But you can’t always get what you want.
Risa was my employee. Hiring her would’ve meant I had no interest in romance. As I told her before—I wouldn’t cross that line. And even if I would, I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t drag her into my world of half-truths.
My bloodline wouldn’t allow for it.
My first loyalty was to the Konstantinovs. Nothing could breach it. Not even my dangerous affection for a small, curvaceous woman who drove me mad day in and day out.
Yes, I was sadistic. I was equally masochistic because I couldn’t help myself every night I came home.
I needed to see Risa, to make sure she hadn’t fled in the hours of my absence. Never mind I logically knew it was an impossibility. I had enough security attached to her that I’d know the second she closed the front door.
She never left. Not to explore the city. Not to go shopping. Not to meet a date for drinks or dinner.
Risa and another man is completely unacceptable.
Thinking about it angered me in a way that didn’t bear contemplation. Aggression and loss of control were not emotions I readily embraced. The consequences couldn’t be contained if I gave into my baser impulses.
But consequences didn’t weigh as heavily in my mind when it came to Risa.
Frankly, I didn’t know what I’d do if I heard she was in the company of another man—beyond heading straight over and dragging her away from whatever bastard thought he could take her from me.
Rage fired through my logic. The disruption was unwanted. Battles were not won through passion and impulsiveness. They were won through clarity of mind and implacable discipline.
I battled Risa. Every damned day. Every damned night.
I battled to keep my hands off her. I battled to keep her safe. I battled to keep her.
Period.
The worst of it for me was I didn’t have any dominion over Risa. I couldn’t demand devotion from her. I didn’t have the right to demand celibacy from her. Risa was beautiful and single. She could have any man she wanted and she didn’t need to waste her youth holed up in my penthouse.
I didn’t encourage Risa to change her hermitic habit.
Therefore, I needed to take care of her in some way. I couldn’t sit her on my lap and feed her like my little girl, but I could listen to her talk and I could coax her to eat a snack.
I’d give myself this and justify it later.
For now I’d take whatever pleasure I could in this fucked up world I’d been born to. One day I might regret my selfishness.
Today would not be that day.
45
She took my notes perfectly this night. I trusted her with their completion. Risa was thorough. Competent.
Fucking beautiful.
Afterwards, I sat in one of the leather chairs flanking the fireplace. Risa sat in the other. Its cheerful glow encouraged intimacy.
“Tell me what you did after I left, Risa.”
She spared me a glance before staring back at the flames. Her breathing deepened.
“Not much. I read.”
I couldn’t tell if this was because her thoughts had ventured far from me or because the blanket I placed over her lap had lulled her into drowsiness.
“Tell me about the book.”
She opened her mouth and closed it. I knew she hadn’t really been reading. In another lifetime, I would’ve given her corner time for not being truthful, good girl. If Risa was mine I’d demand nothing less from her.
Her shoulder lifted in a shrug. “There’s not much to tell. There’s a bit of a lull at this part of the book.”
“Ah.”
Of course, she couldn’t give me specific details. Risa hadn’t been able to get through a single page. It wasn’t supposition. I’d confirm it when I reviewed the security footage after she went to her room for the night. She’d been stuck on page 17 for the last three days. I doubted tonight would change that fact.
I had watched Risa wander my halls every night this week. I’d seen her run on the treadmill until she collapsed on the floor and then I’d seen her get up and run another mile. She was punishing her body into complete exhaustion and I wanted to know why.
I’d order her to stop if she belonged to me. I’d put her in timeout if she disobeyed. I’d then give her the discipline and attention she clearly craved. We would have such fun…
But she wasn’t mine and wouldn’t be anytime soon. Not until the Konstantinov enemies were obliterated. Maybe not even then.
I wouldn’t cross that line with an employee and I couldn’t very well ask Risa to derail her career for me. It was a no-win situation.
At least for now.
And although I couldn’t punish her, I could keep count of Risa’s infractions. Perhaps once this was all said and done I could present Risa the tally and have her work off her debt towards me.
Lovely.
I shifted slightly in my seat. My cock disregarded the rules and boundaries. It wanted to part her pretty pussy and sink deep. It wanted Risa dripping. It wanted her more than anything in the world.
Risa’s gaze dropped to the bag by my feet. I smiled, lazy and content. She knew it was for her. I couldn’t punish her, but I could tease her.
“Have you eaten tonight, Risa?”
“A little.”
“Just a little. Hmm…I believe we already had a discussion about this, Risa. You are to eat.”
She squirmed in her chair. “I ate. I just…”
“You just what?” Crossing my legs, I rested my hands on my stomach. Risa paid close attention to the steeple my fingers made.
“I just wasn’t that hungry.”
“I imagine you’d be starving.”
Her dark gaze held a thousand secrets. I had the urge to pick one or two of them for my own.
“Why would you say that?”
The cat in me wanted to play with the mouse in her. “How many miles did you run tonight?”
Risa licked her lips. My hand itched to spank her silly, especially because she looked so adorable.
“How did you know…I mean I work out regularly. It’s all right with you, isn’t it? If not I can go use the building’s gym. Or join the one down the block.”
