by Unknown
Highly pleased, the fiend said, “Madam, please take care of yourself. Just now that thief was actually sun Wukong, who, having overcome my vanguard and slain my trust junior officer, came in here by means of transformation in order to deceive us. We have conducted a most careful search, but there’s not a trace of him. This is why I feel quite uneasy about the matter.” “That fellow must have escaped,” said the lady. “You should not worry anymore, Great King. Let’s retire and rest.”
When the monster-spirit saw the lady standing there with this earnest invitation, he dared not refuse. After he had given the order to the rest of the fiends to be careful with the torches and candles and to look out for thieves and robbers, he went back to the rear palace with the lady. Pilgrim, who had changed into the form of Spring Grace, was led inside also along with the two rows of maids. “Prepare us some wine,” cried the lady, “so that we may relieve the great king of his weariness.” “Exactly! Exactly!” said the fiend king, laughing. “Bring us wine quickly. I will help the dear lady to calm her fears.”
The specious Spring Grace and other fiends thereupon brought out some bowls of fruit and several dishes of game as they set up tables and chairs. The lady picked up a goblet, and the fiend king also presented her with a goblet. After the two of them had exchanged their cups, the specious Spring Grace picked up the wine pot on the side and said, “Since the great king and madam did not exchange their cups until this very night, you should drain the cups so that I can pour you a Double Happiness round.” They did so; again their cups were filled, and they drank that, too.
The specious Spring Grace spoke up once more: “This is such a happy meeting between the great king and madam! Let those maids who can sing sing, and those who can dance dance!” Hardly had he finished speaking when the entire hall was filled with the sound of songs and harmonious melodies; those who could dance did dance, and those who could sing did sing, as the two of them drank a good deal more wine. Then the lady stopped the song and dance, and all the maids were again divided into two choirs to leave and stand beyond the screen. Only the specious Spring Grace stayed behind to pour the wine back and forth. The lady did nothing but engage in conjugal talk with the fiend king. Look at her! She displayed such sultry looks and amorous charms that the fiend king went limp with desire. But he simply had no luck in touching her. What a pity! Truly, he felt like “a cat biting on a urine bubble—all empty delight!”
After they flirted for a while and laughed for awhile, the lady asked, “Great King, were the treasures damaged?” “These treasures,” replied the fiend king, “had been forged by the elemental powers of nature. How could they be damaged? When the thief pulled out the cotton, however, the leopard-skin wrap was burned.” “How did you pack them up again?” asked the lady. The fiend king said, “No need to do that, for I’ve tied them again to my waist.”
On hearing this, the specious Spring Grace pulled off a handful of hair, which he chewed to pieces. He quietly approached the fiend king and placed these pieces of hair on his body. Blowing three mouthfuls of immortal breath on them, he whispered, “Change!”, and at once they became three kinds of vicious thing: lice, fleas, and bedbugs. They penetrated the fiend king’s garments and began to bite him madly. Ridden by unbearable itch, that fiend king put his hands inside his bosom to rub and scratch himself. When his fingers caught hold of several of the lice, he took them up to the lamps to have a closer look. When she saw the insects, the lady said wistfully, “Great King, your undergarments must have been soiled, I suppose. They haven’t been washed for a long time, and that’s why these things are growing on you.”
Terribly embarrassed, the fiend king said, “I have never had these things grow on me before. Why does it have to be this very night that I disgrace myself?” Laughing, the lady said, “There’s no disgrace! As the proverb says, ‘Even an emperor’s body may have three lice!’ Take off your clothes, and I’ll try to catch some of them for you.” The fiend king indeed began to loosen his belt and his clothes.
On one side the specious Spring Grace stared at the fiend king’s body: on every layer of his clothing fleas were hopping about, and every garment had rows of big bedbugs. Those lice, big and small, were so thick that they resembled ants pouring out of their hills! By the time the third layer of clothing was hitched up, one could see countless insects swarming all over the golden bells. The specious Spring Grace said, “Great King, give me the bells, so that I, too, can catch some lice for you.”
