In response, his hand slid upward to cup her breast. She sighed at the strong touch and buried her face in the crook of his neck while her fingers splayed over his hard length.
He groaned aloud. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you in the middle of the night,” he said, pressing a kiss against her cheek.
The butterfly-light touch whispered against her skin, creating a tingling sensation she didn’t want to end. With his other hand, his fingers moved idly across her breast, sending a direct current flaring to life between her legs.
He pulled her closer until she felt the weight of his erection hard against her thighs. She felt his hand on her cheek, his thumb beneath her jaw, stroking and arousing. He really could affect her with the softest touch.
“Look at me, Nikki.”
She tilted her head back until she met his steady gaze, dark and filled with need. “I want you.”
“I…” His fingers touched her lips, stopping her from expressing her thoughts.
She’d allow him to silence her. For now. Their intimate moments were wonderful but they weren’t enough to compensate for the other times. Times when they needed to relate and connect on a deeper level.
She wanted the possibility of love… for them both. There had to be a beginning before there could be a middle or an end. He’d taken a risk by marrying her. She’d have to accept it as a start.
She tipped her head upward and he kissed her lips once before she pulled back, wanting her chance to view him as he’d viewed her last night. She took in the bronzed skin, the dark hair on his chest, and the well-muscled body around which she’d awakened. No wonder she’d been warm. No wonder she was burning up now.
He drew her finger into his mouth and she sucked in a startled gasp, cutting off what she’d been about to say. His teeth and lips grazed her finger, causing an answering pull low in her belly. Relaxing her head against the pillow, she closed her eyes and gave herself up to sensation. To his lips on her face and neck, to his hands on her breasts and stomach. To whisper-soft kisses and gentle caresses that had her sighing with pleasure and moaning with need.
He wrapped his hands around her calves and began kneading the muscles in a firm circular motion, moving upward as he worked. When his strong fingers splayed across her thighs, she stiffened and her eyes opened wide.
“Not relaxed any more, huh?”
She glanced down to where his tanned hands rested against her lighter skin. His thumbs caressed the inside of her thighs, inching upward. “Not quite.”
“And after all that hard work,” he murmured. “I’ll have to do something about that.” Pulling himself up, he positioned himself over her, legs touching legs, her breasts beneath his chest and his erection pulsing solidly against her stomach. Her hips jerked upward in response.
She trailed her fingers down his back, savoring the ripple of hard muscle and the contrast of his soft skin. Her hands followed around his waistline to the coarse trail of hair in front.
“God.” He exhaled a harsh groan and Nikki felt the strain in his body and the flex of his arms as he struggled to remain in control. And she hadn’t even touched him yet.
She’d wanted a chance. Maybe, just maybe she’d gotten one. She pressed a kiss against his throat and followed with a light lick of her tongue. With a harsh groan, he ground his hips against hers in a rough thrust that didn’t come near to satisfying the empty ache that had been building inside her. She shifted her legs, raising her hips, desperate to give him what he wanted, to find what she needed. That she’d lost control, as well, didn’t matter.
In the back of her mind came the realization that she’d lost something more, something she couldn’t possibly get back. She’d lost her heart.
* * *
Kevin felt the sweat bead on his forehead. The muscles in his arms jerked with the strain of attempting to take things slow. His control hung by a fragile thread. She affected him on so many levels, he couldn’t begin to count.
He didn’t want to think about what that meant and the only thing to do was bury himself deep inside her willing body. Her moist heat beckoned and blocked out all thoughts other than of the release they both sought.
Lose himself in her again. With Nikki, sex wasn’t an impersonal act because she had the ability to reach inside him. As much as he fought the notion, she wasn’t just some woman he’d taken to bed. She was his wife, as much by choice as by bargain.
If he let her, he had the feeling she’d be his friend as well as his lover.
“Kevin…”
“No talking. Not now.”
She nodded, but he caught the glimmer of disillusion in her eyes. But as he’d asked, there were no more words. No need for them. Their bodies spoke for them and with more meaning than anything they could say.
She wanted him. He felt it in her caress, heard it in the soft moans and contented sighs that escaped from her lips. Settling himself between her legs, he eased inside her bit by excruciating bit. She’d never know how difficult was his restraint.
He stroked a kiss across her lips, pausing to nibble and savor her sweet taste. As if to prove her words, she raised her hips a fraction, taking him ever deeper.
He groaned. Moist, warm, welcoming, and his. Kevin couldn’t say which thought drove him over the edge, but with one thrust, he edged firmly inside. An expression of pure ecstasy covered her flushed face and he’d put it there.
“Kevin.” Coming from her lips, his name sounded like the sweetest caress.
“Right here.”
She sighed and whispered something that sounded suspiciously like “mine,” before her muscles clenched around him. That’s all it took. He hadn’t realized he was so close to the edge, so ready to fall. He thrust in and eased out, each motion harder and deeper than the last. Caught up in the rhythm and beauty of Nikki, he came hard and fast. His climax not only caught him by surprise, but shook him to the depths of his soul.
