“This is new.”
Dmitry’s subdued silence was deafening. “Not to me.”
At Dmitry’s softly spoken claim, Josh moved on, tracing a line down the center of Dmitry’s palm. His gaze remained locked on the man’s hand. He had gorgeous fingers. Musician’s hands. In fact, Dmitry played piano beautifully. He’d written haunting pieces. Josh had spent hours listening to Dmitry as he perfected each one.
Words flowed from Josh as if they’d been held too long at bay. “When you’d go away for the weekend for work, I never let myself think of where you were headed. Each time you came home, I never considered where you’d been.” Josh kept staring at Dmitry’s hand as he stroked each finger—lost to the memories. “I refused to think about what these gorgeous fingers had done while you were away. Where they’d been. Whose blood coated them. They were all bad people. There was no reason to ever think of them. That is, until it was my family’s blood.” Josh moved to pull away. Dmitry’s hand closed around his, stopping him.
Dmitry didn’t try defending himself. Instead, he leaned closer and brought Josh’s hand to his lips. His hot breath fanned across Josh’s skin as he simply held Josh’s hand to his mouth without speaking. His light gaze held Josh’s. Dmitry had always had a way of saying a thousand things without ever speaking.
“You forgot your coffee,” McKenna said, setting Josh’s cup at his elbow and breaking the spell.
“Who is your friend?” Dmitry asked before McKenna could get away. Since Josh didn’t doubt for a second Dmitry already knew all there was to know about McKenna, he recognized it was Dmitry’s way of letting him know he wasn’t irritated by the interruption.
Josh pulled his hand away and motioned McKenna’s way. “Dmitry, this is McKenna Travis. She owns this bookstore and is married to a fighter from Warehouse District.”
Dmitry dipped his chin in her direction.
Taking a deep breath for courage, Josh waved toward Dmitry. “McKenna, this is my husband, Dmitry.” Dmitry’s satisfaction was a tangible thing.
The memory flared to life in Josh’s brain, as if it had been yesterday.
“Is Dmitry even your real name?”
“Yes.”
“What sort of contract killer gives out his real name?”
“The kind no one lives to identify.”
McKenna snagged the closest chair and sat as if her legs wouldn’t take her a step farther. Her gaze never moved from Dmitry’s face.
“It’s very nice to meet you, McKenna.”
“Holy shit,” McKenna said, sounding breathless and every bit as blown away as she appeared. Josh expected her to levitate at any moment. “That accent.” McKenna made a humming sound. Josh got it. He’d felt that deep voice against his skin. McKenna finally glanced his way. “This is your husband?”
Josh nodded, incapable of saying the words twice.
“Damn, Josh. I never thought anyone could rival Asher in my fantasyland, but wow. You’re a lucky man.” She switched her attention back to Dmitry. It seemed McKenna didn’t possess the same internal alarm as the rest of the world. In fact, a blush tinted her cheeks. The sight fascinated Josh. She was the most shameless person he’d ever met. He hadn’t thought her capable of embarrassment. She shook her head. “I’m sorry. You must think I’m crazy.”
A kind smile touched Dmitry’s lips—one he didn’t show often. “Let me guess. You’re an artist of some kind.”
McKenna nodded, looking relieved. “I’m a writer.”
“Ah,” Dmitry said, pouring on the charm. “That explains everything. You’re sensory driven. Do what you must, then. I can see that it is killing you.”
Josh could only watch as McKenna flew to her feet. A bright smile stretched her lips as she moved to Dmitry’s side of the table. She spoke too fast for Josh to catch every word as she inspected the tag of Dmitry’s shirt, openly sniffed his collar, and asked questions about where he was from. She fired off the name of his cologne, proving this was something she did often. Dmitry showed the patience of a saint while answering her every question with a mixture of competent-sounding truth and lies.
By the time McKenna left them alone, Josh couldn’t hold back the question any longer. “Have you ever told anyone the whole truth about anything?”
Dmitry held his gaze without shame as always. “No one still living.”
