The feeling I had was the same, I could traverse through the hand with ease.
"Can you return it to a solid state?"
She did so, and to prove it she gave me a slight pinch.
I touched the hand again; it was as I remembered it, incredibly soft and smooth.
We returned to the classroom and I sat down at my work position. I was thoughtful, trying to process the experience.
Sven was at my side again. He said he had located a big change in the diffuser circuits. "Have you experienced sexual stimuli or fear?" he asked curiously.
"What sexual stimuli? - I just had a terrible fright."
He laughed and said that he had located the change made to fear and when I was ready we would be working on it to remove it.
Thoughts swirled relentlessly in my mind and I could not sort them out sufficiently to give them a sense of logic. Immersed in doubts I didn’t notice that Sonia was asking me if I had any successful clarifications with respect to the mental body.
I told her that I was not sure yet, and so I would have to work on it a little longer. I would not mind having one," I said.
Sonia and Sgrunff smiled at me and told me to think back again to the times when I was separated from my Tasker.
Sonia said goodbye and left us. Sgrunff explained that a big step forward had been made and congratulated me for the fact of recognizing the sense of being in Planet H, and he advised me to continue to think about the mental body for the rest of the day.
I wanted to take a walk to be able to think more calmly and I said goodbye and gathered my things.
"Go ahead Kate, remember that I am here in case you need a helping hand - even four!" he said, laughing and raising up all four thumbs in salute.
Thoughts overlapped in my mind; my body seemed to already know the way to the exit, there was no need for a guide. Once gestures and ways have been memorised, you could detach the mind to focus on other thoughts.
I was distracted by the sight of a tall man who appeared from the hallway, now dimly lit . I recognized Valdes, came up to his side and put my arm around his waist, resting my head on his shoulder. I whispered,
"I remember this."
He gave me a gentle kiss on the head and walked me to my accommodation .
Inside I hugged him, holding on tightly, as if he could escape from me again. He wrapped me in his powerful arms and in a strong tone asked me,
"Do you remember what you advised me about cartoons? "
I vaguely remembered something. I felt like I had been close to him the previous day.
I could catch a few fleeting images and felt the great love that bound us together, but nothing more.
We said goodbye and I slipped into the energy shower.
Every time I used this odd accessory I felt somehow lighter, as if I could wash away some of the confused thoughts that were in my mind.
I decided that I would spend the rest of the day in the grounds. I wanted to walk around and try to remember one of the outdoor places, in a place that gave me peace of mind. I needed to rest and reorganize my thoughts.
And so it was. I arrived at my accommodation and greeted Serena. I actually had not seen her for days and I needed to sample one of her exquisite dishes.
Serena greeted me warmly and told me to sit down and make myself comfortable under the large old oak tree. She said,
“You’re all skin and bones child, I’ll do my best to get you fattened up.”
She brought me so much to eat that I couldn’t finish it. I was bursting at the seams but I enjoyed every single dish.
The woman was really good in the kitchen.
She proceeded to bring me coffee, and she was fully satisfied for everything that I managed to put away.
"But where did you put all that stuff? You’ve eaten for two people!”she said, smiling and jovial.
"I don’t know how I could have managed to eat so much, but it was all so good! It would have been a shame to leave anything."
With that I said cheerio to Serena and headed for the garden in an attempt to digest some of what I had just eaten.
I walked among the flower beds without thoughts in my head, absently looked around me. I really need to pause my frantic mental activity.
I walked around for about half an hour, then I sat in the shade of a tree not so far removed from the farm, I decided to consider the mental body.
I started but then instead found myself thinking about my life. A memory resurfaced, a special moment that I remembered perfectly. At age ten I was travelling along the country roads surrounding the house where I lived. I had taken my mother's old bicycle and was pedalling carefree when at one point I found myself thinking about something unusual for any child of that age:
"I can’t die. Yes, of course, this body dies, but not me!”
I remembered it as if it had just happened, that strange awareness that had accompanied me silently all my life. A certainty that my decisions were always somehow fundamental,
but this was somehow not rationalized, not understood in its full grandeur.
Then there was the terrible adventure with Kurl, working as a prostitute and being sold.
But in retrospect, I realized that nothing really terrible had ever occurred to me. I had never played the harlot and actually the worst thing was my mental state.
Then I discover that all this had been driven for some strange reason by my friends. My appearance on the estate, a succession of positive surprises, a new job and some lovely people, a house, a car ....
And now here I am not aware of time passing and living an interesting life. But how long has it been since I got here? About a year and a half. Wow Kate! How old is Irina now?
Fifteen years old. How I miss that little bundle of trouble. I sent her a kiss in my thoughts and walked towards my house.
