"Unbelievable!"
"There is more to the story. My dearest Jane was a direct descendant of Psyche, who in turn was a direct descendant of Helen of Troy. "
"I'm related to Psyche and Helen of Troy?"
"Indeed you are." A chill, and then a dread ran through her, as the implications of what the apparition was telling her began to sink in. "What Venus did was also done to prevent my dearest Jane from marrying, and passing Helen's beauty on to future generations. Fortunately, dearest Jane did not fall in love with Empire, because he died with me. Eventually she married, and because she did, Helen's beauty was passed along to you."
"Did Zeus discover what Venus had done?"
"Of course. And he was furious, because the British Empire was not the first empire that Goritch had destroyed. She had also destroyed the Grecian and Roman Empires, and it is rumored that, because of her, the Mongol hoards were able to overrun Asia and part of Europe in the 13th century. Destroying empires amuses her."
"Venus is like a malicious boy, playing god with a colony of ants. But why does she do it?"
"For starters, she is insane, but she also gets her jollies from toying with mortals. Gods live forever, and after a while, much of their daily routine is about as exciting as watching a snail race."
"How can the gods live forever?"
"Long ago, the gods learned how to halt telomere shortening. They are biologically and technologically far superior to us. Unfortunately for us, it's boring on Olympus. So changing the destiny of Earth's nations is a sport the gods love. Now, since Zeus' decree, they are afraid to play. The gods long to frolic on earth once more, but they fear the wrath of Zeus. All, that is, except for Goritch. She can't stay away from the sport."
"So what happened to Venus when Zeus discovered what she'd done to you?"
"Zeus told Goritch that if she ever again meddled in the lives of the earth mortals, she would be cast out of Olympus quicker than an alien abduction."
"There really are aliens?" Betty-Jo asked.
"There are no aliens, but there really are gods. In any event, to partially compensate me for what Goritch had done, Zeus gave me visiting privileges, but only in the form of this gray ghost that you see before you now."
"He can do that?"
"Zeus is powerful. The gods have valid reasons for calling him almighty Zeus."
"I'm impressed."
"Betty-Jo, I am not privy to all of the details, but in the spirit world it is common knowledge that Goritch is still seeking revenge for what she believes Paris did to her."
"I'm somewhat sympathetic. Paris ratted to Zeus about how Venus rigged the beauty contest."
"Paris did not rat, and the beauty contest was never rigged, although not for lack of trying. The gods have taken tampering and deceit to a whole new level."
"I thought Venus promised Paris the most beautiful of mortal women if she won the contest."
"She did, but the other two contestants—Hera, Zeus' wife and the Queen of Olympus, and Athena, the goddess of wisdom—also tried to sway the noble Paris."
"What did they offer him?"
"Hera promised to make him the ruler of Asia if he chose her, and Athena promised him supreme wisdom."
"I think I'd have gone for supreme wisdom, although ruler of Asia might have been fun. It would have been Princess Anastasia and me."
Lord Worthington gave Betty-Jo a disapproving head-shake. "You would not want to have ended up like poor Anastasia."
"So why did Paris choose Venus?"
"The offers of both Hera and Athena had more appeal for Paris than Venus' offer of the most beautiful mortal woman. Paris had been chosen to judge the beauty contest because he was the handsomest of men, and therefor assumed to be best qualified to judge feminine beauty."
Betty-Jo gave Lord Worthington her best miffed look. "As good a reason as any, I suppose."
"With his good looks and social position, Paris could have had almost any woman he wanted. But Paris could not be corrupted, he chose the goddess that he deemed to be the fairest. He chose the Gorgeous Bitch."
"I like honesty in a man."
"Honesty is a virtue in both sexes. But despite the honesty of his selection, the goddess of love insisted that Paris be rewarded for choosing her. The notion that someone could not be bribed was beyond Goritch's ability to comprehend."
Betty-Jo shook her head. "Why am I not surprised?"
"Nobel Paris had no intention of taking another man's wife, but when he beheld Helen's beauty, he was spellbound, unable to resist her."
"A ship launching enchantress named Helen really existed?"
"Helen was real alright—real enough to break Paris' heart when Menelaus took her back, after ten years of fighting. Paris begged Goritch to help him get Helen back, but she refused. In desperation, he reminded her that the Golden Apple was hers because she had promised him Helen. Zeus happened to overhear that part of their conversation."
"So Paris didn't snitch on Venus!" Betty-Jo was pleased. "I should have known he wouldn't."
"He never said a word to Zeus, but Goritch always thought that he was the informer. And Paris, when he finally realized that he could never get Helen back, married and had children. Your Bradley is Paris' direct descendant, his many-greats grandson."
Utter horror gripped Betty-Jo. "It's for revenge that Venus has befriended Brad—isn't it?"
"Undoubtedly. Goritch is driven by a twisted and vindictive mind set that even Dale Carnegie would be hard pressed to temper."
"Obviously, Venus isn't into winning friends," a gloomy Betty-Jo said.
