by Hamel, B. B.
Even if she acts like she hates me sometimes, she said it herself. She doesn’t.
Nathan’s threat comes back to me though. He’ll tell her about the bet if I don’t play ball. I don’t know how she’ll react, but I doubt it’ll be good.
I take a breath and let it out. Shit’s fucked up all over the place, but at least I know what she wants.
And it’s the same thing that I want.
19
Joss
I can tell Grace is surprised when the reporter walks onto the bus.
She’s not really a reporter. That’s probably a bad way of describing her. She’s a blogger for Pitchfork, one of the biggest online music reviewing websites. She’s slim and chic, with a black scarf around her neck, a black shirt, and black skinny jeans. She looks like a starving French artist from the ‘50s, which I’m sure is extremely deliberate.
“Fanny!” I say, standing up with a big smile. “How the fuck are you?”
“Dreadful, Joss, just dreadful.” She comes over and gives me this absurd air cheek kiss thing like she always does. I’ve met Fanny a ton of times over my career so far, and I actually kind of like her, but she’s hard to understand at first.
Grace looks totally confused, which doesn’t surprise me at all.
“What’s the matter, sweetie?”
“Oh, the usual. I got my period which, like, totally ruins my beach plans. And my boyfriend is a total asshole, left for Puerto Rico with half my cash last night so now I’m, like, scrambling to find money for my kitty litter.” Fanny drops all this info in the space of a single breath. She sounds like a disaffected Valley girl as she sits down on the couch across from us. Karl thought doing the interview on the bus would be good for Grace, put her on her home turf, so to speak.
“Sorry to hear that, Fanny,” I say. She’s always got a new complaint and it’s always insane, which is why I ask. “I’m sure the kitty will be fine.”
“She will, but I won’t.” She groans. “God, I’m so tired and bloated and yuck.” She looks at Grace and perks up. “Anyway, hi, I’m Fanny. I’m sorry I’m rude.”
“I’m Grace.” They shake hands, and Grace seems like she’s just barely keeping it together. I can’t tell if she wants to laugh or cry. Probably both.
“Fanny wrote our first good review,” I say. “Honestly made this band what it is.”
“Please, you would’ve done that with or without Pitchfork.” She waves me away but I can tell she’s pleased. “Congratulations though, oh, my god! You’re married!”
I put my arm around Grace’s shoulders, pulling her against me, relishing her discomfort. I love being physically close to her, and I love pushing her buttons.
This is the ideal situation for me on so many levels.
“That’s right,” I say. “Our honeymoon is the tour.”
“Oh, gross, no way.” Fanny makes a face. “Touring is the pits. You gotta go on a real honeymoon. I mean, look at her, I bet she’s super cute in a bikini.”
Fanny does not look like she wears bikinis, but she’s actually very attractive underneath all that black. Grace just looks utterly confused.
“She definitely gets better the less she’s wearing,” I say, grinning.
“Joss!” Grace gets herself together. “You shouldn’t say that.”
“Oh, come on, it’s okay. The readers would love to know what you look like naked.” Fanny takes out a tiny little digital recorder and holds it up. “Would you mind describing it in detail?”
Grace blushes a deep scarlet and stares at Fanny before looking at me for help. I just shrug my shoulders and gesture with my free hand like, go ahead, dear.
“I, uh…”
“Oh, my god, she was going to do it!” Fanny cracks up, leaning back in her seat. I laugh along with her and Grace just looks shell-shocked.
“I was not,” she says, but Fanny can’t be stopped.
“You so were, you were totally going to. Where were you gonna start? Describe the tits, or just go straight for the vag?”
Grace blinks like she just got slapped and I shake my head, cracking up. “Okay, okay,” I say, leaning toward Fanny. “Enough, leave her alone. She’s new to this. She’s a civilian.”
“Oh, she’s cute,” Fanny says. “Seriously, look at her. Is she actually embarrassed?”
