by Heidi Rice
The goggles began to mist from her body heat, so she thrust them up. The freezing air hit her chapped cheeks, increasing the pain.
She shouldn’t have run. She should have stayed—Leo had been right to call her selfish.
Thoughts of Leo battered her tired brain—his face, so harsh, so handsome; his body, sculpted muscles, firm skin so beautiful she could feel its softness under her frozen fingertips; his scent, man and musk and sandalwood, invading her nostrils; his voice, low and husky and so confident about everything...
Why did I run? Why did I leave him?
He was safe, secure, strong. So much stronger than she had ever been. And warm; he could give her the warmth she yearned for. Except...
‘We can’t have any more than this week. I thought you understood.’
‘If you can’t behave yourself in a manner befitting your status, I will have you returned to your mother in New York immediately.’
The emotionless words—from so long ago, and only hours before—echoed in her head, becoming one voice, one man, one brutal reality that chilled her heart.
Leo didn’t want her for herself. He wanted an heir, a queen.
Her father hadn’t wanted her either. He’d wanted to protect the monarchy and to free himself of any scandal she might cause too.
The buzzing in her head became louder and she looked to the skies, to see a large black bird hovering overhead. She squinted into the setting sun, the frozen skin on her face prickling in the wind as the bird became wider, louder, its outline changing into something mechanical. Not a bird, a helicopter.
Snow flew up from the earth as she watched the mechanical beast set down at the far end of the clearing. The trees shuddered and shook, the bladed wings lifting the drift into a maelstrom.
Her mind blurred. Her heart pounded so hard the pain became one in her body, as the wings stopped spinning and a figure jumped out of the cockpit.
It ran towards her, a voice carrying across the frozen air. But the words made no sense, her mind too numb, too confused, too dazed to decipher what they meant.
‘Juno, stay where you are. Don’t move. I’ve come to take you home.’
Home?
But she had no home.
She watched, her body frozen in place, her mind spinning as the figure became a man running through the snow towards her.
His face became visible, blue eyes piercing, determined, full of accusation... Or was that fear?
Her heart slowed from a gallop to a crawl as he reached her. Flinging off his gloves, he cupped her cheeks; the warmth burned her skin and seared her soul.
‘Juno, you little fool, you’re freezing,’ he said, the hot breath making her eyes water. ‘Are you okay?’
But she couldn’t make sense of the words, the pain so real and vivid now, the numbness starting to consume her.
Why had she never been enough? Why couldn’t she be loved?
‘Talk to me, tell me you’re okay.’ The voice begged, bullied, but it was so far away now she could hardly hear it.
She just wanted to sleep. To be warm again. To be safe. To be loved.
So she closed her eyes and let herself fall.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘IF THE PREGNANCY is weakening her, you must terminate it.’ Leo grabbed the doctor’s lapels, his fear starting to consume him. ‘Do you understand me? I don’t want you to take any risks with her life.’
‘Yes, Your Majesty. I understand.’ The doctor disengaged Leo’s fingers, her eyes kind. ‘But as I told you, the pregnancy is not an issue. Princess Juno had mild hypothermia. But we have warmed her body gradually, and are monitoring her vital signs and she should—’
‘Why hasn’t she woken up then? It’s been nearly twelve hours since I brought her back to the palace.’
Twelve hours that had felt like twelve years as he’d sat by her bedside and willed her to open her eyes, to talk to him. To forgive him.
The fear had become so huge he hadn’t been able to eat, or sleep. The truth was he was barely functioning.
He could still recall every minute detail, which had played over and over again in his mind since the moment he’d reached her in the clearing.
The way her eyes had lost focus, the chill on her cheeks, how she had gone limp and then collapsed into his arms. The flight home had been a blur as the terror that he might have lost her, that he had driven her to this, became too huge to control.
The hours that had followed had stretched into eternity as he’d struggled to keep the fear at bay, not leaving her side, as the doctors worked to keep her comfortable, to assess her condition. And she slept.
Why had he been too scared to tell her the truth?
‘Your Majesty.’
He turned to see the nurse from Juno’s bedside standing at the entrance to her room.
The terror engulfed him all over again.
‘Is she dead?’ he murmured, ploughing his fingers through his hair, the despair destroying him.
‘No, Your Majesty, I believe she is waking up.’
‘Juno, please wake up.’
Juno could hear a voice, a deep husky voice, beckoning her out of the darkness. Her eyelids felt so heavy, she didn’t want to lift them yet, the lethargy that permeated her body so warm and comforting. But the voice was so insistent... And so familiar.
She forced her eyelids open, to see his face.
‘Leo?’ she whispered, her throat like sandpaper.
‘Princess,’ he murmured.
Where was she? And why did she feel so disconnected from reality? What had happened and how long had she been sleeping?
‘You’re going to be okay,’ he said, his voice rough with purpose. ‘And the baby too.’
The baby?
The only reason he wanted her.
The sharp blast of reality ripped through the fog and she blinked furiously, trying to stop the cruel memories flooding back, but it was already too late.
She looked away from him, the tears welling up now misting her view of the beautifully appointed bedroom.
