Instead, she blushed and looked at her plate.
Hmm. “OK. So maybe...?”
Still no response, but when she looked up, she had a shy smile on her face. A good sign?
He let the silence stretch for another few seconds and then squeezed her hand. “I just wanted you to know how I felt. I care about you. And I want you to be happy. The thing is, you don’t seem happy. Maybe if you came home, we could see if this leads anywhere.”
She pulled her hand back and narrowed her eyes. “So you’re saying that if I want to have a relationship with you, it’s contingent on me going home?”
“It would be easier.”
“Right.” She crossed her arms and pushed her back against the chair. “Did my mother put you up to this?”
A jolt of frustration set his pulse pounding. “You know me better than that, Sadie. And your mother, too, for that matter.”
She studied him, finally nodding. “You’re right. It’s just that she’s tried everything else to get me to go back to New Hampshire.” She sighed and continued. “Well, this is my home now, and I’m not moving back.”
“You just told me how lonely you are here. How can you call this home?”
“I have to find my father.”
“OK. But...can I say one more thing?”
She lifted her brows, which he took as a yes. Or more like an I dare you.
“You’re not leaving any room for God to work. Do you believe God knows where your father is?”
“Obviously.”
“Maybe God wants you to surrender this to Him. He can bring your dad back, if that’s His plan, no matter where you live. You could surrender your father into His hands and trust Him with this.”
Sadie flipped that red hair behind her shoulders. “I pray every day that God will bring my father home.”
“And you’ve prayed about staying in the house?”
“There’s no other way. I have to stay.”
That would be a no. “You could go on with your life and trust God with it.”
She looked down at her meal and muttered something that sounded a lot like, “God can’t be trusted.”
5
The Christmas decorations on the drive home brought memories of the holiday seasons she’d spent in New Hampshire. The pine scent from the tree farm. The spiced apple cider. The warm cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning.
It had just been Sadie and her mother for twenty years, but Mom had always made it special. Last year, Sadie had gone home for Christmas, but she couldn’t this year. Her funds wouldn’t allow it, even if she was willing to take the time.
With all Mom’s friends, she wouldn’t be lonely. Mom could always come to Staten Island if she wanted to see Sadie. That thought made her feel slightly better.
Once she and Max had gotten off the topic of her father and her home, they’d had a nice meal. Maybe he didn’t agree with her desire to keep the house, but he seemed to accept it. As he drove south toward the tunnel, the festive lights faded, the signs of the hurricane increased, and a heaviness filled her that had nothing to do with the rich meal she’d just eaten.
Back on Staten Island, Sadie resisted the urge to look back at the glittering city. Instead, she focused on the dark streets, roads lined with rubble, and damaged buildings. They waited at a stoplight while three dark military vehicles passed in front of them. Yes, it felt like a war zone, and she was returning to it. Voluntarily.
“Are you OK?”
They were the first words Max had spoken since they’d gotten in the car.
Sadie forced a smile. “Sure. I’m fine.”
“You know, I really admire what you’re doing, trying to find your father. It’s one of the things I really”—a slight pause—“love about you.”
Love?
“You’ve always been the most determined—”
“Stubborn, you mean.”
He grinned. “Maybe, a little. But also persistent. I remember how you used to insist that we get together to pray for Josie’s healing, every day. And then, when she was back in the hospital, you and I would pray. And you never gave up, all those years.”
“And she died, anyway.”
“But I remember thinking that we’d done all we could. If we hadn’t prayed so hard for her, I would always have wondered if our prayers might’ve made a difference. But we did pray. As awful as her death was, I felt at peace when she died, knowing I’d done all I could have. Knowing that she was no longer in pain.”
“Peace,” she whispered. Had she ever felt at peace about Josie’s death? About anything in her life? Everything seemed like a battle, and she was always on the losing side.
“And the way you’re searching for your father, your determination, your passion. It’s really amazing. Most people would hire a PI, do some Internet searches, and then be done with it. Not you. When you do something, you’re always all-in.”
“Rational or not, I know. Not like you. You’re so logical, so...linear.”
“Os and ones, right? Input and output?”
“In a good way. And you’ve got the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. Beneath all that logic, Max, you’re generous and loving. Selfless. I just see what I want and...” She let her words trail off, not knowing how to express her thoughts.
After a pause, Max glanced at her. “There’s nothing wrong with passion. It’s a beautiful feature.” He’d gentled his voice, and his words covered her like a light snowfall. The way he described her…passion? Is that what drove her? Or was she just determined to have her way?
He stopped at a red light and turned to her. “So, will you tell me what happened?”
“What happened...when?”
“After Josie died.”
Her stomach filled with acid. “What do you mean?”
“Sadie, we saw each other almost every day, prayed together all the time for years. And then, after the funeral”—he snapped his fingers—“that was it. I didn’t see you for the rest of the summer.”
Guilt squeezed her like a coat three sizes too small. He’d deserved so much better from her.
“So I started thinking,” he said, “maybe you and I weren’t really friends, after all. Maybe all we had in common was Josie, and once she died, you didn’t want to hang out with me anymore.”
