by Avery Rae
I had to wear it back in a tight bun when I was on deck, but my hair had been so thick and long that my bun was always comically larger than anyone else's. And when I wore it down while off-duty? Everyone complimented it. I wasn't sure how it looked now. I'd been too scared to look at myself in the mirror earlier. I just hoped my steady diet of air and water hadn't jacked it up too badly.
"You should rest." Kolyr's voice interrupted my thoughts.
I wished he hadn't. I'd gotten really good at sinking into my thoughts. It almost felt like I was back on the ship sometimes, and I would rather be anywhere but here.
"What do you care?" I asked with a frown.
"You're still healing."
"Do you not understand that I'll just get hurt again where you're sending me?" I held up my hands in disbelief. "How can I break this down for you in a simpler way?"
"That sounds like all the more reason to rest now."
I shook my head. "Are you even listening to yourself? I just told you that Solys is going to hurt me, and you told me to rest while I can."
"There must've been a misunderstanding. I doubt he meant to—"
"Just make the call or whatever." I took a step forward, tugging up a dress strap as it slipped. "Call the peacekeepers. Call Solys while you're at it. Tell him he's won. Just don't make me sit here a second longer if you're going to tell me a brand being shoved into my thigh was a mistake. That he accidentally kept me in a tiny, dark room for months with as little food as possible. I'd rather go through that torture all over again than listen to you trying to convince yourself you're not in the wrong."
"I don't believe my governor would ever—"
"Then you would lose your mind if you heard the rest of what he did."
I gave him a flat look, walked into the bathroom, and smacked my hand against the screen for the second time today. I didn't want to sit in a steamy bathroom, but it was the only place I could be alone. And it was far better than listening to him justify giving me back to my torturer.
I sat down on the hard floor and leaned back against the wall, staring through the skylight above. When I first saw it, I thought it was funny a home on Korystus would have a skylight. But it was nice to look up from inside the shower and see the stars. It reminded me of sitting on the ship's deck on the days when we were just floating in space, waiting on repairs before we continued our journey through space.
With a sinking feeling, I realized I would probably never fly again. I wouldn't do much of anything ever again. I wouldn't last long with Solys. All Kolyr had done by healing me was ensure my torture was prolonged slightly—but even then, I just didn't have anything left in me. My determination had kept me alive all those months, and I was officially tapped out.
3
I woke with a jolt to see Kolyr crouched in front of me. He was holding a cup out to me. I tried to sit up and groaned as my body creaked and whined with each movement. Falling asleep while sitting on the floor of the bathroom clearly hadn't been the best idea. With concerted effort, I curled my stiff, aching body away from him and huddled up against the wall.
"Leave me alone," I murmured.
"You need to eat, and I'd like my bathroom back at some point."
Although my stomach ached and burned at the thought of food, I lifted my heavy head and shook it with a laugh. "If I eat, that means it'll last longer. And you'll get your bathroom back when Solys drags me out of here."
"What'll last longer?"
"My time with Solys."
Silence. Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I kept my head pressed against the cool wall, ignoring Kolyr's existence. Or at least trying to. After a moment, he sighed and shifted around, sitting beside me. I opened my eyes a crack as his large, muscled thigh bumped into mine, and the sight nearly brought me to tears. My own legs were painfully thin in comparison.
"Please eat," he said, his voice surprisingly soft.
"I already told you. No."
He held the cup closer and I shook my head again, even as my stomach growled at the mellow, sweet scent coming from the cup. It reminded me of honeydew almost. But I couldn't be sure since I hadn't eaten it since I was eighteen, which was how old I'd been when we fled Earth ten years ago.
I'd been so bright-eyed and determined back then despite all the panic. I smiled ruefully at the memory, welcoming the distraction. Leaving Earth had seemed like an adventure to my silly, younger self. I didn't quite understand that we would never go back. That the Adrax would take our planet—the entire solar system, really—as their own forever.