"Remember, the gods live forever. They make plans over millennia, not over a lifetime as do mortals. It is known that Mercury is here on earth working for Goritch. It would seem that the winged messenger god still has the hots for her. She has used her considerable charms to make him defy Zeus, as he is rumored to have done when your mother died."
Betty-Jo was stunned. "My mother?"
"Rumor has it that when your mother died in the sailing mishap, Mercury was here on earth, and Eurus was with him."
"Eurus?"
"Eurus is the god of the perilous east wind."
"My mother was murdered?"
"I have no proof, but I suspect she was. Even though Mercury was the runt of the litter, and has no weapons of his own, he is a dangerous adversary. He can possess some mortals, he spreads falsehood and deceit, and occasionally, he is even able to coerce some of the other gods into helping him."
"But why would Venus have my mother murdered after I'd already been born? It doesn't make sense."
"Unless Goritch did it just for the fun of watching you suffer while she was waiting for you to turn nineteen, so she could kill you."
"Nobody could be that cruel and vindictive."
"Don't be too sure. Goritch has Mercury telling your Bradley tales of her rehabilitation. She has convinced him that she wants to make amends for past wrongs."
"I can't believe that! But she doesn't."
"Quite correct. She is having apoplexy over your beauty, and the adoration that you are receiving from male mortals. Many men still regard Goritch as the epitome of feminine beauty, and that is the way she wants it."
"The woman's in love with herself!"
"It's worse than that. Goritch is a very sick puppy—certifiably insane, but in a cunning sort of way. She had Marilyn Monroe removed, when Marilyn created too much competition for her. And now she has her heart set on removing you. Eliminating you gives her a three bager. She gets rid of the most beautiful woman in the universe, she also..."
"I'm the most beautiful woman in the universe?" Betty-Jo was incredulous.
"That is what the bookmakers are saying."
"What bookmakers?"
"Zeus has decreed, beginning in the year two thousand, and every century thereafter, that an all-universe beauty contest will be held to determine the fairest woman. The most beautiful earth mortal will be entered, and if she wins, she will be made immortal—
like Psyche was. Among those who like to wager on such events, you are the frontrunner. Goritch is a close second." Betty-Jo stared at Lord Worthington, horrified. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. "Of course if you win the All-Universe, the Golden Apple is yours."
"I'm a dead Tawny Cat."
"That is what I've been trying to tell you! And not just because trashing you ensures that Goritch will win the Golden Apple. Killing you also exacts her revenge on Paris, Psyche and Zeus."
"How does killing me hurt Zeus?"
"You are related to Zeus."
"Say what?"
"Back in the days of the ancient Greeks, Zeus had the hots for a beautiful goddess named Nemesis, but Nemesis despised him. In an attempt to deny Zeus, she turned herself into a goose."
"A silly goose. If she really wanted to discourage Zeus she should have turned herself into a porcupine. Nobody gets friendly with a porcupine, without permission."
"You are right. That is what Nemesis should have done, because Zeus promptly turned himself into a swan, and had her. From that union came an egg, and from that egg came the exquisite Helen."
"Helen of Troy was Zeus' daughter?"
"No gum sticks to your bum," the gray ghost said.
He's lost it. "No gum sticks to your bum? What's that all about?"
"Forget it. A saying on Olympus."
"So I'm related not only to Psyche and Helen, but to Zeus as well—and Venus knows that."
"Right."
"If I'm related to Psyche, does that make me a princess?"
"Not in Britain. In Britain you only get to be a real princess for three generations, but perhaps you qualify to be an American princess."
"I'm afraid not. We don't have princesses."
"You don't have kings either, but few would dispute that Elvis was king."
Betty-Jo laughed. "It doesn't matter. I'm Brad's fairytale princess, and that's more than enough for me."
"The gods consider you to be a princess," the gray ghost said. "They pass titles on in perpetuity. They refer to you as Princess Betty-Jo."
"Princess Betty-Jo." She tried it on for size. "I think I could get used to that."
"Well, Princess Betty-Jo, you should also get used to the idea that if Goritch succeeds in killing you, she will also succeed in destroying America."
"Destroying America? Killing me will only reduce the number of Americans by one."
"You are wrong. Have you heard of Nostradamus?"
"Didn't he make predictions about the future?"
"With a little help from Zeus. Back in the sixteenth century, Zeus was feeling sorry for the earth mortals, as they struggled with ongoing wars and economic depression. So to help them out, he passed along a few visions to Michel de Notredame, otherwise known as Nostradamus. He, in turn, revealed Zeus' prescience in his writing."
"So did Nostradamus' prophesies come to pass?"
"Those prophesies included the advent of the French Revolution, the coming of Napoleon, the rise to power of Hitler, the Camelot period of the three Kennedy brothers—including the untimely deaths of two of them—the destruction of Paris when the Russians and the Arabs join forces, and the rise to military and economic might of Empire China, in the twenty-first century. As you know, the first four of those prophecies have come to pass."
