by Lark, Jane
At the end of the meal they brought us fortune cookies.
I opened the packet.
Jason didn’t open his.
He’d been talking, but now he stopped, and looked down, reaching for something from the pocket of his jeans as I cracked the biscuit open.
When I pulled out the little slip of paper he suddenly reached over and took it from my hand, then gave me another to replace it.
I looked at him oddly, smiling and laughing. “What are you up to?”
“Nothing, just read it.”
He was grinning at me, but with a mushy glitter in his eyes.
God, I love you.
I looked down.
Your fate lies in Times Square.
He’d obviously written it earlier.
I looked up. “What are you up to, Jason Macinlay?”
His eyebrows lifted. “Well clearly taking you to Times Square, as your fate’s there.”
What was he doing?
He leaned across the table and kissed my cheek, then stood. “Come on then I’ll get your coat.”
He paid for the meal at the till and then held my coat as I put it on.
“Thanks,” we both said to the staff when we left.
I gripped his arm as we walked back to the subway station, then we traveled into Times Square. I’d no idea why he’d decided to take me there.
We were both silent as we rode the escalator up to the Times Square subway exit, and, unusually for us, the silence seemed charged, like we should be speaking but we weren’t. For me, that was because I didn’t know why we’d come here. I wanted to ask a ton of questions, and they all fought to be voiced in my head, but I knew there was no point saying any of them, cause whatever this was, it was some surprise, so he wasn’t gonna say.
What kept him silent? I didn’t know any more than I knew why we were here. But his fingers seemed tense as they held mine, while he looked up as the escalator progressed. But then just before we stepped onto the last flight of steps to climb up to the street level, he looked back at me, and gave me the sweetest smile full of adoration and expectation.
I smiled back, letting him lead.
I’d changed. I knew I had. I hadn’t quite yet found my new fit in life, but this good guy had rubbed off on me. Maybe there was hope for me after all? Maybe my silly head could learn to be normal.
But then maybe not, now it was babbling. But with the noise from Times Square flooding the air, it was no wonder my mind raced at a hundred miles an hour suddenly. When we came up the cramped staircase, people pushed into me, and then when we reached the street I was overwhelmed with the sights and sounds. It was so busy, flooded with tourists, all watching the electronic billboards. Everyone was looking up, as the vivid illuminations shone bright against the night sky. They flashed and shifted, so many colors, like a living kaleidoscope.
When we were in the middle of the sidewalk, Jason stopped. I was only half aware of him. My attention was focused on all the bright beautiful images around me, and the noise of the cabs, the cars, and people. But his stillness pulled my awareness back to him and I turned to face him, wondering why he’d stopped.
His lips were closed, though he smiled, and his eyes seemed to be looking right into me.
My hands had let go of his arm. He caught one of them in his. Then he dropped onto one knee.
Fuck!
“Rachel Shears, I…”
Fuck!
“…love you, and I know you love me, and I’ve thought about it, and I want to do this right…”
No! He couldn’t be doing this!
“I was going to put it up on the billboards but I didn’t have time and I couldn’t have afforded it anyway, so I thought just do it here anyhow. So you’d remember…”
No! He was crazier than me. His parents would go mad.
“I want to be with you forever, I want the baby to have a proper family, a mother and a father… and, well… will you marry me, Rachel?”
My lungs suddenly filled with air and then it left them, and I couldn’t breathe anymore in.
This was stupid. We’d only been together a couple of months. He couldn’t be doing this. I mean… Who did this?
Nice guys.
My heart pounded as I watched Rachel, while my knee hurt on the concrete. The cold was seeping through my jeans and the ground was wet.
She looked shocked.
I’d been fretting over her reaction all the way from the restaurant. I’d started losing my nerve when we got here. But I was hanging on to the things I’d learned from her. To not think and to just do. I loved her. I wanted to marry her. I just had to persuade her to accept.
People about us were stopping and watching, and the noise of the traffic was really loud.
I hadn’t thought about it being so crowded, or about the noise, until we’d started coming up the steps. I’d screened out the reality of Times Square when I’d been planning this romantic gesture earlier. Perhaps it was misguided, but Rach was a New Yorker. Even if she hadn’t been born here, it seemed to me Times Square was the right place to propose to a fast living city girl like her.
God, I hoped I wasn’t making a fool of myself. I’d thought she felt as much for me as I did her, but she was still silent, and looking at me like I’d gone mad. The pain of the cold, wet concrete against my knee got sharper.
“Rach?” I said, less confidently, when after what seemed like an age, but was probably only moments, she still hadn’t replied.
Then she did the oddest most adorable thing that made everyone looking laugh. She squatted down, on her haunches, her weight balanced on her stiletto heeled boots, and both her hands gripped mine.
She was eye level to me, both of us on the ground in Times Square.
“Jason, you can’t mean this,” she whispered. “Seriously, I don’t expect it.”
I held her gaze, though I couldn’t really see the green, only the black at the heart of her eyes, and gripped both her hands, holding them tight, as I stayed on one knee. “Rach, I do mean it. I know this is right. You love me, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but––”
“There are no buts. Isn’t this different to what you’ve felt for anyone else?”
