by Marian Wells
And only then did Olivia notice Crystal hanging on the bannister as if she couldn’t stand alone.
Chapter 45
When she heard the knock at the front door, Crystal was in her bedroom, alone in the house. Hastily wrapping a robe around herself, she crossed the hall to the alcove. Pushing open the casement window, she saw Lucas Tristram.
Trying to appear cordial, she called, “You want Matthew?”
“Is he at home?”
“He’s in the pasture with Amos. If you care to wait, be seated in the parlor; he should be back in a few minutes. I’ll be down shortly.”
She shut the window and returned to her room to finish dressing. As she combed her hair, she fumed, “Of all people! I had nearly believed him gone forever. It’s been nearly a year, why must he come to annoy us again?”
She heard a step on the stairs, a footfall outside her door. Looking around for her robe, she caught her breath as she heard him call, “Crystal, Mrs. Thomas, I wish to talk to you before Matthew comes back. I’ll wait in this little sitting room.”
She took a shaky breath. “Very well. I’ll be out shortly.”
With trembling hands, she removed the robe and hastily began to dress, pausing to peer out her window toward the pasture. She heard Matthew call, “Alex, I’ll be with you in a moment. Need to get my tools.”
With a sigh of relief, Crystal took up her frock. At that moment her bedroom door was flung open. Lucas rushed in. He stopped, and a curious grin swept across his face. She heard the front door and as she opened her mouth to shout, Lucas tore off his waistcoat and dashed across the room toward her.
“Sir!” her scream was only a gasp.
“Tristram!” Matthew surged through the door. “What is the meaning of this outrage? Crystal, cover yourself!”
Lucas turned with a grin. “Outrage? My friend, you won’t call me out for the likes of her.”
“What do you mean?” Matthew roared, his giant stride took him across the room. Seizing Lucas by his shirt front, he demanded. “Explain yourself.”
“Explain myself? Surely! Ah, so this is the state of affairs. An innocent husband. Matthew, perhaps you had best ask your wife about Joseph. I thought you were fully aware of the taint.”
Matthew turned toward Crystal. He was still grasping Lucas’ shirt as he searched her face, then he whirled. His one blow cracked through the room. Crystal watched the man in white feebly trying to regain his balance as he tottered backward into the hall. She saw Alex’s startled face on the stairs one moment before Matthew flung Lucas’ coat through the door and kicked it closed.
“Matt!” Alex’s frantic pounding brought Matthew around.
His voice was heavy and slow as he replied, “It’s all right. I’m not going to so much as touch her. I only want to talk to her.”
Alex’s feet thumped down the stairs. They heard a moan. Matthew turned to her. “I should have guessed this was too good to last. Tell me about it. Who is Joseph?”
Crystal finally forced the words. “You know Joseph.”
“The slave you freed? What about him?”
“He is my father.”
The rage melted out of Matthew’s eyes and she watched the loathing grow. He studied her face, her exposed shoulders. “You’ve tricked me. Lucas knew; only I was in the dark! Nigger! Nothing but a dirty—” He wheeled, and before he walked from the room, he picked up her mirror and slammed it to the floor. With a twisted smile he watched her cringe and shrink against the wall.
From the foot of the stairs, Alex watched Matthew come down. Each slow step seemed to jar his whole body. He stopped at the foot of the stairs. “Where did he go?”
“You didn’t do much damage. He managed to get into his buggy by himself. I expect him to make it safely back to the hotel. Want to talk?”
Matthew shook his head and walked out the door.
Olivia came into the house. “What’s wrong with Matthew? He didn’t answer when I spoke to him.”
“I think we have a problem.” Alex lifted his head and glanced toward the stairs. “Maybe you should see if you can do something for Crystal.”
Olivia hesitated. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. But I do know Tristram was upstairs, and Matthew came close to knocking him clear over the railing. Better go up.”
“Oh, dear Lord,” Olivia moaned. “I can guess. Matthew’s found out about Joseph.”
“What about Joseph?”
