Hugging her knees to her chest Kass sat on the cold floor for long moments, trying hard to understand what had just happened. Wyatt had killed himself to prove a point and he’d definitely made it. You didn’t kill yourself because of sex or the lack thereof. The crazy fool had really thought he was in love with her and had gone to desperate lengths to prove it. Tears made her vision blurry but Kass did nothing to wipe them away. She’d thought she knew what heartbreak was, she’d thought nothing could be more painful than the tears she’d shed last night. She’d been wrong. This was much worse.
Tears rolled down her cheeks in a seemingly endless stream, her mind refused to make her body move from what she knew must be an uncomfortable position but she felt nothing. Her body was completely numb and the future had never seemed bleaker. If the world had ended right then she couldn’t have brought herself to care. It wasn’t right that she felt so strongly about anyone, no one could survive such grief, but she hadn’t known Wyatt long enough to care so deeply and yet she did. She felt his passing in the deepest part of herself. Without him in the world it felt like nothing could be right again. What was the point in trying to go on if he wasn’t going to be there beside her?
Kass?
She sobbed harder at the sound of his voice in her head. If this was how he’d felt when he’d lost Emily it was no wonder he’d gone crazy. If she had to go through years imagining the sound of his voice then she’d slowly go insane. It wasn’t fair. They hadn’t had enough time. Sure Wyatt was a crazy werewolf with anger management issues but she could have looked past that to the good man she knew was buried deep. “We could have made it work,” she wept, rocking back and forth slightly as she tried to burn off the sorrow that had flooded her body. We could have made it work.
Wyatt growled, the sound bouncing around in Kass’ skull. We will make it work! Admit it Kass, I just gave you my heart to show you that I love you and that we can build a life together. What more do I have to do?
She slapped her hands over her ears trying to block him out. You’re not real. You’re dead. She sobbed. I saw you die right in front of me.
I’m not dead Kass.
You tore your heart out of course you’re dead. She chuckled sadly. You’re dead and I’m crazy. We are not having this conversation. You are dead and sane people don’t talk to the dead.
Kass, I’m not dead.
Silence followed as Kass tried hard to ignore the voice in her head. It wasn’t natural to try and hold on to the dead and this was why. As soon as it didn’t hurt to breathe, she’d leave this place and try hard to put it all behind her.
Kass, you’re not leaving me. I won’t let you go.
Wyatt is dead. You’re just a voice in my head. I can do whatever I want. And right now all she wanted to do was cry. It hurt to even say his name let alone say what had happened to him. Letting her grief overwhelm her, Kass gripped her knees tighter and cried harder. Soon she’d have to get up, she’d have to move but she had no strength in her body to do anything but stay where she was and mourn a man she hadn’t known she’d wanted but was quickly coming to see she needed.
Clutching his still healing chest, Wyatt growled in frustration. Were all women so much trouble or was it just the women in his life that were intent on causing him grief? His mate was crying because she thought he was dead and even when he’d told her otherwise she hadn’t believed him. That left him with only one option, the one that had put him in this position to start with. He was going to have to show her. If the tears she was shedding were anything to go by, showing her worked wonders but it was damn painful. Her sobs filled his ears and he gritted his teeth against the inevitable pain he was about to inflict upon himself. Glancing down at his open chest he took a deep breath, nothing was more painful than knowing his mate was crying because of him.
Taking a deep breath, he rolled the dead weight of his body off the bed. Stars danced before his eyes as healing wounds reopened but he remained silent. He was responsible for his mate’s suffering, he deserved this. Biting down hard on his lip to stop himself crying out at the excruciating pain, Wyatt began to crawl. He dragged himself forward, relying on the dwindling strength in his arms to pull himself towards his goal. The task would have been impossible if his wolf hadn’t been on his side but for the first time in an age Wyatt and his wolf were working together. He slithered into the bathroom on his belly, his eyes instantly finding the forlorn figure of his crying mate.
“Kass?”
She lifted her head from her knees slowly, blinking slowly as she tried to make sense of what she was seeing through her sore red eyes. “Wyatt?” She shook her head frantically. “You’re dead.”
Drawing on the last of his strength, Wyatt pulled himself into the bathroom and forced his body upright. He lay back against the wall, completely drained but smiling. The view he had now was definitely worth the trip. “I’m not dead,” he said slowly. “I’ve been trying to tell you that.”
Still shaking her head, Kass pulled back slightly. “I saw you tear your heart out. You’re dead.”
Holding out his hand, Wyatt smiled warmly, trying to get her to relax enough to release the death grip she had on her knees. “Come here. I’ll explain everything.” She didn’t move, her fear keeping her rooted where she was. “Please Kass, please.”
Slowly, hesitantly she crept forward keeping her bright blue eyes locked on his outstretched hand. She stopped in front of him, staring so hard at him that Wyatt swore she was looking into his soul. Her eyes were darker now, the white flecks in her gaze seeming brighter for the change in shade and he quickly found himself falling into her gaze. She was mesmerising and he was so content to look at her that he almost forgot that he needed to do more than just watch her. He needed to talk to her, to sooth her pain and ease her fears. He wriggled his fingers as best he could in invitation and waited with baited breath for her to take his hand. “It’s okay,” he said softly, trying to calm her. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
Her eyes darted away from his hand and met his own golden orbs. The tears that he saw threatening to flow almost undid him. “What if I try to touch you and find out that you’re not real? What if I really have just made you up so that I don’t have to think about what happened to you?”
