This was just about the horse. He wished he could give her Bruiser, that she could take him with her, so that she wouldn’t be alone. But where she would most likely end up, there wouldn’t be a place for a horse, especially a temperamental one.
And there would definitely be no place for a cowboy in that world. He needed to start pulling back from wanting her.
I’ll do that. Real soon, he told himself. Maybe tomorrow.
Ivy knew she’d nearly revealed too much of herself when she’d told Noah that she was trying not to love. No question, she’d segued right from talking about Bruiser into thoughts of Noah.
But that was crazy talk, so she concentrated on Bruiser and kept training the horse. In odd moments she and Darrell worked with him. She even got Brody involved. With all this attention, Bruiser was getting better, but he still had a long way to go. She hoped she didn’t run out of time. For all that Noah had cautioned her, she’d seen him talking to the horse at times, too.
They seemed like two of a kind, both male animals who’d been dealt a bad hand and were learning to get past their pasts. She’d seen Bruiser shy from a man’s touch. She’d seen Noah watching Lily when Alicia’s daughter lifted her arms and asked for mama. He’d blanched, and Ivy had realized that Lily would never need the word mama. And that Noah’s position as sole parent left him very alone in some ways.
That upped the ante on training Bruiser and made it more important. She wanted Noah to keep this kindred spirit, she wanted the horse to be saved and, of course, training him kept her busy. No more kissing Noah; no making excuses not to be with Lily.
The truth was that Ivy had finally admitted that she was going to have to learn how to deal with children in a normal fashion. The playdates had only emphasized how difficult and cowardly it would be to spend a lifetime avoiding little ones.
But Lily was a special case. She was Noah’s. And she’d already been harmed by one woman who’d left. Ivy could already see, by Lily’s fierce possessiveness of Marta and Noah, how strong the child’s affections could be. She couldn’t risk being the second woman to desert and hurt Lily, and if she didn’t make a connection, that could never happen, so the avoidance continued.
Then, a few days after Darrell’s first ride, Ivy was inside the barn when she heard Lily’s voice close by. “Bo-ooze,” she said. “Bo-ooze.”
In the distance Marta shrieked, and Ivy dropped what she was holding. She ran out of the barn and stopped dead in her tracks. What she saw made every muscle in her body clench. Lily had wedged herself between the slats in the pen. Her pants looked as if they were caught on the fence, and she was half in and half out of the pen, only a few feet away from Bruiser. One wrong move from the big animal, and—
Ivy couldn’t complete the thought. Instead, she moved. Stealthily. Closer to the pen. As she walked, she began speaking softly to both the horse and the child.
“Shh, Bruiser, shh. She can’t hurt you. Not at all. See how little she is. You’re fine. You’re safe.
“And Lily, don’t move, love. Please stay very still, very quiet. Like a little mouse. Just. Don’t. Move.”
“Ive. Bo-ooze,” Lily said, and she wiggled, trying to inch forward.
“Lily,” Ivy whispered, desperation making her voice tense. She quickly dismissed the possibility of pulling Lily out from behind. The little girl was snagged on something on the inside, and it would take only a second for the horse to hurt her. Instead, Ivy opted to go over the fence to gather up Lily. Once she had her, she could put her body between the little girl and the horse. She was banking on the horse’s affection for her to keep him from kicking out at them.
But as Ivy slung her leg over the top of the fence, Lily wriggled again and fell into the pen.
No time to think. Ivy dived, scooped Lily close as she hit the ground and curled the little girl into her body.
Lily had immediately started to cry when she hit the ground and Ivy ran her hands over those little arms and legs, trying to make sure nothing was broken. “Hurt,” Lily said as she wailed, and Ivy’s heart broke. “Ow, Ive.”
Ivy hugged Lily to her, rocking her. “Shh, you’re safe, sweetie. You’re okay. I promise. I promise. Nothing will hurt you. You’re safe. You’re safe.” Over and over, Ivy repeated the phrase, holding on tightly.
