“I didn’t mean to yell,” Nathan sighed. “I seem to be doing too much of that these days.” The mattress moved. Nathan stroked the side of her face, pushing a strand of hair off her cheek.
She froze. It was too soon, she couldn’t handle his gentle touch, didn’t know what to do with the panic racing through her body. Dear God, when would it end?
His hand left her body like he’d touched a hot skillet. “We were worried about you.”
She squeezed her eyes tight. Old memories twisted with the fear she’d felt as she stood shivering on the side of the icy road. She bit down on her lip, desperate to feel something other than self-pity. It didn’t work. Fresh tears slipped beneath her lashes.
“Hey, don’t cry. You’re okay.” Nathan reached forward, then stopped. “Sean was right. You sounded like someone was trying to murder you. What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“It must have been a pretty big nothing to make you scream like that.”
She clamped her lips tight. He didn’t need to know. She’d never told anyone apart from her mom, and she’d reacted the same way she did about every bad thing in their lives. She’d run, taking a scared kid halfway across the country from Alabama to Montana. Swapping one trailer park for another recycled set of problems.
“Who was he?”
“It doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.”
“Sure didn’t feel like it twenty minutes ago. Look at me, Amy.”
She burrowed deeper into the bed. “It’s late. We can talk about it another time.” Try never, her mind screeched. He wouldn’t understand. It had taken her years to realize it hadn’t been her fault. That no one deserved to be mauled like an animal. Her mom’s boyfriend had touched her, done everything he could to push his drunk body into hers. But she’d fought back and hadn’t stopped fighting every single day of her life.
Her fingers gripped the sheet, winding the cotton tight around her hands. She swallowed her fear, anchoring herself in the room with Nathan and not in a cupboard sized bedroom in Alabama. Nathan’s weight shifted off the mattress.
A quiet sigh left her lips. “Could you leave the light on?”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He moved around the bed, sitting in front of her. “Did he rape you?”
Amy stared at the quilt lying on top of her. She couldn’t tell him, wouldn’t tell him about her past.
“Amy?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I’m not leaving until you do.”
She waited, hoping he’d give up and walk away. She waited some more. He didn’t move. Amy focused on the sound of the rain hitting the windows, the wind howling over the house. Anything other than the steady gaze of the man sitting beside her.
She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I wasn’t raped.” Tears blurred her vision. He hadn’t needed to rape her to destroy a part of her that she’d never been able to fix.
“How old were you?”
She lifted her gaze. “Fourteen,” she whispered. He gasped and she looked away, too ashamed to deal with the shock written all over his face.
Nathan’s footsteps echoed on the wooden floor. He walked across to the window, yanking back the curtain. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Amy rubbed her face with the edge of the sheet. “I couldn’t tell anyone.” Her body felt like a coiled spring, ready to snap and break into a thousand pieces. She watched his still, silent body for a few more minutes. She closed her eyes, hoping exhaustion would pull her into a deep and dreamless sleep. She wasn’t so lucky.
The edge of the bed moved beneath Nathan’s weight. “Look at me. This is important.”
Nothing was important except keeping her sister safe. Nothing. And the sooner she remembered that, the better off everyone would be.
“You’re acting like a five-year-old.”
Her gaze shot to his face. “I am not.”
“Got your eyes open though, didn’t it?”
His lopsided grin tugged at her heart. She wished it didn’t. She wished she was the type of woman who could throw herself into the emotions swirling in his gaze. The comfort, the kindness, the acceptance. Everything that had always been there only she’d been too blind to see it. But learning to trust anyone had been almost impossible. And the reason she’d left Montana nine years ago.
“I’ll always be here for you, you know that don’t you?”
Deep down she wanted to believe him, to be able to ask for help. When she was eighteen she’d thought she could finally trust someone with her heart and her body. But then she’d overheard the latest parcel of gossip handed around town.
You didn’t give damaged goods to someone as a gift. She had nothing of value to offer Nathan. If she had trouble dealing with what had happened, she couldn’t expect someone else to wade into her messy life looking for emotional leftovers.
“Amy?”
“I’m okay. I just over-reacted.”
Nathan shook his head. “You’re too stubborn for your own good. If you’re not ready to deal with your past are you ready to get some more sleep?” He stood beside the bed, hands on his hips and braced for battle with someone he’d never know.
“Remember to leave the light on in the hallway.”
A grim frown settled on his face. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He turned the bedroom light off and left her room.
She gazed into the hallway, listening to the tread of Nathan’s feet on the stairs. The rain had stopped thundering down. The house slept in quiet silence, waiting for the mayhem of the morning.
She closed her eyes and drifted between the present and the past, not sure whether a six-foot cowboy from Montana could ever fit into her life. Or if she wanted him to.
CHAPTER FIVE
The first rays of morning light were breaking across the ranch when Nathan looked up from the computer. His dad stood in the doorway with a worried frown on his face.
“Did you get any sleep last night?”
Nathan glanced back at the spreadsheet in front of him. “Some.”
