“I think that could be arranged. Your dad and I will work things out.”
“Yeah?” His dark eyes—Ethan’s eyes—lit up.
She stood and ruffled his hair. “It’ll be a grown-up thing. Melissa and Abby will be back soon and we’re going to the pool. Want to get changed and go with us?”
“Sure.”
He dashed toward the house, then paused and looked at his dad. He ran back, hugged Ethan, then took off again.
Liz stared after him, feeling her world right itself. Denise had called it exactly as everything had played out. At least from Tyler’s point of view.
She turned to Ethan. “How did it go?”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Damn, I missed you, Liz.”
She thought about their last conversation. How he’d hurt her with his thoughtless words. It wasn’t his fault, she told herself. Why would he offer more? She’d never bothered to tell him how she felt and now she never would. Not when she was staying in town.
“Did you two get along okay?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Great. He’s a good kid. But there’s a whole lot more work involved than I realized. A few hours here and there is easier than taking care of him full-time.”
“I know.”
“I don’t think I’m nearly as exciting as he thought I’d be. Regular life taught us both something.”
“That was the point.”
He moved closer. “Liz, I never wanted to take him from you. Okay, maybe at first, but not now. I care about you both. We have to work something out.”
She held up a hand to stop him. It was oddly difficult to be this close to him, to hear him talk. Probably because as much as she’d hated how he’d proposed, there was a part of her that couldn’t help dreaming about how it could have been. If he’d loved her back.
“We have to talk about it,” he continued, ignoring her gesture to stop. “We meet with the judge next week.”
“It won’t be a problem,” she said. “I’m staying in Fool’s Gold.”
He stared at her. “What about your life in San Francisco?”
“I’ll sell the house and move here. It won’t be that difficult. Tyler wants to stay, as do the girls. If I’m here, you and I can co-parent him. I won’t live in this house, so I’ll make sure I buy something close to you. Tyler can spend alternating weeks with each of us. That should satisfy the judge and you’ll both be happy.”
She had already talked to Peggy, who was interested in moving to small-town America. “It should only take me a week or so to get things organized back there. If you’ll take Tyler, I’ll ask your Mom and Montana to split duties with the girls while I get everything settled. I’ll make sure I’m back before everyone starts school.”
“What do you get out of the deal?” he asked.
“I get to make my family happy. There are things I don’t like about this place, but the good far outweighs the bad. Eventually people will stop telling me whether or not they support what I did with you and Tyler. I’m a writer, Ethan. I can work anywhere.”
“Then why do you look so sad?”
Because being close to him, knowing that she’d never been able to forget him or get over him, wasn’t her idea of a good time. Because the love inside of her seemed to grow bigger every day. Eventually he would find someone. Who wouldn’t love Ethan? And then she would have to smile and pretend she was happy while he went off with someone else.
“I’m tired,” she answered. “I missed having Tyler around.” She glanced toward the house. “I need to get inside. We’re going to the pool.”
She started past him. He grabbed her wrist and held her in place.
“Wait.” He stared into her eyes. “Liz, we belong together. We’ve always belonged together.”
She had a bad feeling about where he was going and she didn’t think she could survive it again. “Don’t.”
“Hear me out. I’m sorry about what I said before. I don’t want to marry you because it’s practical. I want to marry you because I love you.”
He released her then, as if confident the words were enough to keep her where he wanted her.
“We can be a family together. The five of us. I was going to tell you that I’d move to San Francisco to be with you. But this is better. This is home, Liz, for all of us.”
They were good words, she admitted, feeling the sadness pour through her. Nice words. Telling her that he would move added a little touch of sacrifice. Playing the kid card was good, too. Easy enough now that she was staying.
“No,” she said and started for the house.
“What?” He came after her. “Why not?”
She paused by the back porch and looked at him. “I don’t believe you. Oh, I think you want to marry me. It makes everything tidy. Besides, I’m the mother of your child and it’s the right thing to do. But love? You never loved me. Not then, not now.”
She drew her gardening gloves from her pocket and squeezed them in her hand. “You haven’t loved anyone outside of your family. I’m not sure why that is. If you’re afraid to care that much or if there’s no need. You’ve always been blessed with everything you want. Even now, you’re getting your son with very little effort on your part.”
“Is that what this is about? I haven’t suffered enough?”
“No. It’s about risking everything. Putting your heart on the line, even when you don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s risking having the person you love rip it out and stomp all over it in public.”
“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”
“I loved you, Ethan. I gave you everything I had. Not just my heart and my soul, but my body. I’d spent years being called a whore and being propositioned and lied about, so I protected myself. I didn’t care about anyone. Until you. I was a virgin and you called me a slut in front of your friends. You said I wasn’t worthy.”
“I know. I’m the one who wasn’t worthy. I never have been.”
Hearing that didn’t make her feel any better. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m letting the past go. This is the last time we’ll talk about it. I loved you then and I still love you. But I won’t marry you. I won’t be one more thing you got right. We’ll raise Tyler together, in this town. That’s going to have to be enough.”