Struggling to her feet while still holding the child close, Ivy moved back to the fence. Lily was still crying, but her wails were turning to snuffles. She had one arm around Ivy’s neck in a choke hold, and the other, Ivy realized, was outstretched.
“Ivy? Lily? Lily!” Noah’s deep, tense voice echoed, and Ivy realized that even though she was moving away from Bruiser and toward the fence, Lily was reaching toward the horse.
As if he knew the horror going through everyone’s minds, Bruiser took a few silent steps backward.
“Give her to me,” Noah said, his voice angry.
Immediately Ivy held Lily out to him, but Lily looked at her with such sweet sad eyes. “Bwoo-ooz,” she said. As if she knew that her actions had sealed the horse’s fate. As if she shared Ivy’s love for the horse.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” Ivy said. But it was not okay. Now that she could get a good look at Lily, she could see a bump forming on Lily’s head and the dirt that covered her cheek and extended into the child’s hair. She had let Lily get hurt. If she had done the smart thing and grasped Lily from behind, she might have prevented her from falling into the pen.
In the background Ivy could hear Marta wailing about how she had been hanging laundry and hadn’t seen Lily slip away from her. Darrell and Brody were whispering about something. And Noah was looking like… Ivy couldn’t begin to read the expression in Noah’s eyes. When he had first come rushing up, he had looked as if he wanted to swear, but now?
She didn’t know. She only knew that her heart hurt looking at him. “I let her get hurt,” she said. “She has a big bump on her head.”
“I thought…Ivy, at first I thought…I’m so sorry. I thought you had brought her in there with you.”
Pain sliced through Ivy. “You thought I would intentionally risk her?”
“You love that horse.”
“For me. For you. Not for a baby.”
“I know. I was an idiot. You wouldn’t risk her.”
“But I did. Not intentionally, but still…I made the wrong choice. If I hadn’t been in the process of going over the fence, I could have kept her from hitting the ground.”
“She’s okay.”
“If she’d been higher up or there had been a rock beneath her, she might not be okay. Mistakes were made. My mistakes.”
“Don’t do this to yourself. I was wrong to even think what I thought. Even for a second. Don’t beat yourself up, Ivy. I mean it.”
But she didn’t want to hear that. She had made a bad choice regarding a child. Again. The fact that it had turned out all right this time didn’t change the fact that tragedy had been only a breath away. This changed so many things.
He was not going to let this happen to Ivy, Noah decided. Somehow he had to make this right. He cursed himself for that moment of weakness when he had seen Ivy and Lily in the pen, but he couldn’t do that over. He could only do his best to quickly repair the damage as best he could.
What the heck did that mean? What could he possibly do? His words hadn’t even made a dent in Ivy’s disgust with herself. He needed more. A miracle. An army.
“That’s exactly what I need. An army.” Noah picked up the phone and dialed.
Ivy was trying to decide what to do. She’d heard via Brody that Lily was all right, but that still didn’t negate what had happened. Over and over, she relived that moment when Lily’s head had hit the ground and she had been helpless to stop it because she’d gone over the fence.
She didn’t even want to think what could have happened had Bruiser charged or kicked before she could get to Lily.
Darkness was falling, but Ivy didn’t turn on the lights. She just sat, thinking and trying not to t
hink at the same time. Trying not to remember the panicked, angry look on Noah’s face when he’d thought she’d put Lily in danger. He wanted to take it back, but she wasn’t going to let him. He’d been right to be angry.
When the sound of a car on gravel was followed by headlights sweeping across the window of the cottage, Ivy blinked. Probably someone turning around, headed for the ranch house.
More tires. More headlights.
She stumbled out of the cottage to see what was happening. But once outside, she found Noah there with Alicia, Melanie and other parents in the town.
“I’m not going to beat around the bush or give you time to think,” Noah said. “Everyone here is a parent. Some of them have been parents for years.”
“I don’t understand. It’s night. Why are you all here?”
“Nighttime’s a good time for stories,” Noah said. “I hope you like stories. Our neighbors have some great ones.”
