by Sally Henson
3
Regan
We jump time after time until we tire of climbing the face of the cliff. Tobi and Haylee lie on their rafts, wrangling the rest of the floats and wait for Lane, me, and Cameron to make our last jump. Lane sprints toward the edge and leaps, flying through the air in his swan dive.
I hold my breath and watch him soar. He looks, his form is…I let out my breath, “Beautiful.”
Cam scoffs. “We can do better than that.”
I freeze and look sideways at him. “How are we going to top that?”
He gives me an ornery grin, waving his hand in the air, dismissing Lane’s gorgeous dive. “He looked like a chicken being tossed out of a barn.”
I put my hands on my hips and tell him, “You know, you can be a jerk sometimes.”
He smirks and tries to get me to climb on his back so we can jump off together. I refuse. He proceeds to be pushy and pick me up. I finally get him to put me down.
“Come on, Regan. Loosen up,” he gripes.
I purse my lips and give him the evil eye.
He puts on a goofy face and pleads, “For funsies.”
I start laughing. How does he always make me laugh when I’m trying to be mad?
Cam clamps his hand over mine and speeds toward the edge. I gasp and push my legs to step in unison with him so I don't fall on my face and get dragged off the cliff. As we jump off, I hear a truck rumble, but that sound is quickly replaced by rushing air.
He keeps a hold of my hand, but no body parts collide when we impact the water’s surface. We come up and gasp for oxygen, laughing. Success!
He drives me crazy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
4
Regan
We’re resting on our floats in the middle of the pond again when Haylee asks Lane if he’s ready to head off to college.
“Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I don't really want to see this summer end.” He looks my way.
Tobi asks, “Are you going to get a teaching degree?”
My heart drops.
“That's what my dad thinks I should do.”
I hold my tongue, but my blood starts to simmer.
He asks Tobi, “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”
“I'll probably stay on the farm.” Tobi runs her fingers through the water, following the movement with her eyes.
My teeth grind together, but I try to keep my mouth shut. This is more than a simmer, I'm boiling now.
Cameron confesses, “Yeah, me too.”
I can't take it anymore! “Why are you all willing to follow a path you don't want to go down? It's your life, your decision.”
“It's easier for you.” Tobi’s scowl falters when I meet her eyes. “Your parents aren’t pushing you to choose a different career.”
I draw in a slow breath and try to steady myself. “Tobi, if medical research is your passion, you need to go for it. And Cameron, you're such a computer geek.” He looks away from me. “Your dad wants you to take over the farm, but you love computers. Lane,” I openly plead, but he won't look at me either. “Conservation has been your passion for as long as I can remember.”
Cameron’s face is tortured with a mix of emotions, but his voice comes out angry. “My parents won’t support anything that doesn't keep me on the farm. And I’m it. I’m the only one who can do it.”
“But that isn't what you love,” I argue. “When you're working on your tech stuff, you’ll look at the clock, and all of a sudden, it's two in the morning.” I pause, hoping he grasps my support. “You know that's what you should do. And it's the same thing for you, Tobi. You want to make a difference in human lives—”
“Look, Regan,” Lane interrupts. “This is reality. There comes a time when you have to stop being a child.”
That tipped the scales. Lane just launched a personal assault. “How can doing what you love be childish?”
“It's not that easy,” Lane snaps. “Not everybody’s as stubborn as you.” His voice softens. “Maybe we're okay with the second choice.”
They all respond in agreement.
I stare at them, bewildered. How could they be giving up before they even had the chance to try? “You shouldn't settle. It's still your choice—it’s your life! Don't listen to the small-minded SOBs in this town who tell you your dreams don't matter. Are you really willing to give into second best, third choice, or even something you don't want at all because you aren't willing to stick up for what you want?”
Haylee uses her diplomat’s voice, “Regan, your parents support your dream. You’ll make it, but if some of us stay here, it's okay.” She smiles gently, trying to ease the harshness of it all.
“As long as it's your choice and not the gossips telling you you'll never make it because they didn't.”
They don't say anything.
I know I’m grasping at straws now, but I have to try. “Tobi, you encourage me all the time not to give up, but you won't take your own advice. Don't give up on your future. Don't let this blackhole of a town absorb the light of who you are.”
Cameron's eyes tighten, and his volume goes up a notch. “Look, dreaming about what you want to be when you grow up is fine when you're a little kid. Let's face it, there's no room for romantic ideas or fairy tales in the reality of becoming an adult.”
His words sting, but I jab back at him, “That's BS, and you know it.”
“Tobi and I both have family responsibilities we can't run from. So, stop trying to force us to hang on to—”
My voice is higher and louder. “I'm not forcing you to do anything. I'm trying—”
“Dreaming and scheming is fun to talk about when we hang out, but when time is finished standing still, we have to come back to real life, Regan. I can't afford to be a dreamer like you.” Cameron's voice booms and finishes me off. “Grow up.”
My body jerks away from his words. So that's what he thinks about me. He's joined the likes of all the other cynics, and now I'm a threat for not giving up. I'm out of here.
