by Cj Howard
It felt good and bad all at once. Finally, she picked up the magazine and handed it to Melissa. Melissa read it in silence. Then she ripped out the pages and tore them up, throwing them dramatically in the bin.
“Right, we don’t need to see that anymore.”
Despite herself, Delilah laughed. The sound was strange to her ears. “You’re so dramatic.”
“Hey, at least I made you laugh. Screw them, Lilah. You’re the most amazing woman I know. You have no idea how much I have looked up to you all these years.”
“Looked up to me? Why? I’m a mess.”
“No, you’re not. You’re brave and determined. You’ve worked hard to keep your parents’ house.”
“It’s mine now,” Delilah whispered. With all the bad news, she had almost forgotten about the call she had received that morning.
“What?”
“The house. It’s mine. Aaron, my lawyer, phoned me this morning. I’ve paid it off. I’ve paid everything off. I did it.”
Melissa squealed so loudly that Delilah had to cover her ears. “What? That’s brilliant news, Lilah! And it’s earlier than you expected. You did it. Screw the story. Who cares what people think about you? It’s what you think about yourself that matters. And what your closest friend thinks about you. And I’m so proud of you. I say we celebrate.”
“I don’t know. I’m not really in the mood to celebrate.”
“Well, I don’t mean that we go out and party. I say we stay indoors all day. It’s damn cold out there today. Let’s stay in and eat ourselves sick.”
“Let me guess… pizza?”
Melissa giggled. “Well, if we must. But seriously. What’s the time now? 10? We get pizza for lunch. We wrap ourselves around in these blankets and we watch movies all day. And if you don’t mind lending me something to sleep in – well, then I’ll stay here all night too. We’ll have the laziest day known to mankind. Just you and me. Because as long as we have each other, we don’t need anyone else.”
“Have I told you lately that I love you?”
“No, you haven’t. Please. Tell me.”
“I love you, Melissa.”
“I love you too, Lilah.”
The phone rang. It was James. Delilah left it, and Melissa raised her eyebrows.
“He’s been trying to call me back. But I’m through with him and his lies. Seriously – I did a lot for him. I didn’t have to do all that. And yeah, he paid me. I’m very aware of that. But I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“Good for you.”
“Hey, Mel, what about work tonight? Don’t you have a shift?”
“Well, that’s actually what I came to tell you.”
“What?” Delilah sat up and looked at Melissa. Melissa suddenly had the biggest smile on her face. She looked like the Melissa that Delilah had first met rather than the tired and worn out girl that she had become.
“I quit!”
“What? When? Why?”
“Well… last night actually. I wanted to phone you, but I decided I’d rather come and tell you in person. I got a job.”
“You did? Where? Was it that one that you were telling me about?”
“No. That one went horribly wrong. But like I said – I was determined to do more. I remembered a client that I had a few months ago. He was very sweet. He wanted to do nothing but talk. But he was just the nicest man. He told me all about himself, and I remembered he told me that he worked at a Graphic Design firm in the city. He even mentioned the name.
Anyway, I took a chance and went to see him. He was shocked when he realized it was me – although it took him a while to figure it out. I guess I look different with all my clothes on.”
At that, Melissa burst out laughing. It probably wasn’t that funny, but they had long ago learned how to laugh at themselves. “Anyway, I told him how much I wanted to get out of working at Betsy’s and how much I appreciated the conversation we’d had that night. I assured him that I believed in client confidentiality and that I was just curious to see if he knew of any job openings.
We got talking again and we went for coffee. At first, we spoke about everything but the job – I think he was trying to figure me out. Then, right at the end, he stuck out his hand and welcomed me to the company. He said he had seen something in me that night and knew that I would one day be out of there.”
“So he gave you a job? At his company?”
“Yeah. I won’t actually be working with him – which is probably best considering how we know each other. The company is massive, so he’s putting me in another department. It’s just a secretary job for one of the designers, but he says they’ll show me the ropes while I’m there in case I have a knack for design.”
“You have a proper job. Mel! I’m so excited for you. Now I’m the one proud of you.”
“So you see Lilah – there really is a life for us beyond Betsy’s.”
“Maybe.”
“Actually… I have more news.”
“What? More?” Delilah couldn’t possibly imagine what more Melissa could say to her.
“Oh yeah… but listen, this is completely up to you. No pressure. Okay?”
“Okay, but spill it out. I’m dying here.
“There are two job openings at the company. The company has been growing so fast that they need all the help they can get. The one is to be a secretary – which is the one I got. The other is just a six-month position to help with the backlog of all the work. They need someone to input data into the computer and get everything online. He said it’s a very easy job and that it will only be for six months.”
“For me?” Delilah whispered.
“Only if you want it, though. But here’s what I’m thinking. We’re halfway through the year, right? Well, you want to start college next year. Which means you have six months or so before the first semester starts.
