by T. M. Smith
“Yes, yes, of course,” Cirian stated flatly, more worried about helping Rian stand than holding court with Li and Sam. Both men forgotten, Cirian helped Rian into the bathroom, and then he had a thought. “Rian love, how about a nice, warm bath?” Seeing the uncertainty in his husband’s eyes wrecked Cirian. He knew Rian was struggling to cope with what Cillian had done to him—the beating which had caused a concussion as well as the rape were, understandably, weighing heavily on Rian’s psyche.
Kneeling, he took one of Rian’s hands in his, reaching up to cup his cheek with the other. He stared into the crisp beautiful blue eyes he loved more than anything and made a promise to God to do whatever it took to pull the pain and sadness out of those eyes. “I love you Rian, more than life itself. There is nothing anyone could ever do to change that; do ya hear me? Let me help ya Ri; let’s help each other through this, okay? I need you to let me help.”
Cirian knew how desperate and weak he sounded, but fuck it all, he didn’t care. Right now, the only thing that mattered was the man in front of him. The man he sent off on a journey around the world when he was sixteen, awkward and gangly, only to return to Cirian standing tall, strong, and confident. Seeing Rian so despondent and shaken gutted Cirian, and he was bound and determined to help his husband find his way back to the strength and confidence he knew lay buried underneath a mountain of pain and shame.
Rian laughed softly as his eyes grew misty. Leaning forward, he kissed Cirian. “I know love, I need you too. Now why don’t you get the water started so it can warm up, then help me out of these pajamas?”
***
The warmth of the water soothed Rian’s aching muscles; the scent of eucalyptus and lavender from the oils Cirian had put in the water soothed his senses. Calmer than he’d felt in days, Rian let it all go and allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of being safe in his husband’s arms. With his head on Cirian’s chest, those strong arms wrapped around him, they both enjoyed the quiet and peace, holding one another. He knew it wouldn’t be easy—the feeling of tranquility would likely spiral down the pipes along with the water when they drained the tub. But for now, the silence was calming.
The fact that he and Cirian hadn’t taken the time to bathe together in years made it so much easier to enjoy. Reading Rian’s thoughts, as usual, Cirian said just that. “We should do this more often; it’s very relaxing. Who knew?” When Rian laughed, it didn’t send searing pain shooting through every limb in his body. He was getting better already and would continue to, one day at a time.
Still, they had to tell Maya, Mia, and the twins everything. While he wished they didn’t have to burden them with the knowledge of all that happened down there, that he could leave things that took place in the dark, in the dark. Honesty was needed for Rian, Cirian and their family to move forward. Cillian’s madness had been born of a lie that Marcus told the day of his birth. Rian refused to open the door to any such terrorism within his family with a lie by omission.
“What are you thinking on so hard, love?” Cirian asked, dipping a rag into the water then squeezing it out and letting the water drip onto Rian’s chest.
How did he put his feelings into words? “How do you think they’ll take it, Aiya and Aiyan? I mean, I’m their father. I’m supposed to keep the bogey man away, not let him in…not let him…” Rian couldn’t finish the sentence, refused to. He’d been raped. There, he’d thought it. He’d be damned if he’d ever say the fucking word out loud.
“Listen love, we don’t have to tell them every detail of what happened. But I think you were right last night—a brief synopsis is in order. I think if we do not and they find out some other way, it’d hurt them worse.” Cirian kissed his shoulder, running his hand down Rian’s arm to twine their fingers together. Lifting their joined hands, Cirian kissed his palm before laying their hands over Rian’s heart. “This, right here, what’s inside you Ri, a heart that is pure and strong. That is what our children will see when they look at ya. Not the remnants of a crazy man’s descent into madness.”
It was painful, difficult, and downright sloppy. But Rian managed to get turned around so he could look into his husband’s eyes. “God, how I love you.”
Eventually, harsh, cold reality sucked all the warmth from the water, and Cirian stood, drying off before helping Rian out of the tub. Clean, dry, and feeling better than he had in days, Rian told Cirian to gather their family.
