by Sally Henson
“I should get going.” Lane turns to my dad. “Good-night Mr. Stone. Thanks for hearing me out.”
“It’s been very enlightening.”
Mom gives him a hug. “Regan is lucky to have such a good friend.”
60
Regan
The first day of school is all wrong. Even with Tobi, Haylee, and Cameron, something’s missing. In between classes, I keep expecting to see Lane in the hallway or at lunch. The only thing that’s normal is Stacey.
We worked together Saturday. She had a little girl with her for the first shift that I found out is our new science teacher’s daughter. The little girl swam in the shallow end while Stacey lifeguarded, and I have no idea how she managed to pull off babysitting and lifeguarding. Stacey wasn’t her normal self that day, though. She was almost nice.
By Monday, Stacey was back to her usual nastiness. Why she would choose to sit right next to me in our first period dual-credit composition, is beyond me. She’s been snarling at me ever since.
I have volleyball practice until six every night but Friday this week. Lane comes over afterward. We play cards and board games and sit on the patio or go fishing or swimming. He has something going on at EIU today, and he won’t be around.
I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. I can’t seem to focus. I keep wondering what Lane’s doing. I have no idea what's going on in class. It's like I see the teachers but their voices come out in waves of white noise. Practice is terrible. I end up running a lot for missing digs.
Tobi tries to get me to snap out of it. “Regan, what's with you? Square up and get under the ball.”
After practice, she gives me a ride home. “Rey, what's going on with you? You've been weird all day.”
I sink into her leather seat like a zombie, staring out the passenger window. “I don't know. I just feel like, like I can't focus or something. I've been out of it since I got up this morning.”
“I bet you got in an extra mile from the sprints Coach made you run.”
“Yeah.”
Silence.
“What's Lane been doing this week?”
My elbow is propped on the door frame while my hand holds my head up. “Uh, he's been over some. Just hanging out.”
Silence.
“Hmm. I haven't seen or heard from him since the weekend.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Huh.”
Silence.
“He told Cameron he has a lot going on this week and he's too busy to play ball or get together.”
Silence.
This short conversation takes place over the entire drive to my house.
“Regan, what's wrong?”
I look at her and shrug.
“I'm your best friend, right? I hate it when you clam up like this. Talk to me.”
“I don’t know.” I rub my arm. “I’m still trying to figure it out myself.”
“I know what your problem is.”
“What?”
“This weekend is D-Day.”
I stare at her and raise my brows. “No comprendo.”
“Lane's leaving this weekend.” She looks at me incredulously. “For being so smart, sometimes you’re so dumb.”
My head falls back against the seat and I stare at the ceiling through her moon roof. “Thanks.”
“It's okay for you to like him, Regan. It's okay for you two to be together. Really, it is.”
I sigh and roll my head to the side to see her small smile. “Now, get out of my car, I need to go home and change for the sale barn. I'm not even going to bother showering. The only cute things I see while I'm there are the calves anyway.” She always finds a way to make me laugh when I need it. “Maybe those old men will stay away from me if I smell bad.”
“You're such a goober.” I get out, and she revs her engine and takes off, throwing rocks with her tires at the end of the drive as a farewell.
The lightheartedness Tobi left me with fades as I sit down at the table to do my homework. I try to push what Tobi said out of my head to do my work. There's not much, a little math, but I can’t seem to focus, asking dad the score of the Cardinals game, getting a drink, using the bathroom, anything—for over an hour.
Mom’s working on an alteration at the table, too. “Regan, you’re wearing me out with your up-and-down business. What's the matter with you?”
I shrug closing my book. “I don't know.”
“How was school today?” She has her glasses on, hand-stitching something on what looks like a wedding dress.
“Boring. Fine.” I watch her fingers move slowly and deliberately with the needle and thread.
“Boring?”
“I felt like I was trapped in that boring classroom from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. 'Anyone—Anyone.'“
She snickers. “Really, which class?”
“All.”
“Hmm.” She keeps an amused smile on her face. “Is Lane coming over tonight?” She glances up from her project to look at me.
“Probably not. He's moving some things into his dorm room today.”
I've gotten used to the idea of our being more than friends. I've gotten used to seeing him every day, just being with him, feeling—more. If I'm restless because of him … because I haven't seen him today, how am I going to handle not seeing him for a whole week or even longer?
I grit my teeth. These walls are closing in on me. I need to do something, anything.
“I'm going for a walk.” I stand up so fast I knock the chair over. After I pick it up, I put my homework away in my bag and toss it on the floor of my room.
Mom knocks on the door frame as I pull my shoes out of my closet. “Do you mind if I go with you?”
She hasn't been on a walk with me for a long time, since spring, maybe?
“Uh … sure I guess.” I’m not in a good mood and would rather go by myself.
I snatch the small flashlight off the counter and head outside to put my shoes on. It’s muggy and my shirt’s already sticking to my skin. The tree frogs are in full force and I love it. She comes out the door.
“Where do you want to walk?” I ask, spraying myself with the mosquito repellant.