The fiend king was both so embarrassed and frightened that he could not tell the true from the false. He handed over the bells, and the specious Spring Grace took them over and played with them for a long time in his hands. When he saw the fiend king lower his head to shake his clothing, he immediately hid the bells. Pulling off three strands of hair, he changed them into three exact copies of the golden bells, which he deliberately turned over and examined before the lamps. Then, as he swayed and wriggled here and there, he shook his body slightly and at once retrieved all those lice, fleas, and bedbugs. The specious golden bells were returned to the fiend, who, when he took them in his hands, was more unperceiving than ever. Unable to tell the difference at all, he held up the bells with both hands and presented them to the lady, saying, “This time you put them away most carefully, so that nothing like last time will happen again.”
The lady gently opened her garment trunk, put the specious bells inside, and bolted the trunk with a lock of yellow gold. After she drank a few more cups of wine with the fiend king, she gave this order to her maids: “Brush clean our ivory bed and roll down the silk coverlets. I’ll sleep with the great king.” “I don’t have the luck! I don’t have the luck!” said the fiend king repeatedly. “I dare not join you. Let me take a palace maiden and go to the west palace instead. Madam, please rest by yourself.” They all retired, and we shall leave them for the moment.
We tell you now about the specious Spring Grace, who succeeded in stealing the treasures. These he tied to his own waist before he changed into his original form. With a shake of his body he retrieved also the sleep-inducing insect. As he walked along, he heard the sound of rattle and gong announcing the hour of the third watch. Dear Pilgrim! Making the magic sign with his fingers, he recited a spell and exercised the Magic of Body Concealment to reach the front door. When he saw, however, that it was tightly bolted, he took out his golden-hooped rod and pointed it at the door; this Lock-Opening Magic immediately flung wide the door and he strode out quickly. “Jupiter’s Rival,” he cried with a loud voice as he stood before the door, “return my Lady Golden Sage!”
He yelled for two or three times, and all the fiends, old and young, were aroused. They dashed out to look around and found the front door ajar. As some of them brought the lamps over to have the door locked up once more, a few of the fiends ran inside to report, “Great King, someone outside our main door is addressing you by name and demanding the return of Lady Golden Sage!” The maids inside slipped out of the palace door and whispered, “Don’t shout! The great king has just fallen asleep.” Meanwhile, Pilgrim yelled some more in front of the main door, but those little fiends dared not go disturb the fiend king. Three or four times it went on like this, but they did not report the disturbance. Outside the cave-dwelling, the Great Sage brawled until dawn, and he was unable to control himself any longer. Wielding the iron rod with both hands, he went forward and smote the door. Those various fiends were terrified; while some of them pushed against the door, others ran inside to report. Having just awakened, the fiend king heard a raucous tumult. He dressed hurriedly and emerged from the silk curtains to ask, “What’s all this noise?” The maids knelt down and said, “Father, we don’t know who it was who shouted abuses at us for half the night outside. Now he is even striking at the door.”
As the fiend king walked out of the palace door, he ran into several little fiends, who kowtowed rather timidly and said, “Someone outside is shouting abuses and demanding the Lady Golden Sage Palace! When we said ‘No�
�� to him, he spewed out countless insults, simply awful stuff. When he saw that the great king did not go out even at daybreak, he began to strike at our door.” “Don’t open it yet,” said the fiend. “Go and ask for his name and where he came from. Hurry back to report to me.”
One of the little fiends ran out and asked through the door, “Who is here striking at our door?” Pilgrim replied, “I’m External Grandpa [Waigong]4 sent here by the Scarlet-Purple Kingdom to take Lady Sage Palace back to her own country!” When the little fiend heard this, he returned with these words as his report and the fiend king set out for the rear palace to make further investigation of his intruder. The lady, you see, had just risen, and she had not yet washed or had her hair combed when her maid said, “Father is here.” Tidying her clothes hurriedly but leaving her hair unpinned, the lady met him outside the palace. After they took their seats and before she could even ask why the fiend king had come in, another little fiend dashed in to report: “That External Grandpa has smashed our door!”
