Before going home, I made a quick stop at a toy store to buy Mackenzie some more Barbies. I must have stood in the Barbie section for nearly an hour, trying to pick out some she didn’t already have. I noticed another doll that I thought she’d like even more, and threw a few of those in my cart as well. I knew Mackenzie would have a fit if they didn’t have any new clothes to wear, so I picked out some jazzy outfits and headed to the counter.
After all was said and done, I managed to spend eight hundred and seventy dollars on dolls and accessories. The cashier bagged my stuff and I left the toy store shaking my head.
Nanny B had the curtains pulled to the side, and I wasn’t sure if she was washing the windows or looking out for me. It was almost 9:00 P.M., so I figured the house cleaning had already been done. She rushed to the door as I grabbed the bags from the trunk and made my way inside.
“We thought you got lost,” she said, standing in the doorway.
I cut my eyes and replied with a moody tone. “Nope. Where’s Mackenzie?”
“She’s upstairs in her room. I don’t know if she’s asleep or not, but we’ve missed you around here.”
“I’m sure you have.”
I walked upstairs to Mackenzie’s room. Scorpio must have heard me talking to Nanny B, and as soon as I sat on Mackenzie’s bed, Scorpio stepped into the room. Mackenzie was asleep. I gently shook her leg.
“Wake up, sleepyhead,” I said.
She rubbed her eyes and sat up in bed. She leaned forward and grabbed me. “Daddy! Where were you?” she yelled.
“I’m fine, baby. I had to go take care of some business.”
She pouted. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“I don’t know. But it doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about you.” I reached for the bags and pulled out the dolls. “I was thinking about you so much that I couldn’t come home without bringing you something.”
Excited, she looked at the dolls and ripped open the boxes. I noticed Scorpio hadn’t said a word, so I looked in her direction.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Nothing. I’m just glad you’re home.”
“Well, do you mind if I talk to Mackenzie for a moment? Alone.”
She nodded and left the room. As Mackenzie played with her dolls, I couldn’t help but think about losing her. I didn’t have much respect left for Scorpio, and the last thing I wanted to do was come between her and Mackenzie. I was on the losing end of this battle, and my stomach turned as I had a feeling the day would come when she would be out of my life for good.
In deep thought, I closed my eyes and held my hands in front of my face. When Mackenzie hopped on my back, I stood up and ran her around the room. She laughed, and I laid her on the bed to tickle her. When she told me to stop because she had to pee-pee, I stopped and she ran to her bathroom. Afterward, she hopped on my back again.
“Whoa . . . wait a minute, baby. Sit down so Daddy can talk to you for a minute, okay?”
Mackenzie moved her long hair away from her face and sat next to me with her pink pajamas on. She clenched her hands together and looked up at me with the prettiest smile. “Thank you for the dolls. I already have most of them, but the other ones are really cute.”
“You’re welcome. And the ones that you already have, put them on another outfit so they can look different. I’m not going to take them back to the store.”
“That’s okay. If you don’t mind, I’ll just give some of them to Megan. She’s poor and they don’t have a lot of money anyway.”
“Mackenzie, that’s not something you say about people. Megan’s family isn’t poor—not living in this neighborhood.”
“But she said they were poor because they didn’t have a swimming pool, a basketball court, or a movie theater like us. She said her daddy said we’re the richest people on the block.”
“Yeah, well, that doesn’t make them poor, though. We’re just blessed . . . how about that?”
“Do you mean like when God blessed me with you? Mama said you’re a blessing to us.”
“Actually, no, we’re a blessing to each other, especially you to me.”
“Then why did you leave me? You promised me you’d never leave me again.”
“I didn’t leave you, Mackenzie. I told you I had some business to take care of. That’s why I need you to make me a promise.”
“Okay. What is it?”
“I need you to promise me that if you and I are ever separated again, you will always remember how much I love you and know that you will forever stay in my heart.”