She reaches for it to spray herself. “Wherever you were planning on going is fine.”
Okay then. I'll lead the way to Fox Creek, hoping to find it soothing tonight.
61
Regan
The light is soft, and there are already shadows in the woods. Crickets and frogs replace the song of the locusts as the day turns into night. Though the leaves of the canopy are rustling above us, I don't feel the breeze down on the path.
Inhaling deep, my lungs fill with the woodland air laden with leaves of plants and trees, hints of earth and my favorite outdoor scent, honeysuckle. It eases the tension of Lane being gone.
Mom gives me just the right amount of time before she speaks up. “What has you riled up this evening? You seem out-of-sorts.”
“I don't know. A lot of things simmering in my mind I guess.” I keep my pace, eager for the sight and sound of the creek.
“Tell me one thing.”
Tell her one thing? Sure, let's see what she has to say about this. My eyes narrow, but I look down the path. “How about you tell me why you went along with Dad's invitation to Paul for dinner when you knew Lane's party was that night?”
She pauses so long I’m not sure she’s going to answer. “Your father is very hard-headed on some things. I've learned over the years which ones he’ll budge on.” Her voice is calm and even.
I shake my head. “Did you even tell him I had plans? I mean, it was an important night for Lane and for me.” My voice is raised, and my arms become more than a little animated.
“Yes, I did tell him. But he forgot about it, sweetie.” She rubs my back gently as we walk. “When Paul called to ask for his permission to take you out, he was so impressed by it, he asked Paul to supper.”
My hands clench into fists by my side. “Why wouldn't he cance
l when I told him and you told him about Lane's party?” I keep looking back and forth from her to the opening ahead.
“I know it's hard to understand. He gave his word, and he didn't want to go back on it.”
“He gave his word, and even though the information was flawed, he had to keep it? Even after I told him Paul already asked me out and I told him no, he wouldn't cancel? Even if I gave my word to be at Lane's party?” I want to scream.
I need to run, to get away from here. I want to run down Lane's hidden railroad tracks behind the pond at the park. Run to some far-off place. Run to freedom. My chest begins to tighten. Can I take two more years here? Two more years of my dad’s interference? Two more years without having Lane to lean on through the week?
“It all worked out, though, didn't it?” She tries to soften my thoughts.
I rub my palm against my sternum, trying to release the pressure. “Thanks to Lane. If I'd told Dad what kind of guy Paul was, he wouldn't have believed me. I'm not sure he would've believed Lane if Paul didn't call to cancel. And if Lane hadn't given him a black eye.”
I want to throw myself on the ground, kick and scream, “it’s not fair.” But I know it would only make things worse.
Mom chuckles. “Lane certainly took care of Paul.”
I glance at her sideways with my brows raised. “I had no idea he was going to do something like that. Guys are, are …” I start giggling. “I would like to have seen Lane and Cameron both in action. Cameron was probably hilarious.”
I begin to laugh hard just thinking about some of the idiotic things he would've said. I can picture Cameron doing some Three Stooges thing. It’s at this point I’m certain I’m losing my mind.
Mom's laughing, too, and I stop and catch my breath.
I sigh and stand upright. “Come on.” I see the clearing and pick up the pace again, anticipating the change. It's dusk already. At least when I get back to the house, it’ll be an acceptable time to go to bed.
Mom moves to the bench. “Let's sit.”
We sit on the bench together. I have so many memories here, but right now I only think of the ones with Lane. I try to focus on the movement of the water, but it's getting hard to see, so I close my eyes to listen to the water flow.
“Is there anything else—other reasons—you've been out of sorts tonight?” She can tell something else is wrong, but I don't think she necessarily suspects that I want Lane here to calm my racing mind, to hold my hand, to tell me everything will be okay.
I try to ignore her and hold on to the rhythm of the water washing against the banks, fallen limbs, and rocks. I think Mom’s talking again but, I've tuned her out, clinging to the little relief the liquid music brings me.
“Regan …” Mom leans against me. The physical contact gets my attention.
I open my eyes. “Hmmm?”
“Did you hear anything I just said?”
I sigh on the inside. I don’t want to talk about it. “You want to know why I'm acting weird?”
“That was earlier.” She puts her arm around me and hugs me into her side. “Are you having trouble with Lane leaving?”
That's all it took. I close my eyes and my lip begins to quiver. The water works start streaming as if someone turned a switch on. I’m trying like crazy to fight them back.
“I know you two are close. Maybe you’re closer than you think.” She rubs my arm. “There's something different between the two of you.”
I give no indication, say nothing—other than my stupid tears—that she's right.
“If I'm right, you two better talk to your father before he finds out some other way. He's very protective of you. I know you don't understand it. He loves you so much.”
We walk back to the house in silence. The solace of the water was short-lived, and I'm fighting to keep the restlessness away, hoping a hot shower will wash it down the drain with the mosquito spray.
62
Regan
Good news, no volleyball practice.
Bad news, I have to ride the bus home.