She walked up the steps to the porch, crossed the refinished wood and stepped into the house.
For a second she allowed herself to hope. To believe that he would come after her, tell her that she was wrong. That of course he loved her. He’d always loved her. He would beg and plead and she would allow herself to be convinced because that’s all it would take. A little effort on his part.
But there was nothing. Finally she turned around and he was gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“HOW DRUNK DO YOU WANT TO get?” Raoul asked as he poured another Scotch and handed it to Ethan.
“I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough.”
“Not a great plan,” Josh told him from his place on the opposite sofa. “You’re already going to feel plenty of pain in the morning.”
The three men were sprawled in Ethan’s living room. It wasn’t even dark and they were already plastered. At least Ethan was—he couldn’t speak for his friends. They were probably being more careful.
As for a hangover, bring it on. Maybe a pounding head would help him forget what Liz had said to him that morning.
“She doesn’t believe I love her,” he mumbled into his drink.
“Liz Sutton,” Josh said to Raoul. “It’s a long story.”
“Not long,” Ethan replied. “I got her pregnant, turned my back on her and didn’t love her enough.” He frowned. “I didn’t know she was pregnant. If I’d known, I woulda married her. Which makes me the bad guy. Doing the right thing is wrong. You two know that?”
“She’s not mad because you would have married her,” Josh explained.
“Then why?”
His friend shifted on the sofa. “Women are complicated.”<
br />
“She said I don’t love her. I do. Always did. I never saw that before.” He gulped more Scotch. “There was always something about her.”
“What did you say?” Raoul asked. “When you said you loved her?”
Ethan squinted at the other man, trying to bring him into focus. “I said I loved her. That I wanted to marry her and it wasn’t because it was prac…” He cleared his throat. “Practical.”
“When did you say it was practical?” Josh asked.
Ethan waved. “You know. Before.”
“Before what?”
“The lasht time I proposed.” Was it him or did his words sound funny? “Before I knew I loved her. Said we should get married because it’s the right thing to do.”
His face had gone numb, he thought, poking his cheek a few times. And his brain felt boiled. Or was it pickled? Maybe it was pickled.
“Keep her in town. With the kids. So I could be with Tyler.”
“You are so screwed,” Josh said conversationally. “You shouldn’t have said that.”
“Maybe not. But I love her and she doesn’t care. How can she not care?”
“Maybe she cares too much,” Raoul told him. “You’ve been acting like a jerk for a while now. What if she’s loved you all along? She’s been waiting for you to notice and instead you offered a business arrangement.”
“And took her kid from her,” Josh added.
“Didn’t take. It was just a few days. Kids are hard. Women make it look so easy, but it’s hard.” Ethan closed his eyes and leaned back in the sofa leather.
His fingers relaxed on the glass. He heard someone get up suddenly and then the glass was gone.
“You’re about ready to pass out,” Raoul said.
“Gotta talk to Liz.”
“You need to give Liz some time,” Josh told him. “And you need a plan. You’ve blown it from the beginning. You need to make a big gesture.”
“Liz isn’t the big gesture type,” Ethan mumbled, feeling himself start to drift. “I think she wants to be left alone. I should give her what she wants.”
“The woman wants to be swept away,” Raoul corrected him. “I know about these things.”
“Not Liz.”
There was the pain the other men had promised, but it wasn’t from the alcohol. Instead it came from his heart—in knowing he could never have Liz. Maybe there’d been a chance, but he’d blown it too many times.
She’d said she loved him. That was nice of her. Kind. He would hold onto those words always, knowing that if he’d been smarter… If he’d understood more sooner, he could have had her.
“Love Liz,” he mumbled.
“We got that,” Josh said. “You should tell her.”
“Too late. Way too late.”
And then the world went dark.
* * *
LIZ CLOSED UP HER HOUSE IN San Francisco quicker than she would have thought. She ended up leaving all three kids with Denise. For some reason she’d been unable to get Ethan on the phone later that Sunday. Denise had said everything was fine, but wouldn’t go into details.
After making the drive to the beautiful city by the bay, she’d spent two days with Peggy, sorting through the items she and Tyler would need in the next couple of months and what they could live without.
The must-have items were packed up and marked for the shipping company to pick up at the end of the week. Peggy would arrange for movers to take care of the rest.
Selling the house proved to be beyond easy. Liz had called a friend who was in real estate. Heidi had admitted that she and her husband had always loved the house, had decided to start a family and were desperate to get out of their apartment. Negotiations took less than an hour, the inspection was on Tuesday and by Wednesday morning, they were in escrow for a quick close. Peggy planned to come to Fool’s Gold the week after Labor Day, to see if she wanted to move there.
With everything settled, Thursday morning, Liz started back for Fool’s Gold. She and Ethan had an appointment with the judge the next day. With her settling in town and with plans to co-parent Tyler, they could meet the judge’s requirements and both avoid jail.
After picking up the kids, they went out to the Fox and Hound for lunch.
“School starts on Tuesday,” Melissa said as soon as they’d slid into the booth. “We all need clothes and supplies. We’re really behind on our shopping.”
