by York, Zoe
— —
She’d made coffee when Jake said he was coming back. Then she lay down on the rug in front of the fireplace—after lighting a fire—and did some deep breathing exercises. When the door swung open, she didn’t bother to get up.
He stalked in, clearly looking for her. She watched as his boots went to the kitchen first, and he paused long enough to set something on the counter, then he stomped back to the foot of the stairs. “Dani?”
“In here,” she said softly.
God, he was beautiful. Long legs, powerful thighs. She’d never get enough of looking at how he filled out a pair of jeans. And when he crouched, bringing the smell of man and cold winter with him, his face all drawn and serious and unbelievably handsome, it made her heart ache.
“I’m sorry,” he said gruffly. “It’s been a long day and I unloaded on you.”
“How long have you been upset with me?”
He reached out and touched her cheek, and she resisted the urge to cover his hand with hers. To pull him down to the rug and kiss him instead of talking. They made love so easily. Too easily. That wasn’t where the problem lay, so it wouldn’t be where the solution was found.
“It’s probably that I’m upset with myself. Can I show you something?”
She nodded silently and took his hand, letting him pull her up. As soon as she was on her feet he wrapped her in his arms and kissed her softly. “I’m really sorry,” he muttered against her lips.
“Me too.” She stroked his cheek. She missed his beard. He’d been able to grow it out over December because his unit stood down for the holidays, but now he was back in the usual routine of shaving at least once a week for his Army training night. Her clean-cut, upstanding citizen. “I hate that you got the impression that I think this is just sex between us.”
Just saying those words tore her apart. So did the look in his eyes.
“It’s not,” she quickly added. “And I’m sorry if I let my…enjoyment of our physical relationship take precedence.”
Jake just stared at her for a second, then swore under his breath as he spun her toward the kitchen. She barely caught sight of a large cardboard box on the counter before he snagged her by her hips and pulled her hard against him, one hand sliding possessively to the nape of her neck. “Gorgeous, never be sorry about how it is between us. Letting my worries fester? That’s all on me.”
“Tell me, then.” She let herself touch him then, trusting that if she slid her hands under his shirt he’d keep talking.
“I’d rather show you.” With his free hand, he reached behind her and rifled through the cardboard box. Finding what he wanted, he hesitated for a minute before pulling back and handing her a photograph.
“It’s me,” she breathed. It took her a few minutes to place it. She was younger, probably in college, and it was summer. She was standing on a dock wearing a bathing suit and a t-shirt—damp in places, so she must have just gotten out of the lake and pulled it on. And she was laughing, her legs slightly bent, knees together, hands clapped together in glee.
He handed her another one, from a bonfire party. She was holding a Tim Horton’s cup and talking to Tom, her lower lip snared between her teeth as she concentrated on what her brother was saying.
The next one was older. Her high school graduation. God, she looked so young, all legs and arms and so damn proud to be wearing a fancy dress even though she didn’t quite fill it out. She was staring straight at the camera, and this moment she had no trouble placing. Jake had come over to hang out with Rafe. Her mother had thrust the camera in his hands after telling her brother he needed to change his shirt so they could have a family picture. Everyone else had been busy, and Jake had looked at her like she was the only thing he could see, and he quietly told her she looked beautiful. Dani had floated through her entire grad formal on a high from that moment, even though after he snapped that picture he hadn’t been able to look at her again for more than two years.
“Where did you…”
“That one I stole from your parents’ place.”
She choked back a laugh. “Seriously?”
“Your mom printed a whole stack of pictures from that night. They were on the table, and…”
“Jesus, Jake.” That made her feel…funny. In a good way, but also…
“I knew I couldn’t have you.” His voice was rougher than sandpaper and sexy as hell. “But you were so pretty. And if I couldn’t have you…”
“You’ve been my creepy stalker all these years.” She leaned back enough so he could for sure see the humour in her eyes and the smile on her lips. “How many pictures of me do you have?”
“Just these.” He hesitated. “And a bunch on my phone.”
“You need to show me those.” She licked her lips. “There aren’t any naked ones, right?”
He didn’t take it like the joke she’d intended. “Dani, that’s not funny. I’d never—”
“Settle down, hero. I know.”
His grip tightened on the back of her neck as he stared into her eyes. “I’m no hero, Dani, but I’ve always tried to be better than my base instincts.”
“Because you were attracted to me when I was a teenager?”
He winced. “Yeah, in part.”
“What’s the other part?”
“Because Rafe trusted me. I was supposed to be like a big brother to you.”
Under her touch, his core muscles rippled as he reacted viscerally to the betrayal he still felt guilty over. The guilt she’d helped perpetuate over the last month.
“I had no idea,” she whispered. “I wanted you, too. I never thought of you as a big brother. You were always different. Always a man in my eyes, and I dreamed that one day you’d see me all grown up and want me.”
He shuddered and pulled her tight against him. She pressed her lips to his neck, the warm, firm skin there, and kept talking. She’d keep reassuring him until he heard it for good. “You couldn’t help noticing me, Jake. We’ve got a thing between us. Not sex. Something unavoidable and deeper than that. You’re such a good man. You kept your hands to yourself. Kept your eyes to yourself, too, because I didn’t know.”
