The Big Ohhh

by Ashton, Nikki

  “We’re in Jacob’s House, shall we wait here for you?”

  Jacob’s House was a pretty popular bar right in the middle of town, it was usually full of business people who went there after work, so no wonder she hadn’t heard my call initially.

  “Yeah, if you don’t mind. I’ll see you in about forty minutes.”

  “Great.” Willow sounded excited which made me grin. “See you then.”

  I had never showered so quickly in all my life, and within twenty minutes was legging it into town desperate to see the girl that I hoped would soon be my girlfriend.

  Try the Three-Pointed Star position where you lie on your back with your left leg extended straight up in the air and your right leg stretched out on the floor and grab your right knee with your right hand, forming a triangle. Your partner then crouches at the bottom and enters you – if you get a cramp, try not to shout too loud.

  * * *

  Willow

  “So, is he okay?” James asked as he grinned at me over the top of his beer bottle.

  I smiled and tried not to look too excited. “He’s coming to meet us, is that okay?”

  I really hadn’t thought it through when I’d asked Charlie to come to the pub, I should have spoken to James first, but he had said he wanted to meet the man who’d put a grin on my face.

  “Of course, it is. I need to go soon anyway.”

  “You didn’t say before, you’re not going early because Charlie’s coming, are you?”

  “God no, I was going to tell you and then forgot. Honestly, I’m looking forward to meeting him.”

  I watched him warily, trying to see any signs that he was upset or lying, but he gave me a huge grin and poked at my shoulder.

  “Shit, he must really like you Will, if he’s willing to come out with you and your work colleague so soon into the relationship.”

  “I wasn’t too keen, was I?” I chewed on my bottom lip and wondered whether I should have simply had a chat with Charlie and said I’d see him later in the week.

  “Well as long as you left the Bride & Home Magazine back at the surgery, you’ll be fine.”

  “Ha funny ha. I’m not that bad.”

  James tilted his head and looked at me with squinty eyes. “The veil is a bit much though, hun.”

  “What veil?” I put a hand to my head.

  “Really?” James asked as he looked at me like I was the idiot that I was.

  I rolled my eyes and huffed out a breath before I took a long sip of my drink.

  “Seriously, Willow, stop worrying and wondering, he wouldn’t have said yes if he didn’t want to come. Now, what does he drink, I’ll get us one in.”

  I only paused for a second before replying, “Vodka and diet, or lager. I’m not sure though what he’d prefer on a work night.”

  “I’ll get one of each, I’m sure we can drink what he doesn’t want.”

  James winked at me and turned toward the bar, only to have a woman who could barely stand barrel into him and spill most of her wine down his shirt.

  “Oh shhhit,” she slurred and wiped a hand down James’ front. “So fucking shorry.”

  “It’s fine,” James said through a smile.

  “Well if you wanna get me another it’s good.” She wobbled precariously and flashed me a glassy smile. “It’s the least he can do in’t it.”

  I opened my mouth to protest that it had been her own fault, but James shook his head to silence me.

  “White wine?”

  She nodded and lifted a finger, trying to point at him but evidently couldn’t focus properly.

  “You are a gent and if you weren’t with your lovely lady here, I’d take you home and show you a really good time.”

  James coughed nervously and edged away in the direction of the bar as the woman followed him, evidently worried he’d forget her drink.

  When he came back a few minutes later with three lagers and three vodkas there was no sign of her.

  “How did you lose her?” I asked as I took the drinks from the tray and placed them on the high table that we were standing at.

  “I gave her the wine and then she spotted some bloke who wasn’t with his lovely lady and made a beeline for him.”

  “If only she knew.” I laughed and looked into the crowd toward the door.

  “He won’t be here yet,” James said, smirking. “Not unless he’s superhuman; he’s not, is he?”

  “No, he’s not, and I wasn’t checking for him. I was looking to see if your lady friend was about.”

  “Whatever you want to tell yourself.”

  We carried on chatting and thankfully the drunken woman didn’t reappear, but after half an hour, adrenalin buzzed around my body as Charlie walked through the door.

  “Calm down,” James said, with his back to the door. “He’s merely a man.”

  “How did-.”

  “Your hands started shaking and your breathing quickened up, so I’m guessing he’s arrived.” James slowly turned and watched as Charlie, who was grinning back at me, weaved through the patrons standing around drinking.

  “Wow, and what a fine man he is too. Shit, Willow, you’ve hit the jackpot with that one my lovely.”

  He turned back to me and winked, at the same time as Charlie reached our side.

  “Hey,” he said as he leaned in to hug me. “You sure this is okay?”

  He placed a warm hand on my cheek and gave me a beautiful smile. I sighed and reached up on tiptoe to kiss him, only to be interrupted by a cough from James, in my ear. I pulled back from Charlie and giggled.

  “Sorry, this is James, my boss.”

  “Now come on, I think you’ll find you’re the one that bosses me around.” He offered his hand to Charlie. “Hey Charlie, great to meet you and yes this is perfectly okay. I have to go soon anyway.”

  Charlie shook the proffered hand and frowned. “Not on my account I hope.”

  “No, I’m meeting someone.”