I took off my shoes and made myself comfortable. After I refreshed my face I lay down on the bed and I soon fell asleep and slipped into a wonderful dream.
I knew I was dreaming. I looked around and was in a moment torn from that place to be projected close to my Tasker.
I was there, outside of Planet and aware that my character was asleep. I remembered what had happened to me during the day, especially the attempts to explain what the mental body was.
Taking the opportunity to learn more, I looked carefully at the body, I had the certainty now of Kate, Lieutenant first class and the questions and concerns of the Planet Kate. The dream could act as a bridge between those two identities, so similar but yet so different.
I touched my hands. I tried to make them intangible. I could do it without any problems and I made my body become translucent. I could pass my hand through the wall. It felt wonderful.
I fell immediately into the dream but I was able to take with me what I had experienced.
I took a little run and launched into flight. I flew over a thick forest and looked down on the scene from above.
I could see the complete countryside setting, a spectacular aerial view. The dream however did not last long and I woke up on the bed and opened my eyes.
I was calm, completely relaxed as I analyzed what I had just experienced. I could understand now more easily what the mental body was.
I began rummaging through my memories in an attempt to recall again all the lucid dreams I had experienced. It was not difficult, I mentally retraced the dream that had turned into a nightmare. I remembered the cold fury with which I wiped away my fears.
I analyzed the feelings that I had during those dreams. I didn’t remember having ever feeling the sensations of hunger, cold, heat or touch and I thought back to when I felt the pain as a strange tingling, a pain was not real.
It seemed to me that the mental body was very similar to the body that I used to dream; it seemed to be made of more or less the same energy.
Maybe I was able to explain what it was.
The next morning I went back to Sgrunff and I found him exactly where he always was, in the classroo
m.
I recounted him what had happened and that my explanation of the mental body for the moment was:
"A body made of an energy other than the Planet, much lighter and more maneuverable. It seems to be a projection of the identity of the person.“
Sgrunff looked at me with a satisfied air and said,
"You're on your way Kate, you describe it very well, in a somewhat incomplete manner but satisfactory."
He paused a moment then added,
"You can interrupt Sven if you have questions for him, maybe he can tell you something more about Planet H."
I said that yes I would have liked to ask him some questions and he called Sven.
When Sven arrived I began with a question.
"What exactly are dreams really dear Sven?"
"Good question, Kate, really good question," he replied, scratching his chin. He explained.
"You must know that in the beginning sleep did not exist or rather there was simply a pause of a few seconds.
It was required only to let the player know that the day had started again - it was just a few seconds of darkness that was used to mark the time, a division between one day and the next. And this made the game more realistic.
With the interest from the Externals, the need for a rest has arisen. Using this tool as a prison, the inmates had to spend long periods in it so we have designed a system that would serve to rest and self - repair the circuits of the Taskers, which in practice could never be turned off.
Even the player / prisoners were in need of rest. While at first it was just a pause of a few seconds, we extended this so the Tasker had enough time to draw breath.
Thus was born the night and sleep and with it their dreams.
During the night the Tasker becomes about ninety percent idle. While normal players could use a simulation of their mental body, for the prisoners a method was developed to keep them engaged.
He looked at me, thoughtful and puzzled and then carried on with his explanation.
"Imagine going to the cinema and watching movies all the time your body is sleeping.
This is what has been done. The film could be seen or experienced first hand, the demand from the Externals was not to make people understand they were in prison and this is what we did.”
"OK Sven but then what exactly happens when I dream?”
Sven thought of some assumptions and then said,
"In theory you live the dream with a body that is a simulation of the mental one and you will have the impression of living experiences in the first or third person. Why, what happens to you?"
I paced up and down for a moment, thinking.
"Ioften dream very normally, I see some things that happen, exactly like in a movie, while in others, I am the protagonist.
But more and more frequently I happen to be conscious of the fact that I'm dreaming, I'm flying around the various landscapes and sometimes I do things using only the mind. Today I woke up near my Tasker.”
Sven seemed to try to remember something.
"It comes to mind now that sentinels were posted. They are the NPCs, phantoms dressed in black robes. They serve only to check if a prisoner takes some action against other players in the dream. Have you ever met them?”
I was reminded of something and I told him,
"Once I was making hats fly off using thought. Some people were attending a kind of show. I felt really naughty and I began to doubt that I was really doing it. I mean, the event was real and not a dream. When I left I was approached in flight by one of these strange beings dressed in a black cloak. He touched me between the shoulder and the neck, just like Mr. Spock in Star Trek. I woke up immediately."