She’d run, like the coward she’d always been. And he’d rescued her. She pressed her hand to her belly.
Her baby was safe. The baby she’d almost accidentally killed.
I can’t marry you.
It was what she wanted to say. But the words refused to be released from her throat. The guilt and sadness were suddenly too much to bear. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks.
She had ruined everything. Perhaps this was a fitting punishment—that she would have to marry him now and live for the rest of her life loving him and knowing he could never love her in return.
Juno forced herself to look into his eyes, absorb his dishevelled appearance and the heavy beard.
She loved him, and she would marry him. And maybe one day he could learn to love her in return.
The silence seemed heavy as Leo took her hand and squeezed it in his.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said.
At exactly the same time as Leo murmured, ‘You must forgive me.’
He frowned then smiled, but it was a smile with no humour in it, only regret. The same regret that had wrapped around her heart.
‘I can’t imagine what you would have to be sorry for, Princess,’ he said, the use of the endearment piercing her heart.
So many things.
‘I’m sorry for swapping places with my sister,’ she said, knowing the list was endless. ‘I’m sorry for running. I’m sorry for putting our baby’s life in danger,’ she said, her heart so heavy it was hard to talk. ‘I’m sorry for trapping you into a marriage you can’t possibly want.’
The crease on his forehead deepened, the smile flatlining. ‘Why would you think that?’ he said, as if it weren’t perfectly obvious.
‘You don’t love me, Leo. But you’
re being forced to marry me because of the baby and—’
‘Don’t.’ He pressed a thumb to her lips to silence the rush of confession. ‘Don’t apologise for something that is lacking in me, not you.’
‘I don’t... I don’t understand,’ she said.
But instead of explaining, he lifted her hand, threaded his fingers through hers, and slowly brought her hand to his lips, pressing his mouth against the skin.
The prickle of sensation, the ripple of hope was almost more than she could bear. She could see the shadows under his eyes as he moved into the light. Why was it so much harder to face the truth of their situation knowing that he cared for her, just not enough? He stroked her knuckles with his thumb, finally lowering her hand and raising his gaze to meet hers.
What she saw there shocked her to her core.
This wasn’t regret, or sadness, it was pain.
‘Leo?’ she whispered, her heart so full now she was scared it might burst.
What had she done to this strong, steady, beautiful man? What had they done to each other?
‘It’s not that I don’t love you, Juno. It’s that I was too terrified to admit it.’
The bubble of hope inflated against her breastbone, making the pain increase. ‘But—’
‘Please, let me finish,’ he interrupted, but the roughness in his tone wasn’t impatience, she realised, it was regret. ‘I hadn’t thought of a pregnancy, hadn’t really considered how I would feel about it. What we would do. But when you came out of that bathroom with the positive result, everything inside me... It all felt so right. So wonderful.’
She nodded. ‘I know, because you need an heir.’
He shook his head, the emotion in his eyes so real and vivid now the bubble of hope expanded even more. ‘That is what I told myself. That is what I told you. And that is what I wanted to believe, but when you collapsed into my arms in the forest, I knew it was not the truth.’
‘It wasn’t?’ she heard herself say.
‘No.’
‘What is the truth?’ she asked, scared to hope now, but so much more scared not to know the answer.
‘It’s really very simple. I wanted to have a reason to demand you stay with me, that you marry me, without ever having to reveal my feelings for you. Feelings which I think began to develop the moment I first laid eyes on you at the Winter Ball.’
His head bowed, as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders. ‘I told myself I didn’t want you to love me, that I could never love you in return.’ He traced his thumb over the back of her hand, then lifted it to his lips again in an act of supplication that stole her breath. And made her heart expand with the bubble of hope now bursting under her breastbone. ‘The pregnancy was just another excuse. Not to confront those feelings.’
His gaze met hers, the shattered blue so full of longing her breath caught in her throat.
‘And this is why you must forgive me, not the other way around. You told me you loved me, and I refused to say the same—refused to even admit it might be a possibility. Because I’m a coward. If you wish to have this child in New York, away from me, you can. I would never take the child away from you. Never force you to marry me for the sake of a duty you don’t feel.’
‘Oh, Leo!’ She forced herself up on her elbows, to cup his cheek.
He was wrong. He wasn’t a coward, he was just scared. She’d been a fool not to see that the love they shared—so rich, so sudden, so vibrant—had terrified him when it had scared her so much too.
They had both been terrified. And the only reason she’d told him first was because she’d never been able to guard her feelings. The way he had been forced to guard his.
‘You idiot. Can’t you see none of that matters now?’ she whispered, her voice raw.
‘It doesn’t?’
‘Of course not. Not if you love me too.’
He gripped her cheeks, pulled her towards him, until his lips hovered over hers. ‘If being terrified of losing you is love? If wanting to listen to you breathe every day for the rest of my life is love? If wanting to go to sleep with you in my arms every night and wake up beside you each morning is love? If wanting to hear your voice, even when you are calling me an idiot, is love?’ He placed his hand on her abdomen. ‘If wanting to watch you grow round with our baby, and plant many more inside you, is love?’
She nodded, the tears cascading down her cheeks turning to happy tears at last.
