She watched the other graduates get their diplomas, smiles on their faces. Her head pounded. Was that really how she wanted to spend the rest of her life? Countless hours, depositions, law books, and listening to people she’d have to defend that were really guilty? It would probably take years before she could make partner at any of the firms. Who was she kidding? She had been studying all of her life. She wanted to have some downtime for herself. Oh my God, she couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to be a lawyer.
And that was the day she made her life-altering decision. Her family was so devastated, and her relationship with her father had been strained ever since.
“You want to be a what?” Her father looked at her like she had two heads.
“A flight attendant,” Dee whispered.
Dee’s father looked at her mother. “Wanda, you better talk to this girl. I didn’t spend over a hundred thousand dollars for her to go and be something that doesn’t even require a degree. You better talk to her, Wanda, ‘cause I can’t even look at her right now,” he said as he walked out of the room, holding his head down.
Dee’s mother looked at her as if someone close to her had just died. She spoke just above a whisper. “Why, honey? I don’t understand.” She raised her hands to touch Dee’s face and brought them back down. Her hands were trembling, badly.
“I’m sorry, Mama. I don’t know what’s come over me. But I can’t do this right now. I just don’t have the energy.”
“I thought you and Pam were going to do this together. All you have to do is pass the bar, baby. Can’t you at least do that?”
Dee shook her head. “I’m scared, Mama. Pam is not afraid of anything. She’ll ace it the first time. I know she will.”
Dee’s mother embraced her, holding her like she was three years old. “Tell Mama what you’re afraid of.”
“Michael is a successful doctor. Daddy and you have both done well as educators. You both have doctorates.”
“And you have a law degree, baby. So what’s the problem here? There’s something you’re not telling me.”
“I’m afraid that I won’t pass it the first time, Mama. I don’t think I can. I couldn’t bear to look at Pam or myself if I failed. So many wannabe lawyers have to take the test over and over again. No reputable law firm wants someone who can’t even pass the test after so many tries.”
“That’s not true, Dee. Besides, why would you think you would be one of those people? You made it through law school and graduated at the top of your class.”
“Mama, I’ve been under a lot of pressure. Pressure you would not believe. I made it, yes, but not without a lot of struggling, lots of caffeine, and sleepless nights. Don’t get me wrong; I really do want to do this one day. Just not now, okay?”
Dee’s mother couldn’t believe what was coming out of her daughter’s mouth. “Dee, your father is going to have a stroke and a heart attack over this. I can’t be the one to tell him.”
“Mama, please. I can’t talk to him like you.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I won’t do it.”
“Mama.”
“No, Dee, it’s your decision. You tell him.”
A loud knock at the door and the ring of her cell phone broke her thoughts. Dee looked at her phone and saw that it was Tracey. The knock at the door grew louder.
“Hey, baby, you in there?”
Dee nervously squeezed the phone and waited for the call to go to voicemail. She couldn’t deal with Tracey’s issues when she had her own to deal with.
“Be right there, Chris!” Her lips quivered.
She immediately gulped down her second glass of wine and gave herself one last quick glance in the mirror. Quinton was right. Her jig was up.
Reroute
Amanda had mulled over her wardrobe for at least an hour. It had been seventeen years since she had seen Rickey. For the first time in a long time she found herself concerned about fashion. She decided on a pink chiffon dress with ruffles around the bodice that flared a little bit at the hem. She held her breath as she turned around slowly and sucked in her stomach, picturing herself thirty pounds lighter and seventeen years younger. She had managed to make time for a hair appointment, which was a surprise both to her and her hairdresser, who saw Amanda only when she was taking Tracey to get her hair done.
Her long hair flowed to her shoulders. She’d removed her naturally tight curls with a relaxer, compliments of JE Sensation, the upscale hair salon that Tracey had been pleading with her to go to for years. She still couldn’t believe that she’d paid $80 to do what a straightening comb would have done. But she had to admit her tamed curls and the sheen in her hair made her look at least five years younger.