"I'll hold off for a week or two," Kolyr suddenly said. "Let you gain some strength before I turn you in."
I opened my eyes and found him staring back at me. "I already told you that only makes it worse. Why even bother in the first place?"
"I don't—I don't think your body can handle any more stress right now. It just seems like the . . . right thing to do."
"The right thing to do?" I laughed. "The right thing? Spare me. You're just trying to make yourself feel better."
"I know you're hungry." He shoved the cup in front of me. "Just drink this."
I took the cup from his hand. Kolyr's satisfied smile gave way to confusion as I got to my feet. Eyes locked on his, I walked over to the wide ivory basin that was his sink and dumped the contents of the cup. Kolyr just watched. There was fury in his eyes but he did nothing. When the cup was empty, I dropped it in the sink, the clatter echoing loudly throughout the small bathroom.
"Thanks," I said with a big, fake smile. "I feel better already."
I was feeling pretty smug as I strode out of the bathroom. Which made it a shame that I only made it two steps before collapsing. I hissed in pain as my frail form collided with the hard floor.
"How do you feel now?" Kolyr asked with a grunt as he stooped down to scoop me into his arms. He brought me back to the bed—his bed, I realized. It was obvious, of course, but I hadn't given it much thought until now.
"Still great," I said through a wince. "Fantastic, actually."
He yanked the blanket over me and took a step back.
"I'm going to have to go into the city and pick up some more injections. You'll need more after that fall." He brought his lower lip between his teeth and rubbed at his jaw irritably. "This all could've been prevented if you had just eaten."
"Dying is preferable to what you have planned for me."
"I've done nothing but help you."
"You know what I mean." I shot up in bed, sending sharp spikes of pain throughout my body. I gritted my teeth through it, lifting a hand to point at Kolyr. "So you stop trying to convince yourself you're not as bad as Solys. If you give me to him, then you're just as much to blame."
His full lips pressed into a line. "I'm going into the city for your medicine. I'll leave some food on the bedside table. If you haven't eaten by the time I get back, I'll have no choice but to turn you in right away."
"That's just fine. What difference do you think it makes? Either way, I'm screwed."
Kolyr had already stalked across the room to the kitchen area. He grabbed an iridescent plate and brought it to my bedside. There were little, puffy-looking white things on it.
"These should be easy on your stomach," he said plainly, ignoring my earlier comment.
I stared at him, scowling, as he walked back to the kitchen, poured me another cup of mystery-liquid, then set it next to the plate. As he turned away again, I got the sense he really was planning on leaving, and something inside me stirred. I needed him to realize I wasn't just someone's property. I needed him to admit to himself what he was doing to me, and that it needed to stop.
"My name is Naomi," I blurted out.
He turned back around, bewildered. "What? You already told me your name, why're you—"
"My name is Naomi," I repeated, my voice gaining strength with each word. "I'm twenty-nine years old. I was a pilot. I was on deck flying the ship the day it crashed. And on that day, I lost my parents and my older brother. I loved them more
than anything. They died because I failed. I've got nothing left. If you have an ounce of kindness in you, you'll just let me go back into that forest and die like I wanted to in the first place."
I inhaled sharply after those last few words left my lips. I hadn't realized until that very moment just how real they were. It wasn't my hatred of the Korysti that drove me away from Marion and into the forest that day. I'd been hoping I wouldn't make it out. That I could die on my own terms.
Kolyr shook his head. "I'm not going to let you die."
I laughed. Because my only other option was tears, and I refused to cry in front of a Korysti. "What do you think Solys is going to do to me? Do you think he's going to pat me on the head and thank me for attempting to murder him?"
"The governor will do what he sees fit. I'm sure he'll show understanding."
"Just stop. Please, stop." My voice was so low, it was quieter than a whisper. "You go on ahead and do whatever feels right to you."
"I intend to."
"You've made that pretty clear. I don't even know why I bothered."
"I'm not sure either."