Including Josh. Dmitry didn’t need to say it. Josh was well aware he’d been fed many lies over the years. The saddest part was—the knowledge changed nothing. His eyes burned. It was the cruelest fate to love someone like Dmitry. Like he’d done thousands of times over the years, Josh wondered what it said about him that he didn’t run for his life. Surely no sane person would know what he knew, see what he’d seen, and still want this cruel and calculating man. But here he was, forever trapped loving this empty shell across from him.
“Tell me to go away.”
Dmitry’s demand hung between them. Self-hatred rose in Josh’s gut. No matter how hard he tried shaping the words that would send this man from him, he couldn’t, and he hated Dmitry for it. Josh stood so fast his chair hit the floor. Without a backward glance, he walked away. If anyone stared at his abrupt exit, Josh wouldn’t know. The only eyes he felt upon his skin were the ones that never went away.
*
Jozsua had willingly touched him. Held his hand. Called Dmitry his husband. It was insane to press for more. Dmitry had never been accused of harboring any such quality as sanity. The more Jozsua gave him, the more he craved. Because he’d found McKenna charming, Dmitry uprighted Jozsua’s chair and threw his cup away before going after him. Timing acts to perfection was part of his job. He knew exactly how long it would take Jozsua to reach his truck and how long it would take for him to catch up. He waited until Jozsua sat in his vehicle, with his door still open, before slipping into the opening.
“Fucking hell, Dmitry,” Jozsua said, gripping the steering wheel as if it was his sanity. “What do you want from me?”
“Everything,” Dmitry answered without a qualm. “See me tonight.”
Jozsua still wouldn’t look at him. “I have a match scheduled.”
“Tell me a time, and I’ll meet you at the house. We’ll go together.”
“Not the house,” Jozsua said, finally meeting his gaze.
Dmitry hid his wince. Jozsua didn’t want him anywhere near his family. That didn’t mean he would give up. “I’ll meet you at Warehouse and we’ll do something after you win.”
He could see Jozsua fighting against his smile. “I need time to think about some things. You being here…” Jozsua visibly swallowed before starting again. “I never expected to see you again. It isn’t your fault,” Jozsua said, running his hand around the steering wheel as if he needed something else to do with his gaze other than look at Dmitry. “You tried telling me you were the devil. Yet I still fell in love with the angel you showed me. That’s not on you,” Jozsua repeated as he met Dmitry’s stare once more. Dmitry wondered who he was trying to convince. “Tell me you’re sorry,” Jozsua demanded, completely at odds with his previous words. “Even if it’s not true.”
Dmitry didn’t hesitate. “I’m sorry.”
Jozsua’s face screwed up in pain before he looked away again. “Now I want to know if it’s true. I’m so stupid when it comes to you. My fight is at eight.”
Dmitry kept his victory dance on the inside. Before Jozsua could shut him out, Dmitry snagged Jozsua’s collar and held on as he covered the man’s mouth with his. For the most part, the move had been a selfish one. He’d needed the pressure of Jozsua’s lips against his own. The move had also been a calculated one. Jozsua was strong but led by his heart. Dmitry could threaten, beg, and make demands. He knew from experience the only way to budge Jozsua was to keep stealing the man’s heart and use his love against him. Dmitry had to make Jozsua remember what life had been like with him before the world had gone to hell.
“Why do you call me Jozsua instead of Josh, like everyone else?”<
br />
Irritation ran through Dmitry. He hated when people called Jozsua Josh. “That isn’t your real name. When you’re with me, I want the real you.”
Jozsua’s smile said a lot about how much he loved hearing Dmitry’s explanation. “What about you? Is Dmitry even your real name?”
“Yes.”
“What sort of contract killer gives out his real name?”
Dmitry’s mouth twitched at the question. He didn’t know why, but Dmitry found Jozsua’s lack of fear over what he did for a living funny. “The kind no one lives to identify.”
“Does that make me unique or do you intend to kill me one day?” The serious note to Jozsua’s voice gave Dmitry pause. It was scary how astute Jozsua was. Dmitry needed to marry him quick. Not only could he not live without this man, Jozsua needed the protection of Dmitry’s name.
“You’re rarer than a snowflake in the Everglades.”
The memory drifted away, but the words lingered on his lips once more as he trailed kisses along Jozsua’s jaw. “Still my Everglades snowflake.” The way the man’s muscles relaxed at Dmitry’s claim let him know Jozsua remembered too. He would win this man back.