She hesitated for a moment as she slipped on her black patent leather dress sandals with the two-inch heels. What was she doing? Rickey ignored Tracey her whole life and now he wanted to be a part of it? She was only fooling herself—the dress, the hair. She should just call him up and cancel. Better yet, she should just not show up.
The sound of the phone interrupted her thoughts. “Hello.” Amanda answered.
“Hi, Mama.” Tracey’s voice sounded like something was bothering her. Amanda momentarily forgot about Rickey.
“What’s the matter, baby?”
“Tony called me and told me about what happened at the airport.”
Amanda was silent for a moment. “I see. Tracey, why didn’t you just tell me about Rickey?” Tracey was silent. “Tracey? I know you hear me.”
Tracey sighed. She was glad to be 600 miles away and not have to face her mother’s wrath. “I just couldn’t. Mama, I knew that you never would have let me see him if I told you.”
“I don’t understand. How long has this been going on, and how did you two get together in the first place? And what about Dee ? You’re confiding in her before even telling your own mother.” Amanda felt a little woozy. How could she have not known? Her child was living right under the same roof, and she had no idea she was seeing him.
“Mama, just meet with him and he’ll tell you about it.”
“How did you know that I was supposed to meet with him?”
“Tony overheard you two talking. He said that you thought he had left, but he stayed just in case something went down. He said that after Auntie Dee left, you and Daddy got stopped by an undercover police officer.”
“He saw that?” Amanda felt so ashamed. And now, she was calling Rickey, Daddy.
“Uh, huh. Mama, please, I know you. You are probably getting dressed right now and thinking about not showing up, aren’t you?” Amanda nodded but didn’t say anything. “Please, Mama, just go for me okay?”
“I don’t think I like this Tracey. You lied to me. Everyone knew except me. You, Tony, Rickey, and Dee. If Melvin knew about this he would—I don’t even want to think about it.” The thought of Melvin’s name made her tremble. He would be beside himself if he knew that she was meeting Tracey’s father for dinner.
“I know, Mama, and I’m so sorry. I’m begging you to just listen to him. You’ll feel different once you’ve heard him out.”
Amanda sat on the bed and stared at her dress. She knew that deep down inside her heart ached to know the truth. But her pride stood in the way.
“Mama? Are you still there?”
“Tracey, I can’t promise you anything right now. I can only say that I’ll think about it.”
“All right, Mama. Let me know what you decide, okay?”
“Bye, Tracey.”
Unavoidable Tailspin
Dee’s head was in a whirl. She ordered two large bottles of wine and had already had three glasses before Chris arrived. She answered the door with a hint of seduction in her eyes, and grabbed him and kissed him forcefully before he could get the door closed.
“Hey, there. I’m glad to see you, too,” Chris said between gasps of air. “Whoa, slow down, Dee, give me a chance to get in here, baby,” he said, pulling off his windbreaker. He started kissing her back just as enthusiastically.
Dee ran her tongue behind his ear, onto his neck, and back inside his mouth. She paused and took a deep breath and stared at him with hopeful eyes.
“I guess I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed you,” she said as the wine took over her body.
He hugged her tightly. “I can see that. I’ve missed you too.” He slowly pulled back and brushed the hair out of her face. “You look beautiful, baby. Something smells good up in here. Whatcha’ got cookin’?” Chris teased.
Dee had completely forgotten about the food she ordered and remembered that she planned to tell him the truth over dinner. “Oh, you know, a little wine, lobster, and potatoes.”
“Well, I’m down for a little snack,” he laughed as he rubbed his hands together in anticipation as he made his way over to the table. Dee carefully poured the wine in the crystal glasses and handed one to Chris.
“Here’s to a wonderful evening, and with the most beautiful female attorney in the world.” He clinked her glass with his. The words hung in the air like a sword, and she spilled the wine down her blouse as she brought it to her mouth.