"That's right, those are the sentinels, if you do nothing untoward you don’t see them. Anyway, it seems to me a good thing that this is happening to you - it means that the influence of Planet is becoming weaker. Remember this - the body you use to dream is similar to your mental body so it has the same features and the same potential. The mental body will serve as recognition for others and you also need it to be able to connect to the game. Without the mental body you cannot play. It is that which is basically trapped in the Tasker.
I smiled and thanked him for his valuable insights.
"But…. wait a moment. If I were without a mental body who on earth would I be?"
Sven smiled at me and said, "That the question you have to ask the best instructor that I know of, that is, our Sgrunff.”
He went back to his work.
I asked,
"So, Sgrunfietto dear, who am I without my mental body?”
Sgrunff seemed to be particularly enjoying himself. He looked at me and replied,
"The question already contains the answer little Kate. Just check over what you have asked and you’ll discover it."
"Argh, another rip-off response."
He saw that I couldn’t answer and he placed an apple in my hand. His question followed,
"Who are you with that apple in your hand?"
"This is easy Sgrunfio, it's me, Kate!"
"Well Kate, now put down the apple and tell me who you are without the apple in your hand?" At the same time he began to wander about the room making strange noises and whispering "uuuhhh, uuuhhhh, buuuhhh…I'm the ghost of the Thames….. buuuhhh!”
I too was amused now, wondering what strange drug he must have swallowed during my absence. However, I replied,
"I am always me."
Sgrunff stopped and gave himself a short round of applause followed by a bow.
"Well, Madame, and who would you be without your mental body? Imagine that your mental body is the apple. The position of the apple does not change who you are. If you put down the apple, you will always be you. So? Tell me who are you?”
I was getting irritated and retorted,
"But I just told you Sgrunfio, I will always be myself ......"
I realized that I had just answered my own question, the little bastard was giving me the runaround with strange puns.
I turned on the screen to view my analysis. Sgrunff asked me why I wrote‘Supreme Being’under the word‘Creator.’
I said, because I had assumed that the Creator was‘The Supreme Being.’
"It's a good answer Kate - you know that the creator of Planet H is Sven. Is he also the‘Supreme Being’”?
I thought not and I told him so whereupon he asked me why he could not be. I told him that I had meant those words to mean‘God’, not Sven.
"Quite right Kate, but since you found out that the creator of Planet H is Sven, why should he not be the God of Planet H? It seems to me that the two words are synonyms.”
He had destroyed my logic on the 'Divine Entity’and here he was staring at me with an amused air.
"What can I say Sgrunfio, you break all the eggs in the basket with truncheon blows and then you expect me to give you a sensible answer."
"You're right Kate, I'm sorry to get into a discussion like this. It would be like trying to set out a quiet philosophical argument while walking through a minefield in the Gaza Strip.”
"But no Sgrunfio, come on talk to me about it, I don’t understand."
"You already have too much information to digest for today, it would be better to move this discussion to another time."
"Come on Sgrunfietto dear! Just a taster please ....?
He agreed to talk about it a little longer. He asked me,
"Who do you think is God?”
Big question. I thought it over for a few minutes while Sgrunff waited with no signs of impatience. I said,
"God is the creator, the creator of all things."
"Good, then tell me who has created Planet H?"
He was still trying to screw me, I felt it! But I stayed in the game.
"The creator of Planet is Sven, but someone created him.”
Sgrunff laughed.
"One thing at a time Kate. Let's forget for the moment the person who created it and let us reflect on his creation. You
could say, based on the information in your possession that Sven is the God of Planet H?"
I thought for a few moments, then said,
"Yes, but I'm not convinced."
"Well, Kate, tell me about the gods, the ghosts, spiritual entities, souls and the other names that come to mind on the subject. Speak freely, verbalize your thoughts.”
So I began to give voice to my thoughts, I told him everything I could think of.
"Well, the ghosts are supernatural entities that run around in the night dragging chains, the souls are the spirits of dead people who wander aimlessly among us and often do mischief and the gods are supernatural beings who possess various higher skills. Jokes aside, the thought of an entity that I cannot see but is capable of harming me gives me the creeps.”
Sven came back into the classroom looking like he had been struck by a thunderbolt.
"I have seen some remarkable changes in the force fields in your Tasker - large flows of energy passing between the two diffusers on the fear circuit of the lower diffuser and one hidden circuit has been activated in the upper diffuser. What were you talking about?”
I told him we were talking of souls and spirits.
"That explains a lot," said Sven. He paused silently, staring at Sgrunff who said only,
"OK Sven, we can do it."
"Do what?”I asked. I had the suspicion they were about to play a bad joke. Sven rushed off to his lab, I thought probably to mess around with my Tasker.
Planet-H: The End of the Beginning Page 25