“Baby killer. That’s what they call you.”
Chapter 8
The Mistake
Zwaantie fled to her room and paced back and forth in front of her cows. Baby killer. That was the third time she’d heard the phrase. Was that really what people were calling her? How many knew? She had to fix this. But how? She could no longer deny that somewhere, someone knew, and word would soon leak out to all of Stella.
She was ruining everything. Even when she was trying to be responsible, she was blowing it.
Leo was softening toward her, which was good. But the person she really needed to apologize to was Candace. She was responsible for the death of Candace’s nephew. She should own this and take concrete steps toward ending the deaths.
That meant confessing to Candace what the Old Mother said. If anyone was owed the truth, it was Candace. This would be scary, but Zwaantie had to do it. She was certain Candace wouldn’t forgive her, but she needed to try.
Zwaantie took a deep breath and tapped her wall. “Candace,” she said and waited, her palms sweating.
Moments later Candace’s face appeared on the wall.
“What do you want?” she asked. She was sitting on a couch ramrod straight with her arms crossed. Her hair was a mess. Maybe she’d been having a harder time than Zwaantie thought.
“I need to tell you something. You were right. Castor’s death was my fault.”
Candace blew a strand of hair out of her eye. “What are you talking about? I was just angry. We’re still mourning Castor, but I don’t blame you.”
Zwaantie wrung her hands. “At the lock-in, the Old Mother came to visit me. She told me the reason people were dying was because I didn’t love Leo enough. I’m so sorry.”
Candace jerked back. “You mean it really is your fault? Why the dark are you telling me this?”
“Because I owe you the truth.”
“This is supposed to make it better?” The venom in her voice was real.
“No. But I thought you should know.”
“Who else knows?”
“Ari and me.”
Candace rolled her eyes. “You think just because you told me this, I’m supposed to forgive you.”
“No, of course not.” Perhaps this was a bad idea.
Candace sneered at her. “What do you want me to say?”
“You don’t have to say anything. But I needed to apologize. I’m going to do everything I can to love Leo. I won’t let your baby die.”
“What about Castor? He’s never coming back.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Just because you keep saying those words doesn’t change anything.”
“I know. I don’t know what else to say. Those are the best words I have.”
“Ha. You think there are words that can bring Castor back? There aren’t. Believe me, I looked. I think it would be best if you didn’t call again. I don’t want to talk to you.” Then she signed off.
Zwaantie’s stomach clenched, and pain started behind her eyes. She pressed a palm to her forehead, lost as to what she could do next. Nothing was going as planned. She felt claustrophobic in her room. She needed to see the sky. What she wanted was the sun, but she’d settle for the stars.
Things weren’t working with Leo. The people of Stella were suspicious of her motives. Candace hated her. Phoenix was gone to her. The Voice was trying to kill her. Everything was going wrong. Would she ever find peace again?
She ran out of her room, found the elevator, and punched the top floor button. She’d made a mess of everything. Her only option was to love Leo. How was she going to do that? She couldn’t muster up the feelings for him it required. No one could force feelings of love. She associated feelings of love with Phoenix. Ari too, but she wasn’t sure that was really love.
The elevator door opened, and she raced to the stairs and right into solid flesh.
Ari looked down at her, his eyes serious.
“Sorry, I wasn’t—”
Ari cut her words off by pressing his lips against hers.
Chapter 9
The Confession
Stars exploded behind her eyes. Every part of her body buzzed with excitement. Zwaantie didn’t hesitate. She eagerly leaned into the kiss. She wanted this. Far more than she should. Thought disappeared. Guilt was gone. This was pure passion.
Ari pushed her against the wall, pressing himself against her. Zwaantie held him tight, her hands woven in his hair, never wanting to let him go. She’d never been kissed like this before. Not from Leo or Phoenix. This was different, stronger somehow. She felt more alive than she ever had. At this moment nothing else mattered. She needed this.
He broke away suddenly and stared in her eyes for a few moments. Neither said anything, their breathing heavy. He leaned down once again and gave her a soft, sweet kiss on the lips and then escaped into the elevator without a word.
