by Unknown
As the three of them approached the horse, he leapt up and assumed human speech, saying to them in a loud voice, “Elder Brother, don’t you know? I was originally a flying dragon of the Western Ocean. The Bodhisattva Guanyin rescued me after I had disobeyed Heaven; she sawed off my horns, stripped off my scales, and changed me into a horse to carry Master to acquire scriptures in the Western Heaven. My merit thus accrued will atone for my sins. If I leave my urine while passing through water, the fishes who drink it will turn into dragons. If I leave my urine in the mountain, the grasses there will change into divine agaric, to be picked by immortal lads as their plants of longevity. How could I be willing to part with it so lightly in this world of dust?”
“Brother,” said Pilgrim, “do be careful with what you say. This is a kingdom in the West, not just any worldly region. You are not parting with it lightly either. As the proverb says, ‘Many pelts are needed for a coat.’ We need your help to cure the king’s illness. If he is healed, all of us will share the glory. Otherwise, I fear we may not be able to leave this place in peace.” Only then did the horse reply, “Wait for it!”
Look at him! His front legs lunged forward while he squatted somewhat with his hind ones, and he clenched his teeth so hard that they ground together noisily. All he could squeeze out after all these efforts were a few drops before he stood straight up once more. “This wretch!” said Eight Rules. “Even if it’s potable gold, he can certainly piss a little bit more!” When Pilgrim saw that they had received slightly less than half a flask already, he said, “It’s enough! It’s enough. Take it away.” Sha Monk was delighted.
The three of them went back into the hall, where they mixed the horse urine into the other medicines. They then kneaded the paste into three large pills. “Brothers,” said Pilgrim, “they’re too big.” “No more than the size of a walnut,” said Eight Rules. “If I’m going to take them, they won’t be enough for a mouthful!” They stored the pills in a small box before they all retired, still fully dressed.
In the morning, the king attended court once more in spite of his illness. After he had asked the Tang Monk to meet him in the hall, he immediately ordered the various officials to hurry over to the College of Interpreters so that they could bow to the divine monk, Elder Sun, and ask for the drug.
The officials arrived at the college and prostrated themselves before Pilgrim, saying, “Our king has commanded us to bow to receive your wondrous prescription.” After Pilgrim asked Eight Rules to take out the box, he took away the cover and handed the box over to the officials. “What is the name of this drug?” asked one of them. “We have to tell the king when we see His Majesty.” Pilgrim said, “This is called the Elixir of Black Gold.” Smiling, Eight Rules and Sha Monk said to themselves, “There’s soot mixed in it. It has to be black gold!”
“What sort of medical supplement12 will be needed?” asked the official again. Pilgrim answered, “There are two kinds of supplements that can be used, but only one is easily obtainable. I need six items to be boiled in water, and the liquid will then be used for the king to take the pills.” “Which six items?” asked the official. Pilgrim replied,
The fart of an old crow flying in the air;
The piss of a carp in swift flowing streams;
The face powder of the Lady Queen Mother;
The elixir ashes in Laozi’s brazier;
Three pieces of the Jade Emperor’s torn head-wrap;
And five strands of whiskers from a tired dragon.
The drug taken with the liquid boiled with these six things
Will in no time banish the woe and ailment of your king.
On hearing this, the various officials said, “None of these things can be found in the world. May we ask what is the other supplement?” Pilgrim said. “Take the drug with sourceless water.” Smiling, one of the officials said, “That’s easy to get.” “How do you know?” asked Pilgrim.
“According to the people of our region here,” said the official, “this is the way to get sourceless water: take a container to a river or a well, fill it with water, and go straight back to the house without spilling a drop or looking back. When you return to the house, that will be considered sourceless water with which the person who is sick may take the medicine.” “But the water in a well or a river,” said Pilgrim, “both have sources. That’s not what I mean by sourceless water. What I need is water that drops from the sky, and you drink it without letting it first touch ground. That’s what I mean by sourceless water.” “Well, even that is easy to get,” said the official. “All we have to do is to wait until it rains before we take the medicine.” They thanked Pilgrim and returned to present the medicine to the king.