  James’ face reddened as he averted his eyes toward the bar.

  “You never said,” I gasped. “Who and where?”

  “A guy I met at the gym. We’re meeting at that new wine bar.”

  “Wow, and do you like him?”

  James shrugged. “From what I know of him. He’s a solicitor and is interested in art and he’s three years older than me.”

  “That’s a lot of info’ for one meeting in the gym,” I suggested, giving James a nudge.

  “We may have gone for a coffee afterward.”

  “You should let Willow know when you’re there though,” Charlie said. “And that you’ve got home safely.”

  I turned to look at him and felt my heart melt. When I glanced at James, his face had told me he might have fallen a little bit in love with my date.

  “Thanks Charlie,” he said, nodding. “Good idea, I will. Now, what are you drinking, Willow wasn’t sure whether you’d want vodka on a school night, so I got lager as well.”

  Charlie placed an arm around my shoulder, pulled me against him and kissed the side of my head. “Lager is great,” he replied and took a bottle from James with his free hand. “Cheers.”

  We all clinked our drinks together and enjoyed chatting for another half hour, until finally James said it was time he went.

  “Enjoy your date,” I said as I leaned closer to kiss James’ cheek. “And don’t forget to let me know you’re okay.”

  James smiled at Charlie, who had an arm draped over my shoulder, and nodded. “I will, don’t worry. Nice to meet you Charlie.”

  Charlie removed his arm from around me to reach for James’ hand and I felt sad that he was no longer touching me, so moved half a step closer to him until my hip was against his. I dropped my hand to my side and was about to rub my knuckles alongside the edge of his jeans, when a pinky finger linked with mine. My heart halted and my gaze dropped down to our connection and as it did, Charlie gave my finger a little tug. I looked up at him to be met with the most beautiful smile.

&n
bsp; “I was saying to James, if his date works out, we should all go out for dinner sometime, what do you think?”

  Charlie didn’t sound too confident and when I didn’t answer immediately, he nervously dragged a hand through his hair, but the only reason I hadn’t answered was because my breath had gone.

  “If you think-.”

  “That would be great,” I replied and gave him the biggest smile I had. “I’d love it.”

  As Charlie and I gazed at each other, sharing a moment, James coughed beside us.

  “Well, I’d better go.”

  As he turned to leave, he almost went flying as the drunken woman from earlier fell into him and landed on the floor with her arms and legs in the air as she howled with laughter while she still managed to keep a hold on her full glass of wine up above her prone body.

  “Oh God, she’s even more drunk now,” James muttered, reaching down to help her up.

  Charlie put a hand on James’ bicep to stop him. “You go, I’ll sort her out.”

  “You sure?” James asked, glancing at his phone.

  “Yeah honestly, go.”

  As James waved goodbye and rushed off, Charlie moved over to the woman and took the wine from her hand, putting it on our table. He then leaned down and I thought he was going to help her up, but instead he pointed at her.

  “Get up now,” he spat out.

  “Charlie,” I gasped and took a step toward him.

  He looked over to me and shook his head. “No Willow, she doesn’t need any help, this is her regular position; flat on her back, pissed out of her head.”

  “W-what?”

  “Willow, meet my wonderful mother, Teresa.”

  He waved a hand over her and then straightened up and came back to my side, folding his arms over his chest as he looked down and waited.

  Finally, after she rolled backwards and forwards and with some swearing, his mum managed to pull herself up. She got up onto unsteady legs and looked around until her eyes landed on the glass of wine.

  “There it is.” She lurched forward and almost toppled again but caught hold of the table to stop herself.

  Before she had chance to do anything, Charlie reached for the wine and emptied the contents into a tall potted palm that was standing next to us.

  “Get home,” he said, not looking at her, but handing me my drink. “Can we go somewhere else?” he asked.

  “That was my fucking wine,” his mum moaned. “Get me another.”

  “No.” Charlie knocked back his drink and placed the empty bottle next to the wine glass that had been his mum’s.

  I still had a lot of drink left which I no longer wanted, so rather than leave it for Charlie’s mum to drink, I emptied into the plant along with the wine.

  “Charlie, I need some money.”

  His mum staggered forward and tried to reach a hand into his jacket pocket, but he smacked her away and then caught hold of her wrists before placing her hands on the table.

  “You’re not getting any money, so go home.”

  “Does she need a cab?” I asked and moved up beside him.

  “No, it’s only a twenty-minute walk and it’s through busy streets, she’ll be fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Charlie looked down at me and his jaw tensed as he took a deep breath. “She walks home at all hours on her own, so nine o’clock on a midweek night is chicken shit to her. Honestly, she’ll be fine. Now can we go?”

  I let the bite in his voice go because I could understand why he was so tense and embarrassed. In fact, he must have been humiliated because I knew I would have been so early in a relationship with someone.

  “Go home, Teresa,” he said and leaned closer to her ear. “Sleep it off and in the morning clean up your damn room because it looks like shit.”

  He then grabbed my hand and practically dragged me from the bar, walking so fast that I could barely keep up with him.

  Once we hit the fresh air, he pulled to a stop and took a huge inhale. I had no clue what to do, whether to comfort him or to leave him to calm down, all I knew was that the anger was practically seeping from every single one of his pores.