Liz laughed. “Are we?”
“There’s three of us now, Mom,” Tyler indicated. “It’s gonna take longer.”
“You’re right. When we get home, you can all make lists of what you need. We’ll head out later and start the shopping. We’ll do clothes tonight, then school supplies tomorrow. I have to be in court at nine, but it shouldn’t take long.”
Tyler grinned. “Are you going to talk to the judge and tell her that you’re staying in town?”
“Yes. That should make her happy.”
Melissa’s phone chirped, indicating she had a text message. She glanced at the screen, then slid the phone back into her pocket before Liz could remind her no phones were allowed at the table.
“Are you staying in Fool’s Gold because of us?” Abby asked quietly.
“Maybe a little. And so Tyler can be near his dad.”
Abby bit her lower lip. “You’ve been really good to us.” She glanced at her lap, then up at Liz. “Can I call you Mom?”
The unexpected question slammed into Liz like a warm, gooey feel-good truck. Tears filled her eyes and she found it really hard to speak.
“I asked Tyler if he minded,” Abby added quickly. “He said it was fine.”
Liz put her arm around the girl and hugged her. “I’d like that,” she said. “And saying it doesn’t take away from your real mom. I know you love her.”
Abby snuggled close.
Liz glanced at Melissa who was staring out the window. “It’s okay. You don’t have to.”
The teen flushed. “Sometimes I want to, but…” She swallowed. “I don’t know.”
“‘Liz’ is fine.”
“Maybe, you know. Later.”
“Whatever makes you comfortable.”
The waitress came by and they ordered. The kids started talking about the End-of-Summer festival that weekend and how they had to get all the back-to-school shopping finished so they could go.
Liz listened and smiled, feeling content. She might always miss Ethan, always love him, but as far as the rest of her family went—it was perfect. Maybe doing the right thing wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
* * *
LIZ MET ETHAN OUTSIDE OF THE courthouse. He looked good, she thought, trying not to stare. Too good. Maybe with time she would get used to seeing him and her body would stop reacting to his presence. Maybe things would get easier between them. A girl could hope.
“Hi,” he greeted as she approached. “How was your trip to San Francisco?”
“Good. Everything’s underway. I sold the house.”
He held open the door to the courthouse and they walked inside. “That’s fast. You’re going to look for something here?”
She nodded, hoping she didn’t look as disappointed as she felt.
She’d thought he might bring up their last meeting. Say something, hint that he’d meant what he said. If only he did love her and want them to be together for the right reasons.
Instead they walked in silence toward the judge’s chambers.
Fifteen minutes later, Judge Powers announced she was pleased with their decision to co-parent Tyler, warned them not to waste her time again and excused them.
“Tyler said you’re going to the summer festival tomorrow,” Ethan said.
“All the kids want to go. There’s some band playing at noon. Apparently it’s a big deal. I have no idea who they are and that makes me feel old.”
“You’re not old.”
“Thanks.”
They walked out into the sunny morning and headed for the parking lot. Ethan paused by her SUV.
“I want you to be happy, Liz,” he said. “You’ve given up a lot to be here.”
“Not that much,” she countered. “It’s important to take care of the kids and keep them happy. That’s what I’m doing.”
“Who takes care of you?”
His dark eyes seemed to see inside her. She wanted to squirm, to look away so he couldn’t tell how much she loved him. Concern was one thing, but pity was just too sad.
“I’m pretty tough.”
“Because you had to be,” he commented. “I want to help any way I can.”
Love me, she thought desperately. Swear I’m the best part of your life.
But he didn’t say the words and she didn’t have the courage to ask him to.
They looked at each other, then he turned and walked away.
* * *
THE END OF SUMMER FESTIVAL was part county fair, part farmer’s market, part party for the parents at the thought of school starting in a few days.
Liz arrived with all three kids by ten Saturday morning and by ten-fifteen, she found herself alone. Melissa went off with a group of her girlfriends, while Tyler and Abby met up with kids from camp. Liz purchased ride tickets for the younger two and made them all promise to meet her at eleven-thirty for lunch. Then she stood in the center of the crowd, wondering what to do next.
She explored the booths in the makeshift marketplace. There were crafts for sale, including some printed T-shirts she bought for the kids.
Denise Hendrix found her looking at candles.
“The jasmine scented ones are great,” Ethan’s mother said with a smile. “I have them all over my bathroom. How’s it going?”
“Good.” She held up the bag of T-shirts. “I’m doing my bit for the economy.”
“And the economy thanks you.” Denise pointed to a shaved ice stand. “Come on. I’m buying.”
They walked to the stand and got in line. “You doing all right?”
“I’m fine. I’m starting house hunting next week.”
Denise sighed. “My son’s an idiot.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s obvious the two of you are crazy about each other. You should be together.”
“Ethan’s not in love with me. He’s interested in duty rather than love and I’m not interested in settling.”
Susan Mallery Fool's Gold Series Volume One: Chasing PerfectAlmost PerfectSister of the BrideFinding Perfect Page 53