Chapter 4
Whatever he did, Josh couldn’t see Dmitry again without telling Kip everything. Josh wouldn’t risk his family for anything with Dmitry. Never again. No matter what Dmitry did or said, Josh hadn’t forgotten what it was like to learn the truth.
Open and half-packed suitcases littered the room. Josh stared at them. His breath quickened. His heart raced. Dmitry watched him, frozen, as if awaiting Josh’s next move.
“Are you going somewhere?”
At his question, Dmitry tossed the clothes he’d been holding into a suitcase. “No. You are.”
“Um. Okay. Where?” Josh could hear the barely suppressed laughter in his voice. He felt a bit crazed. Dmitry had never behaved like this before. He watched as Dmitry continued tossing things inside the suitcase as if he expected the hounds of hell to tear down the door any minute.
He spoke as he packed. “You’re going to collect Kip and then you’re off to anywhere in the world you’d like as long as I don’t know where you are.”
Dmitry wouldn’t look at him. Terror was quickly taking hold. “What are you talking about?”
At the panic in his voice, Dmitry finally met his stare. “I have to go after Konstantin.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Josh repeated.
Dmitry circled the bed, moving to stand toe to toe with Josh. Every second that ticked by, the more his nerves strained. He’d never seen Dmitry anything but in control. The maniacal glint in his eyes had Josh ready to fly apart.
Dmitry cupped Josh’s face, as if attempting to make him focus. “I have to go after Konstantin, and you have to run.”
The full impact of Dmitry’s words hit. “Why would anyone send you after Kon? You work for him.”
For a moment, Dmitry held his stare. His devastation was almost tangible. “No.”
With one word, Josh understood everything. Konstantin had been under investigation for three years before his deportation. They thought they’d kept all the right people paid off to keep Kon in the country. Dmitry had shown up shortly after the investigation began, but he’d never been there to help. They were a job. All of them. A pain hit Josh in the chest. This was his husband. Josh couldn’t breathe. He might never breathe again.
He’d been with Kip ever since, watching over her in any way she’d allow. It had taken him some time to convince her to move out to the mountain spring ranch with him. Not that he believed for a minute he’d been the deciding factor in the matter. For a while, it had seemed as if Kip was determined to forget Kon existed. It was true she couldn’t let the outside world know she had a daughter with the famous Russian mafia hockey player. Everyone knew Kon’s story. She’d never have peace. But, for a while, he’d worried she didn’t intend to let Jade know anything about her father.
“I’m going to put you in a princess dress if you don’t get still.”
Josh bit back a laugh at Cameron’s threat. He lost the battle at Jade’s reaction.
“No.” The loud wail rang from the walls of the kitchen, and Jade dropped her forehead on the kitchen table in the most dramatic display he’d ever seen. At two, she already ruled their home. She also had more personality than most adults. In that regard, she was more like Kon than anyone he’d ever met. His little mini-Kon also hated princesses for some odd reason none of them had yet to discern. It worked in their favor when she wouldn’t behave.
Kip had married Cameron two months earlier. The man was exactly what their home needed, which was something Josh never would’ve believed. As a cop and former soldier, he was the opposite of everything they’d ever known. Yet, he fit. More importantly, he loved Jade and didn’t deny her the right to love her real father. Kon was a part of their home. His office remained the same as it had before his death, and several photos of Kip and Kon scattered throughout the house. Josh couldn’t have asked for more.
“Are you going to fight with the boys and me today?” Cameron asked, still trying to modify Jade’s cranky-ass attitude.
Kip transferred a few of their lunch dishes from the table to the sink. “Are you sure you’re okay to take her with you today?”
“Of course,” Cameron said, plucking Jade from her high chair and setting her on his knee. “The guys love her and it wears her out.”