Even as the aftershocks pulsed through him, Kevin knew he was in trouble. The only consolation he could find was knowing that Nikki was right there with him.
TWELVE
Married. Nikki rolled over expecting to find Kevin stretched out beside her, but her husband apparently had other ideas. She sat up in time to see him, fully dressed, attempting to slip from the bedroom. The disappearing act had eerie undertones of a night long past.
“Looking to avoid me?” she asked lightly, though she couldn’t have felt more different.
He turned. Expecting to see guilt etched into his features, Nikki was relieved to see he merely looked like a man who’d gotten up earlier than his… wife. Since she was stumbling over the word, she hoped Kevin was having an easier transition to their newly married state. Of course last night had been spectacular, but then nights with Kevin always were. “I didn’t realize you were awake.”
“I wasn’t till a minute or so ago.”
“I thought so. You were out cold.”
She smiled. “That’s because you wore me out.”
He stepped toward the bed, heat and desire unmistakable in his dark gaze. “I could say the same.”
She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “Then where are you off to so early?”
“To visit Max. His doctor checks in around ten A.M. and I want to make sure I’m there to hear everything. Otherwise I won’t get near the truth.”
The slight wrinkles around his eyes testified to the concern he felt for his father. Though he wouldn’t admit it aloud, and perhaps he’d never admitted it to himself, he loved the older man. Nikki was certain.
She just wished he didn’t have to beat his head into a brick wall every time he dealt with Max. But at least he wasn’t alone anymore. She tossed the covers off and swung her legs over the bed. “Give me ten minutes and I’ll go with you.”
He stiffened. “No.”
“I’ll be quick. You’ll be there by ten.”
“You don’t need to deal with Max and his addiction. I’ll go alone.”
Nikki narrowe
d her eyes. “At this point it’s his health and he’s your father.”
“Right. Which makes him my problem. Besides I have a few stops to make first. I’ll see you when I get home from work.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Whatever.”
He walked toward where she sat on the bed and leaned down to brush a kiss over her mouth. He lingered, moistening her lips with his tongue and arousing her with the simplest touch.
She recognized his attempt at pacifying her, but he’d left her feeling more frustrated than placated. Still, when he lifted his head, she felt the loss.
“I know you mean well, but you don’t need to be there for Max.”
She’d have been there for him. But she wasn’t surprised he didn’t recognize the distinction. He may not feel she needed to be there, but she did.
Only after he left the house did she head for her old room downstairs to retrieve the information she’d accumulated from the local library. In her bag, she put literature she’d printed off the Internet and her stomach filled with a growing sense of dread. Kevin had problems letting her in—creating that sense of family and togetherness she needed, that her baby needed. Nikki had known that going in. But she’d also hoped he could learn to open up. Learn to love her.
But he was also the child of an alcoholic, and as she’d learned over the last few weeks, overcoming his past was a prerequisite to them having a future—and that was something he had to want to accomplish on his own.
Nikki wasn’t averse to giving him a push in the right direction. All she could do then was hope for the best.
* * *
“He checked himself out.”
Kevin glanced around the empty hospital room. Only the white rumpled sheets evidenced that Max had been there at all. “And you let him?”
The nurse who was assigned to Max’s room shrugged. “He’s an adult. We couldn’t keep him if he didn’t want to stay. Once the pain subsided, he wanted out.”
Kevin groaned. He’d rearranged his schedule to meet with the doctor and Max, to make sure his father followed orders when he was released. The man needed to take care of himself and to cut out his drinking. Not a prayer of either one of those things happening, without…
“How is he?” Nikki’s soft voice interrupted his train of thought.
Kevin turned to find her standing beside him. She’d pulled her hair back into a ponytail and wore a baggy striped shirt over black leggings. Ever since leaving the bar, she looked more like the girl he’d known, more like the woman he’d come to care too much about.
She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Where’s Max?” she asked, glancing over his shoulder to the empty bed.
For the first time since he’d entered the patientless room, he was grateful Max had taken a hike. “Good question. Now I have one. What are you doing here? I thought you were home.”
She opened her eyes wide, radiating innocence where he’d bet there was none.
“I was. I didn’t know I needed your permission to leave the house.”
“You don’t. Unless you’re coming here. And I specifically told you that you didn’t need to concern yourself with my alcoholic father.”
She nodded. “I know what you said. I never promised I’d stay away.” She smiled, a wide grin that would have fooled anyone who didn’t know her as well as Kevin.
Behind the bright smile lurked a hidden pain. He should have given in to her offer and let her come along with him, but he’d wanted Nikki protected from the likes of Max, his foul mouth and nasty temper. Drunk, he was mean enough—in pain and going through withdrawal, he was even worse. “I appreciate the thought but you don’t have to be here.”
“Families stick together,” she said. “You might not realize that now but in time you will.” She turned to the nurse. “Excuse me. What time did Mr. Manning leave?” she asked.
“As soon as the doctor came by and signed the discharge papers.”
“Where is the doctor? I’d like to speak to him.”
“He got called away on an emergency. Leave a message and he’ll get back to you later.”
“And Max?” Nikki asked again.