  I was about to offer a suggestion that we go somewhere quiet, when he pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around me. I wrapped mine around his waist under his jacket and listened to the sound of his rapidly beating heart. Every part of him was shaking with rage; aftershocks of the earthquake of his mother.

  “I hate her,” he whispered. “So much.”

  I didn’t speak but hugged him tighter and slowly rubbed a hand up and down his stiff spine. As people walked past, a few glanced at us, but in the most part they jostled us on the pavement while Charlie made no attempt to move and neither did I as my touch seemed to be slowly calming him down. Finally, he let out a long sigh and buried his nose in my hair.

  “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe she did that.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I replied, looking up at him with my chin resting on his chest. “You did nothing wrong and she was drunk, lots of people get drunk.”

  He shook his head. “Not like she does, every bloody day.” He looked down at me and lifted a hand to brush my hair from my face. “Can we go somewhere quiet? I think I need to tell you a few things.”

  “Of course, but you don’t have to.”

  “I want to.” He kissed the end of my nose. “Have you eaten?”

  “No, you like Chinese food?”

  “Yeah, the one on James Street is good.”

  “We’ll go there and then we can talk.”

  “I hope you still want to see me afterwards.” Charlie gave an empty laugh, but I could see there was no amusement in his eyes.

  “Hey,” I said and gave him a playful pinch on his side. “You saw my dad stark-bollock-naked, and you still wanted to see me again, so I reckon we’re quits, don’t you?”

  “I hope so,” he said on a really long sigh, “because I like you Willow, a hell of a lot.”

  I watched his handsome face and without his usual dimpled smile it made me feel strange, because even though I’d only known him a few days, I suddenly got the feeling that he’d hidden an awful lot of his sadness from me.

  “I like you too,” I replied. “Now, let’s go and eat and you can fill me in on your family and I promise you, I won’t judge.”

  I’d meant it as a joke, but the way Charlie’s eyes darkened made me realise a lot of people already did judge him or had in the past.

  “I hope so,” he said unfolding his arms from around me. “I really hope so.”

  Sex is like any other exercise. The more you do it the better you will become at it and the more you will enjoy it – although it’s probably best not to do it at the gym in between your squats.

  * * *

  Charlie

  “Are you okay?” Willow asked as she took my hand across the table.

  “Yeah.” I sighed heavily. “She’s such a fucking embarrassment.”

  “To be fair, we’re pretty much a pair together.” Willow laughed and let go of my hand as she sat back in her chair and watched the waitress in the Chinese restaurant that we’d escaped to, place our drinks on the table. “We both have hideous parents.”

  “Willow, your parents are perfectly fine. Okay, your dad chatting to me while naked is an image I’ll never forget, but they’re good people. Whereas Teresa, well she’s a drunken bitch who should have been sterilised at birth.”

  Willow gasped. “Charlie!”

  “Well it’s true. She doesn’t have one redeeming feature, not one.”

  “She can’t be that bad. You turned out okay – I think.”

  “Probably more by luck than judgement,” I replied as I returned her smile. “My Grandma was around a lot when we were kids.

  Willow picked up a prawn cracker and broke it in two before she popped half into her mouth. I watched her carefully as she chewed on it, her lips moving slightly as she dipped the other half into the small pot o
f sweet ‘n’ sour sauce on the table.

  “What are you looking at?” she asked, her concentration still on scooping up the thick, orange sauce onto her cracker.

  “How did you know I was?” I laughed, picked up a cracker for myself and put it into my mouth, whole.

  “I felt your eyes on me and did you just put a whole one in, in one go?”

  I nodded, unable to speak.

  “You think I can?” she asked and took another from the plate.

  I took a swig of my bottled beer and shook my head.

  “No, not that one.” I picked up a bigger cracker. “That one.”

  “That’s huge,” she exclaimed.

  “That’s what she said.”

  Willow’s eyes grew wide and instinctively lowered to my crotch, even though it was hidden by the table and its red cloth.

  “Go on then,” I urged. “Put it in your mouth.”

  Willow started to choke and laugh at the same time and reached for the glass of water which the waitress had poured.

  “You okay?” I grinned like an idiot, not one bit worried that she might choke to death in front of me.

  Willow nodded and placed a hand on her chest. “Yep,” she croaked. “It went down the wrong hole.”

  She gasped and I burst out laughing with Willow eventually joining in.

  “Thanks for the save by the way,” she finally said. “I was choking, and you sat there grinning.”

  She took another sip of water and smiled at me, her eyes shining over the rim of the glass.

  “Sorry. Next time I swear I’ll do the Heimlich manoeuvre on you.”

  “I bloody hope there isn’t a next time. A nice quiet date would be lovely, what with severed heads and near death by choking.”

  As she sat back in her seat and fanned herself, my eyes drank her in. Tonight, her hair was in a high bun on top of her head and all I could think about was how I’d love to lick up the length of her creamy smooth neck. She looked stunning, as usual, and I had to wonder what the hell she was doing with me; a man who took her out in a borrowed car, and who had a drunken embarrassment for a mother.