“I—of course,” Ivy said, still not comprehending as everyone began opening camp chairs. Someone gave her one while Noah knelt, put a fire starter and a few logs in the outdoor fire pit and lit a match. When the dry kindling caught, he sat down next to Ivy. He reached out and took her hand.
Her pulse began to jump.
“This is the way it goes,” Noah said softly. “At one time or another, every parent makes a mistake or two or more. It’s impossible not to. You might not know that, because Bo was so very young when you lost him. But I can’t bear the thought of you going through life beating yourself up for this afternoon when you were trying so hard to save Lily.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips.
No one said a word about that, but Ivy thought she was going to cry…or throw herself into Noah’s arms.
“Alicia?” Noah said. “You start.”
The woman nodded. “Taylor had been walking for a few months when I looked away for what seemed mere seconds and he totally disappeared,” Alicia began. “I nearly screamed myself hoarse. I babbled, I cried. Eventually I found him next to the creek. One more step and he would have fallen in and drowned. I will never forget that day. I still relive it at times, but I’m grateful for the miracle. That’s all a parent can be in a case like that.”
“Exactly,” Bob Pressman agreed. “Our Michael’s five, but when he was three, he was in the garden with me, and I was paying more attention to the weeds than to him. He was only seconds from shaking hands with a rattler when I saw him and barely managed to kill the snake. Those few seconds felt like five years. I’m pretty sure my hair started turning gray the very next day.”
He smiled at Ivy. “It’s life with a child, Ivy. Sometimes it’s calm, but sometimes it’s one hair-raising incident after another interrupted by moments of pure joy.”
She bit her lip. She couldn’t speak.
The stories continued, around the circle. Finally Noah was the only parent left. He kissed Ivy’s fingertips one more time before he released her. “I’ve told you how scared and clueless I was when I discovered that I had to keep Lily alive and safe with no instruction manual to guide me. I stumbled a lot, had some successes and made tons of mistakes. Then, when Lily was about one, I put her in this little umbrella stroller I used now and then, then turned around to get something, but I had forgotten to strap her in. She leaned forward and fell right out. When I picked her up, I don’t know who felt worse, her or me. I was convinced I was the very worst parent in the world.”
“The worst,” Alicia said, pointing to herself, followed by a mix of voices as each person in the circle pointed to themselves.
“You didn’t let Lily get hurt, Ivy,” Noah said. “You were trying to save her. You put your body between her and Bruiser. She got a bump. It’s not the first time she’s taken a tumble, and it won’t be the last. So forgive yourself. Please. Forgive yourself for everything. Stop torturing yourself for things beyond your control.” She knew he was talking about Bo. His voice broke as if he was in terrible pain.
With that knowledge, that her misery was hurting others…something in Ivy shattered, and then, indescribably, her heart felt less heavy. Just a very tiny bit, the merest nudge in the right direction.
Noah was still looking at her, his eyes so fierce and earnest that a tear ran down her cheek. She managed to nod, to sob as Noah dragged her close and held her for long minutes, rubbing her back.
Finally she took his proffered handkerchief and blew her nose. “Thank you,” she said, sniffling. “You’re all so wonderful. Thank you. I can’t believe you all came here just to help me feel better about myself.”
“You’ve helped us. It’s only right that we should give back. You’re worth it,” Alicia said, and everyone murmured their agreement.
As they all began to gather their chairs and shuffle off back to their cars, Noah stayed with Ivy. When the last car had driven away, he looked at her.
“You didn’t have to do this,” she said.
“I did.”
“Okay. Thank you. But I’m all right now. You don’t have to stay and comfort me anymore. You can go.”
“I don’t think I can.”
She tilted her head in confusion, and he came up out of the chair. He reached down and pulled her up beside him. “I can’t believe how brave you are. You slay me. You make me insane half the time. You make me want you every second of every day. I have to do this. Right now.”
He kissed her, his mouth crushing hers.
Ivy clung to him. She looped her arms around his neck, pressed herself to him.