Highly pleased, the king asked his attendant to bring the medicine up for him to look at. “What kind of pills are these?” he asked. One of the officials replied, “The divine monk told us that this is the Elixir of Black Gold. You are to take it with sourceless water.” At once the king asked some palace stewards to go fetch sourceless water, but the official said, “According to the divine monk, sourceless water is not to be found in either rivers or wells. Only that dropping from the sky and without having touched the ground may be considered the true sourceless water.” The king immediately ordered the official before the throne to command the official in charge of magic to pray for rain. As the officials issued the decree, we shall leave them for the moment.
We tell you instead about Pilgrim, who remained at the hall of the College of Interpreters. He said to Zhu Eight Rules, “Just now I told them that the medicine could be taken only with water dropping from the sky. But how could we get rainwater all at once? As I look at the king, I think he’s undoubtedly a ruler of great worthiness and virtue. Let’s you and I help him to get some rain. How about it?”
“How shall we help him?” asked Eight Rules. “Stand on my left,” said Pilgrim, “and be my assistant star. Sha Monk, you stand on my right, and be my supportive lodge. Let old Monkey help him get some sourceless water.” Dear Great Sage! He began to tread the stars and recite a spell. In no time at all, a dark cloud from the east drifted near until it was directly over their heads. “Great Sage,” a voice came from midair, “Aoguang, the Dragon King of the Eastern Ocean is here to see you.” “I wouldn’t have bothered you for nothing,” said Pilgrim, “for I have asked you to come here to lend us some sourceless water for the king to take his medicine.”
The Dragon King said, “When the Great Sage summoned me, he did not mention anything about water. This humble dragon came all by himself without bringing any rain gear. I do not have the assistance of wind, cloud, thunder, and lightning either. How could I make rain?” “There’s no need for wind, cloud, thunder, and lightning at this time,” said Pilgrim, “nor do we require much rain. Actually, all we need is a little water to act as medical supplement.” “In that case,” said the dragon king, “let me sneeze a couple of times and give him some of my saliva to take his medicine.” Exceedingly pleased, Pilgrim said, “That’s the best! That’s the best! Don’t wait anymore! Please do it at once!”
From midair, the old dragon lowered his dark cloud gradually until it hovered above the royal palace. With his whole body hidden by the cloud, the dragon spat out a mouthful of saliva that changed into rain. The officials of the entire court shouted “Bravos” in unison, crying, “Ten thousand happinesses to our lord! Heaven has sent down sweet rain to us!” At once the king gave this decree: “Set out vessels to store it. Let everyone, inside and outside the palace, of high rank or low, store up this divine water so that we may be saved.”
Look at those many civil and militaty officials, those ladies of three palaces and six chambers, those three thousand colorful girls, and those eight hundred tender maidens! Every one of them held up a cup or flask, a bowl or pan, to receive this sweet rain. In midair above the royal palace the old dragon kept up this transformation of his saliva for nearly an hour before he took leave of the Great Sage to return to the ocean. When the officials bro
ught back their containers, some managed to gather two or three drops, others acquired four or five drops, while there were those who did not receive even one drop. They poured the contents together and there were about three flasks of the rain to be presented to the royal table. Truly
Strange fragrance filled the Hall of Golden Chimes;
Goodly scent wafted through the royal court.
Taking leave of the Master of the Law, the king took the Elixir of Black Gold and the sweet rain back to his palace. He swallowed first one pill with one flask of the rain; then he took another with the second flask. He went through this for a third time, swallowing all three pills and drinking all three flasks of the rain. In a little while, his stomach began to make a loud, rumbling noise, and he had to sit on the night pot and move his bowels four or five times. Thereafter, he took a little rice soup before he reclined on the dragon bed. Two palace ladies went to examine the pot; the filth and phlegm were indescribable, in the midst of which there was also a lump of glutinous rice. The ladies approached the dragon bed to report: “The root of the illness has been purged.”
