by J. G. Sumner
“Thank you for the update. While I’m not happy she has to continue on, I’m quite pleased with the care you’re providing and the detailed explanations you’ve given us. It certainly helps us understand what’s going on with our daughter.” Herb smiled and extended his hand for Dr. Russell to shake.
Dr. Russell returned the gesture. “If you don’t have any more questions, I’ve got other patients to tend to.”
“I have just a few more.” Eileen pounced on Dr. Russell as he was heading out the door. “What time do you think the dialysis machine will be removed tomorrow?”
Dr. Russell rubbed his chin. “If I had to guess, I’d say first thing in the morning. However, Dr. Arnold will be making that decision.”
“Okay. About how soon after that will she be transferred?”
“The details have not been sorted out yet. I expect by the end of the day we’ll have an accepting physician and have the air transport team on standby. We’ll still need to hear from the hospital administration at Mercy to ensure they’ll accept her. A discharge coordinator should be by today to discuss payment options for the transport. I have to be honest with you. The transport itself could potentially cost somewhere in the twenty thousand dollar range, or possibly substantially more.” Herb looked over at Eileen wide-eyed. “You need to decide if this is something you can afford. Maybe waiting until she’s discharged may be a better financial option for your family.”
Eileen didn’t miss a beat. “It sounds like you’ve got the ball rolling. I really appreciate your diligence in this situation. Will you be here in the morning?” She suspected Josh would be lurking somewhere, and she didn’t want him to do anything to thwart the efforts.
“Yes, I’d like to be here. At that time, I would like to make sure her condition is suitable for transfer.”
“Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate all of your help and your thoroughness. I’ll also make sure I’m here by eight o’clock. I don’t want to miss this joyous moment.” Eileen’s excitement oozed from her skin.
“No problem. I’ll see you in the morning.” Dr. Russell left Herb and Eileen alone with Laney and the nurse. Eileen glanced at the nurse who sat at her table studying the machine and Laney’s chart. Eileen didn’t recognize her as someone who had taken care of Laney before. She was a cute and young with short brown hair in a pixie cut. She looked as though she were trying to be a wallflower and not a part of any of the conversation taking place.
“I don’t know if we can afford to transfer Laney. That was more money than I was expecting it would be. Perhaps we should wait like the doctor suggested.” Herb was no small man. In fact, he was over six foot. The stress of everything was wearing on him. His shoulders were hunched over, his hair seemed to have a little more gray, and a few more fine lines had made their appearance around his eyes.
“You know as well as I do if we wait for her to make the decision on her own, she’ll choose to stay here. This is our only option.”
“Are you listening to yourself? If you’re so sure she won’t want to come home with us, then why are you forcing this? Why won’t you just support her decision to stay here? Why do you need to have her home so badly?”
Eileen glared at Herb. “How dare you? Laney is my only child. She can’t do this without me!”
“Does she need you? Or, do you need her?”
“What’re you trying to say?” Eileen put her hand on her hip and stabbed at his chest with her finger.
“It’s just sounding like you want her transferred for you and not for Laney. You’re trying to make life-changing decisions for her while she’s unconscious. What’s the harm in waiting until she can make these decisions for herself? This whole situation seems ridiculous. Lord, if she understands what’s going on, this talk of transferring her could be what’s causing her heart to race.”
Eileen threw her hand over her mouth and took a deep breath, feigning shock. “Are you saying I’m the cause for her heart problems? How could you even suggest something like that?”
“If you wanted to be close to our daughter so badly, why did you choose to move to another state? Why didn’t we just stay here?”
“Look who’s being ridiculous now? We had no choice but to move. You liked the idea of living in small town America. You wanted to get out of the big city life, the traffic, smog, and everything else that goes along with living in Southern California. It came at a time when Laney needed to be protected from Scott. She needed us and she needed a fresh start!”