The nurse shrugged. “I assume you can find him at home. He said he had Jack waiting for him.”
Kevin muttered a curse. Jack Daniels was his father’s favorite weakness. “I need to find him.” Kevin knew, even if his father didn’t want to face it, that continued alcohol abuse could kill him.
“So let’s go.”
“I don’t want you there,” Kevin told her again.
She flinched as if he’d slapped her. Although he had no desire to hit her, he had no choice but to be harsh with her. Not only didn’t he want her exposed to Max, but he didn’t want her to see where he’d grown up. The old apartment, the revolting smells, the seedy neighborhood.
She straightened her shoulders. “Why? Why shouldn’t I be with you when you’re going through a rough time? Why shouldn’t I help you take care of your father?”
“Because it’s my job to do it. Alone. Just like it’s my job to protect you from my family. Such as it is,” he muttered.
“Funny but I thought I was part of your family. Or is this…” She waved her ring in front of his face… “Is this a lie?”
“Of course it isn’t. But there are parts of my family I intend to keep separate.”
She let out a frustrated groan. “You know, life doesn’t work that way. Family’s family. You’re lucky you have a father to take care of. I know he wasn’t much of a parent growing up, but he’s all you’ve got left now. Him and me. You don’t seem too thrilled with him, so tell me. Are you trying to drive me away?” She shifted her bag onto her shoulder. “If so, you’re doing a darn good job.”
“Nikki, just back off and give me some space.”
She shook her head sadly. “I’ve spent some time at the library, recently, to use the computer there and I Googled some research.” She handed him a stack of papers and what appeared to be pamphlets.
He flipped through them, then turned the pamphlets face forward. “Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon?”
“I thought Max might benefit from looking through the literature. You, too.” Without another word, she turned and headed for the door.
Kevin wanted to stop her. With everything in him, he wanted to call her back, to thank her.
To love her.
But glancing around the hospital room, and knowing what he had to deal with, he needed to do it alone. Protecting her was his number one priority and there was no way he’d let her around Max right then. In the future, if Max got his shit straight, he’d let Nikki near him, but not now. Not today.
* * *
With shaking hands, Nikki let herself into Janine’s apartment. Her sister-in-law hadn’t taken back the key, and she’d told Nikki to make herself at home any time she needed a friend. Nikki needed so much more than that now.
Life really knew how to dump on a person, she thought. On top of being rejected by Kevin, today was the day she and Janine would go through Tony’s things. She brushed at the tears filling her eyes. She might have walked out on Kevin at the hospital, but he’d as much as thrown her out first.
If he couldn’t let her into his life, let her help him through his pain, how could she expect to reach him? Ever? Instead of doing research for Max, she should have been looking into work options once the baby was born. Because Kevin had been making himself perfectly clear.
She just hadn’t wanted to listen.
An hour later, Janine had returned and Nikki’s thoughts shifted from Kevin to her brother. “Take a look at this.” Janine walked out of the closet and held up a battered-looking high school football jacket in red and white, the old school colors.
“The things men hold onto,” Nikki said with a laugh. Tony had worn that jacket every day for three years. “Ties to their youth.”
“To look at in their old age. To show their grandchildren.” Without warning, Janine’s voice cracked and she grabbed ont
o the wall for support.
Nikki jumped up and ran to her friend, walking her back to the bed and easing her down until she sat on the mattress. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I wasn’t thinking.”
Janine shook her head. “It isn’t you. It’s me. It’s this. It’s life and how damn unfair it all is.” She slammed her hand down on the bed in frustration.
Nikki raised her hand, wanting to offer comfort, then dropped it to her side. There was nothing she could give to Janine that would change the fact that Tony was gone. Nothing she could offer Kevin to change his self-perception. Nothing she could offer anyone, it seemed, but herself. And she hated the useless feeling that swamped her.
Once her sister-in-law had wiped at her eyes and blown her nose, Nikki turned toward her. “Do you want to put this off for a day or so?”
“No. It’s not going to get any easier.” She crumpled a tissue in her hand. “Would you mind making me a cup of tea?” she asked.
Nikki recognized the plea for privacy. “Sure.” She placed a comforting hand on Janine’s shoulder—whether or not her touch did any good, Nikki needed to offer something to her brother’s wife. “I’ll be right out there if you need me.”
Janine nodded and Nikki headed into the other room. Making two cups of decaffeinated tea kept her busy and when the doorbell rang, she was grateful for yet another reprieve before having to face Janine’s grief and the rest of her dead brother’s things.
She glanced through the peephole. What she saw on the other side of the door wasn’t a reprieve, but pain of another kind. She unlatched the lock and opened the door. “Hello, Kevin.”
“Nikki.” He gestured over her shoulder. “Can I come in?”
“It’s not up to me. Janine’s inside.”
“She called the station and asked if they were finished with Tony’s things. I’d stopped by to talk to O’Neill and the captain asked me to bring Tony’s things over.”
“You were at the station?” To her knowledge, he hadn’t stepped foot in the place since giving his final statement after Tony’s death.
“It’s no big deal.”
Worthy of Love Page 14