I Found You

by Lark, Jane

  “My turn.” His voice was husky and quiet as his fingers gripped my dress by my hips, then they fisted and he drew it up.

  I felt my stomach lurch as he did, and saw heat in his eyes.

  I was naked underneath it, bar my stockings. I knew he knew that now.

  The soft jersey slid upwards over my upper thighs, over my hips, my stomach and my breasts, catching on my nipples and sending sensation spinning down into my belly. He pulled it off over my head and let it fall on the floor.

  My arms dropped onto his shoulders and his hands fell and gripped my buttocks, hard, pulling me against him as his lips came down on mine.

  I was standing against him in only my stockings and high-heel boots, and my breasts were crushed against his chest.

  I was hot and hungry again. Desperately hungry, I wanted him between my legs.

  He broke the kiss. “Did you get anymore condoms?”

  “Why, haven’t you got any?”

  “No. Did you?”

  “Luckily for you, I did.”

  His hands firmed on my buttocks and then he lifted me, only a little, so my feet were off the floor.

  I laughed as he walked toward the bedroom, and wrapped my legs about his thighs. This was unbelievable, wonderful.

  In the bedroom, he set my feet back on the floor. “I daren’t just drop you. The mattress is a little low. But now I want you to lie down.”

  “In a moment.” I dropped to my knees and undid his pants. Looking up at him and smiling. I was still drunk; I knew I was. My conscience and condemnation would kick in after a few hours, but not now, not yet.

  His fingers gripped in my hair when I kissed his tip, and a sigh of ecstasy left his lips when I consumed him, the taste of salt tickling my tongue.

  I glanced up.

  He was watching, pleasure and need cutting into his features.

  “Enough, Rach,” he whispered after a little while drawing me away. “Lie down.”

  I did, letting him lead for a bit, as I’d let him lead me to the booth in the club.

  He stayed standing and pushed off his pants and boxers.

  I was resting on my elbows, watching him strip for me. It was the best show ever, he was so perfectly gorgeous. I’d never dated any guy in such good shape as he was, in fact I don’t think I’d dated anyone I’d consider to be as handsome as he was.

  When he was naked, his gaze ran over me, hovering on my legs, the point between my thighs and my breasts.

  “Rach?” He was such a nice guy, even now he was asking if I was really sure.

  I was sure. I’d been sure in the alley. I was even more certain now.

  I lifted my hand. “Come here.”

  He dropped on to his knees on the mattress then came over me, kissing my lips first, then my cheek, then my jaw, and my shoulder, then my breast, while he remained on all fours.

  His teeth caught at my nipple and I gasped.

  He glanced up and smiled, a very sultry smile. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be…” It had sent a sharp spasm of excitement cutting though my chest.

  His head lowered again and he began licking and sucking my breasts.

  This was beautiful insanity.

  My fingers gripped the covers at either side of me, and I longed to be without my boots so my toes could grasp the covers too. The way he touched me was too sweet. He was so gentle.

  “Rach, do you know how beautiful you are … ” The heat of his words brushed over my breast, and then he kissed across my sternum and sucked the other breast.

  I wanted to touch him, but I didn’t want to touch him because I didn’t want him to stop.

  I pressed my head back into the mattress and just clung to the covers and lay in the pleasure of his adoration. Jason Macinlay, I hope your Lindy, tells you how good you are at making love, she’s clearly lied to you about how well you can dance. I hope she hasn’t done the same with this.

  He kissed across my stomach but he didn’t go lower. Then when he came up higher and kissed my lips, his fingers invaded between my legs.

  My hips arched against his touch. I wanted to feel him there again, as he’d been in the alley.

  “Rach.” His fingers left me and the weight of his thighs and hips came down on to me.

  “The condom.” I whispered urgently, I didn’t doubt he was clean, but God, Declan had never been into safe sex. I’d never cared for myself. But I cared for Jason. I didn’t want him catching something bad from me.

