After washing the paintbrushes, she searched the house. She found Hunter on the couch with a handful of papers and brochures.
He'd been looking over the stuff from the doctor about PTSD and had fallen asleep. Well after the night he had, she couldn't blame him. Becca knelt down beside him, loving the way he looked at peace. She smiled as she thought of all the times Hunter watched her sleep and how he described her. She got it. If she looked anything like Hunter did now, she understood his strange infatuation. Knowing how many nights his nightmares plagued him, seeing him rest contently made her not want to wake him even though she wanted him to see that she'd finished a painting. Instead, she gently ran her hand along his cheek before kissing it. Let him sleep. The man sure needed it. Becca picked up some of the papers he'd been looking at and started going over them herself, curious to understand more and find out what she could do for him, and for herself.
Stealing one last look at Hunter, Becca propped her back against the couch and immersed herself in the papers. She had to wrap her mind around the seriousness of it all. The pamphlets laid everything out with full honesty, and some of this stuff scared her. She clutched her stomach, feeling the overwhelming sense of worry.
This was going to be a long, hard battle for both her and Hunter. What he was dealing with couldn't always be explained.
A tear slid down her cheek.
Oh Hunter.
Becca shoved the papers aside and moved to lay her head across Hunter's chest. She put her hand over his heart and let the tears fall.
I have to be strong for him. I have to!
Becca had no idea how long she laid there before Hunter woke up. "What's wrong, angel?" He tried to sit up, eyes full of curiosity.
She moved in order for Hunter to get in a sitting position, then she she sat beside him. "I was reading through the stuff the doctors gave us and it overwhelmed me. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"Hey, it's okay," he tried to reassure her. "I'll admit, it's hard to take in, but we know now. It has to get better from here."
She wasn't sure if she should ask, but she did want to know. Becca pressed her lips together, ignoring the way her heart pounded. "Do you ever feel like-?" Then she stopped. No, she couldn't ask.
"What, Bec?" he inquired gently, touching his fingers to her face. He rubbed her cheeks in light, tender movements.
"It said sometimes people suffering from this have harmful thoughts. Sometimes even suicidal." She blinked back another round of tears.
"No, angel. I'm not thinking like that." He pressed his lips to hers. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise you. I may have a lot of nightmares, flashbacks and feelings I don't always know how to deal with, but I wouldn't ever- I couldn't do that to you or Sienna."
Relief washed over her, but the nagging doubt in the back of her head didn't go away fully. Did he have control over his thoughts? He couldn't promise something like that when he couldn't even control his day to day actions sometimes! All she knew was that she could not lose Hunter. She held him tight and never wanted to let go.
"Hey." Hunter tipped her chin up with ease. "Tell you what. Let's look at these together from now on. To think some of that stuff is going on in my head is mind blowing scary, but we'll work through it. You and I. Together. Okay?"
Blinking away her tears to try and calm herself, Becca nodded.
"Good." Hunter wiped the rest of the tears away. "What were you doing while I was asleep? I don't even remember passing out."
She hid a smile. "I was working on something. I lost track of time and found you sleeping. I don't know how long you were out, but I was occupied for over three hours."
Hunter's eyes went wide. "Wow. I guess after last night I needed it. What were you occupied with?"
"I'll show you. Come on."
He followed her up the stairs. Excitement bubbled through her as she was eager to show Hunter her finished piece from their sunrise view in Whispering Willows. She didn't even have to point it out.
"You finished a painting," he said in awe as he stared at it. "Bec, it's perfect. Your knack for detail never fails to amaze me. I love this. I'm glad this was the one you worked on! The morning view was amazing." He finally tore his eyes away from the painting to hold her hands. "Hey, have you considered the studio idea any more?" There was a twinkle in his eye that she adored.
Oh she'd thought about it, and thought some more. She was ready to tell Hunter her decision. Removing her hands from his grasp, she smiled. "I want to do it. I took everything you said into consideration. Even though I can't verbally talk, it won't matter right now as it's getting set up. I just hope my voice comes back soon. I know it's silly to worry, but sometimes I fear I'll always be mute like this."
"I don't think it's that silly, and I know why you worry about it. This is the longest in a while that you haven't had a voice, right?"
She nodded. A very long while.
"The nice thing about owning our own studio is we have the ability to open when you're ready. How about I call the lady and let her know your decision? If it's still available, we'll snag it. If not, then we'll find another location. I'm behind you every step of the way." Hunter swept her in his arms. "You don't know how happy I am to see you slowly coming back around. This is good! You're leaving the house with more ease, you're painting again ... this is all good. You know that, right?"
Not wanting to let go of him, Becca simply smiled in response. He had a point. She was slowly getting back to herself, as much as she could, anyway. In the back of her mind she still had so much fear, doubt, and worry. Hunter might believe Carrie was dead, but she didn't. She also knew people kept secrets from her, secrets about her past that she had a right to know.
The brave face wasn't just a facade as much any more, but it was still in place.
