by Jade West
She smiled sadly. “Another time, then.”
She picked up her shopping from the footwell and I thought I’d escaped without committing to ball duties, but no such luck.
“We’re meeting Friday, to finalise the venue details, in the staffroom, it won’t take long. Can you make it?”
“What time?”
“Straight after school. Head up when you can.” She opened the car door and stepped outside before I could argue. “I’ll see you there.”
And my fate was sealed. Chaperoning a bunch of rowdy sixth formers as they partied the evening away. They’d be blind drunk, at least some of them. It happened every year, I’d heard enough of the stories to know. It really wasn’t my scene, I normally steered well clear of school social events.
I wondered if Helen would be there. In my head she seemed as ill-suited to the occasion as I did, but maybe she’d surprise me.
The prospect shouldn’t feel nearly as nice as it did, and the guilt attacked me all over again.
I’d started on the new cigarettes before I’d even made it home.
***
Helen
Lizzie had news of her own. She told me so the next morning, and again at break and lunch, insisting it was for after school only, where eavesdropping ears stood no chance of hearing us. She was practically exploding by the time we shut ourselves in my bedroom after teatime.
“Well?” I said.
She pulled a bottle from her bag and unscrewed the lid. “You ready?”
“For the drink or for the news?”
“The news, silly!” She pulled me down onto the bed with her, and she was grinning. “We did it, Scottie and me.”
I pulled a face. “But you did it ages ago…”
She rolled her eyes. “Not that, Hels. We did more than that.” She took a swig of cheap wine, and I heard it fizz. “Anal. We actually did it. And it was good, Hels, really fucking good. Oh my God, I can’t stop thinking about it. It was hot… like really hot. I mean, it hurt… it hurt like a bastard at first… but then, oh God, Hels, then it felt amazing… so dirty, and hot and… just…you have to try it, one day, I mean. It was intense.”
I smiled, tried to share her excitement. “That’s great… really great…”
And then she knew. “What happened? You cammed him again, didn’t you? What did he say this time?” Her eyes searched mine. “Or did you see him again? Is that why you couldn’t walk home? Oh shit, you did, didn’t you? Did he take you to the river again?”
My cheeks were roasting. “It’s nothing.”
She handed me the bottle, stared at me while I swigged some back. “Helen Palmer, don’t even think about holding out on me… We’re besties. Besties don’t keep secrets.”
And I didn’t want to. I really didn’t want to. But this felt different, bigger, the biggest secret I’d ever had.
“Helen! Seriously? I can read you like a book, and you’re majorly holding out. Tell little Lizzie everything.”
I sighed. “You couldn’t tell anyone… I’m serious about this… it’s important.” My tummy turned over itself at the thought. “It would be really bad if you did. I’m not joking.”
“Hey!” she said. “This is me you’re talking to. Of course I wouldn’t tell anyone.” She held up her fingers in some weird gesture. “Bestie’s honour.”
I laughed. “That’s not even a thing, you just made it up.”
“So? It is now.”
“Promise,” I said.
She tutted at me. “I, Elizabeth Thomas, do solemnly declare that I shall keep this secret, on pain of death, or a lifetime without ever having anal with Scottie Davis again, so help me Lord, amen.”
I covered my face with my hands. “He kissed me.”
I heard her take a breath, and peered out through a gap in my fingers. Her mouth was open, eyebrows high. “Roberts?! What? Like for real? Tongues and shit?”
And I smiled. Even though I still felt like a scared bag of nerves, I smiled. “Tongues and shit.”
She took the bottle from my fingers and chugged some back. “You’re going to have to take this from the top. I want to know everything. Everything, Helen Palmer!”
I took it from the top.
Lizzie’s face was a picture, and I got the flutters all over again. It was real. Really real.
“So, what now?” she asked. “You must have seen him since. What did he do? What did he say?”
And my smile disappeared. “He was normal.”
“Normal?”