His dad didn’t bother telling him he made an awful liar. Before Nathan had stumbled into the shower he’d taken a look at his face. No amount of spit or polish would turn him into anything other than the wreck he saw reflected back in the bathroom mirror.
“I’m glad I caught you before you headed outside.” His dad’s gaze shifted to the desk. “Did you track down the email Trent sent us about the ranch vacation business they’re starting at the Triple L?”
“Not the email, but I saw him in Bozeman last week. They’ve nearly finished converting the old barn to bunkhouse accommodation. Gracie’s driving him insane with all her interior decorating ideas.”
At five-foot-one, Gracie hardly reached the buttons on her husband’s shirt, but she managed to keep the whole McKenzie house on their toes. Not to mention the mischief she got up to with Sally if half the tales he heard were true. “Dave and Ian have already said they’d open up their ranches for some of the activities they’ve got planned.”
“Do you think it’s something we could get involved in?”
“I don’t see why not. We had a group out here last year and it went well. Stan Lewis wants us to offer another ranch vacation in this year’s hospital auction.”
His dad nodded. “How’s the hand?”
“I’ll live.” Nathan sat back in his chair. It still hurt like hell. But that was nothing compared to the anger that almost swallowed him whole when he thought about the bastard that had attacked Amy. “Did you know?”
“About Amy?”
Nathan nodded.
“She never said anything, but we thought something had happened. We tried talking to her about it, but she wouldn’t listen. Her mom told us to mind our own business.”
Nothing had changed, he thought. The stubborn teenager had been replaced with an equally stubborn adult. “She’s buried everything so deep that I doubt anyone will ever get the whole story.”
His dad frown
ed. “Be gentle with her, son. Amy’s always planned her life in triplicate. As soon as she decided she wanted to be a doctor she applied for every scholarship she could find. And she got there. But her baby sister changed everything. I’d guess that right about now her world feels about as stable as a pond of quicksand. She never had an easy life to start with and she’s going to need all our support to get back onto steady ground.”
Nathan stared at the pen sitting on his desk. “I care about her.”
“I know you do.” His dad’s eyes clouded over. “You’re a good person, Nathan. I’m very proud of you, but take things slowly. You’ve been through a hard time yourself.” He moved across to a chair shoved against the wall, filled with a pile of old newspapers and mail. He stacked the paper onto an empty shelf on the bookcase and sat down. “But that’s not all I want to talk about. Your mother and I have decided to move to Florida. How do you feel about taking over the management of the ranch?”
“What?” Nathan felt his jaw drop. Three generations of Grays had lived and died on the ranch. He never thought his parents would leave unless they were in a pine box, heading six-foot under. “You can’t be serious? You love this place.”
“I can learn to love somewhere else too. Your mom’s health is better in a warmer climate and her sister keeps pestering her to come and live by the ocean. It’s not forever. Matthew and Sean can stay here. And when we do come back to visit they’ll have to scrape their mess off the floor and make room for us. What do you think?”
Nathan’s thoughts raced inside his head. He’d built his entire life around one day managing his family’s ranch. Even the three years he’d spent at university hadn’t managed to dent his need to be close to the land.
He moved in his chair. The scars on his back pulled tight, reminding him that his life had changed. “I don’t know, dad. I’m still having problems with my back.”
“That’s what you’ve got family for. Sean and Matthew are more than capable of taking responsibility for the jobs that are too difficult for you and we’ve already employed an extra ranch hand. Even Sally’s happy to get her nails dirty every now and then.”
A smile tugged at his dad’s mouth. They both knew Sally could do every job on the ranch, she just chose to be picky about what she helped with.
“Have you talked this over with the rest of the family?”
“No. I thought I’d ask you first.”
Nathan stared at his computer. He didn’t want to let his dad down. He didn’t want to let himself down. He needed to know he was making a difference, that he could build on the dream his great-grandfather had started.
“When do you need my answer?”
“Let me know sometime in the next couple of weeks. Your mom and I want to be in Florida before the end of January.”
“Why so soon?”
His dad crossed his ankles in front of his chair, staring at the wooden floor. He looked up and Nathan saw his dad’s answer before he heard it. “This land’s a part of me. The quicker we make the break the easier it will be.”
“I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve thought it through.”
“Don’t sell yourself short, son. Everything you’ve learned over the years will keep the ranch growing and running at a profit.” His father stood up. “Your mom promised me flapjacks for breakfast and I’m not about to miss out. Do you want to come and keep an old man company?”
“I’ll be there soon. I’ve just got to send an order off. And you’re not old, dad.”
“Some days I feel ancient. Think carefully about the ranch. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted.”
Nathan turned back to his computer, staring at the spreadsheet in front of him. With his dad gone they’d have to employ at least one more cowboy in the spring and summer. His mom did most of the paperwork, keeping the bills paid and suppliers happy. He could do that side of things, but he’d sooner be outside, working the land like he’d been born to do.
