Love & Lies

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “I think so.”

  “And how’s that boyfriend of yours?” she asked, and my spirit dropped to a new low. Still, I would never share with her the problems Antonio was causing for me because I didn’t want to upset her.

  So I lied as best I could. “He’s doing well.”

  “Good. I like to see young people getting along and working hard at building a good life for themselves.”

  I wanted to comment, but instead all I did was smile.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “Yes, I’m fine.”

  “And how’s his mother doing? I haven’t gone down to the rehab wing much this week at all because I’ve been participating in a different outing almost everyday. Bingo, shopping, Old Country Buffet, you name it.”

  “You’ve definitely been busy. And actually, I’ve been sort of busy, too, so I haven’t seen her myself in over a week.”

  “Well, make sure you tell her I said hello and maybe I’ll get to come see her sometime tomorrow.”

  “I will, and actually I’d better go on down to her room now myself.”

  “You do that, sweetie, and take care of yourself.”

  “You, too, Mrs. Johnson,” I said, standing and hugging her.

  “Your mother must have been so proud of you,” she said.

  “I hope so.”

  “I’ll bet she was, and I know she would be proud to know that for over a year now you’ve been coming by the nursing home to sit and visit with some little old lady that you met by chance. I’ll always be thankful for the day you came here with some of the ladies from your church, and for whatever reason you sat down and started talking to me. I was so sad and lonely that day, but when you left I felt better than I had in a long time.”

  “You’re a wonderful person, Mrs. Johnson, and I always enjoy our time together.”

  “Me, too. But now you go on and see about Sadie, and I’ll see you next time, okay?”

  “You know you can count on it. And have a good weekend.”

  “You, too, dear.”

  It was so interesting how I always hated to leave this woman I saw only once a week and twice at the most. She’d been right about our chance meeting, but for some reason I’d been drawn to her immediately, something that had happened during my very first visit to the nursing facility. I’d come with a women’s group I had joined at Deliverance Outreach, but even when some of the women had begun slacking off on making trips to see some of our members, I had continued coming on my own and always made sure I stopped to see Mrs. Johnson. Still, though, I wished her daughters would find it in their hearts or simply just find the time to come and visit her as well because I knew this would make her even happier.

  I went through the hallway, past the nurses’ station and down toward Sadie’s end of the building. When I arrived in front of her room, I knocked and eased open the door, which was semi-closed, and peeked my head around it.

  “Hi, sweetie,” she said, sitting upright in her bed and holding the remote control for the television set.

  “How are you, Sadie?” I said, hugging her and still feeling uncomfortable with calling her by her first name. My mother hadn’t raised me that way, but I did it because Sadie had told me she wouldn’t answer me otherwise. She just couldn’t see having me call her anything else because she saw me as her friend and had decided a while ago that I was going to someday be her daughter-in-law. This was also the reason I regretted what I was going to have to tell her about Antonio.

  “So how’s my favorite young lady?”

  “Well…” I said, sitting down in the chair next to her bed and placing my purse on her nightstand.

  “Well, what?”

  I could tell she was already trying to figure out what was wrong, and this made it even harder for me to tell her I definitely wasn’t going to become a member of her family. It was also hard because Sadie was nothing like her son and didn’t have a bitter bone in her body toward anyone.

  “Antonio and I have broken up.”

  “What? Why? Sweetie, what happened?”

  “It’s a long story, but to begin, I just can’t take his sitting around all day while I’m at work trying to make a decent living. I want so much more in life, but no matter what I say to Antonio, he just won’t get a job.”

  “Hmmph.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, because she sounded as if she was sort of angry with me.

  “Sorry? Baby, there’s nothing for you to be sorry about, and to be honest, I always wondered how in the world you ever got mixed up with my son in the first place. Then, when you let him move in with you, I was even more taken aback. But after a while I figured you must have really loved him and that maybe some of your good character would rub off on him. After a while I was just glad he had someone so wonderful in his life. Especially since I knew he didn’t deserve you. Not to mention I would never interfere in other grown folks’ business.”

  I was stunned, to say the least, because I’d had no idea that she felt this way. She’d never said one negative word about Antonio the whole time I’d known her, but now I knew it was only because she probably felt a sense of loyalty to her own child.

  “I guess I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything because I know who my son is. I’ve known him his entire life and I certainly know what he’s capable of. That boy has been trouble from the start because even as early as ten years old, he was already stealing candy from grocery stores. Then, by the time he was a teenager, he was running with the wrong crowd and stealing big-ticket items like TVs and stereos.”

  “And he never got caught?”

  “He was sent to juvenile a couple of times, and that’s why he didn’t finish high school.”

  “But he told me he had a two-year degree.”

  “Yeah, the one he got while he was in that low-security prison for two years. He got his high school equivalency and his associate’s.”

  “Not once has he ever mentioned being incarcerated.”

  “I’m sure he didn’t. Antonio is very intelligent and that’s why he’s so good at fooling people. He knows exactly what to say and do in order to get what he wants, and when he doesn’t get it, he goes crazy.”