“Yeah, but more normal than normal.” I recalled it in horror, the moment I set eyes on him again, after a night of tossing and turning and crying, and masturbating and chewing my nails and feeling like I was going to explode inside. “I walked into the art room, and he stared at me and I stared at him. And then he looked away.”
“He looked away? And then what?”
“And then he came over, commented on my work, and it was normal. Like so normal it was forced. Like he was trying so hard to be normal that it was weird.”
“And what did you do?”
I shrugged. “What could I do? I had to drop in some English coursework and when I walked back past the art room he was already gone.”
“That stinks.”
“Yes, it does.”
“It’s Friday tomorrow, though,” she grinned.
“So?”
“So, he can’t get away! You have art last thing, right?”
“Yeah, but… well, what am I supposed to do? If he wants to be normal, then he wants to be normal. I can’t make him like me…”
Lizzie laughed. “Oh, he likes you, Hels, don’t you worry about that. I can’t believe he actually kissed you and groped your titties, I mean I can, but… wow… that’s crazy. He seems so… in control…”
“I don’t think he wants it to happen again.” The idea hurt, the same ache I’d been having since he dropped me back in reality.
“Of course he does.” Her eyes twinkled. “He just might need come coaxing…”
“Coaxing? How the hell can I coax him?” I sighed. “He’s a man, Lizzie, a proper man, who’s so… responsible… and, right, and…”
“And totally into you.” She launched at me so quickly I squealed, and her hands were all over me, squeezing me through my blouse as she giggled. “He’ll want more of these sweet little tits, Hels, I told you they’d be more than enough for a man like Roberts.” She poked her tongue out, pretending to lick my nipples, and I felt strange and churny inside. “Did it feel good? I bet it did…”
I pushed her off me. “Yes, it felt good.”
“What were you wearing?”
I lifted the bra out of the hamper at the bottom of my bed and she pulled an expression of horror. “Oh, man. That’s like the plainest bra in the universe…”
“Yeah, well, he didn’t seem to mind.” My cheeks burned and I wished I was nearly as confident about that as I made out.
She held the bra up to her chest, and the cups were way too small. “It’s fine, it’s just… next time you should be more prepared.”
“What makes you so sure there’s going to be a next time?”
“There’s always a next time, Helen, trust me.” She discarded my bra and got to her feet, turning her attention to my chest of drawers. She rummaged through and I didn’t have the resolve to stop her.
“What are you doing?”
She held out my most flamboyant set of underwear. A lacy purple monstrosity that I never wore. “Is this the sexiest you’ve got?”
I shrugged. “I don’t really do sexy.”
“Well, Helen is about to get sexy,” she laughed. She put her arms through the bra straps and did a twirl, pouting and fluttering her eyelashes and looking so silly I snort-laughed. Maybe it was the wine as much as her. “Lizzie’s guide to seduction, lesson 101… are you ready?”
I fake groaned and took another swig from the bottle. “Does this seduction crap actually work?”
“Faultless,” she s
aid. “Just look at me and Scottie. I told you already, it’s from my Romany roots.”
“I dunno, Lizzie… what if it makes things worse?”
She scowled and put her hands on her hips. “Do you trust me, or not?”
“Of course I do…”
“And you want my help, right?”
“Yes…”
“And you’ll do what I say, no matter how silly it seems?”
“Well, I…”
“Helen! Will you do what I say? Yes, or no?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, ok… if you’re sure it’ll help.”
Her smile was bright. Really bright. “Then listen and learn, Hels Bells. I’ll have Roberts wrapped around your little finger before you can say Scottie Davis fucks ass reallll good.”
Oh God, I hoped so.
“I’m all ears,” I said.
***
Helen
“It’s all in the eyes.” Lizzie dropped onto the bed beside me.
“The eyes?”