I've ridden the bus to school every day this week and though I haven't complained about it, it totally sucks. Tobi's given me a ride or my mom has picked me up after practice every night. On Fridays, I'll have to ride the bus home, unless I can con Tobi into taking me home or hanging out at her house. Yes! That's an excellent idea. Go home with Tobi on Fridays. Our class schedules aren't the same. She's taking some business courses and I'm going the science route, but our last class is the same.
I wait for Tobi at the end of the hall so we can walk to PE together. “I have an excellent idea.”
She rolls her eyes and scoffs, “That’s dangerous.”
I ignore her eye roll and smart-aleck comment and lay it out for her. “What do you say to me coming over to your house on Fridays after school or giving me a ride home? I really don't want to ride the bus home.”
She lifts an eyebrow in a way I think Sherlock Holmes would do when considering an idea from Dr. Watson. “That might be a possibility. Let me talk with my parents and see what they say.”
I hug her.
“I don't think they'll care.” She sends a quick text on the way to the gym.
“Tell your dad I'll give him a great big grizzly bear hug.”
After school, we walk back to our lockers to get our things for the weekend. I'm hoping her Mom or Dad has texted her back before I have to get on the bus.
I rush to her locker. “Well?”
“Well … they must be busy. Nothing, yet.”
“Ugh!” I lean back against the lockers. “That's okay. One time won't kill me. I better go. Don't want to miss my ride. See you later.”
I push off the lockers and call out to Haylee, waving, “See ya, Haylee.” I start down the hall to the bus line. Cam must already be gone because I don’t see him anywhere.
“Wait,” Tobi hollers at me.
I turn to see her head down, reading the message on her phone. A smile spreads across her face.
She looks up through her lashes at me and then runs to catch up with me. “Someone is waiting for you outside,” she sings.
My shoulders lift, hopeful, and light as air. “Lane?”
Tobi giggles, “You guessed it.”
I pump my fist in the air. “Yes! Thank you, Lane.” I do a little wiggle dance and hook Tobi's arm for us to walk out together.
She does a celebratory hip bump me and asks, “Did you think about what I said yesterday?”
“About you stinking so bad that the old men leave you alone at the sale barn?”
She scoffs, leaning forward enough to crane her neck so she’s in my face.
“No, about Lane and you and it being okay.”
“Yeah, I thought about it.”
It’s all I’ve been able to think about for weeks. Can it work? Will it screw everything up? Will it last? What if I screw up? What if my friends get mad I broke the rules?
“Well?”
As hard as I try, I can’t keep from smiling. “We do have something, tendencies that surpass the status of just friends.” I try to be coy and not exactly forward. Just to drive her crazy.
“I know. Are you going to do anything about it?”
“I don't think I can keep from it anymore.” I concede to what she’s known for a while, glancing back and forth between her knowing eyes and the rock parking lot under our feet.
I trust she won't say a word to anyone. She's not a gossip, like the girl peeling out of the parking lot in her red mustang.
She gives me a quick side hug around the neck. “Good. I've seen the way you two look at each other. You'd be crazy not to.” She lets out a giggle jetting her eyes over to Lane's truck, instructing me to look that way.
My heart does a flip-flop when my eyes connect with his.
Tobi rests her arms on the open driver's side window frame. “It's so weird without you here. We miss you.”
I walk around and get in.
“Thanks.” Lane watches me shut
the door and gives me a wink before turning back to Tobi. “I miss you guys, but I don't miss this school.”
I buckle my seat belt. “Am I glad to see you. I thought I was going to have to ride the bus home.”
He grins. His eyes tell me everything without voicing a single word, I'm not sure if Tobi notices. Who am I kidding? She notices.
She interrupts our moment by clearing her throat. “So, what's going on this weekend? You want to get the gang together?”
I've gone home after practice every night this week. My parents aren't big fans of going out during the week. I'm not either, especially since I've been able to have Lane to myself. I’d like to continue being selfish and keep him to myself all weekend.
Lane answers, “Nah, I think I'm going to lay low this weekend. I need to finish packing. Stuff like that.”
Yes! All to myself. Oh, maybe not. He does have a family I’ll have to share him with. “How about I call you later today, Tobi? Don't forget to talk to your parents about Fridays, please. I'm begging you.”
She smiles back at me. “I won't forget. Call me. Maybe tomorrow the three of us can hang out or something?”
Lane shrugs. “Sure, maybe.” He starts the truck.
Tobi walks off to get in her car turning around half way there with an “I told you so” grin on her face, then turns back around with an arm extended high above her, waving good-bye. I chuckle and shake my head at her.
Lane reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Let’s get out of here.”
63
Lane
We aren't past Lake Nellie yet when she unbuckles and glides across the seat next to me. This is good. I didn’t have to invite her over.
She hugs my arm and lays her head on my shoulder. “It feels like I haven't seen you in days.”
I peek at her with a sideways glance. A giant grin takes over my face. She’s finally settling in to the new us. Actually, it’s more like slowly, painfully easing in, but I’ll take it.