kept buzzing in my mind like a bothersome nat. Sometimes what we love isn’t always the best thing for us. He said
it as he hovered over me on my front porch, as if he expected something from me. What did Tyler expect from me? I knew what he wanted. That much was clear. But shouldn’t he get it by now? I loved Alex. He was wasting his time. I didn’t know if I was angrier with him for his undying persistence or with myself for letting him get to me. Speaking of my boyfriend. Where was he? A spark of fear ignited in my belly as I stared at the alarm clock across the room. It was past eleven. He promised he’d be here when I got back. He swore he wouldn’t go back without talking to me first. Part of me wanted to tear through the forest and search him out, and part of me wanted to curl up into myself and fight the pain that was coming. If not now, then later. The green leather-bound book lay in front of me beckoning me to flip through its pages. To learn about the fate that awaited Alex, but other than running my fingers over the gold-flecked lettering on the cover I hadn’t touched it. I had seen his name. It was all the proof I needed. Why had Noel given me this Godforsaken book anyway? If I were smart I would toss it out the window and forget my entire experience with her today. A lot of help she was. Weren’t witches supposed to have power? If you asked me Noel seemed more like a glorified gothic librarian.
No. Rowan, get it together, I demanded of myself as I kneaded the crease in between my eyes. I shouldn’t blame Noel. She helped me as much as she could. I was just nervous. And Alex was driving me crazy. And not in that can’t keep my hands off him way, which was usually the case. Where was he? At midnight I gave up hope. He would come in the morning. I had to believe that. Too tired to rummage through the closet for pajamas I kicked off my Capri pants and crawled under the blankets. I nuzzled my face into my pillow and willed myself to sleep. But it wouldn’t come. I hovered there at the cusp of a dream but never fully committed, still somewhat aware of the shadows and sounds that surrounded me. I rolled over and my eyes opened against the darkness when a shuffling sound broke through the haze. A shadow. No, a person, moving silently through the darkness towards my bed. I half expected for the shape to take on the spectral form I’d seen before, for its silvery tendrils to reach out and choke the life from me. My chest clenched around my heart, but when a splinter of moonlight shimmered against Alex’s face, I relaxed. I closed my eyes, letting my clenched hands fall to my sides. The window. I had left the window open.