“He’s her father.” She turned and went upstairs as Alex stood there, stunned.
Still clad only in chemise and pantaloons, Crystal leaned against the window frame. Olivia stood beside her and together they watched Matthew walk slowly down the hill. His shoulders drooped, and each step was fumbled and uncertain. “Crystal, see that? He does love you.”
Crystal sighed. Moving uneasily, she stepped over the shattered glass. Her voice was hollow and weak. “It’s not that. He’ll get over love in a hurry.” She turned, and the expression in her wide brown eyes made Olivia’s heart sink. “You were right, Olivia. Matthew is too Southern. From what I saw in his eyes I know it’s over. Matthew will never be the husband of a nigger.”
Olivia put her arms around the woman. Crystal’s skin was chilled. She moved away from Olivia. Turning her head, she said, “Please, I must be alone.” With one staggering step she moved to the bed and dropped across it.
****
Alex walked down to the boat. As he expected, Matthew sat in the cabin with his feet on the table. He looked up when Alex entered.
Alex sat down. “I know it looked bad but I don’t think the circumstances were what you—”
Matthew got to his feet and, turning his back, he sat on the edge of the table. “Look, this is a heavy load. I don’t want to discuss it.”
“In your shoes, I wouldn’t either. But Matt, there are some things you need to take into consideration right now. Tomorrow is too late. Sure, you’re bitter. I expect this is the situation Olivia and Crystal have been talking about. She wouldn’t tell me what the problem was, but I’d guessed something was shoving the two of you apart.”
“That isn’t it,” he said impatiently. “Crystal didn’t want me to have anything to do with Tristram.”
“Today demonstrated a character trait she must have suspected.”
Matthew turned. “Or her fear of being discovered. I wonder if she was trying to buy his silence?”
“Matt, that’s as ugly as you can get.”
“Tell me what other view is a man to have of a woman like Crystal? I’m not talking about unfaithfulness; I’m talking about her willingness to deceive me. If, in the name of love, that isn’t as low as a woman can get, I don’t understand life and love. Now I wonder how low she would sink to buy his silence.”
Slowly Alex said, “Have you considered her side? It is obvious Crystal’s come from a family where there was love and self-respect, where she was valued for who she was. Isn’t that the way it should be? Why should we consider one race of people inferior to us because of the color of their skin?”
Matthew turned and thrust his hands into his pockets. With his shoulders hunched he growled, “Cut it out! Alex, you’ve been raised as I was. What did your folks have to say about niggers? Did they tell you how fine and noble they are, how much they are to be respected? My dad threatened to horsewhip me if I ever went close to the slave quarters, and I knew what he meant. Do you think I can drop those feelings in a moment? Give me space, man. I’d like to think differently, but right now there’s no way.”
Alex sat down and shook his head. “Matthew, I’ve got to apologize to you.” His voice was heavy and Matthew’s head came up. He studied Alex’s face and sat down.
“I’ve neglected you. The others came around with their questions, and I thought that was the most important situation. I thought about the problems they would face crossing into Canada, learning how to be people instead of slaves. I threw myself into helping them understand the love God was holding out
to them. Because I saw your scorn, and because you didn’t want to discuss Jesus Christ and His message of salvation, I’ve failed you. Despite the fact the Lord kept nudging, I didn’t think your need was as great or immediate. Matthew, I’m sorry and now it’s too late to say the things I should have been saying all along.”
“Like what?” His face was still and curious.
“That Christianity isn’t just for the purpose of making it to heaven or a way to create workers to do His work. Matthew, Christianity is learning to live the way God intended from day one. It’s a repeat of the original drama in the Garden, played with a new cast, and in the midst of an obstacle course. If you’d known that and what obstacles you’d run into, I’m certain you would have been easy to convince. Matt, I’ve a feeling I’ve lost my opportunity to have any influence in your life. But don’t turn your back on the only decent way to live.”
“Christianity? You forget how I’ve been raised. I know all I want to know, and I don’t want to discuss it.”
