Dmitry knew exactly what he’d thought. “You expected I loved you enough I would never harm your family. In spite of all my lies, you trusted me to do right by you. I knew all those things.” Dmitry stroked Jozsua’s stomach, trying to memorize his lines. He fully expected, after tonight, Jozsua would disappear. “I know you won’t believe me, but I tried.” Jozsua didn’t respond, confirming Dmitry’s thoughts. His distrust didn’t stop Dmitry from saying all the things he’d needed to say for years. “Konstantin was a good man. Maybe to the rest of the world that may seem a ridiculous sentiment. We know better. He was good. Life doesn’t care about your wishes. It doesn’t give a shit about your dreams or how you rant and rage against your fate. Life simply is. We’re each handed what we’re handed, and we deal with it the best we can. I wonder if we ever stared at our phones at the same time, wishing for one another,” Dmitry said, changing the subject.
Jozsua trailed his fingers down Dmitry’s arm in an absent gesture. “Every anniversary.”
Dmitry smiled in spite of the topic. “Then, yes, we have. We have another one next week.”
“What’s the five-year gift?”
Dmitry kissed Jozsua’s chest as he answered. “Probably something stupid.”
Jozsua’s fingers swiped through Dmitry’s hair. “How did I let you convince me to marry you after only four months of dating?”
The confusion in Jozsua’s voice pulled a low laugh from Dmitry. “I didn’t leave you a choice. It was love.”
“Was it?”
Dmitry’s smile fell at the question. “It still is.” Shifting to his knees, Dmitry straddled Jozsua’s hips, pinning him to the bed. He needed to see Jozsua’s eyes. “Maybe I’ve failed you, but I never stopped loving you.” There was a hard edge to Jozsua’s gaze that hadn’t ebbed, even after their lovemaking. Dmitry glanced away. “You said you needed time to think. I realize I didn’t give it to you. Maybe I should let you get dressed.” He didn’t want to give Jozsua space, but he didn’t want Jozsua if he had to force him to be there. Dmitry went to move away. Jozsua’s leg shot out, unbalancing Dmitry. While twisting at the waist, Jozsua snagged Dmitry around his and flipped until Dmitry was the one pinned. He stared at a version of Jozsua he’d never seen. Life had given the man much rage in the past couple of years.
“What happens if I stay, Dmitry?”
Dmitry’s breath caught. Jozsua’s question surprised him to the point he had no response. At his silence, Jozsua’s expression hardened even more.
“What happens, Dmitry? Will I come home one day to packed suitcases, and you telling me you plan to kill Kip? Jade?… Me?” He stroked Dmitry’s cheekbone. His eyes followed the motion of his hand. Dmitry couldn’t stop staring at Jozsua’s expression. Jozsua made it sound as if there was hope. “I want to trust you, Dmitry. Every word you shape with these sexy lips,” he said, running his thumb along Dmitry’s bottom lip. “I never know which are lies and what’s the truth.” He met Dmitry’s stare. “You’re such a sickness for me. I’ve already proven I’ll accept your lies over anyone’s truth. But I don’t want lies anymore. Not even yours.”
His heart pounding sounded loud in his ears. Jozsua seemed willing to give him a chance. “Would you believe me if I said I’d never lie to you again, even if I knew you’d hate what I have to say?”
“I would try to believe you.”
Dmitry swallowed past the hope trying to rise in his throat. “What are you saying?”
Jozsua squeezed his eyes shut as if fighting with himself. Falling forward, he pressed his forehead to Dmitry’s collarbone. His body felt tight enough to snap. “I’m saying, I hurt. I fucking hate you, but I love you. It’s not fair. Goddamn you, I don’t want to spend another day feeling like this, but—when it comes to you—I’m scared of myself. I really don’t know what I’ll do if you ever hurt me again. Maybe I’ll kill us both next time.”
Chapter 5
Jozsua was sexy even when he slept. The sheer number of nights Dmitry had stared at Jozsua’s empty pillow now contributed to why he couldn’t stop watching Jozsua sleep. His lips were swollen from Dmitry’s kisses. They were slightly parted on a breath and the desire to touch them had Dmitry clenching his hands.
The upper half of Dmitry’s body was covered in tattoos. He dressed in business suits most of the time because he liked the way the expensive material felt against his skin. It was equally important for him to blend in, but Dmitry could shed those suits and don a T-shirt, exposing his ink, and blend into a different crowd. The ability to change like a chameleon mattered in his business. Jozsua didn’t give a fuck about fitting in anywhere.