  “Where are they?”

  “In my purse.”

  He moved off me in a moment, and I felt cold as he went into the other room. But he was back in seconds and tearing the packet open. Then he put it on before he came back down over me.

  I lifted my legs and then remembered I was still wearing my stiletto boots.

  Dammit, I didn’t know what to do with my legs. If I wrapped them about his, my heels might cut him. If I pressed them into the covers I might tear them. But within moments, I didn’t care.

  “Oh.”

  He was working already, swift and hard.

  He had the muscle definition from his running to be skilled, and he had the length and width to drive a woman insane. I was having the best sex I’d ever had. “Hell. Jason.”

  “Do you always talk your way through sex?” He was laughing at me.

  “Yes, what’s wrong with talking through it? It increases the connection. Or do you wanna try tantric breathing?”

  He was still working within me.

  My fingers clawed into his shoulders as the feeling became excruciatingly perfect.

  “No, I don’t want to try tantric breathing. I just want to have great sex, with a fantastic woman.”

  “Tantric breathing is great sex.”

  He leaned over me and gave me a swift sharp kiss, as his hands still bore his weight. Then he whispered over my lips, his eyes burning bright, “Just shut up, Rach.”

  I did. I did, and cut my fingernails into his skin and shut my eyes as he drove me mad, thrusting like he was the king of sex. I’d had sex with numerous guys, sometimes even at the same time, but God, it had never felt like this. My participation was restricted by the heels of my boots, but I fought to press my pelvis against his with every stroke.

  It was the emotion that made this different. I could feel awe and admiration in his touch, like I felt myself giving back to him.

  “Rach.”

  He was gonna come before I did.

  I didn’t want him to come yet.

  I raced ahead, thrusting back against his thrusts, and focusing my mind on every sensation.

  My hands left his shoulders and crept beneath his arms, reaching down to grasp his firm buttocks. “You’ve got a great ass.”

  “So have you, I’ve been watching it half the night…”

  My temperature shot upwards, and I just let him penetrate everything in me. I wanted him to have my soul as well as my flesh.

  “Oh. Jason!”

  I was so close, so close.

  “Ah!” I tumbled over the edge into exquisite sensation, it set me adrift.

  He came right after me, falling on to me and into me.

  I lifted my arms and braced his neck, clinging on. I wanted to hang on to him forever, but he wasn’t mine. He couldn’t be mine.

  Chapter Nine

  Buzz––Buzz. Buzz––Buzz.

  Fuck, it was my cell. Rach was still asleep beside me.

  My head was pounding as I sat up and grasped it.

  Lindy.

  “Lindy? Give me a moment.”

  I got out of bed, leaving Rachel there, to go into the other room. I saw Rach’s eyes open, though, before I went out the door. I shut it behind me and walked across to the long window at the far side. I put the cell back to my ear, looking out over the city, away from the river, over the warehouse district that was DUMBO.

  “Surprise! You said to call back in the morning.”

  I felt so hungover, I couldn’t work out if Lindy was being sar
castic or not. “Lindy? I was going to ring you first thing––”

  “First thing has gone, Jason, it’s already eleven.”

  “I didn’t get back ‘til really late.”

  “You sound tired.”

  I took a breath. “Look, Lindy, there’s something I have to tell you.” I leaned against the edge of the long window. I was still naked but I doubted anyone in the streets or apartments about me could see.

  “Like what?”

  “Lindy, I want to finish this.”

  “What?” She sounded shocked. She knew what I meant, I was sure.

  “Us. We’re no good for each other, you know we’re not … ”

  “I suppose this is her talking.”

  “Rachel has nothing to do with it. All you and I have done is argue since I decided to come to New York. This isn’t working, Lindy. It’s over.”

  “No. Jason. Don’t be stupid… I’m coming to New York to see you soon. We’ll talk it out then.”