With a laugh, the fiend said, “Madam, how many generals and commanders do you have at court?” The lady said, “We have forty-eight Brigades5 and a thousand fine generals. At the various borders, there are countless marshals and commanders.” “Is there someone with the surname of External?” asked the fiend king.
“Inside the palace,” replied the lady, “all I knew was how to assist the ruler by giving admonitions and supervision to the palace ladies night and day. The external affairs are endless. How could I remember any name or surname?”
The fiend king said, “Our visitor calls himself External Grandpa, but no such surname, I’m sure, appears in the Hundred Family Names. Since you have come from an aristocratic family and you are so intelligent by nature, you must have read all kinds of books and chronicles when you were at the royal palace. Do you remember whether this surname has appeared in any text at all?” “Only in the Thousand-Character Treatise”6 replied the lady, “there is the phrase, ‘Externally one learns from the tutor’s instruction.’7 I suppose that must be it.”
Delighted, the fiend king said, “Indeed, it is! Indeed, it is!” He rose and took leave of the lady to go to the Skinning Pavilion. After he had suited up his armor properly, he summoned his fiendish troops and went straight out the front door, his hands holding a spreading-flower ax. “Who is the External Grandpa who comes from the Scarlet-Purple Kingdom?” he cried in a loud voice.
Gripping the golden-hooped rod with his right hand, Pilgrim pointed with his left hand at the fiend king and said, “Worthy nephew, why are you addressing me?” When the fiend king saw him, he was filled with anger. “Look at you!” he bellowed,
Your features are an ape’s;
Your looks are a monkey’s.
Seven percent a ghost,
And yet you dare mock me?
“Lawless fiend,” replied Pilgrim with a laugh, “you are the one insulting Heaven and making a mockery of the ruler! And you have no eyes either! When I caused great disturbance in the Celestial Palace five hundred years ago, all those divine warriors of the Ninefold Heaven wouldn’t have dared address me without the word ‘Venerable’ when they saw me. Now you call me your grandpa. Is that too much of a loss for you?”
“Tell me quickly your name and surname,” snapped the fiend king, “and what sort of martial art you have learned that you dare act with such insolence around here.” Pilgrim said, “You’d have been better if you hadn’t asked about that. For when I announce my name and surname, I fear that you wouldn’t know where to stand! Step closer, stand firmly, and listen to my recital:
My parents who begot me were Heav’n and Earth;
The sun and moon’s essence had me conceived
And carried in a stone for countless years.
A spirit root formed and nursed me—O, how strange!
As spring quickened nature, I was born that year.
Today I’m an immortal for all times.
Once a captain of many gathered fiends,
I made monsters bow before the red cliffs.
A summons issued the Great Emperor Jade;
The Gold Star Venus with a decree came
To ask me to hold an office in Heav’n,
But I was not pleased with BanHorse, the rank.
I plotted at first rebellion at my cave;
Then I disturbed with arms the royal court.
Deva Pagoda-Bearer and his prince
Both shrank back in terror after our fight.
Gold Star addressed the Cosmic King again
Who sent next a pacifying decree
To make me Equal to Heav’n, true Great Sage—
A proper name for fine talent of the state.
Because I disturbed, too, the Peaches Feast,
Wrath I incurred when I stole pills, half-drunk,
Laozi himself before the throne appeared;
The West Queen Mother at Jade Terrace bowed.
Learning that I had mocked the laws of kings,
Soldiers they called up and dispatches sent—
A hundred thousand savage planetoids,
And dense rows of halberds, lances, and swords.
As cosmic nets were spread throughout the mount,
We raised up our arms for a mighty meet.
The fight was fierce but neither side could win,
And Erlang arrived on Guanyin’s advice.