The man’s blue hair matched his eyes, making Jozsua exquisite. The only tattoo he sported covered one leg from ankle to knee. The rest of Jozsua was free of all ink. There were no piercings—none of the things a person would expect by seeing his hair. Jozsua’s bulging muscles were beautiful and Dmitry wanted to lick them, but they weren’t what turned Dmitry on. It was Jozsua’s mind Dmitry couldn’t resist. Jozsua was smart and strong willed. He was a man who knew his worth and demanded Dmitry know it as well. There was no better match for Dmitry in the world. There was no else for Dmitry—period.
Maybe I’ll kill us both next time. Those words ran through Dmitry’s head like a mantra. Jozsua’s vow was further proof they’d always been meant to fall in love. They were so much alike. Anyone else might’ve ran for the hills at those words. Dmitry kept biting back a sigh. Only real love brought out that much crazy in people. Dmitry wanted Jozsua’s passion. His rage. The insanity. No one else could give him what Jozsua did.
The temptation to capture Jozsua’s lips was so strong it drove Dmitry from the bed. He wanted to watch his love all night, but if he stayed, Jozsua wouldn’t get any sleep. That was not what Dmitry wanted. It was his job to keep Jozsua safe, which meant protecting the man’s resting hours. Without any real destination in mind, Dmitry found himself standing in the center of his den at the opposite end of the house. His gaze landed on the piano sitting in the corner. He hadn’t touched it since he’d sent Jozsua away. The piece was a bitch to have moved around the country, but he’d been incapable of giving it up. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d told Jozsua he hadn’t parted with any piece of them.
Dmitry pulled out the bench and sat. The black and ivory keys stared up at him. He’d kept it tuned for Jozsua. Music was the only thing about him still alive from his childhood, and only because he’d been taught to play by a neighbor. Everything else he’d cut out of his soul many years ago. People weren’t born killers. They were twisted into them. The way Jozsua always looked at him when he played made him glad he hadn’t given up this side of himself.
The keys gave way beneath his fingers and the years slipped away. Music flowed from him as if he’d played every day without fail. His eyes fell closed. Each note came to life in his mind. He automatically adjusted each one to suit his mood rather than any song he already knew. As always, the music was for Jozsua. For every time he’d been incapable of expressing how Jozsua made him feel, there was string of notes ready to fire to life. Tonight was no different.
*
Soft music pulled Josh from the soundest sleep he’d had in years. He reached for Dmitry. The bed was empty. The realization shook the last dregs of sleep from Josh’s mind. A piano played in the distance. After finding his underwear, he followed the sound. At the opposite end of the house, Josh found Dmitry, sitting shirtless at the piano, eyes closed and lost in his own world as he played. Josh lost track of time as he watched Dmitry. He’d forgotten how amazing Dmitry could be.
His feet moved without his permission. The way Dmitry’s shoulders moved in time with the notes he played hypnotized Josh. He didn’t stop moving until his lips touched Dmitry’s shoulder. Once there, he couldn’t stop. He skimmed his mouth along Dmitry’s nape before moving to kiss his other shoulder. The music fell silent. In its place, Dmitry’s struggle to draw a steady breath filled the air. Dmitry tilted his head back and
Josh found his fingers encircling the man’s throat, holding him in place for his mouth’s exploration. Josh’s head emptied of all thought except for the taste of Dmitry’s skin. He was in love with this man. No one else could hurt him the way Dmitry could. No one else would do for him but Dmitry. There was no hiding it.
“Play for me,” Josh begged.
“Can’t focus.” The breathless note to Dmitry’s voice didn’t budge Josh. He needed this.
“Play for me. Please? I’ve missed your music. Missed you.” A haunting melody rang through the room. Josh’s heart skipped a beat. His tongue stroked Dmitry’s pulse. “I love you,” Josh said against the man’s skin before he could call it back. The music fell silent as Dmitry twisted in Josh’s arms.
“I’m sorry. Later, I’ll play for you for as long as you’d like. Right now, I need you. I love you, Jozsua,” Dmitry said, pulling Josh in for a kiss. “So goddamn much,” he added as he claimed Josh’s mouth.