In a flurry of movement, Kolyr was suddenly leaning over me. As I stared up into his glowing eyes, a soft click sounded right beside my left ear. Heart racing, I tugged my left wrist and found resistance. I looked over and saw a thick cuff around my wrist, linked to the bedpost.
"So this is why you put me in your bed," I said quietly, more to myself than him. It gave him somewhere to tether me. He'd probably done this every time he left me here while I was passed out. Wouldn't want the human to escape or taste too much freedom.
"What do you mean?"
"Just forget it."
"No." He pulled back, arms folded across his chest. "You think I gave you my bed so I would have somewhere convenient to cuff you?"
I stared back at him. I didn't need to answer that. The answer was already there.
"Why do you think everything we do is evil?" Kolyr asked with a growl of frustration in his voice.
"Why wouldn't I?"
Kolyr eyed me for a long moment, not saying a word. Once or twice he looked like he wanted to say something but held himself back. Finally, he gave up and turned away. After gathering a few things, he was out the door. I watched him walk away through a window beside it. He soon climbed inside one of those boxy, self-piloted vehicles they all used.
As it drove away, I sank down in the bed, my left arm hanging at an awkward angle. It took less than five minutes or so of being alone with that plate of food until I devoured it, one handful at a time. The puffy things were plain and dry like crackers, and filled with nothing but air, yet in those moments, they were the best food I'd ever had. Perhaps because it was the first substantial meal I'd had in a long time. Tears pricked at my eyes as I washed them down with long drinks from the cup, along with an extra dose of self-loathing.
My belly shamefully full, I drifted in and out of sleep, jolting awake at every little noise. Each time, my sleep-fogged brain was certain it was Solys coming to collect me. And I had given him just a little more time with me by eating that food.
Just when I started to slip deeper into something that almost felt like restful sleep, the front door slid open with a crash, and I scrambled up, my heart pounding so hard it ached. Kolyr burst through the doorway, cursing up a storm. Or at least, I assumed he was cursing. The translation discs in my ears weren't processing what he was saying. Without even stopping to look at me, he rushed around the small house, grabbing bags and shoving them full of food and clothes.
"What're you doing?" I asked warily.
He paused just long enough to look me dead in the eyes and say, "They're coming for you, Naomi."
"What? How do you know?" I tugged at the cuff tethering me to the bed, panic sending my already pounding heart into overdrive, so fast I thought it might burst.
"Because I told them you were here."
4
As Kolyr shot around the small house, I yanked so hard on the cuff that my wrist ached.
"You said I had time," I seethed. "I believed you."
Kolyr's eyes shot over to the bedside table. I could've sworn I saw something that looked like regret. It was too brief to really tell, and his expression had already hardened into something unreadable.
"Well, I lied," he said.
"Of course you did."
"I'm a soldier, Naomi." He paused in the middle of shoving a bag full of food. "I pledged an oath to Korystus and its government. My loyalty is theirs."
"Then why're you packing?"
"I don't know."
Kolyr roughly closed the bag and tossed it toward the door, where it landed with a heavy thump. For a moment, he just stared at me from across the room, his chest heaving with each breath. There was a war taking place inside his mind. It was written all over his face. Confusion. Anger. Panic. He truly didn't know what he was doing.
Movement outside the window next to the door caught my eye. Fear slammed through me so hard I fell back against the wall. It didn't matter what he was doing. It was too late.
"No," I rasped, my throat tight. Despite all my insistence he turn me in, now that it was really happening, I wanted to scream. But I couldn't. In my mind, I was already back down in that basement, and it was pointless to scream there.
Kolyr rushed over to the window, then quickly moved away from it, shoving a hand into his short hair. He clenched and unclenched a fist, then he was at my bedside. With quick movements, he undid the cuff around my wrist. My arm, tingling with faint numbness, flopped against the pillows. I stared at it like it belonged to someone else. The skin was pink from my attempts to get free moments ago.
