by Wendy Owens
“I’m sorry.” Rachel whispered, unsure what else she could possibly say.
“Don’t be. I was broken. Hell, I’ve been broken my entire life. I don’t really know what I’m looking for, or for that matter what I’m missing. I know what I have here is not what I want, not anymore. I know, I probably sound crazy. I guess what I’m trying to say is — well, thanks.” Gabe said looking down.
“Oh, it was nothing, just a few stitches. You may not thank me after you see the scars, a seamstress I am not.” Rachel added with a chuckle.
“No, no— you don’t understand,” Gabe began. “I mean, of course thank you for patching me up. You did so much more than that though. Jesus, thinking about it pisses me off even more.”
“I’m sorry, I’m confused. What exactly are we talking about?” Rachel asked.
“Your honesty. It made me realize what a fool I have been. How much of my life I have already wasted. My hiding doesn’t change anything. If I am here, all alone, but alive, what kind of life is that? I might as well be dead. My hiding doesn’t seem to help the people in my life; they are still being hunted and murdered.” Gabe explained.
“I get what you’re saying, but I don’t think it is something you need to thank me for.” Rachel rebutted.
“Even if you can’t see what you have done for me, I can. It’s rare to have someone be so brutally honest with you. I guess it felt like a wakeup call for me. I mean it when I say thanks.” Gabe insisted.
“Umm— okay. You’re welcome, I guess.” Rachel replied, uncomfortable by the conversation. “So what happened to you? What did you call them, Wintoks?”
Gabe took a drink from the glass of water Rachel handed him. He retold his story, blow by blow, Rachel hanging on every word. A new beginning for their friendship, bathed in the bloody tale of his recent battle. He didn’t know a lot of girls who would be so engaged in war stories, but he was thrilled she was.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Gabe watched in silence as Rachel prepared their evening meals. He marveled at the way she had filled the role of caretaker so easily, clearly she instinctively was a nurturer. Though Gabe healed more quickly than most, and his recovery was progressing nicely, he still needed a lot of mundane tasks completed for him. He had been embarrassed when his arm was too weak to lift and feed himself that first night. Now that he was able to handle the responsibility himself, he missed the closeness of those moments when she would lean in with the fork or blot his mouth with the napkin.
Rachel had cared for Gabe during the three days he was unconscious and he imagined things were even harder for her during the three days he had been awake. Six days of doing all of the cooking, cleaning, and chores, not to mention waiting on him hand and foot, yet in all that time not a complaint ever escaped her lips.
While Rachel could be quite tender, she took her nursing duties seriously. She demanded Gabe go on several daily walks with her in order to strengthen his muscles. The first day he only managed to stand and walk around the cabin briefly. After the bitter disappointment, Gabe decided on day two he would skip the exercising. Rachel wouldn’t hear of it, instead they went outside and walked to the garden and back. Today she explained that she thought they should be able to make it to the creek and back on their walk. The excitement in her voice had him actually looking forward to it.
One of the other things that surprised him was that he had not noticed how beautiful she was before. Her bottom was full and round while her hips seemed to sway like they were dancing to an unsung hymn. Her back arched gracefully, the line of which flowed all the way up her neck. Turning to face him, the mixing bowl pressed against her body below her full bosom, she smiled.
“What? Do I have something on my face?” Rachel asked, rubbing away an imaginary smudge with her forearm.
“No, you look great.” Gabe reassured her.
“Yeah right.” Rachel replied, pulling a stray strand of hair from her face and tucking it away into the tie at the base of her neck. “I must look a dreadful sight.”
“Honestly, you want to know what I was thinking?” Gabe asked, deciding to step out of his comfort zone.
“Of course. I mean, only if you want to tell me, though.” Rachel replied, bashfully looking back to her bowl.
“I was just wondering what on earth I was thinking.” Gabe said.
“When? Oh wait, I know. You don’t know what you were thinking when you agreed to watch over me.” Rachel added, a mischievous grin plastered across her face.