Delighted by what he heard, the king took some more rice gruel, and after a little while, his chest and abdomen began to feel more at ease. As his configurative energies and his blood became harmoniously balanced once more, his spirit was fully aroused. Rising from his dragon couch, he put on the court attire and ascended the treasure hall. The moment he encountered the Tang Monk, he bowed low. The elder hurriedly returned his salute. After the bow, the king took hold of the elder’s hand and gave this command to his attendants: “Prepare a formal invitation card at once, and write on it such words as, ‘We beseech you with head touching the ground.’ Send some officials to invite with all reverence the three noble disciples of the Master of the Law. Open up the entire East Hall, and ask the Court of Imperial Entertainments to prepare a thanksgiving banquet.” In obedience to the decree, many officials went to work on it at once: some prepared the invitation card, while others arranged the banquet. Truly a state has the strength of moving mountains, and in a moment everything was accomplished.
When Eight Rules saw the officials arriving and bearing an invitation card, he could not be more pleased. “O Elder Brother,” he cried, “it’s marvelous medicine indeed! Now they’ve come to thank us, all because of your merit.” Sha Monk said, “Second Elder Brother, that’s no way to talk! As the proverb says,
One man’s good fortune,
Will bless the whole commune.
Since we all participated here in mixing the medicines, we are all meritorious persons. Let’s go enjoy ourselves and don’t talk anymore!” Ah! Look at those three brothers! In great delight, they went into court.
The various officials met them and led them to the East Hall, where the king, the Tang Monk, and the Senior Secretaries of the Hall were already sitting at the banquet. Our Pilgrim, Eight Rules, and Sha Monk bowed to their master, while the various officials followed in. There were four vegetarian tables laden with so many dishes of fine food that one could only eat a small amount and stare at the rest. A huge banquet table in front was also heaped with all kinds of delicacies. On both sides, several hundred small, single tables were set out, arranged in orderly rows.
As the ancients said,
“A hundred kinds of rare viand;
A thousand bowls of fine grain;
Jadelike fats and mellow wines;
Ornate slices and plump redness.”
Bright, colorful decorations
And fruits rich in taste and fragrance.
Large candies shaped like lions and immortals;
Cakes and biscuits baked like phoenix pairs.
For meat, there were pork, lamb, chicken, goose, fish, duck, and every other kind.
For vegetables, there were greens, bamboo shoots, wood ears, and mushrooms.
A few kinds of dumplings;
Various candy brittles.
Yellow millet soft and smooth;
Rice gruel fresh and pure.
Noodle soups of all kinds, both fragrant and hot;
And many, many dishes so nice and sweet.
Ruler and subjects made their very first toast;
Then according to rank they passed the cup.
With his royal hands holding high the goblet, the king wanted to make the first “Settle the Banquet” toast to the Tang Monk. Tripitaka, however, said to him, “This humble cleric does not know how to drink wine.” “It’s made for those keeping a religious diet,” said the king. “Let the Master of the Law drink just one goblet. How about it?” “But wine,” replied Tripitaka, “is the first prohibition of a priest.” Feeling rather badly about the matter, the king said, “If the Master of the Law is prohibited from drink, what shall we use to pay our respect?”
Tripitaka said, “Let my three mischievous disciples represent me in drinking.” Delighted, the king took his gold goblet and handed it to Pilgrim. After he had bowed to the rest of the people, Pilgrim drained the goblet. When the king saw how readily he drank the wine, he presented him another goblet of it. Pilgrim did not refuse and drank that, too. Chuckling, the king said, “Please drink a Three Jewels round.” Pilgrim did not refuse and drank that, too. Asking that the goblet be filled once more, the king said, “Please drink the Four Seasons round!”
Seated on one side and eyeing the wine, which never seemed to come his way, Eight Rules could hardly refrain from swallowing hard his own saliva. When he saw, moreover, that the king was intent on toasting only Pilgrim, he started to holler, “Your Majesty, you owe it to me, too, for the medicine you took. In that medicine, there’s horse . . .”