  “So you can persuade me I’m wrong and you’re right again, Lind? No, I’ve got to start thinking for myself, and I don’t want what you want.” I turned backwards, leaned against the wall and slid down it. I ended up sitting on the floor with my back pressed against it, and my knees bent up.

  “Just think this through, Jason. If that bitch has been trying to get her claws into you––”

  “It isn’t like that, and if you insult her again, I’ll hang up…”

  Rachel opened the door of the bedroom and leaned against the frame watching me. I looked away from her, toward the kitchen, but didn’t really see it.

  “It’s over, Lindy, and that’s that. You’ve just got to accept it. I’m sorry I’ve let you down, but it’s for the best. It’s better that things end now than in a few years when there might be kids involved and we both finally realize we’ve gone so far down the wrong road and we hate each other.”

  “I don’t think we’re bad for each other. It’s just you who does. There’s no, both, about it. I love you. I won’t stop loving you…”

  “Be sensible, Lindy.”

  “Sensible! We’re getting married next year. I’m wearing your ring. You’re going to make me look a fool. I’ve waited years for you to sort yourself out––”

  “Lind––”

  “Don’t, ‘Lind,’ me! Oh… Jason…” Her pitch was strained, then she growled. “Just fuck off. Fuck off and go screw your little friend…” The catch in her voice sounded like a wounded animal and like she was going to burst into tears. She cut me off.

  I shut my cell off then rested my arm over my bent knees and my forehead on my arm. The cell hung in my slack grasp.

  Lindy hardly ever swore. I’d really upset her.

  Perhaps it was just me who didn’t love her, perhaps she did love me, and I’d just broken her heart. But I couldn’t go back on my decision. I knew it was the right thing to do.

  But God, I felt awful. She’d been a pivotal part of my life since I was sixteen. We’d grown up together. She’d always be my first.

  I sensed Rachel walk over to me.

  I didn’t look up. I felt shit, physically from my hangover, and mentally because I knew myself to be an utter bastard.

  Jason was naked still, sitting on the floor, with his knees bent up and his back to the wall. His head was down, resting on his arms, which rested on his knees.

  I knelt beside him and laid my palm on his bare shoulder.

  I’d heard him threaten to hang up, and I’d presumed it was me Lindy was insulting, and I’d heard him say it was over between them. The guilt which I’d known would come at some point, crashed in on me, like it had fallen on me, trapping me beneath it. “Jason, you didn’t have to do that.”

  His head lifted. “I did.”

  “No seriously, it was just sex. Call her back and tell her you were wrong. I didn’t want to cause you to break up with her…”

  His shining brown eyes, vivid in the daylight streaming through the long window, looked into mine, searching for explanations. “Rach, did you really think I would do what we did if I hadn’t made this decision already? I made up my mind to end it with Lindy when we were in the karaoke bar.”

  He looked in so much pain.

  I ran my hand over his hair. Of course, he was too nice to have slept with me and stayed with her. He was too nice to play with a woman, or be unfaithful to her. “Jason.”

  I wrapped my arms about him, and his head fell onto my shoulder, and then I realized he was crying as I felt dampness on my skin. I’d never known a guy cry. God, no guy had ever needed me for anything but sex. It was terrifying. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made you––”

  His head came up and then the back of his hand wiped the corners of his eyes, then his nose, as his gaze burned into mine again. “You didn’t make me. I’ve been wanting to do that to you for days. I’m crazy about you. You’re gorgeous. I just… it’s just, I’ve hurt Lindy, and we’ve been together a long time. I grew up with her. I can’t just let her go and not care.”

  I rested my bottom back on my heels, my arms falling to my sides. What could I say to that? Nothing. I just longed for him to care that much for me, so much he’d cry over me. No one had ever cried over me. Shouted, screamed, thrown stuff, yes, that was the way my relationships ended.

  Flashes of the memory of my last argument with Declan came to mind. The argument which had carried me to Manhattan Bridge. The argument which had brought me to Jason.