Zwaantie stood there for a beat, her hand on her chest, not quite sure what had happened. Every bad feeling and thought she’d had disappeared. Every fiber of her being burned for Ari. Why was she letting him get away?
She didn’t need the stars right now. She needed him. He could kiss her fears and doubts away.
She punched the elevator button. Several moments passed before the doors opened. He couldn’t have gone far. She pressed the number six and raced to Ari’s room. She entered without knocking, but he wasn’t there. She ventured deeper into the rooms, searching the dining area and closet. Stars. Where had he gotten to?
She pushed open the door to Sage’s room, not sure what she’d do if he were in there. Zwaantie couldn’t kiss him in front of Sage.
Maybe he didn’t want to kiss her again. Maybe he was just letting off steam. Maybe she’d completely misread the situation. No, his words in the carriage were sincere. He wanted her.
“Meow,” said Andromeda. Zwaantie picked the kitten up, her racing heart starting to calm.
“I’ve missed you,” she said to the kitten.
Sage came out of her closet. “Oh, it’s you,” she said with a frown and stalked back into her closet. Zwaantie put down Andromeda and followed her. After all the events of the afternoon and her recent encounter with Ari, Zwaantie forgot she’d blown Sage off this morning.
“Sage, I’m sorry.” Zwaantie said that a lot lately. She was tired of it. Her decision-making skills were lacking. “I’m so confused. I want to do the right thing, but I don’t know what it is.”
Sage put a hand on her hip and stared up at Zwaantie. “Now you’ve decided being friends with me might be okay?”
Zwaantie gripped Sage’s hands. “I was trying to be all adult and stuff. It didn’t work. I want to be your friend. That was never in question. I’ve run from responsibility my whole life, and now I’m trying to find it, but I’m thoroughly blowing it.”
Sage’s lips twitched. “I’ll say.” Then she squeezed Zwaantie’s hands. “Okay, you’re forgiven, but I’m going out.”
“Can I come?”
“Sorry. No. We only found half the slaves so far. We need to find the rest. You get that necklace on Luna yet?”
“No. I still haven’t seen her. How long until you leave?”
“A half hour. I need to get ready.”
“Do you mind if I stay here while you do?” She needed to stay there so she didn’t do something dumb, like seek out Ari. That was the last thing she needed to do. Moments of passion were so fleeting. She saw that now. Her feelings for Ari were pure lust and were exactly the opposite of what she should be seeking with Leo. She needed love.
“Sure.”
Zwaantie watched Sage flip through her dresses. “Can you keep a secret?” Zwaantie asked, already knowing the answer.
Sage barely looked away from the dresses she was perusing. “Normally I can. Keep a secret, I mean. But I tell Ari most things. So if this is something you don’t want him to know, then you probably shouldn’t tell me.”
That was not the answer Zwaantie was looking for. She sighed, left the cl
oset, and sunk onto the couch. She needed someone to help her make sense of the things she was feeling, and she usually worked best if she could talk it out. That’s what she loved so much about Luna. She listened and never spoke a word to anyone. Most of the time she didn’t even offer her opinion up. Zwaantie missed having her around, but try as she might, she couldn’t find Luna alone. Not that she’d been trying very hard.
Sage came out of the closet wearing a strapless blue dress.
“You look like an adult,” Zwaantie said.
Sage smirked. “Good, that was the point. What’s up?” Sage admired herself in the mirror. Zwaantie creased her eyebrows. Sage was going out hunting for the Solite slaves. That was hardly an evening gown occasion. Maybe she was lying to her.
“Why are you dressed up?”
Sage let out a sigh. “Because some of the slaves are hiding. We have to talk to people who might know where they are. There’s a party we need to hit up. It’s not for kids, and I have to wear clothes like this. Now, what do you have to tell me?”
“I’m not telling you. I don’t want Ari knowing.” Zwaantie studied her nails. They were in need of a painting.