“Are you sure you want to do this now, Ri? I thought you wanted to wait until after the wedding.” Cirian sat beside him on the bed, reaching up and cupping Rian’s cheek in his hand.
Nodding, Rian covered Cirian’s hand with his, lowering their joined fingers to his lap. “I’ve had more time to process everything and I think it’s better we tell them now. I want to move forward, My Love, and the only way I can do that is to face it. Waiting to tell them, prolonging it…I need to tell them so I don’t have to talk about it again if I don’t want to. Does that make sense?”
The look of love and admiration in Cirian’s eyes grounded him, gave Rian the strength he so desperately needed. Together, they could face any demons in their path. They shared another kiss and then it was time to face their family.
Chapter 26 | A Time and Place for Everything
The door to the library flew open, banging the shelf behind it loudly. Aiyan had the look of a madman, and it frightened Kaden. “What the hell happened now?” he asked his husband, shrieking when Aiyan grabbed him by the arms and shook him. “Aiyan, you’re hurting me.”
“Did he…” Aiyan froze, finally taking a moment to look around, realizing he and Kaden weren’t alone. Turning, he dragged Kaden from the library despite his protests. As soon as they were in their bedroom, Aiyan slammed the door shut and grabbed Kaden again.
“Let go of me!” Jerking away, Kaden shoved Aiyan hard, his back slamming against the door. They were both entirely too angry to notice the wood splintering down the middle. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I need you to tell me everything that happened when you were taken,” Aiyan said in a rush.
Kaden stepped backward, putting more distance between them. “I’ve already told you…”
“Did you? Everything?”
“Aiyan, I swear to God, if you keep yelling at me I’m gonna knock your lights out. Now start talking, and try making sense. What the hell is this all about?” Kaden was fuming, which was funny since Aiyan was starting to calm down.
Aiyan inhaled a deep breath and slowly released it before he spoke again. “When you were with Cillian, did he ever…what I mean is, did you…and he…did he force himself on you?”
“Aiyan, are you asking me if that brute of a man raped me?” Aiyan nodded. “You honestly think I wouldn’t have told you if that had happened? Why would you even think…oh God, Rian.” Aiyan nodded again. “Oh baby, come here.” Kaden rushed across the room to his husband, hugging him.
“Why didn’t you just come right out and ask me that from the start, jackass?” Kaden admonished half-heartedly.
“We weren’t alone, and Dad doesn’t want anyone to know; he’s fucking wrecked, Kaden. I’ve never seen him—either of them—I’ve never seen them so sad and miserable. Rian upset and crying is one thing, but Cirian—oh, hell no. He was crying like a baby, Kaden. It’s horrible.” Aiyan held on to Kaden, his face resting on his shoulder as he let it all out.
Kaden walked them over to the bed and sat, pulling Aiyan down beside him. “I’m so sorry, My Prince, truly. This has got to be killing your fathers. At least the bastard is dead and can no longer hurt people just for the thrill of it.”
Lifting his head, Aiyan smiled, leaning in for a quick peck. “I know, and I’m sorry I freaked out. I knew you wouldn’t keep such a thing from me. I guess my ego wouldn’t let it go until I heard you deny it.”
“Let’s stay in tonight, okay? I can run down to the kitchen and have Cook throw something together, and we can curl up in bed with our dinner and talk, maybe read a book. I just…I need you all t
o myself tonight.” Aiyan stood, not waiting for Kaden to agree, seeming to know he would.
Chuckling, Kaden smacked him on the ass. “I don’t know why you even ask sometimes; you already know I’ll agree to anything you say.”
“That’s because I’m always right,” Aiyan shouted, already halfway out the door.
***
Maeve was sitting in a chair reading, Sawyer stretched out across the bed with Ian beside him when Aiya came into the room. “Hey, what’d your father want?” Maeve asked, closing the book and setting it on the table beside her.