On hearing this and fearing that Idiot might reveal everything, Pilgrim immediately handed the wine in his hand to Eight Rules, who took it and drank without saying a further word. The king asked, “The divine monk said that there was horse in the medicine. What kind of horse is that?” Taking it upon himself quickly to answer the question, Pilgrim said, “That’s the way my brother speaks all the time. Whenever he has a tried and true prescription, he would share it with everyone. The medicine that you took this morning, Your Majesty, did contain Horse-Saddle-Bell.”13
“What kind of medicine is this Horse-Saddle-Bell,” asked the king, “and what does it cure?” The imperial physician by his side said, “My lord, this Horse-Saddle-Bell
Tastes bitter, being cold, nonpoisonous;
Cutting phlgem and wheezing makes its merit chief.
It loosens breath and rids one of poisoned blood;
Quiets cough, fights exhaustion, and brings relief.”
“Well used! Well used!” said the king, smiling. “Elder Zhu should take another goblet.” Without uttering a word, our Idiot also drank a Three Jewels round. Then the king handed the wine to Sha Monk, who also drank three goblets before everyone took his seat.
After they drank and feasted for some time, the king again took up a huge goblet to present to Pilgrim. “Your Majesty,” said Pilgrim, “please be seated. Old Monkey will drink all the rounds. I’ll never dare refuse you.” “Your great kindness to me,” said the king, “is as weighty as a mountain, and we can’t begin to thank you enough. No matter what, please drink this huge goblet of wine first, and then we have something to tell you.” “Please tell me first,” said Pilgrim, “and old Monkey will be happy to drink this.”
“Our illness of several years,” replied the king, “was caused by great anxiety. The single formula of efficacious elixir prescribed by the divine monk, however, broke through the cause and that’s how I recovered.” With a chuckle, Pilgrim said, “When old Monkey examined Your Majesty yesterday, I knew already that the illness had been caused by anxiety. But I don’t know what you were anxious about.”
The king said, “According to the ancients, ‘The disgrace of a family should never be spread without.’ But the divine monk, on the other hand, is our benefactor. If you do not laugh at us, we shall tell you.” “How could I dare laugh at you?” said Pilgrim. “You need not hesitate to tel
l me.” “As you journeyed from the East,” said the king, “how many states have you passed through?” “About five or six,” replied Pilgrim. “How do they address the consorts of the king?” he asked again. Pilgrim said, “The ranking wife of a king would be called the Central Palace, and those two consorts next in rank would be called the East Palace and the West Palace, respectively.”
“The titles here are slightly different,” said the king. “Our Central Palace bears the name of the Golden Sage Palace, the East Palace is called the Jade Sage Palace, and the West Palace has the title of Silver Sage Palace. At the moment, we have only the Jade and Silver consorts with us.” “Why is the Golden Sage Palace absent?” asked Pilgrim.
As tears fell from his eyes, the king said, “She hasn’t been with us for three years.” “Where has she gone to?” asked Pilgrim again. The king said, “Three years ago, during the time of the Double Fifth Festival,14 we were all gathered with our consorts inside the Pomegranate Pavilion of our garden, cutting up rice cakes, affixing the artemisia plant to our garments, drinking wine made from the calamus and realgar,15 and watching the dragon boat races. Suddenly a gust arose and a monster-spirit appeared in the air. Calling himself Jupiter’s Rival, he claimed that he lived in the Cave of the Mythic Beast16 at the Unicorn Mountain. Because he did not have a wife, he made investigation and learned of the great beauty of our Golden Sage Palace. He demanded that we turn her out, and if we did not after his asking us three times, he would first eat us alive and then proceed to devour the various officials and the people of the entire capital. Burdened, therefore, by the care of the state and the people at the time, we had no alternative but to push Golden Sage Palace out of the Pomegranate Pavilion, where she was immediately abducted by the fiend with a single sound. That incident, of course, gave us a great fright, and the glutinous rice cakes we ate thus remained undigested in our body. Moreover, we were ridden with anxious thoughts night and day, which led to three long years of bitter illness. Now that we have the good fortune of taking the efficacious elixir of the divine monk, we have purged several times, and all that waste accumulated three years ago has been eliminated. That’s why our frame has turned healthy and our body has lightened, and we feel as energetic as before. The life I regain today is entirely a gift of the divine monk. Even the weight of Mount Tai cannot compare with the magnitude of your favor!”