“Is this about Ari?” Sage asked, sitting next to Zwaantie.
Zwaantie nodded and ran a hand through her hair.
“Okay then, I promise I won’t tell him.”
“You sure?” She wasn’t sure if she trusted Sage, but what other choice did Zwaantie have?
“Yeah. Has he done something to you? Cause I can kick his ass if you need me to.”
“Sort of. Sage, he kissed me.” Zwaantie’s lips burned with the memory, and her chest buzzed.
Sage raised an eyebrow. “And?”
“And it was amazing. Leo doesn’t kiss like that.” Zwaantie flung herself on the couch. This was impossible.
Sage giggled. And even though she was dressed up like a starlet, she appeared much younger.
“Duh. That’s Ari. He’s my brother, so I don’t know from experience, but I’ve been told he’s unforgettable. One night in bed with him, and you’ll never be happy with anyone else. Ever. Girls line up for the chance for a single night. Not one has left disappointed.”
Sage was not being helpful. Zwaantie didn’t need to hear how good Ari was at anything.
“It’s more than that. I really like him. A lot more than I like Leo. And I feel guilty.”
“You should. But, to be fair, you hardly know Leo. He should be around more. Maybe you can go stay with him in Deep Sky. Then you can get away from Ari.”
“I hardly know Ari. Yet, if he asked, I’d go to the moon for him. Why?”
Zwaantie played with the fringe on a pillow, not wanting to meet Sage’s eyes. She felt ashamed for her feelings, especially in light of the Old Mother’s revelation. What was she supposed to do?
Sage gripped Zwaantie’s hand and put on a serious face, something Zwaantie rarely saw. “I love Ari. More than any of my siblings. Ari’s not going to marry you, and he’s not going to commit to you. Leo will, and you can save Stella that way. Ari won’t help. He will never love you. ”
Zwaantie let those words sink in. Ari was a distraction she couldn’t afford. Even if he did claim she was his soul mate. Even if she knew he was right.
When she saw Ari again, she’d tell him this couldn’t continue. If she was going to find a way to love Leo at all, Ari could not be in the picture. Just the thought of seeing him made her skin tingle. She had to get away.
“Maybe I should go see Leo.”
“Yes. That’s the smartest thing you’ve said since you walked into my room. Call Leo. Tell him you’re coming to visit. I’ll put you on a boat tomorrow.”
Zwaantie nodded. This was a good idea. She pulled out her disc.
“Call Leo.”
His face popped up. “Hey, beautiful. I’m sorry I laughed at you earlier.”
“It’s okay. Can I come see you?”
He pursed his lips. “Sure. Why?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I want to see you. I’m missing you.”
His face split into a grin, and she felt so guilty for allowing him to think she might want to be with him. She had to if this was going to work.
“Sure. I’ll be busy with work, but you can tag along. When are you coming?”
“Sage said she can put me on a boat tomorrow morning.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
She suddenly felt sick. She’d be going to see him. He’d expect her to kiss him and maybe do more. Things were easy between her and Leo when they tried to be friends, but when she forced her feelings, everything was strange and wrong.
This was going to be a disaster.
Chapter 10
The Secret
Ari needed his mother. She might’ve joked around a lot with him, but she always helped him. The problem was she’d made her opinion of Zwaantie clear, and she probably wouldn’t give him the most prudent advice. She’d tell him to run away with Zwaantie and ignore what damage that might cause on the kingdom. If only to assuage her guilt from years before.
Before Zwaantie came around, he pretty much did what he wanted and didn’t think about consequences. Now, she had his thoughts in complete turmoil. Everything about her was complicated. The kiss still lingered on his lips.
He pushed Sage’s door open. Zwaantie would probably be there, and he needed to see her. He didn’t have to bring up the kiss. Though if she was alone, there would definitely need to be a repeat.
He shouldn’t be thinking about the kiss. Zwaantie didn’t love Leo, and as long as Ari kept screwing with her, she never would. Unless she didn’t feel the same way about Ari. No, the way she pulled him close, she wanted him. This was a nightmare.