  “Tell me about it. Two days ago I told him that if he didn’t have a job by the end of the month, he has to move out. But then yesterday he brought me roses and an engagement ring, and when I told him he still had to go, he lost it.”

  “Where did he get the money to buy all that?”

  “He used one of my credit cards.”

  “And you’re still giving him thirty days to get out?”

  “No, I told him I wanted him gone by this weekend, but he said he wasn’t going anywhere.”

  Sadie sat up straighter in the bed. “He didn’t put his hands on you, did he?”

  “No, not really…well, yes. He grabbed my arm and threatened me.”

  “Lord have mercy on my child, but even more so on you.”

  “I just didn’t know things would end up like this. Until now, Antonio has always been loving toward me.”

  “Only because you’ve been providing a roof over his head, clothes on his back, and food in his stomach,” she said matter-of-factly, and I couldn’t help thinking about how Charlotte had stated almost the same words.

  “I’ve got to get him out but I’m so afraid of what he might do to me.”

  “Look, sweetheart,” she said, reaching her hand under my chin and turning my face in her direction. “That’s my child and I love him. But you get that lazy, freeloadin’ poor-excuse-of-aman out of your house and don’t look back. You hear me? Get my son out of your house before you end up more sorry than you are now.”

  Tears streamed down my face and I wiped them away with both hands. I was upset because if his own mother didn’t think he was worth the ground he walked on, how could I have thought any different? I’d asked myself this question at minimum a thousand times, and what was so disheartening was that I still
didn’t have an answer. I still couldn’t come up with anything except that all this time, I’d been an extremely naïve college professor who should have known better. Or maybe love really was this blind.

  “Go ahead and cry,” Sadie told me. “Go ahead and cry your eyes out so that after today, you won’t feel the need to shed any more tears over the mistake you made.”

  It was if she’d been reading my mind.

  “Honey,” she continued, “we’ve all been there and done that at one point in our lives, because even if we haven’t allowed a boyfriend or husband to take advantage of us, we’ve allowed some other dreadful human being to do so. It’s simply the way life is, but what you have to do is get over it and move on.”

  “But that’s just it. I do want to get past this and go on with my life, but Antonio has made it clear that he’s not having it.”

  “If he won’t leave voluntarily, then you’ll have to force him out. Call the police or do whatever else you have to, because him threatening you is just plain ridiculous. As a matter of fact, why don’t you pass me that phone so I can have a nice little talk with him.”

  “No. I appreciate you offering to help, but if Antonio finds out that I told you anything, he’s really going to go off. He’ll say that I was here trying to upset you while you’re trying to get well.”

  Sadie was only sixty, and the only reason she was in a nursing home was because this facility had one of the best rehabilitation departments in the city. Two weeks ago she’d had her hip replaced, but once she completed all the necessary physical therapy, she’d be going home.

  “Are you sure? Because I certainly don’t mind calling him. Plus it would give me a chance to let him know that when he does leave your house, he’d better find someone else to lay up on. Before he moved in with you, he was living with his daddy and me, but never again. We decided that a long time ago, and we mean what we say.”

  “I think it would better if I kept you out of it and just handled it the best way I can.”

  “Well, just don’t take too long, because the longer you take, the more he’ll think he owns the place, and you’ll end up being a prisoner in your own home. He did that very thing to the last woman who let him live with her.”

  I wanted to ask her was this the same woman he’d sent to the hospital, but for some reason I already knew the answer. It was also the reason I was terrified of what he was going to do to me. I just wished he would wake up tomorrow morning, decide he could no longer stand the sight of me, and move out for good. I wished it could be that easy so I wouldn’t have to deal with any more drama.

  But so much for wishing, because I knew that when it came to Antonio, wishing wasn’t going to help me. I knew prayer was an option and that it truly did work, but the thing was, I was already praying practically every waking moment yet nothing was actually happening. I also knew that God worked in His own timing, but with this, the horrible predicament I’d carelessly gotten myself into, I prayed that He would move faster than usual. I prayed that He would give me the courage and strength I needed to rid myself of Antonio. I prayed because I knew there was no other way out.

  As soon as I turned the key and opened my front door, marijuana fumes welcomed me with open arms. The reason I say “welcomed” is because it was quite obvious that this illegal drug, along with Antonio and his three low-life friends, seemed to be the real owners while I seemed to be nothing more than a visitor.

  “Antonio, can I speak to you for a minute?” I said, ignoring the Three Stooges relaxing on my furniture.

  “See me for what?”

  His tone was already curt and I knew this wasn’t going to be pretty.

  “Antonio, can I please speak with you in another room?”

  “Whatever you have to say, you can say right here. These are my boys and I don’t keep secrets from them anyway. And don’t act like you don’t know them because you met Killer a few weeks ago at Red Lobster and you’ve known Chad and Nate since the beginning.”