They sat in silence. Finally Alex sighed. “I came down to tell you I must leave.”
“What’s up?”
“A job. Want it? There’s something going on in Oberlin, Ohio. Might have to intervene with the authorities.”
Matthew sighed, “Might. Tell me about it.”
“It would help if you’d take it. I want to go into Canada and look for Caleb. Can’t quit worrying about him. Fortunately I know the general area where he intended to enter. I’m going to take Olivia with me.”
“A honeymoon?” Matthew’s lips twisted, and Alex turned away. “Hey fella, there’s still such a thing as forgiveness between the two of you. It’s hard, but not as difficult as this.”
Matthew sighed and looked up at Alex. “Cut it out! It’s easy for you to say all these things, but I’ve never been caught up in religion and all this other. Maybe that’s making a difference now. Sure, I have sympathy for these people, but I wouldn’t give my life for them. Right now I see nothing except just forgetting the whole affair—because you know that’s what it was. Just an interlude that needs to be forgotten.”
Alex waited. Finally he said, “There’s food in here. Clancy won’t arrive for another day or so. Stay here until you go. Want me to gather up your things—at the house?” Alex saw his nod. He clapped Matthew on the shoulder and left.
****
Olivia and Alex faced Crystal. Her voice was dull and low as she said, “There’s simply nothing to be done. I made my mistake when I refused to tell Matthew before we were married. I must live with the consequences.”
“I’ll go talk to Matthew,” Olivia said.
Crystal caught her arm. “Please! I still have my pride. I’d never live at ease with him unless he comes on his own.”
“Olivia, leave your brother alone. Right now talk won’t do any good. When he comes to his senses, he’ll see how unfair this is. Until then, we’re invading his privacy.”
Turning, Alex bent over Crystal. “We love you, Crystal. Right now there seems to be no resolution of the problem, but you are our dear sister and we’ll continue to pray that you and Matthew will be reunited.” He paused and added, “Could we pray with you now?”
She shook her head. “I know what needs to be done, but I need time to think about it all.”
In the morning, Crystal watched Matthew walk around the house to the barn. She watched him lead out the mare, and strap his bag behind the saddle. Without a backward glance, he mounted and rode away. Time. It’s called the healer. Knowing Matthew, it will take more than time. Oh, my darling, how could I have lived in a fool’s paradise?
“Crystal, may I come in?”
With a sigh, she said, “Yes, Olivia. I suppose you’re here to remind me I didn’t eat last night. I’ll go down with you.”
Olivia looked deep into her eyes and then held her close. “Come, you know it’s best to get on with life, and we’ll be here to help you.”
They were all there to meet her—Amos looking gruff and embarrassed, Sadie with tears in her eyes, and Amelia looking merely curious. But later, it was Amelia who gave the advice she accepted.
A week had passed when Amelia faced her over the dishpan. Her statement was direct and weighty. “I made a mistake once. It’s like Alex says. The worse the sin, the harder it is to find your way out of the forest. Time doesn’t heal, it hinders. I’ve tried to go back the way I came, but I waited too long. It’s like tossing a rock in the river—out of sight, and it’s gone. Crystal, somehow you’re going to have to be the one to take the step.”
The next day Crystal watched Amos and Sadie preparing to go into town. “As long as you’re going, may I ride in with you?”
Sadie looked surprised and Crystal said, “I must take one step out of the forest. I want to visit Joseph.”
Amos cleared his throat. “Daughter, we’d be glad to take thee and fetch thee home, too.”
Very little was said on the way into town, and when Crystal reached the blacksmith shop the burly smithy looked from her to Joseph and said, “Yer leg’s been bothering you. Saw you limping around. Take an hour or so off; business is light right now.”
“Hank, I’m obliged.” Joseph led the way to his little house.
Again Joseph bustled around the hut, pulling a chair up, preparing tea. Finally he settled opposite her and asked, “Missy, is it going well with you?”