‘Then I guess I am in love too,’ he said.
‘Good,’ she said. ‘Now please shut up and kiss me, Your Majesty.’
EPILOGUE
Two days later
‘YOUR MAJESTY, IS it true that the Queen is not the Queen?’
‘Queen Jade, how are you in two places at once?’
‘Which Queen is the imposter?’
Juno blinked furiously, overwhelmed by the barrage of camera flashes and shouted questions that greeted her and Leo as they stepped onto the podium at the hastily arranged palace press conference. Her stomach jumped into her throat, the guilt threatening to make her vomit as she gazed out into the sea of faces—their expressions ranging from curious to astonished to stunned to excited.
She had caused this media storm. This was all her fault. She might even have destroyed the monarchy of the man she loved beyond reason, beyond...
But just as her panic threatened to outpace the breakfast she’d barely eaten an hour ago, as the advisors had briefed them on how to handle the news that Jade had appeared in Monrova that morning two days ahead of schedule, Leo’s grip on her hand tightened and his arm wrapped around her shoulders.
Leaning close, he whispered in her ear, ‘Breathe, Juno. It’s okay.’
She glanced up at him and whispered back, ‘Are you sure? Isn’t this the disaster you wanted to avoid?’
But he didn’t look angry or concerned, instead a grin split his features that made the warm glow in her heart intensify. ‘Please don’t remind me what a boring idiot I used to be.’
She smiled back at him.
While this love was still so new and scary, the thought of the baby growing inside her newer and scarier still, somehow she knew, with that look of bone-deep approval on his face, she could conquer anything. Not just her fears, but also her flaws.
They were all still there, of course, but somehow they’d lost their power to define her in the last two days. While she and Leo had talked and laughed, and made love, and he had reassured her constantly that, whatever happened next, he had her back.
She’d been alone for so long, it felt strange knowing that she wasn’t any more. She knew it would take her a while to fully accept it. But all he demanded of her, because he was as astute as he was wonderful, was that she concentrate on believing him.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to handle this alone?’ he murmured as the palace press officer announced them and attempted to silence the crowd of over-eager journalists. ‘I don’t want you overtaxed,’ he added.
She shook her head. ‘I got us into this fix, I think it’s up to me to help get us out of it, don’t you?’
He pressed his forehead to hers, in a gesture so full of love and affection her heart expanded in her chest. The room went quiet, the world’s press holding their breath. ‘We got into this fix together, Juno. Don’t ever forget that. And it’s a fix I will be grateful for, for the rest of my life.’
He kissed her softly, and she kissed him back, not caring as the barrage of camera flashes and shouted questions went off again.
Her skin had heated to what she thought was probably an impressive shade of scarlet as Leo turned to the assembled crowd and—having waited for everyone to finally quieten down again—addressed them.
‘I have a statement to make on behalf of myself...’ he sent Juno a smile so full of love she was surprised she didn’t start floating ‘...and the woman I very
much hope will become my Queen. Eventually. But first of all I should introduce her to you properly. Her name is Princess Juno Alice Monroyale, and I love her unconditionally.’
The room erupted again, the inevitable questions being fired at them both. Juno felt her heart swell to impossible proportions as the press officer attempted to outline the arranged explanation that had been agreed with Jade and her advisors that morning—that Juno and her sister had swapped before the Winter Ball to give Jade a break from her royal duties, Leo had been in on the ruse, but then he and Juno had fallen hopelessly in love.
As the questions followed, Leo answered most of them, but when he deferred to her, his hand in hers and his presence beside her made her aware that, no matter what she said, or how she said it, he wouldn’t stop loving her, or supporting her.
It was a heady feeling. And one she intended to spend the rest of her life getting used to.
After ten minutes, the time limit Leo had insisted on, the press officer brought the conference to a close. And then a screen behind the stage lit up with Jade’s press conference in Monrova, which had been timed to coincide with theirs.
That was their cue to leave.
Leo ushered her backstage, then led her through the crowd of advisors—ignoring every one of their attempts to waylay them—and into his private study.
He slammed the door, leaving them alone together, then gathered her into his arms.
‘Thank God that’s over with,’ he said, his mouth lowering to hers. ‘Now I plan to spend the rest of the day ravishing you.’
A delighted giggle escaped before she could stop it, but as his mouth lowered to hers she stifled the yearning and pressed her palms to his chest. Something that had been bugging her since her phone call with Jade that morning niggled at her again.
‘Leo, wait. I’m worried. I think something’s going on with Jade.’
He lifted his head, his lips twisting into the tantalising grin she had become totally addicted to.
‘Uh-huh.’ He nuzzled the spot under her ear that he knew would drive her wild. ‘You mean apart from the fact...’ his lips travelled down, trailing fire in their wake to land on her collarbone ‘...that she’s been playing hooky for three weeks in New York...’ Juno gasped as his hand drifted under her blouse to tantalise the place on her back he now owned unconditionally while his lips kept wreaking havoc on her pulse point ‘...while the man she was supposed to be marrying has fallen in love with her incorrigible twin.’ His roving hand slid down the back of her jeans.