I held up a hand. She stopped talking immediately. She spoiled me with her unconscious obedience. I could only imagine how beautifully she’d shine under my care…
“I don’t mind you using the gym, Risa. I prefer it. However, I do not prefer you to whittle yourself down to the bone because you’re not feeding yourself enough. Why else do you think I’m bringing you pastries?”
Risa’s cheeks reddened with color. “I thought you were being nice.”
“Nice? No. I’m not nice, Risa.”
She dug her fingers into the armrests. I half-expected she would’ve stood up and left the room in a flounce. Part of me wanted her to do just that. It would keep me from sinking deeper into my sadistic side.
Naturally I’d apologize and pretend I was a gentleman. What was one more lie?
“You’re right. You’re not nice.”
I was pleased by her answer. “Exactly right. Tell me—did you learn that the hard way?” I didn’t have to say the timeframe out loud. We both knew exactly when I meant.
A ghost of a smile appeared before fading away. “I always knew it. I knew it from the first moment I met you.”
Another secret that shouldn’t have been. I wanted to remember the first time I saw this sweet girl. I wished I could picture it as she did.
“And I didn’t scare you?”
She smiled again and shook her head. “No, you didn’t scare me. You insulted me actually.”
“Ah. Did I?”
“Yes, you did.”
When she remained silent I resisted the impulse to ask for more. Did it really matter? She was here and so was I.
“Why did you agree to work for me anyways?”
Risa shrugged. She looked at a point over my shoulder. “The timing was right. The pay
was good. I suppose it was like fate.”
“Hmm…fate.” The word scratched at me. Was it simply a bad turn of fate that I’d been in France at the wrong place and the wrong time? Did I get gunned down simply because I was there with my father? Or was it planned? A deliberate act of war?
I didn’t know and the hole in my memory angered me more and more each day. It was frustrating to be pinned down like this. No freedom to rectify the wrongs done to me and mine. Only to be stuck with this terrible illusion of normalcy.
Suddenly she said, “I’ve seen you be nice to other people.”
Disappointing.
Did Risa have hope that there was more to me than this? I thought she could handle me without having to be coaxed into it by pretty words and lying intent.
“I can be polite.”
“No, it’s more than that. You’re really charming. You can get people to eat out of your hand if you wanted.”
She didn’t exaggerate. It was a carefully wrought skill I’d acquired throughout my life. None of it was natural, but it was how I navigated the world. Better to be liked and respected than viewed with suspicion.
Risa looked me straight in the eye. “It’s a mask, isn’t it?”
I didn’t feel exposed by her perception as I expected. Instead, I was proud of Risa. Clever and perceptive.
“You don’t have to ask. You already know the answer.”
“I do.” My regard of her grew by leaps and bounds when she didn’t prod further. Instead she smiled. “I’ll make it a point to eat better tomorrow. I understand my position in your world and you won’t be able to use me at my full capacity if I don’t take better care of myself. I’ll eat out tomorrow, Sir.”
“No.”
She didn’t understand her position at all. Apparently, neither did I.
Risa’s dark eyes brightened with something akin to excitement. “No? I don’t believe your dominion extends over to the evening hours, Sir.”
She wanted to play, did she? I could do that.
“You will stay home tonight, Risa, as I’ve instructed.”
“Or what? Your security will stop me?”
I shook my head slowly. “They won’t lift a finger to keep you in. You’ll do it yourself.”
46
Risa’s breathing quickened. Her full mouth curled into a kissable pout. “I don’t think so. I’m going out tomorrow night. Maybe I’ll find some fun that way.”
My humor froze. “Fun. Is that what you’ll call it, Risa?”
She leaned back against the chair. Her smoky gaze threatened and exhilarated me in equal measures. I didn’t tolerate disobedience in any form, but Risa’s was less defiance and more of a dare.
Or a perilous tease.
“That is what I call it. I’ve worked especially hard without a break these last few months. I deserve a little R&R.”
“Considering I was in a coma for much of that time, I don’t see how much of it can actually count as working.”
Risa’s demeanor sharpened. She jerked forward. “That’s low, Damian. I was by your side every day and night the entire time.”
“Not every day.”
I was being a bastard. True. I didn’t like her taunting me with the threat of other men. I had to repay her in kind and I knew just how to do it.
“No. Not after you sent for Gretchen.”
I propped my chin on one hand. Risa couldn’t hide her agitation. The devil rode my shoulder hard.
“Did that bother you?”
“Why would it bother me?”
“Because Gretchen displaced you. Perhaps you allowed yourself to become possessive.”
Risa clenched her jaw. “Just like you’re doing right now?”
“Exactly.” Did she think I’d deny it? “Now tell me more.”
“I think we’ve said enough.” Risa stood up, tossing the blanket onto the chair. “Good night.”
I grabbed her wrist before good sense prevailed. “Sit back down.”
“No, I don’t think so. I won’t let you diminish me, Damian.”
“Risa,” I drawled. “Sit down. I won’t tell you again.”
“No.”
I stared her down, waiting until the exact moment where she either squirmed in discomfort or picked up the gauntlet.
“What are you doing, Damian? Let me go.”