“Yes!” Grace says quickly. “I wasn’t going to describe anything, let alone my, uh, you know.”
“Vagina,” Fanny says, pronouncing it slowly. “It’s okay, hon. You can say it.”
“Oh, my god. Is this part of the, uh, interview?”
I pull Grace tighter. “No, it’s not. Fanny’s recorder isn’t on and she’s not malicious. Right, Fanny?”
Fanny nods gamely. “Of course not. I mean, let’s be real here. I write something shitty about you and I lose access to my man here, and I can’t have that. So like, relax. It’s all cool. You’re in good hands.” She smiles at Grace like a fox. “You’re in Fanny’s hands.”
Grace looks up at me as Fanny hits the record button on her device and takes out a notebook.
We start with the softball questions, mostly aimed at Grace. She fields them just fine, talks about where she’s from, what her parents are like, all that sort of stuff. I know this is just Fanny’s way of getting her relaxed and talking, and none of this will make the interview anyway, but it’s interesting to me.
I find myself sitting there, giving her my full attention. Listening to someone talking about their past and their childhood can get tedious sometimes, and I don’t think I’ve ever cared about a woman’s story before. But with Grace, I’m fascinated. It’s like I want to know everything about her, every little detail imaginable.
“Okay, like, let’s get real,” Fanny says after Grace finishes telling her about where she went to college. “I want to know about you two.”
I step in here. “We met while recording our newest album,” I say.
Fanny nods. “I heard it. Really good work, Joss.”
“Thanks.”
“Seriously, it might be better than your first one.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “No way. I mean, I think it is, but nobody else ever thinks that. It’s always downhill after your debut.”
Fanny laughs softly. “No way. The second album is, like, a rite of passage. It’s where we figure out if a band is decent or not, for real.”
“Think we’re for real?” I ask her.
She nods once. “I think so.” She gives me this catlike look and I notice Grace is looking between the two of us.
“Uhm, do you want to know about us?” Grace says, cutting in.
Fanny turns to her lazily. “Sure. Tell me what you thought when you first saw him.”
Grace blinks and glances up at me. I give her a little nod.
“Well, I’m a fan of Slide.”
“You’re a fan?” Fanny cuts in. “That’s pretty awesome.”
“A big fan, honestly. Their first album, it was… I own more than one copy of the CD.”
Fanny nods, understanding. “So you were a fan.”
“Huge fan. I geeked out when I saw him walk into the room. I remember my first thought…” She trails off and looks at me for a second. “I thought he was way more attractive in person.”
Fanny nods, musing a little. “He is, isn’t he?”
“Ladies, please,” I say. “I’m a married man, Fanny.”
She winks and turns back to Grace. “When did you know you’d get married?”
Grace frowns. This is what we had to go over. The real story is too… spur of the moment. Too strange. We decided to twist the truth, at least a little bit.
“He took me to Vegas,” she says. “All the guys came too, and we just… we just knew.”
“How long had you guys been together at that point?” Fanny asks, not breaking eye contact.
I frown a little.
“Not long,” Grace admits.
“So you got married pretty fast, huh?”
“
Maybe to some people,” Grace says, meeting Fanny’s gaze.
“Seems fast to me,” Fanny presses. “I mean, how long did you know each other, really?”
“Fanny,” I say, laughing nervously. “Is that really important?”
“It’s what people want to know,” she says lightly and turns her gaze back on Grace. “Well, how long was it?”
“Long enough to know,” Grace says softly. “You ever see someone like Joss walk into a room? He lights it up… he lights everyone up. We’re all moths and he’s the flame. But when that flame turns right onto you, it’s so easy… it’s easy to get sucked in, to get burned. But there was no burn with him.” She shrugs softly against me. “I guess I just knew it was time.”
I smile down at her and her chin tips toward me. I can read her expression, the look in her eyes. She wants to sell this, and she realizes that Fanny is a skeptic.