“Let’s be real here. You only agreed to move when you thought you could get Laney to move as well. You had no intention of moving because it’s something I wanted. And look, your plan didn’t work. She stayed here, and went to college and never came home except on the holidays. Even then it was few and far between. It’s clear she doesn’t want to move there. Why can’t you accept that? Why do you need to make this about you?”
Gut-wrenching sobs poured from Eileen as she collapsed into Herb’s arms. Everything Herb had said was true. She needed to have her daughter close to her as much as she needed her heart to live. She wanted to have the relationship they had when Laney was young. It was her job to take care of Laney and to make sure bad things didn’t happen. Eileen had failed before and she so desperately wanted—no needed—the chance to make it up to Laney. She needed to be the one Laney ran to anytime there was a problem. Eileen couldn’t accept the fact Laney had created her own life, a life that didn’t involve her mother. Eileen’s knees buckled and she collapsed onto the floor into a sobbing heap. Herb rubbed her back and helped her into a chair.
“If we continue down this path, she’ll never forgive us. She’ll kick us out of her life forever. We need to accept the choices she’s made. She’s a smart girl, and she’ll make the decisions that are best for her. Along the way, she’ll make mistakes. It’s inevitable. She doesn’t need your constant input or criticism to add to them.”
“How can you say she makes good decisions? Look, she’s lying there teetering on the verge of death.”
“This is no fault of Laney’s. This is the result of some lunatic who should’ve been locked away years ago. Laney is the innocent victim.”
“What about this boyfriend of hers? What if he ends up hurting her?” Eileen gestured toward Laney with one hand and wiped her nose with the other.
“We have no reason to believe he has ever done anything to hurt her. We know nothing about their relationship. Heck, we just met him. We haven’t even tried to get to know him. We just judged him and never gave him the time of day. She has to be the one to decide who’s going to make her happy. All we can hope for is that he will treat her well.”
“She was supposed to move home with us. That’s the way it was going to work out. We were to be a happy family living in Frohna.”
“She doesn’t want to. We have to stop this madness. If you need to have her close, then we need to move back here.”
Eileen read into Herb’s eyes. “Do you mean that? Do you really mean we could move back here?”
“I don’t care where we live as long as I’m with you.” Herb placed small kisses on top of Eileen’s head.
Eileen swallowed hard as the tears flowed down her sullen face. “I can’t bear not having her in my life. She’s my world. I need her.”
“It’s going to be okay. We’ll get through this, and we’ll help Laney too.”
The nurse stared at Herb and Eileen like she was a deer caught in headlights. She fidgeted with some items on her desk unsure of what she was supposed to do.
“How about we step out for a while and get some fresh air? I think it would do you some good.” Herb helped Eileen from the chair. He wrapped her sweater around her shoulders and placed her arm in his as they left Laney’s room.
Chapter 27
Jillian
Jillian’s eyes popped open. It was one in the afternoon. She was bursting with energy and had decided to go for a swim in the ocean, before she walked Duke and got ready for work.
> Despite Josh’s urging, Jillian had no intention of keeping her appointment. She was cured of her disease. The voices were no longer in control. She was able to hold a job, her relationship with Josh was blossoming, and she even had a plan for the future. All the pieces were falling into place. Life was good.
Jillian had never been a very organized person before. In fact, her room was, for the most part, cluttered and disorganized like she felt her life was. Lately, things were different. She had this clarity—this vision to rearrange her life and getting her space clean. She kept imagining rodents rummaging through her stuff, and the thought of it disgusted her. When she tried to fall asleep at night, she could hear them running around her room. It was time to tidy up. Josh wouldn’t want her to live in such squalor.
Jillian plugged her iPod into the speaker system and chose her favorite punk rock mix. The band Face to Face blared through the speakers. Most people complained that punk rock put them on edge and gave them a headache. Jillian found it provided her the opposite effect. It reminded her of when she and Josh were in their teens. Grunge rock was really popular, and they loved going to shows for bands like Pearl Jam, Face to Face, Blink 182, and Lagwagon. They preferred the lesser-known bands because it was easier to get in to see them at the smaller venues.