“Joseph, please don’t call me Missy.” The tears began. He knelt beside her, making soft sounds of sympathy. Finally he asked, “Would it help if you just told me about it?”
“I think you are the only one on this earth who will understand how I feel.”
He sat down on his stool and lowered his head. “Might be. And Crystal, might it be nearly the same problem?”
“Might be.”
“Would it help if I tell how it was with us?”
“Please.”
“Your mother, Evangeline, was the only white woman I’ve ever known who looked at me like I was a man instead of a machine to carry drinks or chop sugar cane. When it started, I was a house slave. There were problems. I wanted to learn, and it seemed I was always poking into a book when I should have been working.” His voice dropped and a pleasant smile softened his face.
As if suddenly recalling her presence, he looked up. “Evangeline took it upon herself to teach me to read. In those days, her daddy was a busy man, and her mama—well you know how she is, sickly. Evangeline was left to entertain herself. She knew I was eager to learn how to read and do sums. After her teacher left in the afternoon, we’d meet in the garden and have our school.
“I was caught once and took a beating for it. Seems that made the difference.”
“What do you mean?”
“We began to love each other. In the beginning we tried to deny it. This went on for nearly a year before she became pregnant. She wanted me to run away with her. The temptation was nearly more than this colored man could take. I suppose I’d have weakened if they hadn’t discovered she was expecting and sent her away to the convent for a time.
“She came back just before you were born. I never did see her again. I suppose she still thinks I don’t love her.” He looked up and Crystal saw his eyes were brimming with tears. She held out her arms.
Finally she was able to ask, “But you aren’t bitter. Why?”
“Just the Lord. He’s taken away the hurt and misery. This life isn’t the end of it all. One of these days I’ll get to heaven and me and my Evangeline will be able to sit down and talk about it without the hurt we had here.”
Before she left he said, “Want to tell your old dad what’s troubling you? Now don’t you get too close, you’ll get my dirt on you.”
“Oh, Daddy!” Crystal sobbed, the name coming out unbidden. “I’ve been fighting all the ugly things for so long. It’s taken ugliness and Matthew’s leaving to make me face myself, and now I want to make this up to you.”
Dabbing at the tears in her eyes, she came to him. He held her off,
saying, “Now, don’t you go fretting. I’ve already made up my mind I’m going to Canada. Alex and Olivia are taking me with them when they go. Alex promised they’d see me settled with the rest of the people. That pleases me fine. I’ve been lonesome for the friends I’d made on the trip. Fine people they are, and now I’ll be content.”
“You won’t let me do anything for you?”
“It would make me the happiest person alive if you’d write me a letter once or twice a year.”
“I will, and I’m going to knit a sweater for you.”
“There now. The wagon’s come for you. I’ll have Alex give you the address to write to me.”
Slowly she started for the door, hesitated, and turned quickly. He was standing there, the loneliest person she had ever seen. Quickly she dashed back and threw her arms around him. She saw the hunger in his eyes and kissed him. “Goodbye, Daddy,” she whispered before she left the house.
****
At dinner the next evening Amelia said, “Well, friends, this is the last evening meal we’ll have together. I’m leaving in the morning. I’m taking a boat ride clear across Missouri—back the way I came, only I’m going clear on to the gold fields in the Rocky Mountains. When you hear about a woman making her fortune in the mines, you’ll know it’s me.”
Olivia exclaimed, “Amelia! Are you certain that’s what you want to do? It’s so different than the way you’ve been—”
Amelia looked at Alex. “You told me I was doing it all wrong. I started thinking about it all. Why waste my time doing something that’s not going to get me what I’ve been working for? Decided I might as well enjoy life. I’m going to live it up, just like I started out to do.”
“Amelia!” Alex winced. “I’m sorry—this is just exactly the opposite of what I wanted you to do.”
“You were trying to get me to do something, huh? Alex, you are the dearest man alive. Don’t you ever let a woman tell you otherwise. But I don’t think you’ll make it as a preacher. You were supposed to give an altar call after you told me I was doing it all wrong, and before setting me straight.”