by Karen Rispin
I wished I was dead.
After a lecture, the fat lady let us go, and we walked out to where Uncle Kurt was waiting. He came over and hugged Mom. I was afraid he'd hug me, too, so I stayed way back. Daddy was beside me because he'd been walking slowly. I'd tried to get him to let me carry the suitcase, but he wouldn't.
Uncle Kurt came over and took the suitcase from Daddy. "Hazel wants us to go straight home so you can rest," he said. "You sure look like you could use it."
Then he looked at me and said, "So you're the smuggler in the family. I thought Christians weren't into smuggling." He laughed.
I just stared at my feet. This was terrible.
"Just kidding, just kidding," he said. "Smuggle all you want. Why should you be different from anyone else?" He looked up and raised his voice. "Tianna, come here and meet your smuggling cousin."
She came over and stood about five feet away.
"Tianna, this is Anika. Say hi," Uncle Kurt said, and then he left with Daddy.
Tianna stared at me a second, then said "Hi" in a flat voice. Then she added, "Your dress is really gross."
I clenched my fists and answered, "Well, so is your hair."
"I like it this way," she said and walked off.
Everybody was walking now, so I followed. At least Tianna hadn't noticed my forehead. Sandy was holding Mom's hand. I wished I was, too, but I was sure everyone was still mad about the tulips. I glared at Tianna's back. How could God give me such a terrible cousin?
Calgary looked bare. There was almost no one walking and hardly anyone riding bicycles. There were people on bicycles everywhere in Kenya. Here, everybody was in clean, new-looking cars. Even the buses we saw were clean. They weren't anything like the dusty buses at home that were always packed full of people wearing bright clothes.
I'd never seen so many houses packed together, either. They all looked almost the same. We turned off the huge road, then went down more roads with more houses, each on a little piece of grass. The house we finally stopped in front of was bigger than most of the others. I was so sleepy I hardly noticed what the inside of the house looked like on the way to bed.
Loud voices woke me up.
"It's none of your business where I was last night! You are not my keeper, Kurt. Or my boss, either, for that matter!"
It was a woman yelling. Then she started swearing. Suddenly a man's voice broke in.
"Shut up! Shut up! I'm your husband, and I won't have this!" It was Uncle Kurt.
Sandy was sitting up in the other bed. Her eyes were wide and scared. "Is that Aunt Doreen?" she whispered.
I shrugged and then nodded. Uncle Kurt had said he was her husband. It had to be her. She was still yelling.
"Why? Don't you want me to swear while your goody-goody missionary sister is here? You swear well enough yourself most of the time."
"Shut up!" Uncle Kurt bellowed again. "If you can't behave, get out!"
"I will not. This is my house, and you can't tell me what to do. I don't hold with that nonsense that the husband can order his wife around. I'm a person, too, Kurt. Don't let any religious nonsense make you forget that."
There was a slam, and then silence.
"What time is it?" Sandy asked. "Are we supposed to get up?"
We were in a bedroom with two beds. Everything was blue and white and ruffly. It was light outside.
I said, "I don't know. I'm hungry."
We both just stayed still, listening. "It must be morning," I said after a minute. "I smell bacon and coffee."
Breakfast was very weird. Everyone pretended nothing had happened. Aunt Doreen was tall and thin. After hearing her yell, I thought she would look mean, but she just looked kind of sad.
"Tianna, how about you and I take your cousins to the mall today," she said.
"Mommm, it's Saturday." Tianna sounded irritated. "I'm supposed to meet Sharra and Janna this morning."
"For once you can do something with me. You know I don't like you spending time with those kids anyway." I could tell Aunt Doreen was trying hard not to get mad again.
Tianna rolled her eyes and started eating her pancake. Aunt Doreen went out to the kitchen. A second later Tianna went after her. I'd finished eating so I picked up my plate to clear it, but I stopped dead just before I got to the kitchen.
"I won't go to the mall with those geeks, cousins or not!" Tianna was saying. "Did you see the clothes they had on yesterday? And what about what Anika's wearing this morning?"