It didn't hurt. Or maybe it did, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything. I stayed in bed as Kolyr rushed around, gathering the last couple bags he'd packed and moving them to a window on the back side of the tiny house.
I stared out the window, watching the three vehicles slowly approach. The middle one was different from the usual cream-colored boxes that floated around Korystus, and all too familiar.
It was a rich, chocolatey brown with a golden shimmer, and it was larger than the others. Much larger. I thought it looked like a giant pile of glittery crap. It stood out among the colorful blues, purples, and pinks of this planet like a sore thumb. But Governor Solys thought it made him look as important as he felt.
I slowly blinked as Kolyr suddenly appeared in front of me, concern in his expression.
"We have to go," he said. "Now."
"What's the point?" I asked in a wilted voice. "Spare yourself and hand me over. There's only one way out of this for me." I shook my head and groaned, cursing myself. "If only I hadn't eaten. Now it's going to last so much longer."
"Stop saying—"
Loud knocks echoed throughout the house. I winced with each sharp rap, yet I was smiling. Retreating. Chasing my thoughts somewhere far away. Earth. I was on Earth again, and it was beautiful. The sky was blue, and the air was crisp. It was fall. Leaves blanketed the ground. I missed it so much.
I tried to focus on the scenery. I tried so hard. But somewhere off in the distance, Kolyr opened the door to his house. As the guards outside his door stepped aside and I saw the smirking face of my former jailer, I slammed back to the present.
Dressed in a long, form-fitting coat and silky trousers that had to cut off his circulation, Solys strode inside, glowing eyes darkened with the promise of hurt. Without even stopping or saying a word, he pulled me into his arms and pressed me against his chest. Everything in me revolted but my body remained limp. His scent invaded my nostrils, sickly sweet like rotting fruit.
"Naomi," his voice oozed into my ear. "Where have you been all this time?"
I said nothing. Did nothing. I just did my best to not exist.
He pulled back, staring down at me with eyes that had none of the kindness of his voice. His hands trembled as he touched me, desperate to clamp down and hurt me like I'd hurt him. I closed my eyes and let my though
ts drift back to the moment I'd slammed his head against the stone floor again and again. If only Marion hadn't stopped me.
Solys suddenly clicked his tongue. He lifted up my left arm, eyeing the angered skin with a disgruntled look. He dropped it and whirled around, striding toward Kolyr.
Solys grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and hissed, "Did you do that to her?"
Kolyr's eyes widened with alarm and confusion. "It wasn't on purpose, Governor. I apologize."
I wanted to laugh. I wanted to tell him that Solys wasn't mad I'd gotten hurt. He was mad because he thought someone else got to torture his toy. Only he was allowed to do that.
"Apologize to her as well."
Kolyr swallowed deeply. "I'm sorry, Naomi."
Satisfied, Solys let go of Kolyr's collar and turned back around to face me with a twisted smile. "We should hurry home. I've missed you."
"I can't say the same," I replied, knowing good and well those words would earn me so much more hurt. But they were worth it.
Solys showed a surprising amount of calm. His lips quirked a little higher even as his silver eyes turned a deep gray. "You must be ill. Don't worry, I'll remind you of just how much you loved being with me. Guards, please get her prepared for our journey back home."
As the guards hauled me off the bed, I locked eyes with Kolyr. He looked so lost. The poor soldier thought his planet was filled with nothing but perfection. This must be a rude awakening, because Solys was as transparent as they came. There was no hiding that kind of evil. You just had to look, but it seemed like most Korysti averted their eyes.
The guards brought me to his giant crap-mobile and shoved me inside. I shivered in revulsion as my body hit the plush fabric wrapped around the bench seats. The last time I'd been in here was after Solys came to get me at the lab. He just had to be there first thing.
Solys wanted those few extra moments to soak in my fear and uncertainty, and he wouldn't have missed it for the world. It'd been an appetizer for him. And here I was again. Ready to be consumed.