“If I kiss you again, I’m not going to want to stop tonight, Ivy,” Noah said, his voice deep and rough. “Send me away if you don’t want that.”
“I want that,” she whispered against his lips. “I want you, Noah. I don’t want to send you away.”
Together they moved to the cottage. They didn’t turn on the lights, but the moon had risen by then, its pale light filtering into the room.
Noah took off his shirt, and Ivy ran her hands over his shadowed muscles. He groaned and pulled her to him, falling onto the bed and lying back with her on top of him. He laced his fingers in her hair and tugged her closer.
She kissed him, fiercely, with everything she had and was.
He reached up and unbuttoned her blouse, peeling it back from her shoulders. “More,” he said, and he undressed her.
“More,” she agreed, sliding off his jeans.
In seconds they were back in each other’s arms.
“I’ve wanted you like this from that first day when I sent you away,” he said.
“I want to remember you like this long after I’m gone,” she answered.
“Remember me…as if I were your first,” he said, kissing her, caressing her, making her burn.
“You are my first since…since that day. And anyway, you’re only the second…”
“To make love to you.”
She shook her head. “Alden didn’t believe in making love. He said it was just biology and mechanics.”
“In that case, I don’t think I would have liked your husband much. And, Ivy, I’m telling you right now, I fully intend to make this about more than biology and mechanics. We’re making love. All right?”
Her answer was to cup his face in her hands and kiss him with all her might.
He rolled with her. They touched, they clung, they kissed. Noah was both gentle and fierce.
For this one night, they weren’t employer and employee, or rancher and model. As they met each other in the darkness, none of those titles mattered. Noah was heat and blinding light. He took, he gave; he shattered Ivy’s world and returned it to her. Different. Better. Whole, she thought, as she drifted into sleep.
She awoke later, cuddled in Noah’s arms, his big body wrapped around her. He kissed her neck, the sensitive spot beneath her ear.
“I have to go,” he whispered.
“Oh. Of course.” That was the way it was done, wasn’t it?
“I want to stay here with you all night, but I don’t
want Darrell and Brody to look at you differently.”
She smiled as he kissed her goodbye, but she knew that she would look at things differently from now on. She was in love with Noah. He had started her on the road to forgiving herself for losing Bo. And he had blown away every reservation she had and changed the way she looked at her life. Things would never be the same again.
But when morning came, that thought took on a whole new meaning.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NOAH HADN’T BEEN WORKING long the next morning when an unfamiliar car pulled into the drive, followed by another and another. The memory of last night’s intervention came to him, but there was a difference here. The men and women that piled out of these cars today weren’t people he’d ever seen.
“I’m looking for Ivy Seacrest,” a man said, holding out a business card indicating that he was a journalist. The woman with him was carrying a camera that must have cost the farm. “Who are you? Do you know where she is? Can we see her now?”
The man was young, but not too young. He was handsome. Too handsome. And he wanted Ivy. Apparently now.
Noah wanted to tell the man that Ivy was his, off-limits, unavailable, but none of that was true. “I’m the owner of this ranch.”
“Is Ivy around?” someone else cut in. “I hear she saved a child’s life yesterday.”
“I hear she did some modeling recently,” someone else said.
“Is this her?” another person asked, shoving a photo of Ivy into Noah’s hand. It had been taken at the auction, when Ivy was in the silver gown. “Is there any chance that she might be considering a return to modeling?”
“Or maybe movies?” someone demanded.
“Returning to New York?” another person asked.
Noah’s heart started to pound. He had a burning desire to find Ivy, scoop her up and hide her. But that wasn’t right or fair. “You’ll have to ask Ivy those questions,” he said. “If you’ll wait, I’ll find her.”
But that proved to be unnecessary. The commotion had attracted the attention of Ivy and Darrell and Brody. Even Marta and Lily had come outside. Lily was scared by the strangers and Noah took her into his arms, holding her while she hid her face against his chest.
Cowgirl Makes Three Page 14