“Come back to bed,” Josh begged between kisses. If Dmitry didn’t intend to keep playing, Josh needed to hold him. Maybe one day soon he’d be over this gnawing emptiness plaguing him, but it wouldn’t be tonight.
Dmitry shot to his feet, bringing Josh with him. “Anything you want.”
“Anything?” Josh taunted, brushing his lips across the shell of Dmitry’s ear as he followed him down the hall. “Are you sure you want to stick with that word?”
An evil-sounding chuckle rumbled from Dmitry’s chest. “I’m not intimidated by the idea.”
“One day soon I’ll test that theory,” Josh promised. “Right now, I really want to cuddle.” Josh matched Dmitry’s steps while holding on to the man’s hips. He knew he was making the trek from one end of the house to the other take longer, but he didn’t want to let go. “Naked, of course,” Josh added, in case Dmitry thought he wasn’t open to taking their cuddling up a notch. Dmitry could be damnably literal when he put his mind to it.
“Is there any other way?” Dmitry asked, sounding genuinely curious.
Not if Josh could help it. He’d never craved bare skin against his body so badly in all his life.
*
A plate of sliced fruit stared at Josh when he finally lifted his heavy lids. For a moment, he blinked at the chunks of red, yellow, and orange before his mouth pulled at the corners. Old hurts and anger tried pushing their way in with the morning light. Hope and happiness was damnably hard to beat into submission. Kip and Kon had both been adamant in their defense of Dmitry. Josh’s love latched on to any thread of an excuse to burst to life. Josh couldn’t tear his gaze away from the plate beside him. It was just fruit, but Josh’s throat squeezed. A plate of food was so Dmitry. It was the small things he’d lost when Josh had lost the love of his life. No one took care of him. No one ever would—not the way Dmitry did.
Scooting up the bed, Josh settled against the headboard. After snagging the plate, he popped a piece of pineapple into his mouth. It was delicious. A napkin sat on one corner of the plate. Josh unfolded it and a tiny piece of paper slipped out.
I love you.
Josh stared down at the three words scratched out on the paper. He set the fruit aside. Food could wait. Before going in search of Dmitry, Josh dipped into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He didn’t have a toothbrush or a change of clothes. Josh rinsed with mouthwash and slipped into last night’s clothes. He’d have to run home and grab a shower before making any plans for the day.
Dmitry’s house was bigger in the daylight. The night before, Josh had been intent on finding the bed and then only ventured out to find where Dmitry kept his piano. Now, with the house silent, the search for Dmitry had Josh taking an unintentional tour. He found the kitchen first. It was a light shade of yellow with granite and steel everything. Since Dmitry was an amazing cook, Josh wasn’t surprised to see the kitchen was beautiful. No doubt, Dmitry spent a lot of time there. Josh could picture him, standing at the stove—shirtless with a hand towel draped over one shoulder. Damn, Josh missed watching Dmitry cook. Since the kitchen was empty, Josh moved on to the living room. It was a little less extravagant. A soft-looking burgundy sofa sat against one wall while a flat screen TV hung from the other. There wasn’t a coffee table. In fact, the room didn’t invite people to linger. The room was also empty of Dmitry’s presence.
Across from the front door, a staircase led to the unknown. Josh continued past the stairway, determined to finish exploring the downstairs first. On the other side of the stairs, a second hallway led to two rooms—the den where he’d found Dmitry playing the piano the night before and an office. The instrument sat silent, so Josh didn’t bother with that room. Instead, he headed for the office. Tall bookshelves lined the walls and an oak desk took up one half of the room. Two uncomfortable-looking antique chairs sat facing one another. Josh recognized them as his grandmother’s. It was odd how much of the furniture had been in their home before their split. The bedroom furniture was all the same. Nostalgia washed over Josh. The room smelled like Dmitry—leather and spice. In that moment, Josh wanted his life back with a desperation he hadn’t experienced in years.
Dmitry’s arms encircled Josh’s waist. He hadn’t heard the man come in behind him, but he also didn’t jump in surprise. It was as if the encounter fit—like they should touch unexpectedly in every room of this house, because that was what married people did. Tears pressed at the backs of Josh’s eyes. His nose burned. This was his goddamn life, and it had been sitting here, in stasis, just a short drive away—waiting. Even as Dmitry’s lips touched Josh’s neck, Josh couldn’t speak. The feeling, as if Dmitry had placed a bookmark in his life, holding his place, had Josh ready to break down.