I backed away from the kitchen and went into the room where Sandy and I had slept. A minute later, Sandy came in. "Come on, you have to go to the mall with Aunt Doreen."
"I'm not going," I answered.
"Mom says you have to," Sandy said.
"How about you? Aunt Doreen said 'cousins,'" I demanded.
"I already have permission to stay here. I told Mom I have a sore throat."
"Yeah, right," I said.
"I do!" she insisted and coughed an unconvincing cough. "I said you wanted to go, and Mom said that it's good one of us is going, that it would be a good witness."
"Thanks for nothing," I said.
"Well, I didn't know you didn't want to go when I told Mom," Sandy insisted. "She and Daddy are going to rest. We're not supposed to bother them."
If I argued I'd probably just have to go anyway, and it would make things even more embarrassing. At least Daddy was going to rest. I sighed and stood up. "OK, I'll go.
"Tell me what a mall is like," she said. "I don't remember."
"Come along then," I said.
She shook her head wildly.
"Chicken," I said, and walked out the door wishing I didn't feel so chicken—and wishing I remembered what in the world a mall was like.
On the way to the mall, Aunt Doreen talked the whole time about how nice it was to have visitors from the other side of the world, how good it was for Tianna. I didn't say anything. After what she'd said about Mom when she was yelling at Uncle Kurt, she obviously didn't mean it. Tianna just sat leaning against the car door with her arms crossed, looking out the window. Her hair was brushed, and it had a barrette in it.
Aunt Doreen had just parked the car in a huge parking lot when Tianna said, "Give me two hundred bucks, Mom. I'm going to buy Anika some clothes. If I have to be at the mall with her, at least she can look like a human being."
Aunt Doreen stared at Anika for a second, then said, "What a nice idea. You and Anika can go clothes shopping, and I'll pick you up in a couple of hours."
My mouth fell open. I couldn't believe my ears—or my eyes—as I watched Aunt Doreen just hand Tianna two hundred dollars! She was going to let Tianna buy clothes for me. I shut my mouth and swallowed hard. What would Daddy say? Would we have to pay them back? They probably wouldn't be the kind of clothes Mom would approve of, either.
"Um, I don't think—" I started to say, but Tianna kicked me hard and opened her car door.
"Come on, Anika. Don't just sit there," she said, getting out.
"Have fun, girls. See you later," Aunt Doreen called as she pulled away.
I stood there staring after the car.
"So much for Mom wanting to spend time with me," Tianna mumbled. Then she jerked the barrette out of her hair, threw it on the ground, and shook her head so her hair was in her face again.
I bent down to pick up the barrette, but she said, "Leave it!" and marched through the big doors into the mall.
I followed her. I mean, what else could I do?
I looked around. We were in a huge hallway, and there were stores on both sides. Tianna grabbed my arm and hauled me, practically running, down and around a corner and into a store.
"What size are you?" she demanded.
I just stared at her. How was I supposed to know what size I was in Canadian clothes?
She narrowed her eyes and looked me up and down. "You're bigger than me, and I'm a twelve. So you're probably a fourteen." She started jerking things off the rack. "Here, go try these on."
/> She shoved the clothes at me, but I kept my hands down, my fists clenched. I was very tired of being pushed around.
"Stop it!" I half yelled. "Mom would be really mad if she had to pay your mom back for clothes she didn't even help choose."
"Does your mom still choose your clothes?" Tianna asked. "No wonder you look like such a geek."
"We don't happen to have hundreds of dollars lying around to waste on dumb clothes," I hissed. "My mom and dad are doing more important things than getting rich and spoiled in a boring city."
Tianna gave me a funny look. "You like your parents, don't you?"
"Of course. Don't you like yours?"
She just looked down. She kicked at the side of the bin of sweaters we were standing by, then shrugged. "My parents don't like me, so why should I care about them?" She glared at me like she was daring me to say something.
I couldn't think of anything to say. She laughed at me and said, "Come on, try the clothes on. Your precious mom and daddy won't have to pay for them. Mom gave me the money, and she never cares what I do with it."
The first outfit I tried on was really wild. I laughed at my reflection.
"I guess that's not really you," said Tianna, staring at me critically.