She smiled. “Windows to the soul, Hels. Trust me, they’re your biggest asset. Watch this.” She got to her knees, then positioned herself on all fours, and I resisted the urge to giggle. And then she lowered her head, took a breath, and her eyes flicked up to meet mine, and they were hooded and fluttery and… sexy. Her lips parted, just a little, and she stared at me like she wanted to eat me up, and it wasn’t funny. It wasn’t funny at all.
“Wow, that’s… that’s…” I felt myself blushing and it was ridiculous. She crawled towards me until her hands were on my thighs and her head slowly rose to mine, eyes never leaving me, until she was just an inch away, her breath on my face.
And then she laughed, and pulled away.
“It’s all in the eyes,” she repeated. “You have to show him that you want him.”
“I can’t exactly crawl over to him on the art room floor, though, can I?” I groaned. “How am I supposed to pull a move like that? Even if I could pull it off, when would I?”
She rolled her eyes. “You can vary it up a little, Hels. You don’t have to do the crawling thing.” She patted my knee. “Come on, try it.” Even the idea embarrassed me, but she pulled a face. “You said you’d do what I asked!”
“Okay, okay.” I handed her the wine and sighed as I positioned myself on all fours. I felt so stupid. “Now what?”
She moved towards me until my nose was practically touching her chest, and pressed her fingers to my chin. “Angle your head down.”
I did as she instructed.
“Now, look up at me.”
I looked up at her.
“Relax, don’t open your eyes so wide.”
I blinked, once, twice, and looked up at her again.
“That’s good, Hels. Now, pretend I’m Roberts. Pretend you want me.”
“I dunno, Lizzie… I can’t…”
“Pretend!”
I took a deep breath, and pictured him in the car, just before he kissed me. Flutters tickled. I looked at Lizzie again, but I was looking through her, seeing him in my mind.
Lizzie clapped her hands. “Bravo, Hels Bells, that’s perfect. Perfect! Hold that look.” She brushed her thumb across my lips. “Open your mouth, just a little bit.”
I opened my mouth, just a little bit.
“And breathe… slowly…”
I breathed slowly, and Lizzie smiled.
“You look amazing, Helen. Beautiful.” I didn’t believe her, and she read my mind. “Alright, doubting Thomas, hold that pose…”
She whipped out her phone in a heartbeat and the click of her camera sounded before I could protest.
“Look!” she said, and gave me the phone.
I could hardly bear to look, embarrassment churning, but the picture really wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t bad at all. My pupils were wide, darkened by my lashes, and my lips looked full and soft. And I looked… sexy… I actually looked sexy. Not sexy like Lizzie, with her confidence and her mischief, just… sexy.
“It’s the angle,” she explained. “It’s… hot… suggestive. And the eyes and the lips are just gorgeous. It just works.” She puffed up like a proud little pigeon. “I knew you could pull off the sexy student look.” She manhandled me into a kneeling position. “Next pose.” She angled my shoulders away from her. “Look towards me, but not all the way… as if you’re looking at me, but don’t want to make it obvious. You can pull this little move across the art room, it will work a treat.”
I tried my best to follow her commands, but she had to prod and push me into the right position.
“Now, look at me like you did a minute ago… look at me like you want me… but make it shy, make it… forbidden… like you want him but you know you shouldn’t… like a secret…”
“It is a secret.”
“It should be easy, then!” she said. “And the mouth thing. Do the mouth thing.”
I did my best, and it seemed to be good enough.
“Now, meet my eyes once, look away, twice, look away, then third time hold it. Hold my eyes, and take a breath, like I’m the love of your whole entire life and you can’t wait to get inside my panties.”
“Lizzie!” I giggled. “This is silly.”
“Trust me!”
“And this really works?”
“Yes!”
I shrugged and tried to sink back into the memory of him, taking long deep breaths before I caught Lizzie’s eye. I fluttered and looked away, and did it again, and then I held her gaze, and I took a breath, and a grin crept over her face.
“Helen Palmer, you’re so fucking pretty.”