"I love you. I'll go make that call, then I suppose I should pick up those prescriptions and maybe go talk to Beverly and Todd. I know I acted impulsively yesterday and they were waiting to hear news. Please say you'll come with?" Hunter let her go, his tone and facial expression hopeful.
"I'll go with. You haven't by chance heard back from the investigator, have you?"
"No I haven't, but if you'd like I'll call him later and check in."
She didn't want to pester the man. Of course this would take time. He had twenty years and beyond to check. But she sure wanted answers.
*****
Hunter blew out a breath as he sat beside Becca in the Sundstroms' living room. They had picked up the prescriptions from the store and headed straight over. He'd even brought the information from the doctor. He'd thought out how he was going to start this conversation a handful of times, but now that the moment had arrived, he had no idea how to start. Concerned faces stared back at him. The only one going about business as usual was Sienna. She was singing in gibberish while she played, as if her father's world wasn't turned upside down. He missed that innocence of a child, something he'd been robbed of way too early in life.
He clasped his hands together only to unclasp them seconds later.
A hand on his back startled him. It was only Becca, reaching out to give him some kind of comfort. Her eyes were filled with compassion and understanding.
If he told them, what happened next? Would he never be able to go back to flying, even if right now he didn't feel the desire to do so anyway? Would Eva try to keep him from Sienna? Would they all shut him out because of fear of what he could do or say?
"Hunter?" Beverly broke the silence.
He looked back at them.
They weren't going to judge. The Sundstroms had become family to him. Even after he and Eva didn't work out, they'd accepted him and reminded him often how much they cared. So why did he worry this much? "This is harder than I thought, and I don't even know why." He noticed Eva watching him, and even she appeared concerned.
Hunter swallowed hard. "They said I'm suffering from PTSD."
Becca moved her hand from his back to reach for his hand. He held
on tight. He glanced at her again as his pulse quickened and his heart raced. She mouthed "I love you" to him.
"We all thought so," Todd said. "You know you can still fly and everything once it's under control."
"I don't even know when or if I'd be ready to being a pilot again," Hunter admitted. "The thought of getting back in a plane right now just doesn't sound appealing."
"Maybe in time it will. You don't have to rush. You have a job with me any time you're ready to come back. I hope I don't lose you as a pilot, but I'll support your decision if you feel you need to stop. After all you've been through, I can't imagine it being easy."
"It really isn't. You know I forced myself years ago to get back on a plane and get past it, and I feel like I went backwards."
"You just let us know what we can do and when," Beverly pleaded.
Hunter nodded in response. "Thank you. This isn't going to affect me having Sienna, will it?" He directed the question at Eva.
Silence.
That didn't sit right with him. Hunter shifted. She was going to say yes, wasn't she? Damn it! This wasn't fair. He just wanted normal. He wanted to be able to see his daughter and have her home with him for a while, too.
Becca must have sensed his stress because she reached out with her other hand to cover his.
"No," Eva finally replied. "It wouldn't be fair to you. I know you didn't ask for this. Don't get me wrong, it really scares me, especially the way I've seen you act lately, but you've never once hurt Sienna."
He felt like a weight was lifted off him. "Thank you, Eva."
"What next?" Beverly asked.
"Well, I go for a follow up. The doctor also advised Becca to come see him too. He wants to watch for signs with her too because of the recent events. I didn't expect that one. Then I guess use the referrals and talk to someone. I also have a temporary prescription to help me sleep."
"Becca too?" Beverly's eyes filled with tears.
He felt her stiffen beside him. "It makes sense considering what she's been going through. I hope it isn't the case, but at least they'll be watching closely. I know you guys were waiting to hear back yesterday. I panicked and wanted one day for Becca and I to be us without our past, you know? We drove around, stayed in a little mountain town and reconnected. When I woke up very early this morning with a horrible nightmare, I knew I couldn't hide any more." He shuddered at the reminder of that nightmare. "Between this and learning some things about the past, I just needed a break. Yeah, there's no break from real life is there?"
Chapter Sixteen
Becca stretched her arms over her head the next morning after a long, restful sleep. No nightmares for her, and she was pretty sure Hunter didn't have any either. She let out a moan as her hands reached as high as they could. At the sound, she dropped her hands, startled.
She hadn't been able to do that before. Not in the past few weeks.
Did that mean-?
Becca ran to the bathroom, filled a cup of water, and took a few sips. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she did what she did every morning. She opened her mouth to say something and hoped a sound would come out.
"Please let my voice work," she said, the same words she attempted to say every morning.
She nearly dropped the glass, because she heard herself.
Just a dream? Her imagination? Wistful thinking?
"I'm talking!" she shouted gleefully.
No, most definitely not a dream. She had her voice back! Finally! After what, a month? Becca ran back to the room, jumped in bed and shook Hunter awake.
Hunter bolted upright. "Wha-what is it? Was I having another nightmare?"
Becca shook her head and signed, "You weren't having a nightmare." Wait, she didn't need to sign anymore!
"I wasn't? Then why did you- Shit! Bec, you're talking! You're talking? But- you signed too!"
She grinned "It came back! I was stretching and moaned, then realized I couldn't do that before. Signing has become a habit. I actually didn't do that on purpose."