“I worried that you did. That night that I drove you home…”
She crooned a nothing noise against his skin, wanting to soothe him from the inside out. “I wanted you to kiss me so badly.”
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. There was no space for regret between them, and they’d spent enough time dwelling on the past.
“So…we should have talked about us, I guess. Now. Sometime in the past month when I was busy ripping your clothes off.”
“I don’t want to sound like a whiner. I really like the naked part and don’t want to discourage future clothing removal efforts,” he said gruffly.
“You’re my boyfriend, Jake. I just don’t want to share you yet. I told my mom about you today. I mean, not you, but that I have a boyfriend and it’s…serious.”
She hadn’t realized how tightly wound he was until his muscles softened under her touch. “I told my dad I’m seeing someone, too. Just now. That’s where I went—to get this box. He wants to have a family dinner on Sunday and I told him I might bring someone.”
It was such a big step. Telling everyone would be…noisy. Definitely some yelling. And a lot of speculation. Ugh. “Okay.”
“Okay?” The disbelief rolled off him in waves.
“Well, ‘I don’t know’ went over like a lead balloon for the regimental ball thing, so I don’t want to make that mistake again.”
“No.” He bit the word out like it tasted bad, but he didn’t let go of her. “We can do this at your pace.”
She rubbed her face against his neck, breathing him in. “My pace would be glacial. I’m so happy right now, I don’t want anything or anyone to burst that bubble. I don’t want to share you yet.”
She didn’t want to have to defend their relationship, either, and his mind must have gone to the same place. “It’s someth
ing we’ll have to get over with at some point. But it doesn’t need to be dinner or the ball. And when we do it, I’ll be holding your hand the whole time.”
It was her turn to kiss him, then, and after whispered promises to keep talking—more often and more thoroughly—they went to bed together and fell asleep holding each other.
They didn’t make love, but Dani woke before dawn to Jake’s hand on her breast and his erection wedge against her bottom.
“Go back to sleep,” he muttered.
“You’re not making that easy.” She stretched, rolling her ass against him, and he groaned.
She rolled over, welcoming him with her whole body. It was fast and simple, and as soon as she shuddered to her hungry climax, he followed with his own.
A quick, hot shower later, they were back in bed. Jake held her close, and at first she thought he’d gone back to sleep, but when she tipped her head back to look her fill at his face, she found his eyes stuck on her.
“What?”
“Nothing.” He cleared his throat. “Some shitty regrets piling through my head, that’s all.”
“No, don’t…” She trailed her lips over his jaw. “This was meant to be, just like this.”
“I keep thinking if I hadn’t gone to Afghanistan, maybe we’d have done this four years ago. Or the year before that…”
How many times had she had the same thought? That if he’d given in to temptation and kissed her that night, maybe there wouldn’t have been anyone else. Only…there had been others for him. She took a deep breath, then let it out completely.
“I’ve gone back and forth on saying this, because…well, because you’re you. And I’m me, and I know what it’s like to be greedy for you. I’m so damn greedy, Jake. I want all of you, every last piece. But I’m glad you weren’t my first,” she whispered softly. His grip tightened on her hip. “No, hear me out.”
“I don’t want to think of you being with other men.”
“There weren’t that many.” She smiled into his neck as he stiffened. “But back then…you were experienced. And I wasn’t. And if you’d been the one—”
He growled and flipped her onto her back. He stroked his rough, calloused hand over her cheek. “I should have been.”
His face was so serious, all hard angles and glittering eyes that she couldn’t help but laugh. “No, baby.”
“But you’re mine.”
That just made her laugh harder. She buried her face in his neck. “I know, you dork.”
He cupped the back of her neck and arched over her, tilting her face so she could see him again. “Why is that funny?”
God, he stole her breath. A hot, needy rush of feelings swept through her. “Because I’ve always been yours,” she whispered. “Even when there were others, it was never like this.” His nostrils flared and she lifted her hand to his cheek. There were things that needed to be said. “No, hear me out. If you’d been the one to take my virginity, then I’d forever be that innocent girl you’d deflowered. And I’m not a girl. I’m a woman. I’m your woman. I come to you as a sexual equal, and I can give myself to you without a power imbalance. And I do give myself to you, one hundred percent.”
He arched one eyebrow. “Wow, you’ve really given this a lot of thought.”
She glared at him as he fought to conceal a smirk. “Yes, I have.”
“Did you practice that spiel in front of the mirror?”
“Maybe.”
“Huh.” He gave her a thoughtful look.
She shook her head. “No room for regrets, okay?”
“Easy for you to say. I’ve spent the last five years hating every asshole you’ve dated.”
“They weren’t assholes.”
“Every single last one of them. Especially the one who…”
“His name was Dave.”
“Woman, I’m warning you.” He rolled onto his back and pulled her in to his side.
“He wasn’t very good.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.” But it did, because he smiled a little.
“You’re the best I’ve ever had, by a country mile.”