I really liked the clothes I tried on next.
"You're sure Mom and Daddy won't have to pay for this?"
"No way!" Tianna said. "Come on, don't be chicken. I want to go find Sharra and Janna, and we have to get you shoes yet."
"What's wrong with these?" I asked, looking down at my dusty canvas tennies.
Tianna just rolled her eyes.
I was still nervous, but getting new stuff I liked was fun! When I stood up with new leather tennis shoes on, I grinned and said, "Ta-da! Witness the new Anika Scott!"
Tianna laughed, "You're crazy! Come on, let's get your hair fixed."
"Not like yours. Mom would kill me. I don't want to get kicked out completely from my family."
"You and your parents. Do they really care about you?" she asked.
I nodded, "Um-hum, they do."
"Won't the clothes and stuff make them mad?"
"No, they'll just be glad they don't have to buy me so many clothes," I said, crossing my fingers behind my back. I hoped that's what they'd say anyway.
"Come on, let's get your hair done," Tianna said. "Joanne—that's Sharra's sister—works in the mall, and she's really good."
"You should get her to do yours, too," I said. "Is it really in style all messy and in your face like that?"
"No, but at least it isn't nerdy like yours. Besides, it makes Mom mad," she said and took off. I had to practically run to catch up.
It turned out that Joanne wasn't busy, so she said she'd cut my hair. It didn't feel like it was me at all, sitting in new clothes in a beauty salon. I guess that made it less scary.
I'd never been in a beauty salon before. The place stank of cigarette smoke and permanent chemicals. Joanne was really friendly, though, and kept asking me about Kenya. It made it even stranger to be talking about home. She never said anything about the cut on my forehead. That made me feel good because I figured that must have meant it wasn't very noticeable.
My hair ended up looking like what I thought was sort of Chinese. It was short in back and longer by the line of my jaw.
"This is just perfect for your face," said Joanne, using a brush and a blow dryer at the same time. "Come look at this," she called.
A second later, five or six of the people who worked in the salon were all standing around saying I was gorgeous. Even Tianna was grinning at me. My face felt hot, and I wished I could run out of there—but it was kind of fun, too.
Joanne looked at Tianna and asked, "Your turn now? Do we get to tame your mop head?"
"No way! We've got to go. Come on, Anika." She pulled me toward the door, then stopped and walked back and asked, "How much?"
"It's just five bucks for kids ten and under on Saturdays," Joanne said. "Come on, let me do you, too. We're not busy today, and it's about time you grew up a little."
"Leave my head alone! Here's your five bucks," Tianna said, fishing out the money.
"But I'm twelve!" I insisted.
Tianna kicked me in the ankle. Joanne said, "I didn't hear that," and grinned. "Off with you. Have fun with your cousin, mop head."
"Let's go to McDonald's," Tianna said. "I'm hungry."
"Me too," I said, looking down at my feet in their new tennies. My hair swung against my cheeks. I looked at my reflection in a store window and grinned. I felt like I was in a costume. Anika Scott disguised as a Canadian kid.
I'd probably eaten at a McDonald's when I was seven, but I didn't remember much about it. I stared at the menu up on the wall behind the counter. It didn't make sense. What were Chicken McNuggets, Quarter Pounders, or McDLTs? I felt too stupid to ask. Everybody's food came in paper packets, so even watching didn't help. It smelled good, though.
All of a sudden it was our turn. Tianna rattled off a list of things, then the teenager taking our order looked at me.
"Um… ah…"I stuttered.
"Well?" Tianna demanded. "What do you want?"
"Um…" I could feel the people in line behind us staring at me. "Um…" I was thinking frantically. "I'll have the same as her," I blurted, pointing at Tianna. The teenager rattled off the list of things again, and I nodded with relief.
"What was the matter with you?" Tianna asked as we sat down.
I didn't want to answer, so I unwrapped the sandwich Tianna handed me. "It's just a hamburger!" I blurted.
"What did you expect, a lawn mower?" Tianna asked, laughing.
I glared at her. "How was I supposed to know what a McDLT is? It sounds more like a kind of truck."