Jillian organized her CD collection by putting the artists in alphabetical order. She never listened to the CD’s anymore, but she couldn’t part with them. Every one of them she had picked out with Josh. It was one of the few things that reminded her of good times with him. That was the bad thing about new technology. Yeah, it was great to be able to download thousands of songs on one small handheld device, but there wasn’t the experience and memories of going to a store to pick out the latest CD.
She moved on from the discs, went to the closet, and put her clothes in order by color. She had bought new white hangers earlier in the week. She thought having them all the same color would make things cleaner. Frankly, she couldn’t deal with anything mismatched. She organized her clothes from darkest to lightest. Jillian preferred wearing black and most of her clothes were, in fact, dark colored.
Jillian was about to move on to her shoes when the bedroom door opened. Josh stood in the doorway with his arms crossed.
“Hey! What a surprise. I thought you were on call until tomorrow.” Jillian started to approach and embrace him but stopped when she saw his jaw was clenched and a vein was popping out from the side of his forehead.
“I am. I had someone cover for me after I learned you didn’t show up for your appointment. When I left for the hospital early this morning, I noticed your car wasn’t here. I was concerned.”
Jillian smiled sweetly and proceeded to approach him. “There’s no reason to be concerned. I’m right here. Everything is good. I was just organizing my room before I went to work.”
Josh surveyed the room. “You don’t organize. You’re one of the sloppiest people I’ve ever met. Some might even consider you a hoarder.”
“What can I tell you? Something came over me. I felt the need to clean.”
The tension melted from Josh’s face only to be replaced by stormy eyes and a furrowed brow. “This is a definite change in behavior for you. You’re cleaning, you missed your doctor’s appointment, and you aren’t taking your meds. These are all bad signs. I can see where this is heading.”
Jillian took Josh’s hand and led him to her bed. They sat on the end of it. “Everything is fine. I’m better than I’ve ever been. Look, I’m happy. I’m working and look…” Jillian grabbed some papers off her dresser. “I even got some information from San Diego State to enroll in some classes. I want to go back and get my teaching credential.”
“You want to go back to school?”
“Yeah, it’s time to get my life together. I don’t want you to feel like I’m a scab who’s mooching off you. I want you to be proud when you take me places with you.”
Josh looked over the papers and then set them on her dresser. “I’m really happy with the prospect of you going to school. You don’t have to do this for me. I want you to do it for you, so you’ll be happy with yourself. I’m overjoyed to see you doing well and thriving. That’s why I think you need to go see your doctor to continue with this positive behavior. I’d hate for you to have any setbacks.”
Jillian leaned her head on Josh’s shoulder. “I told you. I’m done with the medications. I don’t like the way they make me feel, and I don’t think I need them.”
Josh took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. “I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. In my heart, I want to say you don’t need the medications anymore. My head and all my training tell me you do, and you’re going to require them the rest of your life.” Josh shook his head as he looked down, studying Jillian’s bedspread.
“I don’t want you to worry. We’re going to have the best life together. Everything will be perfect.” Jillian lifted her head and looked into Josh’s eyes. They were like looking into a mirror only instead of emptiness, they were full of love, understanding, and compassion. Her gaze shifted to his lips. She loved the fullness and smoothness of them. The thought of having her mouth on his gave her a warm and settling feeling she couldn’t resist. She placed her mouth onto his and tenderly kissed him. At first, it was just a peck like a sister might give a brother. Not being able to hold back her feelings, she parted his lips with her tongue, slowly entering his mouth, and fluttering her tongue against his. As she was about to wrap her arms around Josh’s neck to pull him in closer, he jumped up. Jillian toppled to the floor.