“Yeah, but, Jason––”
“Stop saying ‘but’ and say ‘yes.’ We’re gonna bring up a child together. I’ve never felt like this before. It was love at first sight for me … I want you to be my wife.”
She was crying. I saw the tears glitter in her eyes, reflecting back the myriad of colored lights.
“Say, yes,” I whispered.
“Say, yes.” The crowd started urging.
“Go on, love, say, yes, to him.”
“Say, yes, he must be worth it, his knee must be hurting like hell,” some guy behind Rach taunted.
“Say, yes, because he’s gorgeous,” a woman next to us said, laughing.
“Yeah, and I will if you don’t,” another woman joked.
“Just say, yes, Rach,” I whispered again holding her gaze and shutting out the crowd.
When I’d proposed to Lindy, we’d been alone on a beach, in the dark, and in the quiet, and it was like she’d expected it and considered it her due. She’d snatched the ring out of my hand and put it on herself, and said, yes, without a second’s hesitation.
“I don’t deserve you…” Rachel whispered.
“You do, honey. You absolutely do. We’re going to be great together, and I’m always going to look out for you.”
Suddenly her hands were free from mine and her arms were about my neck, and she was outright sobbing, I could feel her tears dampen my cheek, as she whispered in my ear, just for me to hear. “Yes.”
Then she pulled away and wiped her nose, and her eyes. “Yes.” She laughed. “Yes, Jason.”
There was uproar from the crowd about us as they cheered. Then others in the square started cheering too. They probably didn’t even know why, but the sound seemed to run like a ripple about the enclosed space, echoing back
off the illuminated boards.
“Thank you for trusting me, Rach,” I said to her through the noise. “I promise, you won’t regret it.” Then I stood and helped her up.
She hugged me again, as we got another cheer.
“Hang on, honey, I need to give you your ring.”
“You already got a ring?”
“Yeah, today, when I was running.”
She shook her head at me, tears still glittering in her eyes. I got it out of my pocket. There were two diamonds, set in a figure of eight, like the two of us, woven together by fate.
“Give me your hand.”
She did and bit her lip at the same time, holding her breath as I slipped it on. It fitted perfectly.
The crowd cheered again, and some people whistled and whooped.
She wiped her eyes, then looked at it, lifting it into the lights, and it shone with many colors.
“It’s beautiful, Jason. Thank you.”
I kissed her then, a long kiss, not a superficial one. It seemed like the whole of Times Square was shouting in a chorus of applause, and clapping us, when I ended it.
Guys patted my shoulder when I let her go, but I kept a hold of her hand feeling my ring on it. A woman told her to hang onto me, another said, “Sweet, honey.”
We hung around for a little while, just soaking up the atmosphere and memorizing it. Then we went for coffee and sat and drank it staring into each other’s eyes. Then I told her the rest.
“Rach.”
“Uh huh.”
“We need to go home and pack our bags again.”
“Uh. Why?” She wasn’t really taking this in.
My words slipped out on a long breath. “I booked flights to Las Vegas, we’re getting married tomorrow.”
“Jason.” It was part shock, part horror.
“You’re okay with it?”
“Are you serious?” Her fingers had reached over the table and clasped mine.
I gripped hers firmly. “Yeah. I thought, why wait?”
“Jason.” Her green eyes were looking into mine like she was searching for something I hadn’t said. “Really?”
I smiled, “Yeah.” My eyes widened, “Really…” I laughed at her, then reached across and touched her cheek as her gaze flooded with wonder.
“Oh my God.”
Oh my God, indeed. She was the most precious sight, and I tried to plant the memory in my head.
“We’re really gonna go to Vegas?”
“The flights are booked, I did it this morning. Everything’s booked…”
“I thought you took a long time.”
I laughed again, and then she got up and came about the table and sat on my lap, to give me a very inappropriate kiss for a café full of customers. We both smiled broadly at each other when the waitress tapped me on the shoulder to say stop it.
“Come on let’s go.”
Rach nodded.
She rested her head against my shoulder all the way home on the subway, her fingers threaded through mine. I turned our hands so her ring finger lay on top, and we both stared at it.
When we crossed Manhattan Bridge on the subway train, I thought of finding her that first night, and realized I’d found my destiny that night.
When we got in, Rach kissed me, but I broke it and smiled at her. “No shenanigans, sweetheart, not before the wedding. That’d be bad luck … ”
~
I wasn’t in a black place today. I was way up. I’d felt his ring on my finger the whole night, as I’d lain awake, and my thumb had been spinning it and caressing the sharp edges of the diamonds and the smooth surface of the gold as darkness turned to dawn.
Then Jason leaned up in bed and looked over at me smiling; it triggered vibrant pleasant happy sensations inside me. I smiled too.
Wow. What had I done to finally find a guy like this? My heart paced away as I looked at him and love gripped tightly in my chest and low in my belly. I never thought about a future; I was always stuck in past or present. Now I had a future. With him. I was gonna marry him.
He pressed a quick kiss on my lips, then drew back. “Come on, bride to be, get up and get your bags packed, we’re going to the chapel today, sweetheart.”