Josh nodded toward one of the chairs, trying to get himself under control. “My nana used to sit in that chair. I would climb in her lap and she would sing to me.”
“Probably while smoking a pipe,” Dmitry said on a chuckle, proving how well he knew Josh’s family. “She was completely mad like that.” His hold tightened. “Did you sleep okay?”
Josh couldn’t hold it in. “Apparently, I’ve missed our bed even more than I realized, because I think I died.”
Dmitry somehow managed to snuggle even closer. “If it’s any consolation, our bed has missed you too. It creaks and groans every night as I toss and turn without you. I know it’s probably too soon for you to even consider it, but—”
Josh’s cellphone rang, cutting off Dmitry’s question. It was Kip’s ringtone. Josh didn’t hesitate to dig the device from his pocket and answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Josh. I’m sorry to bother you, but I took Jade to daycare this morning so I could go to my hair appointment. No sooner than they got half my hair in foil, the center called and said Jade is running a low-grade temp and needs someone to pick her up. Cameron can’t leave work without someone to cover his area, and there’s no one.”
“I’ll go get her,” Josh offered before Kip could ask.
“Thank you. I hate cutting into your plans, but I can’t leave here.”
“It’s not a problem. I can’t have my monster suffering.”
Kip sighed. “Thank you. I’ll get out of here as quick as I can.”
Josh shook his head, already searching for his keys with Dmitry following in his footsteps. “Don’t bother. It’s just me. I didn’t have any plans.”
“Thank—”
It was Josh’s turn to sigh. “If you thank me again, I’ll hang up on you,” Josh said, cutting her off.
Kip snorted at his threat. “For your information, I need to go anyhow.”
“Love you too,” Josh said. Laughter laced his words, but he meant them. He hung up on Kip before she got the chance. Josh already knew that would be her next move. The instant he was free of Kip, the disappointment set in. He honestly didn’t mind being the uncle for the day, but it meant his time with Dmitry was over. Back to reality. “Jade is sick. I need to pick her up from daycare.”
A line appeared between
Dmitry’s eyes. “Why is she in daycare?”
Josh shrugged. “Kip wants her to have a normal life—friends and a head start on school, so she put her in a pre-school two days a week for now. Plus, it gives Kip a chance to do adult things without hunting down a babysitter. Anyhow, she’s running a fever, and Kip is at the hairdresser. It’s not that far from where you left your car. If you’d like, I’ll drop you off on the way.”
Dmitry wasn’t one for nervous gestures. He never shifted his weight or chewed his bottom lip. Josh got the impression, if he did those things, he’d be doing it now. The way he watched Josh, as if expecting rejection, pulled at Josh’s heartstrings. “I could go with you to get Jade.”
“What about your car?” Josh asked to give himself a minute. Dmitry was casual today. His T-shirt and jeans made Josh’s mouth water. It meant Dmitry hadn’t planned on leaving the house. It also gave Dmitry a human edge Josh couldn’t resist. Part of him wanted to say no. Most of him wanted to let Dmitry have anything he wanted.
“It’s locked safely in the garage.”
Dmitry’s answer effectively distracted Josh. “How did you pull that off?”
“I never drive to Warehouse District. No way in hell would I leave a vehicle unattended in Conti territory.”
Josh’s mind went blank. Sometime in the past few years, his life had normalized a hair. He hadn’t heard anything referred to as territory since Konstantin’s deportation. “What?”
Dmitry nodded. “I assumed you knew. All underground matches in every major city are run by the local mafia. In the case of Vegas, this is Conti territory. You know, given my profession, I have to watch my back. I wouldn’t put it above anyone to try to take me out.” It was ridiculous for Josh to feel blindsided, but he did. He hadn’t realized how much he enjoyed the blissful state of ignorance until he was basking in knowledge. Dmitry wouldn’t stop feeding it to him. “That’s why your father started you out so young, teaching you how to fight. It had nothing to do with survival. Boris ran the underground back home. I imagine he thought he could make a lot of money off you. That’s why Konstantin was so quick to bring you here the moment Boris died. He didn’t mind if you chose to fight, but he didn’t want that life thrust upon you—being forced to take a dive when ordered. Winning only when it suited your father’s purposes and lined his pockets. It’s the way of the world.”
Uncaged (No Rival Book 7) Page 7