“It’s a long story. Could you take Ian for a walk or something, Maeve, give Sawyer and me a few minutes alone?” Aiya saw the confusion in Maeve’s eyes. They didn’t keep secrets, the three of them, so of course Maeve was concerned.
“I’ll talk to you too, Maeve; I don’t want Ian around when I talk about this. He seems to feed off my anxiety,” Aiya reassured her wife. Reluctantly, Maeve agreed, taking Ian and leaving the two of them to talk.
Sawyer scooted to the edge of the bed, sitting up and patting the mattress beside him. “Come, sit, tell me why you are upset.” And she did, albeit briefly but as thoroughly as possible without betraying certain confidences of her fathers.
Holding her shaking body close while Aiya cried, Sawyer rubbed her back softly and promised her everything would be okay now that Cillian was no longer breathing. “Wait, you don’t think he…Kaden?”
“I don’t know Sawyer; I don’t know if it’s our place to know either,” Aiya responded. She could feel her lover tense, his entire body going stiff. Pulling away, she looked up and met his eyes. “Don’t you think he would have told you if that had happened to him as well? And I’m quite certain I’d know too—Aiyan wouldn’t be able to keep it to himself.”
The anger and trepidation slowly ebbed away, Sawyer’s posture slacking without the weight of suspicion. Nodding, he agreed. “You’re right, babe, our brothers wouldn’t have kept that from us.” Standing, he held a hand out, pulling Aiya to her feet. “I’ll go find Maeve and Ian, and I’ll take him to see Kaden and Aiyan while you and she talk, okay?”
Aiya agreed, busying herself by straightening up their room while she waited for Maeve. She’d never been a spiteful or vindictive person, but knowing everything the man who should have been her uncle had done, how he’d tried so damn hard to destroy her family one fucking person at a time…Aiya felt nothing but hate and contempt for the man. Did that make her a bad person?
There was no time to ponder the thought further when the door opened and Maeve came into the room. Sharing the same story and details she’d given Sawyer, Aiya watched Maeve’s face fall, her eyes clouding over with sorrow. “Is it wrong that all I feel is, well, glad…I’m glad he’s dead, Maeve. Does that make me a bad person?” Aiya asked Maeve the question she couldn’t answer for herself.
“Of course not,” Maeve quickly responded. “It makes you human, Aiya. That man was evil incarnate, and the world is a better place without him in it.”
With Maeve’s help, Aiya finished cleaning both their rooms and the bathroom. Showered and dressed, they left the room, Aiya glancing over her shoulder. “Where are you going? Sawyer and Ian are with the brothers. I thought we’d go get them and we can all have dinner together.”
Shaking her head, Maeve continued walking in the opposite direction. “Can’t, got a hot date.”
Chapter 27 | All Mine
In the weeks following Rian’s ordeal in the bunker with Cillian, Cirian had the area sealed off so no one could get down there again unless they were a relative of Hercules himself. Everyone agreed burying Cillian with the family was not an option. “Hell, I don’t think he should be put in any ground anywhere. Not even consecrated ground could imprison that kind of evil. I vote for cremation,” Aiyan threw out over dinner one evening. Again, everyone agreed.
Unable to let the son he should have fought harder to keep leave the world the same way he came into it, Gabriel took the ashes and, with Raven’s assistance, spread them along the banks of water surrounding House Gaeland.
As the last ash fell from the urn, Gabriel bade Cillian a proper farewell. “Ar dheas Dé go raibh a anam.”
On their walk back to the palace, Raven asked Gabriel what he’d said, at the end.
“May his soul be on God’s right hand. Lord knows he wasn’t with God while he was alive. Let us pray he is before he visits this world again.”
“I know Cirian is angry with you right now for wanting to do any type of service for Cillian, but I understand completely your need to at least try to set things right for the sake of his soul. When Marcus died, Tanis was fit to be tied because I presided over what little funeral he had. But my spirit wouldn’t have remained intact if I didn’t do something, you know?” Raven reasoned.