Paddling furiously back to shore, I ignore Tobi and Haylee's calls to come back. When I reach the bank, I climb up out of the water and throw everything into the ATV while I try to put my “I'm fine” mask on.
Lane yells to wait up and starts swimming toward me.
Tobi tries pleading with me too. “You don't have to go, Regan. Come on.”
My mask is this close to breaking. I stare at the ground and say, “Look, I'm sorry, guys, I'm going to head out. Catch you later, okay?”
Lane calls out to me, nearly to shore. He threw me some verbal punches, too. He should stay.
“Stay, Lane. I'm sure Cameron will give you a ride to your truck.”
“Yeah, it's no problem, Lane.” Cameron sounds eager for Lane to hang back with them.
Cam didn't ask me to stay. My stomach sinks, and I wrap an arm around myself to keep upright. Not that I would want to be around someone who thinks so little of me.
Lane pulls himself out of the water. “Thanks, man. I have some things to do and should get going, anyway. You playing basketball this week?”
“Yeah, I'm not sure what nights, though. I'll text you.”
Lane pulls on his shirt then his cap. “Cool, later then. Miss Haylee, Miss Tobi.” Lane gives some kind of bow, removing the cap that he just put on.
I usually find it hard not to at least smile when he does that, but my blood's still boiling, and I can't stop thinking about Cameron's assessment of me.
I snatch up the rest of my things and turn the key in the ATV. The engine roars to life. Lane slides in next to me, and I peel away from the pond—from this mess.
Conversation on the way home is impossible with the loud rumble of the ATV, and I'm grateful for that. I don't want to rehash the same conversation I left the cliffs over. The only problem is I'm still having it out in my mind.
I grip the steering wheel so tightly white knuckles protrude under my skin and make my fingers look deformed. My friends' words hurt more t
han any of the poison Stacey spits on a regular basis.
According to the vicious gossips around here, spearheaded by the Faniger family, I’m a slut because I'm Susanna's cousin. Guilty by association. Not that I've come across any boys who would be worth spending time with, other than Lane. We have rules against that, and he's my best friend anyway. Or, he was. I'm not sure about anything right now.
The reasons not to date seem to get bigger. My self-imposed rule, thanks to Susanna, is that love's not worth the risk. If I fall in love or give in to temptation and make a mistake, I'll fail God and my parents, or worse—I'll never get out of this town, never follow my dreams.
As soon as I cut the engine, Lane starts, “Rega—”
“I don't want to talk about it,” I blurt and step out to get my things from the back. I hope that shuts him up or at least changes the subject.
Lane comes up behind me while I’m grabbing the key from the driver’s side, and there's nowhere to move.
He’s so close I brush against his body while I spin to look at him. “Lane.”
He flips his cap around and leans in, grasping the roll bars on each side of me. His eyes...they’re making my insides fizz again. What is he doing?
Refusing to look away, I stare right back at him. He has such pretty skin, all tan in the summer. And his eyes are…more mesmerizing than any movie star. My thoughts are making me uncomfortable.
“What?” I hurl.
The anger I'd felt has subsided to hurt, but whatever he's doing is changing things. I'm a little lightheaded, so I lean against the ATV and swallow, trying to ease the feeling.
His crystalline blue eyes slowly disappear behind his thick, curly eyelashes. “You are so stubborn,” he breathes.
He stands like that for a while—eyes closed, hands gripping the bars on either side of me, head bent down as if he’s aligning his height to mine. It's so warm in this shed, I'm a little breathless, and I have this strange urge to lean into him.
“Lane, are you okay?” I ask, concerned there’s something wrong with him or maybe me. “Are you feeling sick?”
He sighs and slowly opens his eyes as he straightens up, looking over my head. “No. I'm fine.” His voice is cold. “I need to go.”
And as quickly as that, he's out of the shed and in his truck, cranking the engine.
I follow him, but he acts like he doesn't even see me and pulls out onto the road.
The gravity under my feet sucks me in place as if the driveway’s turning into a black hole. Lane's upset. At me.
I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath, stiffening my spine and inflating my will. I'm not going to lick my wounds, crawl to him, and ask forgiveness. I won't apologize to my friends when I did nothing wrong.
They're giving up on their dreams, and they're mad at me for telling them not to. I can’t stop thinking about my friends and their stinging words. Cameron thinks I'm nothing but a dreamer. Lane’s been acting strange since graduation and flat-out said he thinks I'm childish and stubborn.
Okay, Lane. You’re right. I'm stubborn. But only about things that matter.
5
Lane
Once I’m out of Regan’s drive, I speed away, glancing out my passenger window at her through the trees that surround the Stone’s yard. She stands there like a statue, watching me leave. She’s upset over a few stupid words and is probably glad to see me go.
Regan’s not the only one ticked off. It took a lot of self-control not to tear out of there and sling rocks everywhere. When we were standing at the Ranger with my hands gripping the roll bars on either side of her, it was exactly where I wanted to be. Our lips were centimeters apart, and she didn’t have the space to storm off to the house and ignore me, ignore us.
I was so close to kissing her.
And then she asks if I’m “okay”?
Uh, no.