She wrapped her arms around me. “But I don’t want to be separated from you again, Daddy.”
“I don’t either, but things between your moms and me ain’t working out as we’d planned. If she moves out, I can’t stop her from taking you with her.”
“But I . . . I thought we were supposed to be a family. What about the new baby?”
I hated to go there with her, but she was the kind of kid who wanted answers. “Mackenzie, there is no baby. And as for us being a family, you and I will always be a family.”
Mackenzie was silent. I realized how difficult this conversation was for me to have with her, so I closed my eyes and couldn’t go any further. We silently held each other for a while. When I tucked her back in bed, she called my name as I headed toward the door.
“Yes, Mackenzie.”
“I love you. Will you sleep with me tonight?”
“I love you too. Just let me go change into my pajamas and I’ll be back.”
I walked toward my bedroom and wiped the tear that had fallen from my eye. I couldn’t deny my feelings about losing her, but what else could I do? Scorpio just wasn’t the kind of woman that I thought she was, and I didn’t know how much longer I’d be able to put up with her.
When I entered the bedroom, she was in bed, listening to the music on the stereo. I grabbed my pajama pants and took a quick hot shower. Once I was finished, I took a pillow off the bed and headed for the door.
“When are we going to discuss our relationship?” she asked.
I turned at the door, only to cut my eyes at her. She didn’t even deserve a response, so I left the room without saying a word.
I got in bed with Mackenzie, and after reading Cinderella six times, I was ready to doze off myself. I placed the book on my chest, and Mackenzie rested her head on my shoulder.
Mackenzie was knocked out, but as tired as I was, I still couldn’t sleep. I knew there was nothing in the world Scorpio could do or say to make things right between us. She knew how important my children were to me, and not only did I lose out on a baby that wasn’t even mine, she also had the power, once again, to take Mackenzie away from me. That was too much power for one woman to have over me, and it bothered me that she’d found a way to tap into a major weakness of mine.
Nanny B tapped my shoulder to wake me. When I asked what time it was, she said it was almost ten o’clock in the morning.
“Wake me up before noon,” I said, putting a pillow over my face.
“I wouldn’t have woken you up at all, but Shane’s waiting downstairs to see you.”
“Who?” I said grouchily.
“He said his name was Shane.”
“Damn!” I yelled and then pulled back the covers. Mackenzie was still asleep, so I got out of bed and tried not to wake her. I went to my bedroom first and slid on my house shoes, then headed downstairs. I noticed the bed made up, so I figured Scorpio must have already left.
Shane stood in the foyer and gave me a crazy look as I walked slowly down the spiral staircase.
“Didn’t I tell you to call me?” he said.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I forgot.” I walked into my office and he followed behind me. He took a seat on the sofa, and I leaned against my desk. “So, what’s up?”
“I wanted to holla at you about Stephon.”
“What about Stephon?”
“Well, I don’t want to rush to judgment or nothing, but something with him ain
’t been quite right lately.”
I laughed, making nothing of it. “Mona left his ass. That’s what ain’t right.”
“I know she did, but it’s more to it than just that. For instance, the other night, him, Ray-Ray, and me kicked it at his crib for a while. I left to make a phone call, and when I came back, those two fools got to trippin’.”
“What do you mean by trippin’?”
“I mean they were acting kind of whack.”
“They always act whack, don’t they?”
“Yeah, Jay, but this is different.”
“Are you trying to say you think the brotha’s messing around with that shit?”
“Exactly. Again, I don’t want to falsely accuse the brotha or anything, but every time I talk to Stephon, he be talking crazy, man. I can’t believe you haven’t noticed.”
“I noticed a li’l change in him, but I thought the man was hurting because of Mona. Just the other day he told me how much he missed her.”
“That could be it too, but just check things out for me. He’s a lot closer to you, and if anybody can reach him, I know you can.”
Shane stood up, and I thanked him for giving me a heads-up. I walked outside with him and he hopped on his motorcycle.