So I kiss her. Just a gentle kiss, nothing intense. It only lasts a second at most.
But it feels incredible.
That’s how it is, kissing Grace. Whether we’re making out or just a simple touch of the lips, she makes something inside of me sizzle.
It takes me to the next level, every time we kiss.
Fanny smiles when we break apart a second later. “I can see it,” she says. “I can really see it.”
“Good,” I say. “Because we feel it.”
Grace laces her fingers in mine and holds my hand. “After the wedding, it’s just been the tour. Which is both crazy and super boring.”
“Ugh, don’t I know it.” Fanny rolls her eyes. “So boring.”
“Easier with Grace here,” I say. “She helps to break up some of the monotony in more ways than one.”
I wink at Grace and she blushes again, which only makes Fanny laugh even more.
“Okay, Joss. Your turn. Tell me what you thought when you first saw Grace?”
I purse my lips a little bit, like I’m thinking about it. Grace is looking up at me with an interested, almost hungry expression. I deadpan to Fanny. “I thought she would be the kind of girl that would fuck up my drink order.”
There’s silence for a second before Fanny bursts out laughing. “Are you serious? That’s what you thought?”
“She was an intern,” I say, shrugging. “I mean, her whole thing was getting us drinks and stuff.”
“Joss!” Grace smacks my thigh, making a face but smiling.
I smile back and shrug, playing it up. “What? It was my first thought.”
“You didn’t think, I don’t know, she’s pretty? Or do you get so many girls these days that you didn’t even notice?”
I grin at Fanny and shake my head. “Oh, no, I noticed, but that’s exactly it. I thought she was way too beautiful to be an intern. I figured she’d be hard to work with.”
“That’s such a weird compliment,” Grace says. “I really don’t know how to feel.”
“Worked out in the end,” I point out. “I mean, here you are.”
“Good point.”
“You two are cute,” Fanny says, and I feel a surge of pride.
I know this marriage isn’t real. I know it isn’t something Grace really wants, and it’s definitely not something I ever wanted. But now that we’re together, doing this interview, reliving the fake beginning of our fake romance…
It feels real. And it feels good.
Fanny asks some more softball questions, and Grace answers them for the most part. I add my thoughts here and there but Grace does most of the talking. I can tell Fanny likes her by the way she doesn’t push any more answers and doesn’t interrupt her at all. The questions are easy and the conversation flows until Karl steps onto the bus.
“How’s it going in here?” he says.
“Karl!” Fanny practically squeals. I make a face at Grace and she rolls her eyes as Fanny does her weird air kiss thing.
“Hi, Fanny,” Karl says. “Look, sweetie, your time’s up. We’ve got a busy day. Got soundcheck in a half hour.”
“I wouldn’t want to get in the way of soundcheck.” Fanny smiles sweetly. “Joss, Grace, it was fun. I’m glad you guys are together. Lots of phonies in this business and you two… well, I like you two. Ciao!”
She grabs her stuff and skips off the bus, waving as she leaves.
Karl sighs and shakes his head. “God, that one’s fucking insane.”
I grin and stand up, sliding my arm away from Grace and untangling our hands. I hate to let go when it feels so good, but I don’t want Karl to see me linger.
“That went really well,” I tell him. “Grace killed it.”
“That was easy,” she says. “I mean, Fanny didn’t exactly ask hard questions.”
“Still, you killed it.”
She stands up. “Thanks.”
I look down into her eyes and for a second, I can imagine everything she said. I can see that fake history, our fake lives coming together… into something real.
“Okay you two,” Karl says. “Give it a break. You really do have soundcheck.”
“Right. You coming, Grace?”
“Sure,” she says. “Right behind you.”
I grin and follow Karl off the bus, Grace on my heels.
20
Joss
I have that nervous tingling excitement feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can hear the crowd out in the main building, pulsing, moving, like a caged animal.
Begging for our music to set them free.