She actually asked if I was sick.
Sick?
With my lips two inches from hers?
I bark out a hard laugh. She might as well have body slammed me, WWE style.
The end-of-summer time bomb has a matter of days before it explodes. I’ve got to stop waiting for the right time before the chance to tell her how I feel slips through my fingers. But she’s too wrapped up dreaming about her career to see there’s something more than friendly feelings between us. Not that Regan would break her precious rules.
I growl as I reach over and crank the music, flying over the rock road.
My hand slams the steering wheel with every word I shout out here in the middle of nowhere.
“Stupid rules!”
“Stupid marine science!”
“Stupid town!”
No one can hear me. I can’t even hear myself above the blasting radio.
My truck slides across the rubble at the T in the road as I turn onto another rocky path. The backend swerves and nearly sucks my tires into the ditch.
Get a grip, Lane.
I slam on my brakes and skid to a stop. A cloud of dust surrounds the truck, weaving its way inside my open windows. Great. Now I have to clean my truck again.
After the air clears, I see field upon field lining the river bottom along the road ahead.
Holy cow! I’m halfway to the next town.
Regan’s got me so messed up I didn’t pay attention to where I was going. I just drove.
I run my hand through my hair. She acts like she doesn’t have a clue. How can she not feel the connection, the chemistry? If she really doesn’t feel the same way, she wouldn’t let me play with her hair, or rub her shoulders, or gawk at her like I do.
The thought has me turning around at the next field entrance, heading back the direction I came from. I should’ve stayed and been there for her.
I blew it!
It’s not Regan’s fault I’m not man enough to spit out how I feel about her.
We probably would’ve talked about the future. Then I could’ve steered it to me leaving and wanting more for us.
But then...ugh…the rules.
No dating within the group. I get it. But this is different. Regan and I are different. It’s not some spur-of-the moment thing. These feelings have been building for a few years. And I’ve tried seeing other girls, but it never worked out because they weren’t Regan.
On top of the G5 rules, Regan has her own no dating rule. On one hand, I like it because I don’t think I could’ve ever handled her dating another guy. And I know for a fact at least one guy is waiting for me to go off to college so they can move in on her.
On the other hand, the problem is her no dating rule applies to me too. Her best friend.
No dating, all in the name of marine science.
A nun’s life so she can have a career? It’s a little extreme, but she sticks to the rules. And all the things that sometimes drive me crazy about Regan are the same things I respect about her. Back at the cliffs, she went all Rambo commando on us, reminding us what we’ve wanted to do with our futures. The way Regan encourages us to go after our dreams is so passionate. Though it got a little frenzied with the gang today, she has a way of making me feel like Superman.
I can’t explain it—she just has that effect.
If she doesn’t feel the sparks flying between us, if she doesn’t want to bend the rules and be more than friends, I’m in deep trouble. The only thing I know for sure is that I need Regan in my life.
As my best friend.
As so much more.
A few years from now, I could maybe even see us getting married. There’s no doubt, whatever we do, we need to be together. We’ve always been together.
I glance at my rearview mirror, and see nothing but dust flying in the air. Where am I headed? Regan and I were supposed to hang out all day. I’m almost back to her house.
This day started off great, but things with Regan didn’t end the way I wanted. I pull off into the grass and park by the bridge at Fox Creek. Down the bank a ways is the spot under a shade tree where Regan and I fish, or ju
st hang out.
I stare across the way in the direction of our spot and wonder if she’s there. Even though I thought it was so obvious I wanted to kiss her earlier in the shed, she didn’t act like she knew what I was doing. Which, on the positive side, means she hasn’t rejected me—us—the idea of us as a couple.
Should I hike along the bank through the weeds and see if she’s there, or go back to the cliffs and cool off? No. If she’s there, right now, at this moment…I have to go there.
Pep talk time. One foot in front of the other, Lane, that’s all you’ve got to do. Until you get there.
I take a deep breath and get out of the truck.
A roar builds in my chest. Tarzan swinging through the jungle to get Jane flashes to mind. Too bad there are no vines in these trees. I’d swing through there and get my Jane.
I’d grunt, “Me, Lane. You, Regan.” Then I’d scoop her up in my manly arms and take her to my tree house.
I laugh out loud. Yeah, that’s so dumb.
Gah, I’ve gone over the edge of sanity.
I rub the back of my neck and tamp down my inner Tarzan. My eyes scroll ahead and focus on the top of our oak tree.
If she’s at the creek, I’m laying it all out there. If she’s not, I’ll wait until tomorrow night. After she gets off work, I can catch a ride with her. It’ll be just Regan and me on the way home. Either way, it’s time to spill my guts.
Okay, let’s do this.
6
Regan
Out on the shade-covered back patio, I get lost in the pages of photographs of my Jacques Cousteau's The Ocean World book, daydreaming about becoming a marine scientist. And then I fall back to the ring of rafts from yesterday. All afternoon, my mind weaves in between yesterday, this book, and my future.
How could my friends turn on me like that? I was only trying to help them see it’s their choice what they do with their life. I don’t understand why they’re giving up or why they’re mad at me about it.