Bride to be… Chapel… I couldn’t stop smiling. I packed my case while he showered, and then he packed his while I showered. Then we went down to the street to hail a yellow cab.
My brain was bubbling, fizzing with imagination, focusing on how our life was gonna be. Years together… How was I going to do that?
I tried hushing-up my mind. Don’t think about it. Don’t spoil it. Just live it… It was so much easier to say than do when my head was like a spinning top of energy and excitement.
Wow.
We drank vanilla cappuccinos in the airport lounge, and I was talking, incessantly. I don’t even know what about. I couldn’t believe we were really doing this. I’d only known him weeks, but it didn’t feel like that, not anymore. It felt like he’d been made for me. Like I’d known him a lifetime.
On the flight he held my hand, while I just rambled on about the in-flight film, and the food, and… and… and… who knew? My mind was spouting trash.
I was sitting in the window seat and when we flew into Las Vegas, I was shaking with the force of exhilaration, looking down over the barren mountains. Then I could see the strip. Oh my God. “Wow.”
Jason laughed as he leaned over my shoulder, his fingers threaded through mine, holding them tightly.
“It looks amazing doesn’t it?”
I glanced at him, “Have you ever been before?”
“Nope.”
“Me neither. I’m so excited.”
Gritting my teeth, I shut my eyes when we landed, praying I wouldn’t wake up and discover it was a dream. I opened my eyes. I was here, sitting on a plane, beside Jason. He smiled at me. I grinned back like an utter fool, riding my elation like surfing a wave.
When we got out of the cab, before the hotel, I looked at all the glamor. “This is unbelievable.”
“It’s real. We’re doing it, sweetheart.”
Jason took our cases off the driver and gave the man a tip.
“How the hell did you afford this?” I whispered, once the cab had gone.
“I had some money saved for… Well, it doesn’t matter… Don’t worry about it. We’re splashing out for two days.”
I gave him a smile to say thank you. He’d been saving money for his stag do and his honeymoon with Lindy, he’d told me before––he was spending it on me.
“Let’s get in our room. I’ve reserved a wedding slot at three.”
Three… I was getting married in just over an hour.
The hotel lobby was huge and glittered with gilding, while the floor was bright polished stone. It was beautiful, the whole place.
I was breathless as he gave the clerk his name, and signed for the room, handing over his credit card to cover our stay. I was in awe of this place, in awe of him.
As we rode up to our room in the elevator I felt the pressure of excitement rising in me like bubbles in champagne. Thoughts, pictures, moments, from the past, and things I imagined of the future, all rushed through my head. I saw new, broad horizons.
What would it be like?
Our room was perfect, not huge, or overly grand, but clean and pretty.
We kissed; a long kiss, as my heart thumped steadily.
When he let me go, he moved to open his case. “You going to wear the dress I bought you for Christmas? I’m going to wear the shirt you got me…”
I wanted to laugh. God, I felt good inside. I still couldn’t stop smiling. “Yeah.” But I cocked my head to one side. “Hey, that dress is ivory, are you sure you didn’t plan this before yesterday?”
His look said my excitement made him happy too––or maybe he was just as excited as I was.
“I’m sure, honey, I haven’t even got you a wedding ring. Does that prove it? I forgot to get one. I’ll have to get it from the Chapel.”
&
nbsp; My hands were still shaking as I got changed. But not with nerves, with expectation. Then Jason’s hand touched my hip and ran up my side. I turned around. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
All the trouble which had happened in Oregon seemed eons ago, like it was a whole other universe away.
When we left the room I was probably gripping his hand too tightly, and my heart was racing so hard it was difficult to breathe. This was crazy; he was seriously madder than me.
Fuck, I still hadn’t told him. I hadn’t told him! I should tell him. I had to tell him before we got married.
People looked at us as we walked through the lobby, and I wondered if they could see how nervous I was or if they knew where we were going. Was it written on our faces? After all I was wearing ivory. I felt like the whole world should know and care about my wedding day as much as I did.
The dress he’d bought me made me feel so beautiful. Declan had bought me dresses by the dozen, but he’d bought me clothes he wanted to see me in. Jason had bought this dress because he’d thought I’d like it.
He needs to know I am ill… My conscience kept whispering as we walked. Then we were outside. I’d tell him in the cab.
It wasn’t warm; Vegas had winter too. But it wasn’t cold either. We weren’t wearing coats, and we could get away with it.
“Oh my God, you booked a limo.” It pulled up in front of us, long and white.
I turned and hugged Jason. “You are mad.”
“Nope, just in love.”
My insides dissolved into mush at his words, a warm spasm gripping in my belly and my chest again.
The driver got out and held the door open. Jason held my hand as I climbed in. Then he slid in beside me.
It was like a room inside.
Declan had lived this life all the time. He’d never welcomed me into it, but occasionally I’d shared it, so this wasn’t a shock to me, but it still felt like a beautiful dream today.
“There’s champagne in the drinks cabinet.” The driver said before closing the door.
“You’ve got to have a drink, Rach,” Jason said, moving to open the bottle. “Just have a sip, if nothing more.”