“That isn’t going to happen Kass. I’m right here. I promise.”
“You promise?” She sounded like a small child, hesitation in her every word, her fear pouring from her skin in waves.
He nodded. “I promise.”
Her hand slipped into his and he breathed a sigh of relief.
“You’re real.”
“Of course I’m real.”
Shaking her head in disbelief, Kass tightened her grip on Wyatt’s hand letting his warmth seep into her skin. “How is this possible? I saw you tear your heart out. You should be dead.”
“I’m a wolf Kass. Unless something takes my head then I’m not going to die.”
Carefully she moved in closer and took a quick glance at the hole in his chest. True to his word there was something growing where his heart should be. Small and weak his heart was growing back. Just as quickly, she averted her gaze. He might be comfortable letting her look at his insides but her stomach was making its distaste known.
“Does it hurt?”
His head fell back against the wall, his skin loosing its pallor even now. “Every breath is agony,” he admitted.
“Then why would you do it?”
“Because we’re mates and I needed you to see that. You thought that being mated to me meant that I didn’t love you, that anyone would do, that I only wanted you for sex…I needed you to know that isn’t true. We’re mates and that means more to me than you’ll ever know.”
She shook her head and let the tears fall. “I shouldn’t feel this way about you. I’ve only known you for a few days, I shouldn’t be crying because I thought you were dead. I shouldn’t have felt like the world was over because you weren’t in it anymore. What have you done to me?”
>
“I haven’t done anything Kass. We’re meant to be together. We’re destined.”
“But I don’t know you.”
“Not in here.” He lifted his hand weakly, tracing his fingers over her temples. “But your heart knows me, your soul knows me.”
“I don’t like feeling like this.”
“Neither did I but it’s how I felt when I lost Emily. It’s how I felt everyday until I met you. I can never go back to feeling that way. That’s why I had to show you that I meant everything I said about being mates and it’s why I flipped out yesterday.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t lose you Kass and I’ll do anything to protect you but there’s so much out there that could take you away from me. Your heart could give out at any second and even if it doesn’t, there’s someone out there that wants to tear it out of your chest. I could survive that but you can’t. My wolf just wanted to protect you, it wasn’t thinking straight after finding out just how vulnerable you are. It won’t make sense to you but that’s really what it was trying to do yesterday.”
“Dylan explained it to me.” She sighed heavily remembering Dylan's explanation. “If you claim me then I’ll become immortal straight away. Ethan won’t be able to hurt me and my heart will be strong enough that I won’t have my illness anymore.”
“Exactly. You have to believe me Kass I was just trying to protect you. That’s what mates do. We’re not fuck buddies.” He spat the words, struggling to control the anger that even referring to her as such made rise. “Being mates is so much more.”
Remembering how easily he’d torn his heart out, Kass nodded. “I’m beginning to see that.”
“Are you? Because I’m not sure you do. The moment that I accepted you were my mate you became my whole life. I breathe because you’re alive. I live for you and I know that you don’t feel the same way. It’s driving me crazy.”
“What do you want from me Wyatt?”
“I want you to see me for what I really am.”
“And what’s that?”
“Yours. That’s all I am, all I ever want to be.”
“That isn’t how phoenixes are made to be Wyatt. I don’t believe in love at first sight and that’s what you want me to feel for you. I don’t love you Wyatt, I can’t. It’s impossible.”
“It’s not impossible Kass.” This is proof of that.
His words whispered through her mind like a soft caress, rubbing up against parts of her mind that she didn’t even realise were there and awakening feelings that shouldn’t exist. She shouldn’t want to smile because of him; she shouldn’t be looking at the hole in his chest and wishing that it was her that had suffered such horrific injuries just so that he wouldn’t have to suffer. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t natural…and yet she found herself softening to his way of thinking. He’d been right when he said that they weren’t like normal people. There was nothing normal about her existence and there was nothing normal about his. Maybe he was right. There was no way she could have lived and loved a human. She’d been devastated when she thought that Wyatt was lost to her, there was no way that she could have gone through that on a regular basis. It would have destroyed her soul but some force out there had given her the cure to her problem before she’d even realised it would become one.
She sighed and moved closer to him. Despite the blood and gore that covered him that was where she wanted to be and as soon as the heat from his skin seeped into hers Kass relaxed. It might not be conventional but it was safe here and for someone who had never felt the security that others took so much for granted it was a piece of heaven.
This is where you’re meant to be Kass, Wyatt smiled. Next to me.
The words made her relax even more and she moved even closer, holding his hand tighter. If the world without him in it had been one of hopelessness and despair it was a beautiful one now that he was alive and well. I still don’t believe in love at first sight but maybe it’s not as impossible as I used to think.