What better way to start saving for college than to get a job? Then, once you’re done, you can start college and find another part-time job. This is exactly what you need.”
“But… what about… what about everything that’s happened? What if he takes one look at me and says he doesn’t want someone like me working for the company?”
“I told him about you. I knew that would be an issue for you. And in his words – ‘I don’t give a damn about her past. If she can do the job well, then she can have it.’”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah. I told you – he’s a nice man. The pay is good. I mean, it’s not amazing. But it’s steady income and the company seems great. You’ll be working in a small office so you won’t even interact much with the other people. And… I’ll be right around the corner.”
“So we can meet for coffee breaks? And lunch? And go to work together?” Delilah could feel the excitement building up.
“Absolutely. What do you say? I said I’d let him know today.”
“I say yes. I say yes a million times. Thank you, Mel. Thank you. I cannot believe we’ll be working together again. I feel like I need you by my side. At least while I figure out who the hell I am and what I want in life.”
“I’ll always be here.”
“This has been the craziest day.”
Melissa immediately phoned their new boss to tell him the news. They were to start on Monday, which was great news. The sooner Delilah could start, the better. She was sick of being at home and thinking about her problems.
She had a job. A real job! And soon she’d be applying for college. Things were actually working out for her! She tried not to think about James, even though his face kept popping up in her mind. She hated him and missed him, all at the same time.
But for that day and that night, she was grateful to have Melissa by her side. Grateful to have something else to think about to keep her as preoccupied as possible. They spent the day eating pizza and watching movies. The same pizza man came, and Melissa boldly gave him her number.
When the evening rolled around, they realized that it was
one of the first nights where they didn’t have to stand onstage and take their clothes off. In fact, they did the very opposite. They put on extra sweaters and wrapped more blankets around themselves. They felt safe and happy for the first time in years.
But later that night, when they finally closed their eyes to fall asleep, Delilah couldn’t stop the thoughts from coming. She’d fought the thoughts for as long as possible, but as she drifted off to sleep, the last thing she saw was James. James walking out to a table of smiling people as he proudly held his cake in his hands.
The Final Chapter
“You are in love with her!”
“What? No I’m not.” There was a defiance in his voice that was betrayed by a strange, high-pitched tone that wasn’t normally there. It was obvious that he was lying, even to himself.
“You are. You’re in love with her. I know you better than you know yourself.”
James didn’t say anything. He knew that if he did, his words might betray him. He was sitting in his childhood kitchen, drinking orange juice with Martha.
She’d actually offered him wine but he’d said no. He wanted orange juice. He’d gone over the night before to confess to his father and Martha, and the three of them had sat up until the early hours of the morning talking. He hadn’t been so honest with himself or with other people in a very long time, and it had been strangely cathartic.
Martha hadn’t seemed all that surprised when he had shown up. She’d heated up some leftover food for him and told him that she would let his father know that he was there. Then, just as she was about to leave so that the two of them could talk, he had asked her to stay with them.
“I don’t mind if you two need some alone time, James.”
“No, Martha, I want you here too. It’s been the three of us for a long time.” So she followed them into the living room and sat with them. Martha. Dependable Martha. James couldn’t imagine a life without her. She had never taken the place of his mother, and it helped that her and his father had never gotten together.
That would’ve been strange. Martha saw both James and his father as her children – even though she was very close to his father’s age. She’d actually met someone when she had been working as James’s nanny and his father had said that he was welcome to come and live with them too.
He did for a while, and it had been quite nice for James. He was a kind man, but also a very funny man, and he loved playing with James. When he suddenly left one day, James had been confused. Martha had told him that he had to go overseas. But James later found out that he had died in a freak accident at work. She had never quite gotten over that. Her one true love. After that, she’d put all her attention into looking after James.
“I’m sorry, dad. I haven’t been the best son. Not at all. And I’m sorry Martha – I know that I have disappointed you too.”
“Are you crazy, James? You’ve been the best son,” his father said. It wasn’t true at all, but he knew that his father actually believed his words.
“No, I haven’t. We both know it. You have given me so much, and what have I done? I’ve wasted it all away. I’ve been going out and partying and making a fool of myself. I’ve been pretending that it’s okay – but it’s not. It’s not even my money. I don’t deserve it.
I’ve been using it to try and get a better reputation for myself, which is ridiculous. Do you know that the only real friends I have are my school friends? And I could easily have lost them too. Thankfully, they’ve stuck by me. But all those other people that I hang out with – they’re only friends with me because of my money. Not one of them have phoned to see if I was doing okay. Not one.”
“I’m glad you still have your school friends. They’re good guys. And if they’ve stuck with you through all of this – well, then you know they’ll stick with you forever. You’re not the only one to blame though, James. I shouldn’t have been so lenient on you. And I shouldn’t have given you so much money. Martha warned me, and I didn’t listen to her.”