  I pushed the images aside. I didn’t want to remember.

  “Call her back, Jason. Just put it right, I’m no good for you. I’ve ruined everything.” It was probably the most selfless thought I’d ever said.

  His fingers came up and cupped my nape, and then he pressed his lips against mine, before leaning away again and saying, “Rach, let this sink in. I’ve finished with Lindy. I’m not calling her back. I finished with her because Lindy and I were wrong for each other. Not because of you. It is just my good luck that I’ve met you now. We’ll just see where we go from here, yeah?”

  I nodded. I didn’t know what to say, or where I stood with him. We’d been friends yesterday, good friends. Now I’d probably ruined that.

  “Sorry, Rach, excuse me. I feel really sick.”

  He got up from the floor and headed for the bathroom, his skin turning pale as he moved.

  I sat there unsure what to do, I was still naked too, and if anyone could have seen in through his window we’d have been giving them a great show.

  I heard him being sick, and got up and went into him.

  He was curled over the toilet. It was my fault he’d drunk too much, as well.

  I sat on the edge of the bath and touched his lean muscular back as he stretched an arm about the toilet rim.

  “Just leave me alone for a bit, okay,” he said into the bowl.

  I could, but I knew for certain it wasn’t what he’d do for me. “How about I get you some toast and water, and some coffee too, laced with sugar?”

  I didn’t wait for his answer, I stood, and leaving him alone, went to get it. I was going to be nice to him. He was always being nice to me.

  ~

  “Here, I went to the store and got you some soda.”

  Jason was lying on his stomach. He’d been in bed all day. He was still pale.

  He wasn’t at all used to alcohol.

  He’d admitted to me earlier he’d never got into the habit of drinking heavily. He’d never hung out in bars with friends to any great degree.

  For years, his life had been Lindy. They had been at school together and at college together.

  I didn’t understand why he’d finished with her now. I was still terrified it was because of me. I didn’t want it to be because of me.

  “Come on, sit up and drink it, you’ve got to get some fluids into you.”

  We’d said days ago about feeling like kids, out of depth, trying to be adults; that’s what I felt like again today.

  “You know I can’t keep
anything down.”

  “But you haven’t tried drinking for two hours. Drink this.” I held it out again even though he hadn’t looked up or turned around. I thought it was more than the hangover which had kept him in bed.

  When I didn’t give in and go away, he finally turned and sat up, then took it.

  He was still naked beneath the sheet, and it slid to his hips, revealing his beautifully crafted chest.

  I was dressed in my old jeans and a t-shirt.

  I squatted down on my haunches. I was trying hard to be more like him. He was a good example for what to do right. “Do you want me to get you something to eat?”

  He took tiny sips of the soda.

  “I suppose you think me a fucking wimp now.”

  “I know you’re a lightweight, yes, I won’t encourage you to drink shots again. Or at least only one until you get used to drinking a bit more.”

  “No thanks, I think I’ll abstain.” He sipped the soda. He looked like he had a little more color.

  “Let me get you something to eat. What do you want?”

  “There are bagels in the fridge, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then get me toasted bagels and bacon.”

  I smiled at him. He looked like he might actually be able to eat them.

  “Coming right up.” I stood up and left him.

  “Fuck.” I heard, a couple of minutes later.

  “What is it?” I called from the counter which divided the kitchen area and the living room.

  “I switched my cell on silent. I just thought I’d better check it. Lindy’s rung five times. Mom’s rung eleven times. I never thought to warn her!”

  I went over and looked round the door. He was still sitting up in bed. “You okay?”

  “I’d better call her back.”

  My insecurity rushed in. “Lindy?”

  “Mom, Rach. Shut the door, please.”

  He was asking me for privacy.

  I went out and I did, but I felt excluded suddenly. It was stupid; I had no right to be included. I busied myself making his bagels, and I made some for me too, it was hours since I’d eaten.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  I could hear him through the door anyway.