Hunter beamed, then cupped her face in his hands, kissing her lips, her cheeks, and her neck. "Oh, I'm so happy to hear your voice!"
Becca giggled. "You're tickling me with your stubble." Not that she was complaining.
"I love you." Hunter kissed her lips again.
"I love you too," she said softly.
"Say that again. And again and again," he begged.
"I love you! I'm talking again, and I can say it loud! I love you!" Becca threw her arms around him. They both tumbled backwards on the bed, both laughing.
"You really are my angel," Hunter said. "I put you through hell and yet you're still right here with me. "
"You're still here with me, too. I haven't made it easy. I felt like I lost my hero, but what I really lost was myself and faith in my hero. When I always felt safe with you for twenty years and suddenly it was gone, I didn't know how to handle it."
"And you feel safe with me again now?"
"I do. Ever since that trip, I've felt better. I can't say I feel completely safe in general, but that's because I don't know where Carrie is. I know you think she's dead, but I don't."
"I guess if it was me up on that plane not having all the answers, I might feel as you do now."
She didn't want to talk about this any more. "Did you sleep okay after taking the pill?"
Hunter hesitated. "I couldn't do it."
Becca sat up. "You couldn't do what?"
He sighed. "I stared at that damn thing for an hour before putting it back in the bottle. It just ... it doesn't feel right, having to take a pill to help sleep and keep the nightmares away. It feels- I don't know how to describe it, I just don't like it."
Her heart went out to him. Becca clasped his hands. She loved the fact that she could now hold them and talk to him. "It's temporary," she whispered, looking in his troubled eyes. "You won't have to do it forever."
"I know. Here comes Baby Beckman again, wah wah wah, only I can't act as cute as I did when you cleaned up my face after the boat accident a few weeks ago."
Becca laughed, a full fledged laugh that didn't sound strange.
"I love your laugh." Hunter brought her hand to his lips and kissed the middle of her palm.
"I love being able to laugh," she replied.
"You really think it's temporary and I'll be okay again?"
Becca never knew Hunter to be so unsure, but this thing he suffered from really changed a lot of his attitude lately. She got it, considering she had her own fears lately, like never getting her voice back again. And look what happened today.
"You were okay before," she answered. "I mean, as okay as you could be after what we went through, but you weren't always this bad off. This doesn't change who you are as a person, Hunter."
"I guess I do look at myself differently, though I'm not sure why. I thought I had a handle on the past, but with all this resurfacing, I realized how far off from the truth I am. I don't have a grip on anything these days." Hunter frowned. "Did you say I was your hero a little while ago?"
Ahh, there it was. The Hunter she knew with the way he changed subjects so quick. She held back a laugh as it wasn't funny at the moment really. "You've always been my hero."
"Am I still? Even through everything? I keep looking back and wishing I hadn't done some of the things I did. I'm no hero, Bec."
"Hunter," she said slowly, trying to figure out what to say. "That's another thing. You have to stop the guilt. It eats at you. I think deep down you know it's not your fault, but you have to keep telling yourself that. I was terrified! Of you, of myself, of the world ... But you're still, and always will be my hero. Even the best of us fall sometimes. Society paints a hero as perfect. Look at the movies and books. They never show the downsides to someone being a hero. You've made mistakes, you've hurt people, but what matters is your heart is in the right place."
He planted another kiss on her lips. "I wanna take you somewhere, if you have no objections. Then I want to dance you
around the house, sing with you and hear your beautiful voice over and over again."
Becca laughed again. "This is the Hunter I've missed. Welcome back."
"Yeah? Well this is the Becca I've missed. And I'm damn glad she's back." He flashed her a dimpled grin and she couldn't help but reciprocate.
*****
Hunter pulled up in front of the large building and turned to Becca. From where they were parked, there was no way she could see the sign to indicate where they were. She eyed the building, then met his gaze. He chuckled. "Curious?"
"Very."
"Any guesses?"
As they climbed out of the car, Hunter headed for her side to take her hand.
"Are you just doing this because you want to hear my voice some more?" she teased.
"You caught me," he shot back playfully. Now this was what he'd missed with her. Hopefully it would continue and they wouldn't go through any setbacks.
Somehow he doubted it.
Now get those thoughts out of your head, damn it!
"So, are you really going to make me guess, or are you going to tell me?" Becca asked.
"How about I just show you?" He squeezed her hand, then he led the way up the sidewalk and to the front of the building. When the sign came into view, Becca gasped.
"This is-"
"Yep. This is the research center and facility. The Lange Center. I thought it was high time I show you around. I know everyone will be interested in meeting my inspiration."
"Okay, I knew you named the fund after me, but the building too?" Becca covered her mouth and shot him a wide eyed gaze. Then she dropped her hands. "I'm kind of glad you waited until I could talk again."
He stopped and turned to face her. "Why, Bec? You met most of the doctors and researchers at the fund raiser anyway when you didn't have a voice."
A Masterpiece Unraveled (The Masterpiece Trilogy Book 2) Page 15