To find out who was stronger we two fought,
Though he had the Plum Mountain Brothers’ aid.
As we transformed ourselves to show our strength,
Three sages in Heaven pushed the clouds aside:
Laozi at once threw his diamond snare down,
The gods caught and brought me to the steps of gold.
A lengthy confession I need not make;
I should be hacked to pieces for my crimes.
Axes and mallets could not take my life,
Nor was I harmed by scimitars and swords.
Fire and thunder could only do so much—
They could not hurt longevity’s offspring.
They sent the captive to Tushita then
To be refined in all ways as they wished.
Not till the right time was the tripod opened,
But I from the center at once leaped out;
My hands holding high the compliant rod,
I fought my way to Jade Dragon Terrace.
Into hiding went each planet and star;
I was free to havoc through Heaven’s halls.
Lord Inspector quickly sought the Buddha’s help;
With me Śākyamuni a contest waged.
I, somersaulting from within his palm,
Did tour all Heavens before turning back.
The Buddha deceived me, foreknowing this;
I was pinned down by him at Heaven’s edge
Till now afterwards some five hundred years.
My lowly self freed, I frolic once more.
To guard the Tang Monk going to the West—
This, Wukong the Pilgrim well understands.
He must on the western path the fiends subdue.
Which monster would dare not to fear him?”
When the fiend king heard the announcement of Wukong, the Pilgrim, he said, “So you’re that fellow who caused great disturbance at the Celestial Palace! If you have been released to accompany the Tang Monk to the West, you should simply stay on your journey. Why must you mind someone’s business? Why must you serve the Scarlet-Purple Kingdom as a slave and come here to look for death?”
“You thief! You lawless fiend!” shouted Pilgrim. “You mouth such words of ignorance! I receive the most reverent invitation from the Scarlet-Purple Kingdom, and I am beholden to the king’s most gracious hospitality. Old Monkey is regarded there as being a thousand times more exalted than the throne, who honors me as his parents and reveres me as a god. How dare you mention the word ‘slave’? You are but a fiend who lies to Heaven and makes a mockery of the ruler! Don’t run away! Have a taste
of your grandpa’s rod!” A little flustered, the fiend jumped aside to dodge the blow before wielding the spreading-flower ax to strike at his opponent’s face. This was a marvelous battle! Take a look!
The golden-hooped compliant rod,
The sharp spreading-flower ax.
One clenched his teeth as he turned violent;
One gritted them as he showed his strength.
This one was the Great Sage, Equal to Heaven, descending to Earth;
That one was a mischievous fiend king coming to the world.
The two of them belched out cloud and fog to darken Heaven;
They kicked up rocks and sand to hide the dipper halls.
Back and forth they went through many styles;
Up and down they emitted golden lights.
Together they used their power,
Each testing his magic might.
This one wanted to take the lady to the capital;
That one enjoyed staying with the queen at the mount.
This whole battle truly had no other cause:
For a king each had life and death forgot!
The two of them battled for fifty rounds, but no decision could be reached. When the fiend king saw how powerful Pilgrim was, he knew that he could not prevail against him. Using the ax to stop the iron rod, he said, “Pilgrim Sun, let’s pause for a moment. I haven’t had my breakfast today. Let me take my meal first, and then I’ll come to fight to the finish with you.” Pilgrim realized that he wanted to get the bells, but he put away his iron rod and said, “‘A good hunter doesn’t run down a tired hare!’ Go! Go! Eat heartily, and return to receive your death!”
Turning around, the fiend dashed inside and said to the lady, “Take out the treasures quickly.” “What for?” she asked. “The person who was shouting to provoke battle this morning,” replied the fiend king, “happened to be the disciple of a priest on his way to acquire scriptures. His name is Sun Wukong, the Pilgrim, and ‘External Grandpa’ is only a false name. I fought with him for a long time but I could not prevail against him. Let me take my treasures out there so I can start a fire to burn this ape.”