  To think I’d actually been in love with a man who had a friend named Killer. And while I hadn’t thought much about it before, I was glad my mother wasn’t around to witness any of what I was experiencing. The woman would be mortified.

  “What’s up, Antonio’s Girl?” Nate said, the same as always.

  “Yeah, what’s up?” Chad echoed.

  “Hey, what’s happenin’?” Killer said, greeting me with bloodshot eyes and two solid-gold teeth. Although as I scanned each of their faces, I realized that they’d all been getting as high as the price of gas.

  “Antonio. Just let me talk to you and then you can come right back in here.”

  “Look, girl. Say whatever the hell it is you have to say or leave me the hell alone. Damn.”

  My first reaction was to go ahead and tell him that I didn’t appreciate his getting high in my home and that his friends had to leave this instant. But instead I cowardly left the room and returned to the place where I seemed to be spending an awful lot of my time. I went into my bedroom, closed the door, and began shedding my suit. I was so angry I could scream, although I must say that while I was still fearful of Antonio, this new slap in the face, him and his friends smoking drugs in my home, was just a bit too much. He was now breaking the law on my property, and the last thing I wanted was to find myself locked up for possession of something I didn’t use and had never even tried as a teenager.

  “So what was so important that you couldn’t say it in front of my friends?” Antonio yelled, bursting into the room.

  “Nothing.”

  “You made all that noise about nothing, huh?”

  “It’s not even important anymore.”

  “You know, you get sillier by the minute. And to think you’re a college professor. All that book sense and no common sense.”

  “Why are you treating me this way?” I couldn’t help asking.

  “Because you deserve whatever you get. Thinking you could just use me for sex and companionship and then throw me out when you got ready. I told you before, I’m not someone to be played with, and now you know I was serious.”

  “Regardless of what has happened between us, Antonio, you could still respect my home better than you have been.”

  “Meaning what?”

  “Meaning, you have no right bringing drugs into my house.”

  “So is that what you wanted to talk to me about? Because if it was, let me make something clear to you. As long as I’m living here, I’ll do whatever I damn well please, and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

  I stared at him in a defeated manner, but all he did was sigh and shake his head. He sighed in a way that said I was pathetic, and that whether I liked it or not, he was now running the show.

  Next he slammed the door and left the room.

  And it was at that very moment that I wanted to call the police. I wanted to call them but I knew Antonio wouldn’t think twice about telling them the drugs belonged to me. In the end, I knew it would be my word against his and that I had to figure out another way to handle this.

  And soon.

  Chapter 8

  CHARLOTTE

  “Daddy, I’m so glad you’re home,” Marissa said, squeezing her arms around Curtis’s neck so tightly that he had to be near strangulation. We were all sitting in the family room and Marissa obviously couldn’t be happier.

  “It’s good to be home, baby girl. It’s good to be here with you, Mommy, and Matthew.”

  “Then why do you have to be gone all the time?”

  Normally I never agreed with anything Marissa had to say, but I was glad she was asking this particular question because I wanted to see if Curtis had a new excuse or if he would stick with the same reason he’d been giving both of us for months now.

  “Well…Daddy has to be gone because he has to work. If he didn’t, you wouldn’t be able to have all the nice clothes you wear, you wouldn’t have this nice house we live in, and we wouldn’t be able to take trips to Disney World and some of
the other fun places we’ve been.”

  “But I don’t like it when you go away. I miss you.”

  “And I miss you, too. I miss all of you, but I have a job that I have to do.”

  I looked at Curtis and he looked at me because he knew Marissa, probably Matthew, too, and I were tired of hearing that same played-out story. We were tired because the truth was we had more than enough money to live on. Not that he should never write another book or spend time on the road promoting it, but it was time he took a break. It was time he took off at least six months so we could spend time together as a family. I loved money and I never denied it, but I still wanted so much more than that. I wanted to have consecutive days and weeks with no gaps in between where Curtis and I could make unexplainable love the way we had this afternoon.

  “Matthew, don’t you wish Daddy didn’t have to travel to all those cities?” Marissa said.

  “Yep,” Matthew responded, and then smiled at Curtis.

  “Don’t you, too, Mommy?”

  “Yep,” I said, and realized the other benefit to having Curtis at home was that for the most part, Marissa acted like a normal child.

  “See, Daddy, we all want you to be here with us.”

  “And I will. I have to travel a quite a bit over the next month, but after that, I’ll see if I can be home all of November and December. That way I’ll be home for the holidays.”

  “Yeaaahhh!” Marissa squealed, and hugged her father again. “I love you so much, Daddy.”

  Then she did something that left me speechless. She slid down from Curtis’s lap, walked over to me, and embraced me tightly. “I love you, too, Mommy.” Then she did something even more out of the ordinary. She turned and looked at Matthew and said, “I love you, too, Matthew.”

  “We love you, too, Marissa,” we all said at the same time.

  “Can we order the pizza now?” she said, leaving me and going back over to Curtis.

  “Sounds good to me. What kind do you want?”

  “Just cheese, please.”