There. It. Was.
I yanked her hard into my lap. “I’m doing whatever I please, Risa. Whatever I please.”
She placed her hands on my shoulder. The fingertips pressed deep and then soft. It was the touch of a woman who didn’t want to be anywhere else.
“Go ahead. Tell me to let you go.”
Risa stared at my mouth. Hunger swept across her lovely face. “I can’t tell you that.”
Intimacy in truth. Something I didn’t experience often enough. Risa deserved a gift in return for the one she’d just given me.
Cupping her chin firmly, I said, “Good. Now listen to me—you will stay in tomorrow night. I will have a chef prepare you a delicious meal. You will eat all of it. If you do not, expect to explain to me why you chose to disobey a direct command. After dinner, you will exercise if you wish. However, you will limit your running to one mile. No more than that, Risa. Understood?”
Risa’s hands crept higher on my shoulders. I didn’t have to slide my hand between her legs to know she was wet. I could see the lust in her eyes. She was born for this, for a man like me.
No. For me.
“Yes, Damian.”
My God. Were sweeter words ever uttered?
I picked up the discarded bag. Soon I had a chocolate brownie in my hand. “Open up, Risa.” She leaned forward and took a dainty bite. Smiling, I prodded, “That’s no good, little girl. More.”
She swallowed her bite and then took a bigger one. I watched, content at long last, as Risa polished off the entire brownie. I took the included napkin and gently wiped her mouth clean.
We were getting closer. I acknowledged I stopped flirting with the line between employer and employee. I could turn back now and tomorrow we could continue as we’d been.
But I didn’t want to.
I wanted this.
I wanted more.
“Did you like it?”
“It was delicious. Thank you so much for thinking of me.”
“So polite. I should bring you brownies more often.”
“It wasn’t the brownie. It was being here with you.”
I thought of how comfortable she was on my lap. It made me wonder if she’d had someone control and protect her the way I wanted to. Jealousy didn’t suit me, but I was powerless to the emotion.
“Why do you take to this so easily, Risa?”
She looked away. “Maybe because it’s you. Doesn’t it feel right for you too?”
“It feels more than right. It feels perfect.”
It wasn’t an exaggeration. Risa felt so damned good. Her lush bottom pressed perfectly against my hard shaft. It was like Risa was made to be right here on my lap.
Madness.
Once again her gaze threatened to swallow me whole. Risa trembled even as she obviously tried to hold herself perfectly still. I traced a finger down her soft cheek.
“Does my telling you that scare you, Risa?”
She shook her head, mouth pursed into a kissable pout.
I gave her a stern look. “This won’t do, Risa. When I ask you a question you are to answer me with your words.”
She jerked against me. “I’m very sorry, Sir. I won’t repeat my mistake again.”
“You better not. I want to hear your words, Risa. Now give them to me.”
She licked her lips. If I stared hard enough, I’d be able to see the fluttering of her pulse. I focused on her neck and wondered what her fragrant skin would taste like.
“You don’t scare me, Sir. It’s just that…”
“What?” I prodded with a bump of my knee. Risa let go of me. She placed her hands in her lap and curled them into fists. The
melancholic smile on her face suited her posture.
“It’s just that I don’t know what to do.”
“Do? There’s nothing for you to do, Risa. Just accept it.”
“And then what? What about tomorrow? Will you hold it against me?”
Clever girl.
I busied myself with running my fingers through her long, dark hair. “Most likely.”
“That wouldn’t be fair to me, Damian.”
I loved the sound of my name on her rosy lips. More than I should.
“No, it wouldn’t. However, very little of life is fair.”
Risa uncurled one fist. She placed it back on my chest. I could feel how much it cost her to touch me now.
“What I told you in Switzerland hasn’t changed. I’m also drawn to you, Damian. You’re all I think about. How I dress, speak, even what I eat is all connected to you. I can’t help myself. All I want to do is please you.”
They were the best words I could ever remember hearing. Risa was presenting herself to me on silver fucking platter. All I had to was accept her.
“You want to please me?”
“Yes,” she sighed with a heavy-lidded gaze. “I can’t imagine doing anything else in the world.”
“Even knowing about my commitment to Gretchen?”
Her lovely face fell. Anger and something undefined etched into her brow before smoothing over. “I respect you and your wishes, Sir. I shouldn’t have said so much, but…” She waved a hand over her lap. “I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”
I heard the words locked inside. Even Risa’s disgrace was for my pleasure.
I brushed my lips against hers. They were so soft. Even without tasting her, I imagined I could spending hours just kissing Risa.
She moaned my name. It wouldn’t take much to push her over the edge. A devil prodded me to tear chunks out of Risa just to see what she’d do next.
To test. To push us both.
I licked her bottom lip before whispering against her open mouth, “Meaning you’d fuck me raw if I wished it, regardless of Gretchen? You’d become my whore just like that? You’d throw away your honor, dignity, and pride just to have sex with me? Is that what you would do to please me?”
Risa yanked her head back. Misery and shock spread in her gaze. The minutes scattered on the floor like broken glass, irrevocably shattered and never to be created whole again.
My Love Break Page 16