Sage was alone in her room, playing with her cats on the floor. Ari sank down onto the couch.
“Hey, bro,” Sage said as a kitten attacked her foot.
“Hey. Where’s Zwaantie?”
“You shouldn’t be asking that.”
He creased his eyebrows. “Why not?”
“You’re an idiot. We’re doing everything we can to save the kingdom, and you’re not thinking with your brain.”
He let out a sigh. “You got that right. My heart’s never been a problem before. Not sure how to handle this.”
Sage snorted. “Heart. Right. Anyway, I just put Zwaantie on a boat to Deep Sky to spend time with Leo. So she can fall in love with him. And marry him. And save the kingdom.”
He clenched his fists. He didn’t like thinking about her with Leo, who would kiss her when he saw her. Then tonight. He frowned. How long would he have to watch Zwaantie and regret not having her? He couldn’t do this. He would have to leave.
“Did Zwaantie tell you what happened at the lock-in?” he asked.
“No, she told me you kissed her in the tower. Which was stupid, by the way. What happened at the lock-in?”
“She’s my soul mate. I confirmed it with Xandria. Soul mates glow pink.”
Sage gaped. “Stars, Ari. Really? You couldn’t pick a different girl?”
“It’s not like I had control over it. What am I going to do?”
“Stay away from her.”
He wasn’t sure he could do that. “You’re not helping.”
Sage scrambled across the floor and sat up on her knees so she was looking him directly in the face. “Bro, I love you so much, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy, but Zwaantie has to marry Leo, and we have to support her in this even if we don’t want to.”
“This has never happened to me before. How am I supposed to deal with this?”
“For now, it’s not a big deal. She’s in Deep Sky. Go party, drown yourself in potions, sleep with whoever, and stay away from her.” At least Sage offered better advice than his mother. He still didn’t like it.
A knock sounded on the door.
“Come in,” Sage called.
Phoenix strolled in. He’d been an enigma because he was Stellan, but he’d grown up in Sol. He tri
ed to kill Zwaantie, so Ari wasn’t crazy about him. That wasn’t really his fault, but Ari still didn’t like him. Even if there was an evil voice whispering in his ear, Ari would never hurt Zwaantie.
Sage’s face lit up. “Hey, let me change. Then we’ll go.”
“Where you going?” Ari asked.
“We’re down to the last three slaves. We’re not coming home until we find them, right?”
Phoenix gave her a smile. “Well, we might end up not coming home for a few weeks, but sure.”
Sage disappeared into her closet.
“You on the payroll yet?” Ari asked.
“With Lyra? Yeah. She’s hoping to train me to do some undercover work in Sol.”
“That’d be good. You going to smuggle in more of the necklaces?” Every necklace placed in Sol weakened the Voice’s power.
“If I’ve learned anything here, it’s that the Voice needs be stopped. Look what he did to me with Zwaantie. Once we’re done here, I’m going back and will do whatever it takes to get rid of him.”
“That might put you at odds with Zwaantie.”
“Maybe at first, but she’ll see the wisdom eventually. She might even right now. She knows the Voice wants to kill her.”
Ari wasn’t sure Zwaantie would be happy about what they were doing behind her back. He’d almost told her once, but he didn’t want to die a slow death from angering Lyra, who insisted Zwaantie could know nothing.
Someday though, he’d talk them into telling her. She was on their side.
Sage came out of the closet and put her hands on her hips. “Whatcha gonna do about loving Zwaantie, Ari?”
“I’m not going to do anything. But it’s not fair.”
She planted a kiss on his forehead. “I know.”
Ari watched her and Phoenix leave the room. He needed to find something to occupy his time so he didn’t have to be in the same room as Zwaantie. She was gone for now, but she’d be back soon enough. Maybe Father would send him to one of the other kingdoms on a diplomatic mission of some kind.
He might have told Sage he was going to do nothing, but deep down he knew if he and Zwaantie were ever alone, a lot more than nothing would happen.
Stella and Sol Box Set Page 39