“I feel like an idiot.”
“And you look like a kinky little peach, ripe for the picking.” She giggled and drank more wine. “He’s going to eat you up, you’ll see.”
“Just because I look at him at a funny angle with my mouth open?”
“Because you look like a hot little minx who wants to ride his cock all night long.”
I groaned. “But this isn’t me. Why can’t I just be me?”
“You are being you! You’re just… accentuating things.”
“But I don’t want to accentuate things. I want him to want me.” There were tickles in my stomach again. “I had the padded bra on, Lizzie, and I felt like such a fraud as he pulled it away. It’s just… fake…”
“Not fake!” she protested. “It’s letting him see you! Letting him see how much you want him!”
“He already knows.” I felt sad, as though I expected Lizzie’s foolproof seduction technique would be some bottled voodoo magic or something.
She sighed, exasperated. “Fine. Well, what about when you’ve got him? You can at least practice the fuck, I want you expression.”
“The what?”
She offered me the wine and I drank down the dregs. “Get back on all fours.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, Hels, seriously.” She tutted. “I do know what I’m talking about.”
“Fine.” I got back in position, and Lizzie came closer, and I suddenly felt more drunk.
“When he gives you his cock, Hels, you’ve got to be hungry for him, pretend like sucking his dick is the most satisfying thing you’ve ever done…”
My heart pounded at the thought, no pretending necessary.
“…now do that look again…”
I did the look again.
“…and open your mouth…”
I opened my mouth.
“…and be gentle, Helen, gentle and needy…”
Without warning Lizzie pushed her thumb into my mouth. I was so shocked I recoiled, but she grabbed hold of my hair with her free hand.
“You said you’d do what I asked, remember?” Her voice was softer, and it made me feel strange inside. “Suck my thumb, Helen… suck me and look at me like I’m him…”
It felt weird, and a little bit icky, and there was something strange about Lizzie, something that made my stomach churn, but I did it. I sucked her thumb, really gently, remembering how Mr Roberts�
�� mouth had felt around my nipple. I sucked and I flicked my tongue around her, and she pushed it in and out until my mouth was making soft little noises. I felt dirty. The whole thing felt dirty.
She pulled her thumb out and replaced it with two long fingers, and I didn’t stop her. Even though it felt wrong, I didn’t stop her. I’d promised, after all, promised to do what she said.
“You give good head, Hels, that’s really good…” she whispered. “He’s going to love you…”
Love me.
It would be the most beautiful thing.
“More,” she said, and slipped in a third finger. She pushed them deep, until I could feel them against the back of my throat. I fought back the urge to retch. “You’ve got such a pretty mouth, Helen. You’re going to drive him crazy…” She leaned in until her mouth was at my ear. “Suck me…”
Part of me wanted to say no, to tell her to stop being so silly and go back to normal, but my mouth was full, and the wine was in my system, and it didn’t seem so bad after all. I closed my eyes and sucked her fingers until my mouth made those soft noises, and I imagined it was him, and I was hot again. Hot and fluttery.
And then I felt her other hand. Squeezing at my tits. She pinched my nipple, and tugged at it, and it was still sensitive, sending sparks between my legs. I jumped away in shock and my heart was thumping.
“Lizzie? What are you doing? What was that for?”
She shrugged. “Chill out, Helen, I’m only trying to get you into it.”
“But I was… into it…”
“Trying to get you more into it, then.” She smiled. “Come on, don’t be shy, take your blouse off. He’ll probably be touching you when you’re sucking his dick, it’s good practice.”
The idea felt squirmy. “It’s ok, Lizzie, I’m good. You don’t have to do that…”
She slapped my arm. “Don’t be such a prude! Come on!” And her fingers were at my blouse, opening my buttons until she could pull it from my shoulders and I was there with just another crappy padded bra to hide my modesty.
She yanked the cups down and my face was burning. “Lizzie, what’s going on?” I giggled to make light of it.