That’s good enough for now. I have time to convince you that I’m right. And what happened last night will never happen again. I promise.
How can you be so sure? Your wolf makes me nervous.
He won’t hurt you. We had a long talk last night. He didn’t mean to make you cry and neither did I. We won’t be doing that again. We’ve been failing as your mate but we’re going to fix that starting from now. As long as you trust me then we can work on getting you to trust him. He’s your best defender.
Dylan told me that if I didn’t let you claim me he’d become more and more feral.
Wyatt tensed. His sister was right, there was little that could be done to slow his wolf’s descent into madness unless he claimed his mate but he’d meant what he’d said. Until she was ready, he wasn’t going to risk throwing away the progress that they’d made. I can handle the wolf. You don’t have to worry about him.
I think I understand how it feels. I know that I shouldn’t have felt like this but when I thought you were dead there didn’t seem to be any point in going on. You were dead and everything seemed pointless.
A low growl rose in his throat but he stopped it before it turned into something that would scare his mate. She might not want to accept it but the mating bond was firmly in place and it would only get stronger with everyday that they spent together. There was nothing that could separate them now. The growl turned into a full throated laugh. Life was good.
This isn’t funny Wyatt, Kass scolded.
I know that but I can’t help but smile knowing that I have you here with me. Even if I can’t claim you my wolf isn’t going to turn feral straight away. You have time to get to know me. I’m not going to force you and neither is he. If you don’t want me to claim you then we can wait. What my wolf wants isn’t important. If he gets out of control again then just remember that I would never hurt you and if I have to leave like I did last night I’m doing it to protect you not because I’m abandoning you.
Kass sighed heavily. There was no way around it; she was going to have to tell him the truth. Wyatt, it isn’t as simple as me wanting to sleep with you or not. I can’t have sex with you or anyone else. My heart just isn’t strong enough.
His body stiffened as his wolf howled inside his head. Claiming his mate could kill her and not claiming her would drive him insane. He wanted to howl right alongside his wolf. Someone up there hates me. Lost Emily and then got Kass who is so beautiful it makes my heart hurt to look at her but I can’t fucking touch her. He slammed his head into the wall. Can’t let her know how much this is going to kill me. Forcing a smile onto his face, he placed a kiss against her scalp. “Like I said, don’t worry about anything. I can wait.”
A smile crept onto Kass’ lips. You seem to be forgetting that I could hear every word of what you just said. I know it’s not going to be all right for you.
“I’ll manage. I’ve coped up until now and I’m not going to risk it. I’m not going to risk your life because of mine.”
Grinding her teeth in annoyance, Kass took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. She failed. “How can you have such little value for your own health?”
Twirling a strand of her hair around his fingertip, Wyatt smiled. “Because I have a much higher regard for yours. This is enough. Let me hold you, touch you, smell you…kiss you and I’ll survive. Just having you here is helping in ways you can’t even imagine. I’ve managed until now, things can only get better with you here.”
A soft laugh spilled from Kass’ lips. “We’re quite a pair don’t you think? Me with my broken heart and you with your…” She trailed off unwilling to ruin the moment.
“My broken mind. You can say it. I’m not ashamed of my madness. If I weren’t crazy then I’d be dead and I’d never have met you and then you’d have to deal with that bastard all alone. If I wasn’t crazy you could be dead. If it means that I get to keep you then I’m happy to never be sane again.” He whispered conspiratorially against her ear, happiness welling
within him as he felt her shiver in pleasure. “I’m going to let you in on a secret.”
“What is it?” she whispered following suit.
“Sanity is overrated.”
A wide smile appeared on her face before Kass burst into deep, throaty laughter. “Maybe you’re right.”
Tilting her head back, he forced her to look into his eyes. “There’s no maybe about it. I’m right and I’ll cope. If you believe nothing else then believe that.”
He could see the protest forming on her lips and moved quickly to put an end to it. His lips crashed into hers, stealing her breath and sending her thoughts fleeing in a hundred different directions. As the heat from Wyatt’s mouth seeped into Kass’ body and she relaxed against him she found herself agreeing with him. Kissing a crazed werewolf was madness and thinking about staying with him was pure lunacy but here she was doing both. If her actions were those of a crazy person then Wyatt was right, sanity was definitely overrated. For another one of Wyatt’s kisses she’d gladly put logic and reason to one side. Permanently.
Chapter Nine
Pulling back from the drugging power of Wyatt’s mouth, Kass sighed dreamily. Her heart was racing but in a good way and for the first time in a long time she was content. Her fingers rose unconsciously to his chest, the tips running over the hard muscles beneath his skin until they came to the jagged tears that marked where he’d torn his own heart out. If she hadn’t been so relaxed the blood coating her skin would have freaked her out but as it stood she could barely think of anything other than the kiss that they had shared moments ago. The peace that filled her meant there was no panic in her voice when she spoke, her fingers still caressing his flesh. “So that hole in your chest….is it going to heal by itself or do I need to get you a doctor?” Only vaguely concerned that she sounded as calm as someone asking for directions, Kass waited serenely for a response. She had no particular urge to move from where she was although she knew she must look terrible.
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