“You were my best friend. I never had another friend like you.”
“Well, I lost her, too, Sadie. And then, I lost you.”
Her throat ached as she fought tears. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad.” He blew out a breath. “OK. Maybe I am, just a little.”
“I deserve it.”
“I know you were grieving in your own way. It just hurt to lose both of you. I’d call your house. At first, your mom would make up excuses. After awhile, she just sounded sad. I didn’t know what to do, how to reach you. And then, school started, and you said hi to me, just like you would any other person. Like we hadn’t been best friends. And then, you took off with your new friends and barely ever spoke to me again.” The light turned green, and Max pulled forward, eyes focused ahead. His mouth was closed, his lips turned down at the corners.
“I was so sure God was going to heal her.”
He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “I know.”
“It was more than that. I thought, once we started praying about it, that God would save her. And if God could save her...” The lump in her throat thickened until it hurt to talk.
“What?”
“Then He could save me, too.” Her voice was all squeaky now. Why did she have to cry? He stole a quick glance, and she looked at her lap to avoid his gaze.
“Save you from what?”
She kept her gaze focused on her knees. “Max, my dad’s schizophrenic. It’s hereditary.”
A few heartbeats of silence passed, enough to know he was re-evaluating his feelings. “I didn’t think of that.”
“Dad has it. His father had it, too
. My grandfather committed suicide before I was born. When Josie died, it all just seemed so...futile. Like I was on this course, and I would be just like him. I’d see pictures of homeless people, and I’d think, that’ll be me. Just a few more years.”
He reached across the car and took her hand. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“I don’t know.” The tears began to fall. “I should’ve, before Josie died, and then we could’ve prayed about it together. I was embarrassed, I think. And then, after, I knew you’d try to tell me that God loved me, that He would protect me, and I didn’t want to hear it. I no longer believed it.” She watched him, trying to figure out what he was thinking as he nodded slowly.
“But you believe now?” he asked.
“Now, I know I need God. But I also need my father.”
Max stopped in front of Marjorie’s house and shifted into park. “Thank you for telling me. I’m glad I finally understand.”
She sniffed, nodded, and tried to stop the tears. “What I did was so selfish. I just couldn’t face you. I’d been so sure God would heal her. Then I thought, maybe I really was crazy, to put my faith so wholeheartedly in God.”
“Trusting God isn’t crazy, Sadie. But you have to see that His plans aren’t your plans.”
“Yeah.” She looked at the front door, thinking how little she wanted to go inside. She wanted to stay with Max, where she felt warm and loved. He opened his car door, so she opened hers, too, and stepped onto the sidewalk.
When he joined her, he was frowning.
“What?”
“You realize this was a date, right?”
A tiny giggle escaped. Hysterics. Great. “I guess.”
“You should let your date open the car door for you.”
“Oh. I’ve never dated anyone that well-mannered.”
“What kinds of men have you been dating?”
She hitched her purse strap over her shoulder. “None, lately. And before that...doesn’t matter.”
He rested his hand on her lower back and led her to the door. “You deserve to be treated like a lady.”
She leaned close to him until her shoulder touched his side.
On the stoop, Max turned to her, his lips lifted in that crooked smile she loved.
She narrowed her eyes. “What?”
“I feel like a teenager on a first date.”
She knew what he meant.
“What I said tonight...about my feelings—”
“Be careful, Max. Don’t say anything you’ll be sorry for later.”
“What do you mean?”
She tapped her index finger against her head. “Any day, I could lose my mind.”
He wrapped that errant finger in his hand. Then he took her other hand and lifted them both to his chest. “I don’t think so, and I don’t care, either way. It doesn’t change anything.”
She blinked twice, felt the tears stinging her eyes again. Before tonight, she’d only told two men about her father’s condition, both of whom she’d thought loved her. Both of them disappeared pretty fast after that. “It should.”
He kissed her gently. Slowly. Then he wrapped his arms around her back, pulled her closer, and deepened the kiss.
One part of her mind wanted to giggle. How weird that she was kissing Max. But the other part of her mind—or maybe that was her body—responded so completely, the humor fled. She slid her hands up his chest and over his shoulders and leaned into him.
Too soon, he stopped and pulled her into a hug. “Sixteen years I’ve wanted to do that.”
She felt his breath in her hair and shivered, resting her head on his shoulder. “Was it worth the wait?”
“And then some.” He stepped back and studied her face. “Tomorrow’s a big day for you.”
That ever-present knot in her belly tightened when she thought of her meeting with the insurance adjuster. “I hope I get some good news.”
“Me, too. Let me know what happens. I’ll be praying for you.”
He kissed her on the cheek and walked back to his car, leaving her shivering and alone.
She watched until his rental’s taillights disappeared around the corner before pushing open the front door. Today had been a good day, the best in a very long time.
Maybe things were finally looking up.
6
Sadie rounded the corner on her way to the homeless shelter and thought about Max, about that kiss. With his arms around her, she’d felt safer than she had since her father’d left. And then last night, instead of dreaming about her father, she’d dreamed about Max. She tried to temper an embarrassing grin as she pushed open the heavy door of the shelter.