“Close.” Gabe added.
“Hey!” Rachel squealed, stomping a foot playfully
Gabe laughed before continuing, “No, what I was going to say was I can’t believe what I was thinking when I was so mean to you. You have been nothing but nice and helpful since you got here and I treated you like… Well, I don’t know. But I know I didn’t treat you the way I should have.”
“Don’t be silly, Gabe, you have been just fine.” Rachel said with a smile, hoping he didn’t realize she was lying.
“Come on, Rachel, I know I was a complete jerk to you.” Gabe insisted.
“Well, I don’t know if I would say complete…” Rachel grinned.
“I thought I was keeping myself safe, but all I was doing was making everyone hate me.”
“I wouldn’t say I hated you.” Rachel said before pausing thoughtfully. “Perhaps just disliked you significantly.”
“Gee, thanks!”
The two laughed for a moment before they both fell silent. Rachel turned towards the prep table, pouring the mixture from the bowl into a pan. She placed it onto the stove and then set the soiled dish aside to be cleaned.
“Rachel, I mean it. If I slip back into my old ways, please give me a nudge and help me remember I want to be better. Alright?” Gabe asked, looking for much needed support. His words were sincere. After finding Clarite and realizing what he did to everyone around him, Gabe had enough. The life he had been trying so desperately to cling to was meaningless if he had no friends to share it with.
Rachel nodded in response. “It’s raining.” Rachel said opening the front door, the cool evening air striking her in the face, her hair flowing behind her. Gabe stared, mesmerized by the joy that beamed from her eyes.
“I always loved the smell of rain. Even as a kid, I was never sad when it would rain. My friends always complained because it meant they couldn’t play outside. You would find me curled up on the box seat, the window cracked, a blanket across my lap, and a book in my hands. My aunt always said I had an old soul, just like her.”
“You were close to your aunt?” Gabe asked.
“Oh very. She took my brother and I in after my mom died.” Rachel explained.
Gabe shuttered at the familiar story. Almost all of the students he met at Rampart shared the theme of a parentless upbringing. Many of those parents had been torn away in violent scenarios, including his own. “I’m so sorry about your mom.”
“Don’t be. The cancer took years. In the end we were glad it was finally over. My dad didn’t stick around long after my brother was born, once mom got sick my aunt moved right in. I guess it just became our normal. We went to live at her house once my mom did pass away. It just seemed natural, living with her. She made us feel like we had a home and like we were wanted.” Rachel continued with her story.
“Your aunt sounds pretty amazing.” Gabe added.
“Oh she is. I want you to meet her one day.” Rachel said. The idea of meeting her family made Gabe blush for a reason he was unaware of.
“Does your brother still live with her?” Gabe asked.
Rachel hesitated, looking back out the front door to the rainy night. “I’m not sure. He was getting ready to head off to college when I left with Uri. I haven’t spoken to them since that night, so I don’t really know what happened.
Gabe could hear the sadness in her voice. When Uri had found him he was leaving nothing behind. Gabe had no friends or family of any kind. He never imagined how hard it would be for som
eone to leave when they had something to stay for. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“What? Don’t be silly. You all are protecting me, I’m grateful.” Rachel replied. Without hesitation she dashed out the front door, squealing as the cool rain fell on her face.
Surprised by Rachel’s sudden sprint into action, Gabe leaned forward and pulled himself to the open doorway. Midway into the clearing in front of the cabin Rachel danced. Spinning in a circle, her face and palms turned upwards, she was basking in the moonlight and embracing the rain drops. Rachel’s tongue slipped out, mouth open, lapping up the water as it fell.
“Hey, crazy woman, what are you doing?” Gabe called out.
“It’s refreshing, you should join me.”
“Yeah, no thanks, I think I will stay in here where it’s dry and warm.” Gabe replied.
“Oh come on, you big wuss, live a little.” Rachel goaded, not shifting her gaze from the heavens. “It’s beautiful! The moon, the stars. All of it.”