Nodding, Gabriel agreed. “I do, my boy. I do.”
“I wanted to talk to you about something, Gabriel.” Raven held the door to the kitchen open for Cirian’s father.
“Of course, what’s on yer mind then?” the older Irishman asked, grabbing the jug of milk from the fridge and a glass from the cabinet.
“Well, with everything that’s happened as of late, Tanis and I were thinking of canceling the ceremony.”
Gabriel choked on the swig of milk in his mouth. “Ya say what now, boy?” he sputtered.
Raven grabbed a towel and handed it to Gabriel, patting him on the back. “It just doesn’t seem like the right time, Gabriel. I mean, we could have lost Rian, and he’s still in so much pain…mentally, physically and emotionally.”
“Which is precisely why you will still be having your official ceremony; to lift my spirits.” Raven jumped when Rian spoke behind him.
“Good lord, scare a man half to death why don’t you!” Raven barked.
Cirian walked in behind Rian, smiling and shaking his head. Rian was still on the mend, but the bruising had gone down, and the pain was no longer a constant. Still, he moved slowly to the table, sighing as soon as his ass hit the seat. “How ’bout some sandwiches then?” Gabriel asked, already pulling meats and vegetables from the fridge.
“Perfect Da, lemme help ya.” Cirian disappeared into the large pantry, emerging a few minutes later with bread and a jar of pickles. Normally, Cook would be in the kitchen—in fact, Raven was hard-pressed to remember a time her laughter hadn’t brought the room to life. But with the involvement of her own blood in the plot against Cirian, Cook had taken some time to spend with her family after her grandson was arrested.
“Sit, Raven, and let’s talk about why you think I wouldn’t want you and Tanis to continue with your ceremony as planned.” Rian pointed to the seat across from him, smiling and kissing Cirian on the cheek when he brought over a glass of water for him.
“Did I just hear you right, Rian? Raven and Tanis want to call off the wedding?” Maya came into the kitchen with a tray of dirty teacups and a pot, which she placed on the counter by the sink. Turning and leaning against the counter, she snagged the pickle Cirian had just pulled out of the jar and bit the end off. “I’ll have one of those as well, please.” She nodded at the sandwich Gabriel was making, pickle juice dripping out of the corner of her mouth.
“Saints preserve us woman, you’d think you were a commoner with your wretched table manners,” Cirian smarted, tossing a towel at her.
Maya squinted, frowning at him. “I’m not at the table, ass,” she admonished before turning to Rian and Raven. “Seriously, what’s this crap about no wedding? You’ve lost your mind, Raven, if you think Ari will one, let you cancel the wedding and two, not scratch your eyes out if you try to stop her plans for the ‘Royal Wedding’.” Maya said the words with mock sincerity, air quotes and all.
Raven sat back and watched the four of them for a few minutes, happy to have faded into the wall for a little while. He’d never seen Maya and Rian in the same room for an extended period of time without claws coming out and glass breaking. Not only were they talking and doing something
that resembled getting along, they were laughing, all of them. Gabriel slid into the chair beside him, pushing a plate with a sandwich and a couple of pickles toward Raven. Cirian and Maya sat on either side of Rian and they all set about eating their sandwiches and talking…civilly. It was the damnedest thing Raven had ever seen.
When Rian went to stand and winced, Cirian gently pulled him back down into his chair. “What do ya need, love?”
“Sorry, legs are still a bit wobbly, need some more water,” Rian told him, grinning.
“I got it; you just sit there.” Maya stood, grabbing his empty glass and turning to fill it from the pitcher of water. All four men stared at her, dumbfounded. She turned and froze. “What?”
“You—you’re positively chipper; what gives?” Cirian goaded her. Oddly, she didn’t respond. She handed Rian his glass, then took her seat and picked up her sandwich.
Unsure how long he sat staring at Maya open mouthed, Raven blinked when Rian snapped his fingers. “Raven, did you hear me?”