He wiped his mouth quickly and fiercely. Josh coughed and spit his saliva on the floor. “God! What the fuck was that?” Josh grimaced and aggressively wiped his mouth again. “God! What’s up with all the peppermint? What were you thinking?”
“You said you wanted me to lead a happy life.”
“I didn’t mean that kind of life! You’re my little sister! Ugh!” Josh wiped his tongue on his sleeve.
Jillian stood up from the floor, assessing Josh. “You know I hate it when you call me your little sister.”
“But you are my little sister. We’re definitely not romantically involved or whatever you think this is. It’s wrong. It’s disgusting!”
“But, I love you. Look how good we’ve been together lately. Going to the beach, the movies, and taking care of our Duke. We’re a family.”
“You’re right, we are a family. I’m the brother, you’re the sister, and Duke is my dog, not ours. We’re not in a romantic relationship, and we will never be! Gross!”
Jillian attempted to put her arms around Josh. He pushed them away and looked at the floor as he traversed the room. “You need to relax. We’ve been living together for several years. Of course, this would be the next logical step in our relationship.”
“Ha! Our relationship? You’re delusional. Most of the time, we don’t even get along. Most of the time you’re a raging bitch! It’s only lately that you’ve been somewhat pleasant to be around. God Jilly, you’re my sister!”
“Quit saying that!” Jillian barked. Her lip quivered as she fought back the tears ready to plummet from her eyes.
Josh stopped mid-pace and turned to her. His arms were forcefully flying through the air as he spoke. “You need help! You kissing me proves it. This scenario, or fantasy, or whatever you’ve concocted in your head, can’t and never will happen. It’s wrong, and it’s certainly not normal. This is proof you need to take your medications, and you definitely need to see your doctor.”
“You don’t always know what I need! What I need is standing right here in front of me trying so desperately to make me believe what I’m feeling is wrong. How can love be wrong?”
Josh locked his hands behind his head as he re-started his marathon across Jillian’s room. “How can love be wrong? Ah, because we’re siblings? There are laws against that sort of thing. Besides, it’s gross! I don’t want to have a romantic relationship with my sister. The thought of it ma
kes my insides turn.”
“Geez. Way to make me feel attractive.” Jillian crossed her arms.
“That’s just it. I don’t look at you that way. I think you’re a beautiful woman and I’m lucky you’re my sister but, I’m most certainly not attracted to you.”
“Think about how good we could be together. I could have dinner waiting for you every night when you come home from work, we could take care of Duke together, and I could attend all your doctor functions by your side. We could even have kids one day. It could be perfect.” Jillian looked to that faraway place her fantasy led her to.
“Are you listening to yourself? This is crazy talk! I’m sure it’s a direct result of you not taking your meds. I know you don’t want to take them, but if you don’t, you can’t live with me anymore. You’re going to have to find someplace else to live.”
“You’re kicking me out?” Jillian placed her hand over her heart. She was mortified. The life she was trying to build was like a wave crashing down around her. The man she had fallen in love with was kicking her out of their house. All her plans were being flushed down the drain.
“God, why didn’t I see this sooner? I don’t want to kick you out. If you don’t start taking your medications, I’ll have no choice but to do so. You can go live with Mom or one of your friends. These irrational thoughts are unhealthy, and I wouldn’t be doing you any favors.”
Jillian couldn’t bear the thought of never spending another night with Josh. He was her rock, always there for her. She couldn’t imagine the love of her life not being right there in the next room. If I give him just a little more time, maybe he’ll realize what we have. Maybe he’ll see just how good we could be together. “Fine. I’ll take my meds. I’ll do what you want.”
“You’ll see your doctor?”
“Yes, if that’s what it’ll take so you don’t kick me out.”
“Good. I’ll be right back.” Josh darted down the hall.
Jillian suspected part of his resistance to being with her was the feelings he still had for Laney. Once Laney moved with her parents, he would be more open to their relationship and everything would be fine. She just had to bide her time until that happened.