Using the door handle, Gabe pulled himself to a standing position with a groan. “How is it you always do that?”
“Do what?” Rachel asked, glancing at him for a brief moment.
“You look at everything with such a positive attitude. It is pouring rain out there and you’re talking about how beautiful it is. I wish I had been born with that ability. I can move mountains, but I can’t find the silver lining in things.” Gabe grimaced stepping onto the porch, careful to stay under the shelter of the roof.
Rachel stopped spinning and looked at Gabe intensely.
“What? Is it something I said?” Gabe asked, glancing over his shoulder and acting confused.
Rachel didn’t say a word; she calmly walked up to face him. Silently they stared at each other for a moment. She leaned in and planted a wet and gentle kiss on his cheek. “Gabe, it’s not something you’re born with. If you want to be happy, then be happy. You only need to make the choice to let go of your sadness.”
With that, Rachel walked past Gabe and back into the cabin, the rain water dripping from her drenched clothes that now clung to her curves, leaving very little to Gabe’s imagination.
Gabe realized he was standing there alone, with a goofy smile on his face. Limping inside, he closed the door behind him, her words still lingering in his mind. Gabe wanted more than anything to be able to choose happiness. He wanted a rain storm to make him smile. He desired that the simple task of cooking would make him dance. To Gabe, however, it didn’t seem as simple as just making a choice. He hoped her joy was contagious, because he was in uncharted territories.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Rachel awoke early, her chores nearly finished soon after sun up. Gabe was used to rising early himself, but somehow Rachel always seemed to slip out hours before him. Taking a deep breath, Gabe stretched his arms out wide, his chest flexing as he exhaled. The tape on the bandages tugged at Gabe’s flesh as he did so, irritating him tremendously. Carefully, he picked at the corner of the wrapping, pealing it back and revealing the scabbed wounds. The bruises had already begun to fade and Gabe even impressed himself with the healing abilities he possessed.
Satisfied with his progress, Gabe pushed himself to his feet and decided it was time he started pulling his weight again. Pressing the tape back into place, he grabbed a nearby t-shirt and stretched it on over his head and muscular frame.
“Rachel,” Gabe called out as he took a step outside the cabin. He took another step and felt a shooting pain race up his leg and settle into his hip area. Clearly he was not completely back to his old self. Gabe grabbed the walking stick that was leaning against the frame of the front door. Using it to displace his weight, he continued on his search for his caretaker. “Rachel, where are you?”
The make shift cane was just another example of the way Rachel seemed to always be considering Gabe’s wellbeing. He had been cared for by complete strangers in his past, welcomed into Rampart, given love when he did not understand how it was merited, but none of those instances seemed to compare with Rachel’s kindness. He had been abusive towards her verbally, making it clear from her arrival that she was unwelcome. Yet here she was, caring for him as if he were the most important person in her life. The idea of her behavior confounded him to the point where he was enamored with her. She was a puzzle he was determined to solve.
“Gabe?” Rachel called out as she approached the cabin, the morning sun just peaking over the top of it. She wore a white tank top spotted with dirt that clung to her sweat covered torso. As she approached she paused, bending at the middle and lifting the soiled, bohemian style skirt to wipe away the sweat from her brow. “What are you doing out of bed? I figured we would exercise soon, I was just coming back to wake you.”
Gabe blushed, shocking even himself with the image that flashed through his mind of the two of them engaged in a very primal form of exercise together. A scene that seemed to be haunting him more frequently. He couldn’t help but feel guilty about the natural urges, ashamed that while she had been caring for him, he had been violating her in his thoughts. “I want to help.”
“With what?” Rachel asked, clueless of the ideas running through his devious mind.
“Chores, maybe, I’m feeling much better today.” Gabe added, doing his best to block the other thoughts out of his mind.
“I’m sure you are, the way you seem to be bouncing back. However, while you’re looking much better, I’m afraid I’ve already finished most on the list for today. Except for cooking of course, interested in wearing the chef’s cap today?” Rachel grinned, already positive of what his answer would be.