It’s strange, being the center of attention. It’s strange being a person that people want to be around, want to look up to. I just make music, hell, I just mostly sing it. Nathan still writes the bulk of what we do, although I’m changing that. At the end of the day though, I’m the one everyone looks at.
I’m the face of the band, and everyone wants a piece of me, especially people that don’t know me at all.
I always get like this, a little introspective right before a show. Maybe it’s the beer or the excitement in the air. It’s crackling, electric. I know the other guys all feel it. Landon’s practically buzzing, and Chase can’t stop grinning. Even Nathan has a nervous energy to complement his normally annoyed demeanor.
“I’m surprised,” Grace says without introduction as she plops down in the seat next to me. The room’s flowing around us, but nobody seems interested in talking to me.
Well, that’s probably because I told the last two groupies that tried to fuck off.
“About what?”
“The venues you guys are playing.” She frowns a little bit, her legs crossed. I glance down at her thigh, her smooth skin, and I picture it wrapped around my face, tongue buried in her pussy.
“What about them?” I ask stupidly, distracted by my wet daydream.
“I mean, you guys could be playing stadiums, or at least really big venues. But so far this tour has mostly been medium-sized theaters. What’s up with that?”
“Ah,” I say, smiling a little. “That was Nathan’s idea.”
“Trying to keep it intimate?”
“Yeah, I think so. He likes the small theater feel, even if we are a big theater band. I mean, we make rock that could fill a stadium, no problem, but there’s something about these smaller venues. We don’t get paid as much since there aren’t as many tickets, but it’s not all about the money.” I look at my fingernails and back to her. “Not entirely at least.”
“Huh,” she says. “I always thought you were a bunch of sellouts.”
I grin at her. I like when she tries to get a rise out of me.
“We tried punk, but we couldn’t pull it off. I’m just too pretty.”
“So true.”
“Anyway, the second half of the tour has a few bigger stadiums. This is basically a warmup, getting us ready for the prime-time shit.”
“Out west?”
“Up and down California, pretty much.”
“That makes sense.” She purses her lips. “It seems like Nathan has a lot of say over this stuff.” She suddenly catc
hes herself, eyes wide. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I mean, he’s clearly really good at all this stuff, and I mean—”
I laugh and put my hand on her thigh. “Relax, it’s okay,” I say. “Yoko.”
She sighs, frustrated, but she gives me a relieved little smile. “You know what I mean.”
“I do, and you’re right. That’s the reason Nathan makes these decisions, because he’s good at it. He has a vision for Slide and so far, his vision has been really, really awesome.”
“I can tell Chase and Landon are okay with that, but you?”
I shrug. “I’m mostly okay with it. I’ve been writing more songs lately, and he’s been working with me on it… so I think he’s willing to open up some more.”
“That’s good.” She sighs a little bit. “God, I’m sorry. I don’t want to break this band up.”
“You’re not going to.” I lean back in my seat. “Seriously, we’ve been through a lot worse than you.”
She gives me a quick look but glances away. I narrow my eyes, not sure what to make of that look, but I don’t have time to dissect it.
“Okay, boys,” Karl rumbles from the entrance to the green room. Instantly everyone’s looking at him and I’m slowly standing. “Fucking show time.”
“Break a leg,” Grace says to me.
“I always do.” I meet up with the guys and together we walk out onto stage, under the bright lights, in the sea of screaming fans.
And when the music starts, the whole world stops for a few hours.
* * *
I’m sweating and still dizzy with the high of the moment when we get off stage and back into the green room.
“Amazing show,” this pretty groupie with green eyes and huge tits says. “Seriously, you’re amazing.”
“I know,” I say, brushing past her. I’m looking everywhere for Grace, but I don’t see her. Disappointed, I grab a cold beer and down half it.
“Solid stuff,” Chase says to me, patting my shoulder. “It’s starting to get pretty tight. I think even Nathan was pleased with that one.”