Mama Lois stepped out of the small office. “Hey, girl. You’re early today. How’d the appointment go yesterday?”
Sadie signed in and slapped on her volunteer’s badge. “It isn’t going to be cheap, but the insurance should cover it.”
“You see the adjuster today, right?”
“Right. That’s why I’m early. I have to be at the house at noon. Where do you need me?”
Lois jutted her chin toward the room in the back. “Lots of clothes to sort, if you don’t mind.”
“Sure. Any new faces?”
“Nah, nobody who fits your description. Look around if you want.”
Sadie glanced through the glass at the men’s recreation room and smiled at the familiar faces. Most she’d either seen before, or they weren’t the right age.
She sorted clothes in a room about the size of the downstairs of her house, separating them by gender, size, and type. This pile had come all the way from California in the wake of Sandy. Eventually, they’d all get handed out to the perpetually homeless and the temporarily so. Thank God she had a place to live. She sent up a quick thank you for Marjorie’s generosity. She stood from unloading the fifteenth box and rubbed her lower back. It must be time to go.
She broke down the box she’d just emptied, set it on the pile of cardboard in the corner, and headed for the exit. Just as she rounded the corner, a tall man with a gray comb-over and dressed in a well-cut suit pushed open the door and stepped into the cloudy day. He looked familiar.
She approached Lois and nodded toward the door. “Who was that guy?”
“Don Boyle. Haven’t you met him before?”
“Uh...not here.”
“I guess you wouldn’t have. He works a couple times a week, always breakfast, though, when you’re at work.”
“Huh.” Sadie waved goodbye to Lois and left. Why was an opportunistic real estate developer volunteering at the homeless shelter? Weird.
The bus dropped her off at the end of her block, and Sadie hugged herself against the cold as she made her way to the house. She was just unlocking the front door when her neighbor walked up.
“Hey. Did Don find you?”
“Hi, Barb. Yup, I saw him yesterday.”
“Great news, isn’t it?” Barb was about Sadie’s age, still carrying the weight of her last baby and a few months pregnant with her next. “Barry was looking through the real estate listings yesterday, and he said we can get something nicer with what Don will pay us. I can’t wait.” She rubbed her expanding belly. “I just hope that last holdout gives in fast.”
Sadie’s stomach clenched. “Last holdout?”
“Didn’t you hear? Everybody on the block’s agreed to sell except one person. Barry figures it’s that old guy down on the corner. He’s lived here his whole life. But I figure he’s got one foot in the grave already, and there’s that new nursing home. I think it’s that family in the yellow house.” She pointed. “That man, he’s no rocket scientist, you know what I mean?”
Sadie’d never met the man. She nodded, anyway.
“Now Barry, he asked Don who it was, figured he’d help persuade him.”
The knot in Sadie’s stomach tightened.
“But Don wouldn’t say. Told him there wouldn’t be any intimidation. If it goes through, it goes. If not...but you know Barry. He’s gon
na figure it out soon enough. You know, if we don’t all sell, none of us gets the money.”
Again, Sadie nodded as if she’d known that. It made sense. He’d need the whole block to build the condos.
“Anyway, it’ll work out. Everybody’s desperate for the money. Nobody has flood insurance. I’m sure whoever it is just hasn’t figured that out, yet. And anyway, if not, they’ll fold like a house of cards when Barry gets ahold of ’em.” She rubbed her back. “I better get back. We’re packing the upstairs and moving the stuff to a storage unit until we get the money. I’m going to give out before we’re finished if I don’t get moving.”
“Well, thanks for stopping by.”
“Sure, sure. See ya.” Barb walked down the porch steps just as a man turned up her walk. “Miss McLaughlin?”
“Yes. Are you the adjuster?”
He approached and held out his hand. “Chuck Fortier.” They shook hands, and then he handed her his business card. “Why don’t you show me around.”
Sadie brought him inside and pointed out the damage. Then, they walked around the outside of the house. He made very few notes on his notebook and said almost nothing. When she’d finished, he headed toward the curb. “I’ll be in my truck. Give me about ten minutes.”
“Sure.”
Back inside, the heavy cloud-cover made the house seem bleaker than usual. She headed to the kitchen and opened the breakfront doors again. She’d pulled out the largest shards of crystal the day before, so she grabbed the little broom and swept the rest, along with a pile of dirt, into a plastic bag, trying not to think about what her neighbor had said. But she kept picturing Barb and her pregnant belly and their two children at home. And the elderly man on the corner who’d needed the neighbors to mow his lawn for him the previous summer, because he couldn’t afford to hire it done. What would he do? What would Barry and Barb do?
But if she didn’t keep the house, how would she ever find her father? She could picture him, walking down the block, looking for the house he’d grown up in, only to see a row of shiny new condos. Would he think she’d forgotten about him? Would she ever see him again?
Mr. Fortier knocked.
Sadie stiffened her spine and met him at the door.
Faith House Page 4