Dee laughed nervously. “Ooops! I guess I’m a little off balance today.”
“Hey, it seems like you started the party before I got here,” he said referring to the half-empty bottle of wine.
“You’re right, I did,” Dee giggled as she took a napkin and wiped the wine from her mouth and sat across from him.
“Baby, you seem a little out of sorts today,” he said as he cut off a small piece of lobster and raised it to his mouth.
“You might say that.” Dee poured another glass and gulped it down.
Chris put down his knife and fork, folded his hands in his lap, and leaned in toward her. “Well, whatever it is, it has certainly got you all worked up. My baby hasn’t even touched her food. And we both know how you love to eat,” he teased. He walked over to her and gently massaged her shoulders.
“Oh, that feels so good.”
“You need to tell that firm of yours that they need to put me on retainer to be your personal masseuse,” he said as he kissed the nape of her neck. “Man, I wish I could see you work in the courtroom. I know you work it, too.”
Dee’s thoughts left her as she listened to his false impressions of her. “Chris, you are so silly, stop it.”
“Well, it brought you out of that black mood you were in, didn’t it?”
She grabbed his hands and pulled them toward her lips and kissed them. “I’ve got something important that I want to tell you.”
He looked at her with his deep-set eyes. “What is it?” he whispered, as he gently ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her on the lips.
“Oh, Chris…” she said, as she nervously pulled away and poured herself another glass of wine.
“All right, Desiree, you’re startin’ to freak a brotha’ out here. What’s goin’ on?”
Dee sat down on the couch with her head hung and her glass in her hand. “I don’t know how to begin.”
“Desiree, hold up.” He started pacing nervously back and forth and then stood in front of her. “Are you pregnant?”
“Heavens, no!” Dee said, amazed that the conversation had taken such a turn. She placed her hand across his cheek and felt his smooth skin. “Believe me, that would be easier to handle than this.”
“I don’t understand. You’re not pregnant. And it’s more serious than that?”
“It depends on how you look at it.”
Chris was really beginning to worry at this point. If it wasn’t pregnancy then could it be an STD or even AIDS or HIV? He got up and went over to the table and poured himself a glass of wine, chugged it down, and then opened up the other bottle and poured another one.
“Chris? Are you all right?”
“I don’t know, baby, that depends. You tell me,” Chris held the bottle tightly in his hands and eyed her like he could see straight through her.
“Tell you?”
“Am I all right?” Chris said anxiously. “I mean, what’s up with you? You ain’t pregnant. What’s goin’ on? Something you need to disclose that I need to know? What’s the big secret?”
“I do need to disclose something to you, I just don’t know how to.”
“Well, let me make it easy for you,” Chris said as he poured himself another glass. “Whatever you got to say, just say it, okay?”
Dee had never seen this side of Chris before. He was agitated and looked mean. Was telling him really the right decision? She was foggy from the wine and she hadn’t really thought about how she would begin to tell him.
“All right, Chris,” she said, as she felt her stomach flip. “This is probably not going to sound too good, especially coming from me.” She stretched her hands over her head and tried to stand but tripped back onto the sofa. “Well, I guess I need to sit then, don’t I?” She laughed hoping he would say something, but he remained stoic.
“Okay, I’ll just come out and say it. The truth is that you really don’t know who I am. And neither do I, for that matter,” she said under her breath.
Chris watched her every move for any clue that could help him figure where the conversation was going. He opened the second bottle of wine to pour his fifth glass. He was getting a bad feeling about Dee.
Dee had lost count of how many glasses she had as she stumbled toward him. She fumbled with her words as she tried to explain herself. “You see, baby,” she said as she grabbed his limp hand. “I’m not the woman you think I am.” Did that come out right? Dee giggled. Her head kept twirling as she was trying to put the sentences together. “You see, a real woman wouldn’t do the things I’ve done. I mean, I’m just not the right kind of woman, you know…I’ve been pretending to be someone else all this time instead of being honest with you and letting you know who I really am. I mean, I guess it could be worse—I could have AIDS or something. But thank God that’s not the case. But this is not a good thing. I mean, we can work it out—that’s if you want.”