Tianna nearly killed herself laughing. "You've never been at McDonald's before. So come on, taste your truck," she said between giggles.
I took a bite and then stopped. "What time is your mom coming? She said two hours. Two hours must be up."
"Who cares. She'll find us when she's ready," Tianna said, still giggling. "She never comes when she says anyway."
"I don't want to get in trouble," I insisted. "Maybe she'll come when she said she would because I'm here. Let's go back."
"So eat your truck first," she said, grinning. She giggled again. "You're great. Anika, my smuggling cousin, who thinks a Big Mac is a truck!"
I frowned. It wasn't all that funny, especially the part about smuggling. "I wasn't trying to smuggle," I said with my mouth full. "It was just tulip bulbs for your mom. Only they weren't supposed to come into Canada, but I didn't know that." I squirmed and added, "At least, not at first."
Tianna gave me another funny look. "Why would you buy tulip bulbs for my mother?"
I shrugged. I was tired of talking about parents, especially since Tianna acted so weird about it. "Come on, let's go."
Aunt Doreen was there. "Where were you, Tianna!" she demanded. "I've been here for hou—" She stopped mid-sentence and stared at me. "Look at you, Anika! I love your clothes and your hair. Wow! You have great taste."
I squirmed and then remembered my manners. "I'm sorry we're late, Aunt Doreen," I said. "And thank you very much for buying me these clothes and stuff. It was Tianna who helped me choose such nice things."
Maybe now she won't yell at Tianna anymore, I thought. It didn't work.
When I said Tianna's name it was like Aunt Doreen remembered she was mad. She whirled on Tianna and demanded, "What about it, Tianna? Why were you so late? And if you can help Anika take care of her hair, why can't you do something about your own? Where's the barrette I made you put in this morning?"
Tianna just stared at her and didn't say a word. I wished I could disappear. Nobody said anything else the whole way home.
Chapter Four
After the miserable ride back from the mall with Aunt Doreen and Tianna mad at each other, I was glad to get out of the car. Going into the house was another matter. What would my parents say about my new c
lothes and haircut?
Mom and Daddy were talking to Uncle Kurt in the living room. All of them stopped and stared at me.
"Anika, you look terrific," Uncle Kurt said, then everybody was talking at once. I couldn't tell if Mom really liked how I looked or not.
"We will of course pay you back," Daddy said.
"No, you won't," said Aunt Doreen. "Kurt is happy to do anything for his missionary sister and her kids." She gave Uncle Kurt a fierce look and walked out.
"Hey, no fair," Sandy said. "How come you get all these new clothes and I don't?"
"Kurt," Daddy said, "we can't let you do this."
"I didn't do it, my wife did. If for once she does something nice, I'm not going to stop it," Uncle Kurt said. "Sandy is right, though. We'll have to get her some new clothes, too."
Daddy started to argue, and Mom stood up to leave and motioned me to come with her. She didn't look pleased. Sandy followed us into the bedroom. "Anika, how could you do this?" She was talking really soft so no one would hear us. "You know we don't just take things from people."
I tried to explain how it just kind of happened. "It really wasn't Aunt Doreen anyway. It was Tianna," I ended by saying. "Mom, Aunt Doreen is terrible."
"She's not really terrible," Mom said. "She's just mixed up and very angry. How much money did you spend?"
"Well, Aunt Doreen gave Tianna two hundred dollars. Tianna says nobody cares what she does with money. They must be super rich."
"Yeah," said Sandy. "It won't matter if they buy me clothes then, too."
"Whether they're well off or not has nothing to do with this," Mom said. "I don't feel at all right about taking the money in such a careless way. We can't afford to spend two hundred dollars on one outfit, Anika. We'll just have to take it back."
"Mommm, please?" I begged. "With these clothes I feel almost OK here. I need them. Besides, Uncle Kurt said we should keep them."
"That's enough!" Mom said.
At least they can't take my haircut back, I thought. It turned out I didn't have to give any of my new stuff back. Daddy said that if we wanted to maintain a good relationship with Uncle Kurt and Aunt Doreen we'd just have to keep the clothes, because Uncle Kurt was absolutely determined that we should.