Josh imagined it was also good for the men’s morale. Cameron spent a few hours out of every day at a privately owned veteran’s rehabilitation center. All the men involved were amazing people who’d come home from war with significant injuries. Cameron was one of those men. While serving in Afghanistan, Cameron had thrown himself on top of an Afghani child who’d been set on fire in the street. One side of the man’s body was covered in extensive scarring, but it was nothing compared to what the experience had done to Cameron’s mind. The child had not survived. It was a burden Josh didn’t envy. Cameron had a definite human side Josh didn’t possess. That was why Josh had to talk to Kip alone. He kept one eye locked on the clock. Time was running short, but he needed Kip alone for this. Even if she didn’t hate him for Dmitry coming around, she might when she learned the truth. If that was the case, he wouldn’t meet Dmitry tonight—simple as that.
When Cameron finally got Jade out the door, Josh nearly crowed in his relief, but still the words clogged in his throat every time he glanced Kip’s way. She washed their dishes, and he dried. Side by side in silence they worked. Josh thought his mind might snap from the pressure. They rarely talked about Konstantin or Dmitry. It all hurt too much.
“I need to talk to you about something,” Josh finally said, forcing the words out and leaving himself no other choice but to get on with it.
“Sure. What’s up?”
“It’s about Dmitry.”
Kip turned the water off and gave him her full attention. Judging by the wariness in her eyes, it was obvious she thought he planned to rip into her over the Affinity thing.
“I talked to Max and Ryan. They won’t bother you again.”
Josh waved off her words. “It’s not that.”
Her mouth lifted in one corner. “Things have settled down, Josh. You could run away with Dmitry and no one would ever know. There’s nothing stopping you from reclaiming your life.”
There were a thousand things standing in the way of his old life, but she didn’t know that. He needed her to understand that. Reaching behind him, Josh dug into this pocket, coming out with the letter from Konstantin. “There’s more to the story than you realize, and I can’t move on until you know it.” After taking a deep breath for strength, he unfolded the letter and held it out to her.
Kip eyed the paper in his hand. She backed away. “No. Kon meant that for you alone.”
The truth struck him. She knew exactly what he held. “You know what this says.”
She looked away. For a moment, Kip stared at the stove. “I imag
ine so,” she said, sounding absent. Taking a step away, Kip waved for him to follow. Josh didn’t hesitate to trail behind her down the hall. “The day after they found Kon, Terry took me to the hospital. He was afraid the stress of losing Kon would cause a stroke or whatever. When we got there, he fed them this bullshit line about my husband getting killed overseas in a car accident. I got a lot of sympathetic noises before they pumped me full of anti-anxiety meds. Then I was sent home with instructions to stay in bed for the remainder of my pregnancy.”
Josh remembered. It had been a horrible time all around.
“Anyhow,” Kip said, sounding ragged, “when we got home, I found this.” Kip pulled a black bag out of a hidden compartment in her bedroom closet.
His eyebrows rose at the sight. Considering Kon had bought their house and picked out their rooms, he shouldn’t have been surprised by any sort of modifications, but he was. Kip moved to the bed and set the bag down beside her. Josh took up position on the other side of it. He wasn’t sure why, but he couldn’t stop eyeing the leather carry-on-size piece of luggage. It was Kon’s. Josh had seen it several times. It was as if Kon was in the room with them.
Once Josh was settled, Kip picked up with her story. “This was sitting on my bed when I got home, along with Dmitry,” she added, sounding as if she expected Josh to take the news badly.
His muscles tensed, but Josh forced himself to hold his tongue.
Kip caressed the bag sitting between them as if Kon could feel it. Josh’s heart squeezed in his chest at the motion. Kon had been his brother, but he’d been Kip’s whole world. He couldn’t help but wonder if that loss would ever ease. Even loving someone new wouldn’t lessen all of the blow.
“What’s inside?” Josh couldn’t explain why he’d whispered the question.
A small smile touched Kip’s lips. There was no humor or happiness in the gesture. “Kon,” she answered, sounding broken. “Not him, of course, but everything that made him who he was. His wallet, cellphone, and watch. All his jewelry, including our wedding ring. Everything he carried and wore every day, including the day he died. There’s also several pictures of the two of us together, our marriage license, and information on every account he opened in my name around the world. None of us will ever want for a thing. On top of it all is a letter that looks exactly like yours and my guess is its contents are similar in nature as well.”
Uncaged (No Rival Book 7) Page 5