“So, this has nothing to do with you giving me some type of STD or something?”
“Oh, my! You didn’t think that?” Dee doubled over with laughter.
Chris’s expression did not change. “So what the hell are you talking about?” I can’t understand a damn thing that just came out of this ho’s drunken’mouth. What the fuck? Suddenly he realized what she was referring to—something that he never dreamed would ever happen to him as a man. But, the same thing had happened to one of his team members recently. Same story. Different circumstances.
“Desiree, you don’t have to say another word,” he said as he lunged toward her.
“What in God’s name are you doing?” Dee’s face was filled with horror.
“I’m going to start with kicking your ass, and if you’re lucky you can leave on your flight tomorrow with your teeth still in your mouth!” Chris started to raise his fists in the air.
“What the…I can’t believe you would hit a woman!”
“I don’t hit women! But I do hit men who PRETEND to be women!” Chris started swinging at her jaw as she ducked underneath him. “This is just like that old ass movie The Crying Game… when the man is falling for this woman and later finds out that the woman he’s been seeing…is really a man!” He came after her again and swung. Dee ducked as his fists missed her by only a few inches. “Damn you, Desiree! Or whatever the hell your name is!”
“Chris, stop it, you fool! I’m not a man.”
“If you were a female, you wouldn’t be able to duck like that,” he said as he lunged toward her and she managed to dart past him again.
She grabbed him forcefully by the arm and started to scream. “Are you some kind of crazy? Stop and listen to what I have to say!”
“Don’t touch me, you faggot! I’ll kill you!” Chris yelled. He reached for the empty wine bottle and broke it on the table as he raced toward Dee. “I bet you won’t be able to duck this!” He pinned her up against the wall with his arm and began to choke her. He took his other hand
and raised the bottle toward her head.
Dee gasped for air. “Chris, I AM a REAL WOMAN!”
“I don’t believe you!” he screamed, as he brought the bottle closer to her head.
“Chris! Stop,” Dee pleaded between gasps of air. She gave him a swift kick to his groin and broke away from his grasp. He unleashed her throat as she ran to the bed, holding her neck and coughing from lack of oxygen. “I’m not a man Chris, I swear to you I’m not a man,” she said as she broke down on the bed and cried.
Chris was on the other side of the room, still in unrelenting pain from Dee’s powerful kick. Tears were rolling down his cheek as he dropped to the floor and rolled around, moaning.
“Then who the hell are you?” Chris was barely able to speak.
“I’m a flight attendant and my real name is Deirdre Bridge not Desiree Bradshaw. My nickname is Dee,” she said between sobs.
Chris was silent. He was in too much pain to ask her to repeat what she had just said. She could see the question in his face. “I’m a flight attendant and I’ve been going by a false name,” Dee repeated softly. “I’m Dee. The waitress in the sky,” she said somberly.
Chris shook his head hard. The pain was still excruciating, but he needed to understand the words that were coming from her mouth. Dee understood clearly what his eyes were saying and his mouth could not speak. She looked at him pitifully and cried even harder. “I’m not an attorney. I’ve been ashamed of what I do for a living, and I wanted to be someone that I thought people would respect!”
Chris finally managed to speak again, despite the throbbing pain that was still jolting through his body. “You’ve been lying to me all of these months?”
“Yes.”
“And T? That’s why you never could come through for him, huh?”
Dee nodded.
“I didn’t understand it at first, but now it’s clear why you were so uncomfortable in the restaurant and had to have Quint’s friend, Amanda, come and tell me you left because you were suddenly ill. Now, I get it! You weren’t sick at all! I had called your bluff and you weren’t ready for it.” He looked at Dee and lowered his head. She hadn’t seen that look since she’d told her father that she was not going to become an attorney.
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