He smiled a bit more.
“This is the part where you say the same thing back to me.”
He just stared at the ceiling, a weird grin on his face.
“Jake!” She poked him in the side. “Fine, be like that. It was Halloween, and I was Wonder Woman to his Batman.”
“Enough,” he said softly. His fingers pressed firmly into her arm as he pulled into his side. “Of course you’re the best I’ve ever had. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
Shit. Well, that topped everything. “Oh.”
“I’m not going to apologize for wishing you’d never been with anyone else, no matter how much logic you shove at me. I lost my virginity when I was fifteen. You were seven, and it would be another ten years before I even thought of you as anything other than Rafe’s sister. I didn’t know I should wait for you. Like you say, maybe it’s good that we both spent time with other people, I can see that in my head, but I don’t feel it in my heart. Because once I fell for you, I knew you’d be the one. Even if you didn’t want me, I didn’t want anyone else.”
Except he hadn’t exactly been a monk the last few years. Nearly celibate wasn’t the same as totally celibate. But she’d just taunted him with how she’d lost her virginity, so she couldn’t rub other women in his face.
Plus he’d just told her he loved her.
“Oh.” Damnit, she needed to say something other than that, but she couldn’t. Hot, prickly tears burned behind her eyelids. She’d been so flippant, so teasing. So hurtful. “Jake, I love you too.”
His arm tightened around her.
“We’ve wasted a lot of time.” Her voice scratched in the semi-dark of his room.
“No.” His voice was equally rough. “Like you say. Maybe it’s for the best. Now we’re equals.”
But even though she’d practiced it—convinced herself of the truth of it—now she wasn’t sure at all that the wait had been worth the pain they’d caused each other.
— TWELVE —
THE alarm clock went off at six, far too early when all Jake wanted to do was hold Dani close. Three days had passed since their fight and subsequent making up. Three days of whispered I love yous and tentative Valentine’s Day discussions. He’d had his weekly training night the evening before and bought a pair of tickets to the ball. Matt and Tom had both been there when he bought them, and he hadn’t had any guilt about who he wanted to bring.
He hadn’t told them, though, either.
As much as it was killing him to be patient, it would pay off. And Dani had said she’d go with him. It was just the logistics of how and when to tell people that hadn’t been sorted out fully. Or at all.
When the snooze period ended and the alarm sounded again, she rolled over him and hit it herself. “Go to work and let me sleep in,” she mumbled.
He kissed her head, threw himself into the shower, then reluctantly dragged himself outside. It was hovering around zero, but there was a storm coming. The day before the Karpinskis had a heavy tree branch fall on their roof, and it had busted their attic window. They’d tacked up a sheet of plywood and some plastic, which would hold, but it was visible from the road and they had a Bed & Breakfast.
Jake sighed to himself as he slid into the parking lot at Mac’s. Dani was making him soft, not that he was complaining. But being busy with work was never something he’d begrudged in the past. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he hustled into the diner.
Inside he found Olivia Minelli sitting at the counter, drinking a cup of coffee and scrolling through her phone.
“You’re up early,” he said, sliding onto the stool next to her.
“So are you.”
“Storm’s coming, may need to close up our job sites mid-day.”
“Yeah, I was just emailing with my boss. We were supposed to go out for the day and do a site tour, but they’re packing up
and heading back to Toronto before the rain comes.”
“Rain?”
“Didn’t you hear the forecast this morning? Weird front, temperature’s going up and then it’ll plummet overnight. Looks like we’re going to be getting more ice than snow.”
He nodded when the new waitress brought the coffee around, and took a couple of long sips while he thought about all that would impact. Couldn’t have anyone on the roads early tomorrow, either, not until the salt trucks were out. He pulled out his own phone and quickly composed a weather alert memo to his employees.
By mid-morning, he was glad he’d done that, because the weather was turning quickly and the radar map looked nasty. He made his apologies to the Karpinskis, promised them a new window as soon as the storm passed, and headed to his office for a quick check-in with his clerk before heading home.
Where Dani was still blissfully sleeping.
He stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed.
She woke up and rolled into him. “What are you doing home?”
“Storm’s looking bad, so we’re hunkering down.”
God, he liked how she said home and meant his house. “Oooh, that sounds fun. Board games in front of the fireplace kind of fun.”
“Or naked under the covers kind of fun?”
She laughed. “Sure. We can alternate.”
His phone rang and he cursed, but she waved him toward it.
“I’ll take a quick shower. Find me one of your t-shirts and some work socks to wear.”
“Work socks?”
“One of my Jake fantasies. Humour me.”
He took the call from Johnny first, then found them both warmish clothes. As warm as Dani could be with bare legs, because she wasn’t the only one with fantasies still on the docket. He was going to taste every last inch of her legs as he spread her out in front of the fire—
Right after he answered his phone. Again.
This time it was Matt. And the first words out of his brother’s mouth did a perfect job of killing Jake’s hard-on. “Hey man, is Dani there? She’s not answering her phone.”
Jake’s eyes jerked to the bathroom. “Uh…”