“You be riding the shit out of this thing, don’t you?” I asked.
“This my baby. Whenever you decide to let yours stop collecting dust in the garage, maybe I’ll race you one day.”
“Bet. And before you leave, I apologize for not returning your calls. I’ve had so much on my plate that—”
“Don’t worry about it.” He held out his hand and slapped it against mine. “If you need a brotha to talk to, just holla.”
I nodded and he sped off. After all that we’d been through, it felt kind of good to have a friend who had my back.
I was curious to find out what in the hell was going on with Stephon, so I went back inside to put on some clothes. I then rushed into the kitchen to grab my car keys, and saw that Nanny B had breakfast on the table. She handed me a glass of orange juice, and I took a quick sip, then put the glass on the table.
“I gotta make a run. I’ll be back shortly,” I said.
“Are you sure you’re coming back this time?”
“Yes. And you and I will sit down and talk later.”
She smiled and I smiled back. Then I gave her a peck on the cheek and jetted.
As I pulled out of the driveway, I saw Scorpio driving down the street. She pulled my Porsche close to my Mercedes and lowered the window.
“I’m in a rush,” I said.
“Are you coming back today?”
“Maybe.”
“Well, whenever you do, we really need to talk.”
“Take a number.”
We stared at each other for a few seconds, and then I raised the window and drove off. Listening to her lies was the last damn thing on my mind. I hoped she understood that she was on my time, not hers.
Since Stephon wasn’t at his shop, I drove to his house. In addition to his BMW, there were two other cars in his driveway. I knocked on the door, and banged harder when I got no answer. Finally, he opened the door in his red silk boxers, looking beat.
I stepped inside and looked around. “Why you looking all spacy and shit?” I asked.
“ ’Cause I’m tired.”
“Tired from what?” I said, and then walked over to the couch and took a seat. He sluggishly followed behind me and plopped down in a chair.
“Just tired. I ain’t been getting much sleep at all.”
“Um, you got company?”
“Yeah, they downstairs.”
“Who are they?”
“Gabrielle and Carlotta.”
“You’ve been on this ménage à trois thang for a while, haven’t you?”
“You got a problem with it? I can’t help it if it takes two to please me.”
“No, I don’t have a problem with that; however, I do have a problem with you if you’re doing drugs.”
He cocked his head back. “What?”
“You heard me, nigga. A li’l birdie told me you been messing around with that shit.”
“Your li’l birdie can kiss my ass. As a matter of fact, you can tell that nigga Shane I said to kiss my ass, because I know he’s the one who told you that shit.”
“Are you saying he’s a liar?”
“You damn right he’s a liar. And he needs to mind his own business. If anything, Jay, you know I don’t fuck around like that.”
“No, I don’t know. Just like I didn’t know you and Ray-Ray smoked weed. You know what that shit did to your mother, so I don’t understand why you would even want to touch it.”
“That’s why I don’t. I might smoke a li’l herb every once in a while, but trust me, that’s it.”
“You wouldn’t lie to me, man, would you?”
Stephon looked as serious as serious could get. “Jay, I’m telling you, it ain’t my style.”
“If you say so. I can only believe what you tell me, and you know how much I hate to be lied to. Please, do not disappoint me.”
“Have I ever?” Stephon said, defensively holding out his hands.
“Hell yeah!” I laughed. “Anyway, are you doing okay without Mona? I mean, I know how much you were digging her, and I hope that party wasn’t what caused everything to go downhill.”
“Naw, it just put the icing on the cake. I tripped, man. You know how sometimes we don’t know a good thing until it’s gone. But ain’t shit I can do about it now. I’ve moved on, trust me.”
“We always do,” I said, standing up. I headed for the door and Stephon followed behind me.
“Jay.”
“What’s up?”
“I was wondering if you had a li’l extra cash. Nigga been kind of dry these days with Mona not helping out anymore, so—”
“Enough said. What you need?”