Opening another file, he looked at their end of year accounts. They’d been slowly growing their herd of buffalo, supplying grass-fed bison to a local company that processed, froze and boxed the meat for online orders. The profit margins were a lot higher than beef and the market for bison had grown fifty percent since they’d started. The ranch made a decent profit each year. With careful planning their income should continue to increase, even with the downturn in the economy.
He rubbed his hand along his jaw and felt the rough prickle of stubble. His dad had been right, he hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. His six-foot frame had complained about having to slouch in his sister’s armchair. After watching Amy’s shaking body for most of the night he’d finally given in to exhaustion and stretched out on top of the blankets beside her. And there was no way in hell he’d do that again. Not with the scream she’d let rip at three o’clock in the morning.
He took a deep breath, remembering what she’d told him. No wonder she’d left Bozeman as fast as she could when she’d been a teenager. He’d scared her, and that was the last thing he’d ever wanted to do.
Matthew walked into the office. “Mom’s got breakfast cooking. How’s Amy?”
“Still asleep when I checked on her an hour ago. How on earth did you sleep through her scream?”
“Beats me. Sean reckons I must have been snoring like a freight train to miss it. You really spooked her to get that sort of reaction.”
He wished to God that was all it had been. Standing up, he stretched cramped muscles, nearly groaning at the pain streaking down his back. “I need food.”
“Follow me. But if you eat all the flapjacks you’ll be in trouble.
Amy felt as though her body had been tossed in the washing machine and left on heavy-duty spin. After she’d woken up it had taken most of her energy to pull on the clothes stacked on the chair in Sally’s bedroom. She’d had to stop twice on her way down the stairs, leaning against the wall while she waited for the house to stop spinning. She couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been. First the flat tire, then her cell phone, and then Nathan.
She walked into the lounge, smiling at Sally and the plate of chocolate chip cookies balanced on the arm of the sofa. “I thought you’d be at school by now.”
Sally cradled a hot drink between her hands. “What am I, Attilla the Hun? Nathan just said the same thing. The road’s closed and no one can get in or out of Bozeman. What are you doing out of bed?”
“I feel much better.”
“You could have fooled me. Are you alright?”
Amy took a deep breath, ignoring the concern on her best friend’s face. “Sort of. It was just a nightmare. Now move those feet, girlfriend. Those cookies smell divine.” Sally passed the plate of cookies over and they sat in easy silence, munching on the home baking in front of them.
Nathan walked into the lounge. He stopped, staring at her like she had a bad case of poison ivy. Amy looked down at her baggy sweatpants and purple sweater. She didn’t look like she’d be going anywhere fancy in a hurry, but she didn’t think she looked that bad. Unless he didn’t know what to say after last night. Her heart sank. She should have made up some phony excuse for screaming the roof off the house. He didn’t need to know about her past. No one did.
The chunk of chocolate melting in her mouth turned to glue.
“You should be in bed,” he growled.
Sally looked between the two of them. “Don’t go all caveman on Amy. She had a tough night and you don’t look much better.”
Nathan walked toward the sofa. His gaze flicked to his sister, then to the half-eaten plate of cookies balanced on a cushion.
“I don’t think so,” Sally said, moving the plate out of his reach. “If you want some you’d better go and see mom. These are for me and Amy.”
The front door slammed and Sean walked past the lounge door, doubling back when he saw Nathan. “I thought I could smell mom’s baking.” Before Sally could move, he grabbed a handful of cookies off her plate.
“Hey, get your
own.”
“They wouldn’t taste as sweet as yours.” He turned to Nathan. “We’ve checked the cattle in the northern fields. They seem okay but the fence needs mending. Evan’s giving Matthew a hand to get everything secure before another storm passes through.”
“Make sure you keep a lookout for any stray cattle. Some of the McGill herd may have wandered over here.”
“No problem. I’m going to make myself some lunch then head back outside. Dad said to tell you that the four-wheeler’s working fine now.”
Amy frowned at Nathan. “You’ve been outside already?”
“It’s midday. City life must have softened your brains.” Nathan crossed his arms in front of his chest, rocking on the heels of his socks.
Amy pulled herself off the sofa. “I’ll go and see how Catherine is.”
“No need,” Sally said. “Mom put her back to bed an hour ago for a morning sleep. Stay here and I’ll go and get you a hot chocolate.” She left her mug on the coffee table and went into the kitchen.
Amy glanced at Nathan, then turned her attention to the fireplace. It was easier staring at the orange flames than the frowning face hovering a few feet away.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“Okay.”
“You don’t look it.”
She pushed her hair behind her ears. “Gee thanks.”
“I take it you’re planning on staying inside today?”
The way she felt at the moment she’d be going back to bed as soon as Nathan left. She couldn’t remember ever being so tired. Or stupid.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” he growled. “I’m heading back to my place this afternoon.”
She lifted her head and stared into his steady blue gaze. She didn’t want him to go. Like every other mixed up, crazy thing that had happened in the last few months, she would miss him. “Thanks…for everything. I didn’t mean to blurt out what happened.”
“If you’d told me before I would have understood.”
She took a deep breath. “I wasn’t ready to tell you.”
Forever in Love (Montana Brides) Page 9