“You did?” James asked Martha.
“Of course I did. I’m not stupid. Your father might not have been aware of all the gallivanting you were doing around town, but I was. And I’ve seen enough young celebrities wash their lives away, all because they had too much money. I told him not to. I told him you needed to work for that money.
But your dad loves you, and he could never believe all the things that I said would happen. He had a lot of faith in you. Now, I had faith in you too, don’t get me wrong – but not in the blind way that your father had.”
“But you were right,” James said to Martha.
“James, I’m not happy about everything,” his father said. “But I was silly to think that I could buy your happiness. I’ve been worried about you ever since your mother died. I didn’t know if I would be enough for you. Your mother… she was perfect. It was a lot to live up to. I’ve always been too afraid to do something wrong. I never wanted to lose you too.”
“You would never lose me. I may have been an idiot these past few years, and I may have not appreciated everything the way that I should have, but you could never lose me. I’m sorry about everything -- the tape, the media, the lies.”
“That’s okay. You’re here now and you’re telling me the truth. That’s all that matters. And if anything – this has just taught me that I need to man up with a few things in my life, and I need to own up to my own faults. Also, I need to let go of that tight grip I have on you. I used money to keep you by my side. But I’m not going to do that anymore. I have a lot of faith in you, James.”
And in that moment, sitting in the living room that he had sat in so many times in his life, everything suddenly became clear.
“Dad, I need to ask you a favor.”
“Of course, James. Anything.”
“Will you take that money back? The money that I got when I turned twenty-five? I want you to take it back.”
“What? No way. James… that is yours.”
“It’s not, though, dad. It’s yours. I need to find my own way now.” James was completely sure that he was doing the right thing. For once, he knew that this was what he wanted.
“But that money was always supposed to be for you.” “Well, okay then, you can pay for me to study. That would be great, dad. That would help so much.” It was strange – but things were just starting to get clearer and clearer in his mind. It was as if he were emerging from a fog that he had been in for far too long.
“Study?” Martha asked, leaning forward. “What do you want to study?”
“I’m not completely sure yet – but I’m thinking of going to culinary school.”
Her eyes widened and then she clapped her hands. “My boy – a chef. Will it be a chef? Or do you want to bake?”
James threw his hands up in the air. Her guess was as good as his. “I honestly have no idea. I still need to figure it all out. It’s just an idea that came to me. But it feels right. Just saying it out loud makes it feel right.
I’ve never been one to go with my gut instinct before, but now that I’m actually listening to myself, it all seems quite clear. I didn’t realize how happy it would make me. Like I actually lose time when I’m in the kitchen. I might study it all and then see where it leads me.”
James looked at his father. “I’ve got to say – you’re the only one in the family that has gone that route,” commented his father. “And I know we owe it all to Martha. Of course I’ll pay for your studies. But are you sure you want me to take all that money away from you? Are you sure you won’t regret it?”
“Oh Jason! The boy has asked you to take away his money. So do it! Don’t argue.” Martha slapped his father on the arm, and they all laughed.
“Yes, ma’am!” he said to Martha. Then he looked at James, “Well James, I don’t need the money. So what would you like to do with it?”
“Really? I’d love to give it to a charity. But I don’t want a big song and dance around it. I hate it when celebrities do that. We can
just give it anonymously. I’ll do some research and let you know which one! But that is definitely the route I want to take. I’ve been far too selfish.” Martha was looking at him in a completely new way. For once she didn’t look disappointed in him -- she looked proud.
They spoke some more and eventually retired to bed. In the morning, while his father was working, James spent time with Martha in the kitchen. Watching her work – just as he always had growing up. Talk had soon changed to Delilah.
“You are. You’re in love with her. I know you better than you know yourself,” Martha was saying. “I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice. Heck, I could see the way you were looking at her. And I can see why – she seems like a very easy person to love. I certainly approve of her, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I’ve never been in love,” James said.
“Well, you have now. And isn’t it a wonderful feeling? So… what are you going to do about it?”
“What do you mean? I’m not going to do anything about it. She told me that she doesn’t want anything to do with me. Look, I’ve already done enough damage to her. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t have the whole world thinking that she’s just a money-digging floozy. Which I know she’s not. But it doesn’t stop those vultures from saying it. She deserves better.”
“Oh, come on, James – really? Are you seriously going to give up that easily?”
“I’m not going to force her to be with me.”
“Can I ask you a question, James?”
“It hasn’t stopped you before,” he said audaciously and she laughed.
“Cheeky boy. But you’re right. It hasn’t. Are you in love with her? Think about it and answer me honestly.”
James thought about it. He thought about Delilah -- the way she made him feel about himself; the easy banter between them; her beautiful, kind eyes; her body; the way she always stood up for what she believed in; the way she had been there for him. He looked up at Martha, who was regarding him with a smile. “I guess I do.”