“A grand, maybe two.”
I nodded. “You’ll have it in your account by morning.”
“Thanks, cuz,” he said, giving me a hug. I hugged him back and tightly closed my eyes.
I sat in my car and listened to Miles Davis blow his horn. I now knew, more than anything, that Stephon had lied to me. It was written all over his face. Being partially raised by a crackhead, I could see the monkey on his back. For how long, was the question. I guess it really didn’t matter, because once anybody started doing that shit, it was hard to let go. I couldn’t understand how or why I hadn’t noticed it before. I guess I’d been so tied up with my own mess that I completely ignored it. Now that I looked back, some things with Stephon hadn’t been adding up.
I was so frustrated with the lying-ass people in my life that I didn’t even feel like going back to my house. I checked in at the Four Seasons again and stayed there for the night. Before going to bed, I called the house to speak to Mackenzie. Nanny B said that she and Scorpio went to Leslie’s house and they’d be back later. I told Nanny B to tell Mackenzie I’d see her in the morning, and then shut it down for the rest of the night.
In the morning, I thought about transferring some money into Stephon’s account, but I changed my mind. I often said my money would never be spent on drugs, and I meant it. Instead, I moseyed home, only to find Scorpio waiting for me. She looked a wretched mess. Her hair hadn’t been combed, and her face was paler than ever. I tried to ignore her while making my way up the steps, but she cursed at me and grabbed my hand. I snatched away.
“Didn’t I tell you not to touch me ever again? Didn’t I?” I yelled.
“And didn’t I tell you I wanted to talk?”
“About what, Scorpio? Talk about what?”
“About what we need to do with our relationship.”
“Damn, do we really need to talk about it? It’s obvious, ain’t it?” I turned and headed upstairs to Nanny B’s room. I was surprised to see her still in bed at nine o’clock in the morning, and when I asked why, she said that she hadn’t been getting much sleep because she was worried a
bout me.
“Worried about me for what?” I asked, and then sat down. “Trust me, I’m gon’ be all right.”
“I don’t doubt it, but you got a lot on your plate right now. You need to tackle one issue at a time and deal with it. Ignoring what’s going on isn’t going to make your issues go away.”
“I know, but I just need more time to think things out. As for Stanley, I hate him, Nanny B. Why would you let him into this house?”
“Because I wanted you to prove to him that you’re a better man than he is. I was hoping you’d show him, or if not, share with him what a wonderful father you’ve turned out to be, even though he wasn’t there for you. The other day, you allowed him to win. You showed him that you’re an angry, bitter, and vengeful person who hasn’t been able to move on because of him. Trust me, your reaction was what he expected, and was probably what he wanted.”
“Maybe so, but it would have been nice if you had warned me. As close as we are, you could have pulled me aside and told me about him coming over here.”
“Jaylin, please. If I had warned you, I would have never heard the last of it. I handled the situation as best as I could, and I’m not going to apologize for it.”
“And I don’t want you to. I do, however, owe you an apology.”
“If it’s from your heart, I’ll accept it. Besides, I’m gonna let what you said to me slide this time. If you ever talk to me like that again, boy, I’m gonna get my belt and whip the hell out of you.”
I laughed, and so did Nanny B. She got out of bed and put on her cotton housecoat. After she slid on her house shoes, she sat on the edge of her bed.
“So,” she said, “now that we’ve agreed on one thing, what is going on between you and Scorpio? Whatever it is, I don’t like it one bit. She’s about to lose her mind messing with you.”
“And I’m about to lose my mind messing with her. Did she tell you about the baby?”
“Yes.”
“You knew?”
“Yes, I knew before you did, but it wasn’t my place to tell you.”
I shook my head and looked down at the floor. “I’m tired of all the lies. I can’t take them anymore. Several months ago, I would have done anything in the world for her. I give her everything, and it still isn’t good enough.”
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