Gabe had grown quite fond of Rachel’s cooking abilities; he had no desire to go back to his simple and bland dishes. “Umm, that’s alright. How about a walk then?”
Rachel laughed at the confirmation of her suspicion. “Of course, a walk would be wonderful. To the garden?”
Gabe’s stomach ached, the feeling then spreading to his loins at the sound of Rachel’s laughter. He couldn’t explain his reactions to her suddenly. Perhaps it was the fact that she had saved his life and nursed him back to health. There was also the simple fact that he was a man who had been alone for quite some time and she was a beautiful woman. Gabe convinced himself it must have been a combination of these factors, certain his desires were natural, and would fade when he no longer relied on her so much. That or when he purged his carnal needs in some other way. Gabe shook his head; he needed to focus if he wasn’t going to think about their naked bodies pressed up against each other all day.
“How about I take the lead? It will be a surprise.” Gabe replied, careful not to let his eyes linger too long.
“Oh my, a surprise, huh? Well alright, sir, lead the way.” Rachel said waiving her arms and bowing as if he were royalty.
Gabe had come to enjoy her frequently snarky responses. He grinned and extended his arm in return. Gleefully, she took hold of the offered appendage and the two began their journey.
“You know, I still can’t believe you have been out here on your own for so long. I mean, I just can’t imagine what it must be like for you.” Rachel replied looking over at Gabe with a new understanding of him in her eyes.
Her gaze made him uncomfortable, “It’s not as bad as one would think.”
Gabe peered over to see if she had recognized his lie, it appeared she had not. “I was only here a day alone and I thought I was going to go mad. I am a bit of a blabber mouth, I guess my worry is if I didn’t have any one to talk to for a year, I’d go bonkers.”
“No, you? A blabber mouth?” Gabe jested, slightly nudging Rachel in the side with his elbow. “I don’t believe it.”
“Shut up.” Rachel snapped in return before giggling.
Gabe hesitated a moment, then continued, “I don’t know, I suppose it hasn’t been exactly easy, but at the time I thought it was necessary.”
“That’s what I don’t get. What in the world would make you feel like you needed to go to that extreme, to isolate y
ourself to this extent?” Rachel prodded, her brow narrowing.
“It’s complicated.” he replied.
“Things with you often are, Gabe Harwood.” she returned.
As the two crossed over the hilltop, Rachel suddenly realized where they were. He had brought her to the carving of Sophie. She released herself from his arm, reeling her limbs in close to her body as if for protection. This had been what their initial confrontation unfolded over. Rachel forced a smile, unsure why he had brought her here. Gabe came to a halt; he looked into her eyes, and waited for her to speak.
For once, she was unsure of her words and chose to remain silent. The awkwardness of the quiet left her fidgeting. She decided to take a seat on the ground nearby to stare at the artwork. As the two sat there, enveloped by the empty air around them, Rachel realized what was happening. This was Gabe’s way of reaching out to her, his version of an olive branch. A sense of honor overcame her. She sat in disbelief that he would bring her to this place. He wanted to share something he had been so guarded about in the beginning.
Gabe took a seat next to his guest, it was clear his gesture was greatly appreciated. “Can I ask a question that might seem rude, but I really don’t intend it that way?” Gabe asked.
With a beaming smile Rachel nodded, choosing not to reply with her usual sarcasm she said, “Sure, ask me anything.”
“Why did you ever come with Uri?” Gabe questioned, hoping her answer would help him answer the same for himself. He still couldn’t figure out what compelled him to follow his friend all those years ago.
“I don’t know.” Rachel replied, hesitating. She was sure Gabe would not understand her reasoning.
“You don’t know? So you’re telling me you hitched yourself to a complete stranger and you have no idea why?” Gabe badgered.
Rachel stared at the carving; she dared not look Gabe in the eyes. All it would take is one glimpse and he would know she was hiding something. “I suppose.”