"Will the last two prophecies also be fulfilled?"
"As far as I know the destruction of Paris is assured. I'm only guessing, but it appears that Iraq, Iran, or some other terrorist sympathizer is going to get hold of some of the Russian plutonium that is floating around on the black market. The combination of Russian plutonium and bomb making expertise from the Internet will result in a mushroom shaped cloud over Paris."
"But why Paris? Everybody loves Paris."
"I do not know," the gray ghost said." Maybe the bomb makers will be into extortion. But there may be an even more sinister reason. Is it a coincidence that Paris will be destroyed, and that the mortal Goritch hates most was also named Paris?"
A shiver ran rampant through Betty-Jo. "Venus would destroy the City of Lights for revenge? I don't believe it. Even Hitler spared Paris."
"Given Goritch's lust for revenge, who knows to what depths she might sink. But if you make it out of Flushing Meadow alive, I suggest that you stay away from the French Open at Roland Garros. Stade Roland Garros is just down the street from the Eiffel Tower."
"Lord Worthington, could you give me a minute? I want to call the Psychic Hotline for a second opinion."
"Now I know why so many Chinese are killing their newborn females."
"So what does nuking Paris have to do with me?
"Nothing. Unless you happen to be there when the bomb is detonated. If Goritch fails to eliminate you at Flushing Meadow, I suspect that she will do her best to toast you in Paris."
"Will she ever give up?"
"No. Because you have the power to stop Empire China's quest for world domination. As you live, or as you die, so too do the democracies of the free world."
"Tell me you're kidding."
"I am not kidding. It is foretold in Nostradamus' writings that Empire China's quest for world domination can only be thwarted by one man—the son you have yet to conceive."
"My son can thwart Empire China?"
"A very powerful Empire China. The destruction of the Statue of Liberty replica at Tiananmen Square, in 1989, was just a warm-up for the main event—Empire China's soon to arrive leader, Emperor Kahn."
"Emperor Kahn?"
"Emperor Kahn is a barbarian the likes of which the word has never known. He will have a massive nuclear strike capability, and the support of the Chinese masses, who, tragically, are endowed with the great flaw."
"What great flaw?" Betty-Jo asked.
"A willingness to blindly follow those in authority."
"Tiananmen Square wasn't the result of blind following."
"Emperor Kahn will fear freedom, or as he will label it, spiritual pollution. In his relentless search for enemies, all western nations will be regarded as imperialist foreign devils, who are denying Empire China her rightful place at the zenith of the world order."
"That paranoid Kahn would be well advised to recall what J. F. K. said about Americans. He said, we Americans are 'willing to pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship...to assure the survival and the success of liberty.' If Kahn understood that he'd think twice before he tangled with us."
"Betty-Jo, you must understand that Emperor Kahn is humankind's most malignant adversary. Let me give you just one example. There were always women available after his conquests in Hades, so he didn't carry provisions for his troops."
"His soldiers ate the women?"
"If they were not eaten, they bred."
"My God!"
"Emperor Kahn thrives on terror. He will ruthlessly subjugate his own people, and then he will enslave the peoples of the free-world nations. With his nuclear might and the use of eugenics, he will bully the free world into accepting his paranoia as the new reality. Do you know what eugenics is?"
She grinned. "How much is this for?"
"Maybe it is just as well that you have a sense of humor, because if you live, you are going to need it. Eugenics is the science that deals with producing good offspring in humans. That can be done in two ways: prevent unfit humans from breeding, or breed humans with desirable genetic traits. China has already implemented a eugenics program which uses both approaches. Even now, China has laws which prohibit the mentally ill, and other undesirables, from marrying, and the Chinese leadership has recently begun to upgrade the quality of their citizens by selectively breeding them."
"Unbelievable!"
"And with Emperor Kahn's arrival, Empire China will dramatically increase its selective breeding programs, and move heavily into genetic engineering and cloning. Empire China will become a nation of supermen and superwomen."
"It sounds as if Emperor Kahn was born fubared."
"Fubared?"
"Fucked up beyon
d all repair."
"Now you know why Emperor Kahn is called the King of Terror. If you are wondering how he will pull off world domination, you should understand that China's weapons capability is increasing rapidly, thanks to the efforts of thousands of unemployed Russian scientists. And, no doubt, you are aware that a vast amount of manufacturing capacity has already been relocated from America to China. Before long, most of your military weapons will also be manufactured in China—cost reduction reasons."
"Why are we being so stupid?"
"That is a good question, because when Emperor Kahn seizes power, he will nationalize everything. You Americans will face an empire of supermen who are physically and intellectually superior to you, an empire with five times your population, an empire with most of the world's weapon production capability, and an empire with an arsenal of weapons that is much larger, and more technologically advanced than yours. One nuclear warhead on New York will be message enough for you."
"You make it sound as if we're done for, that nothing can be done to stop this Emperor Kahn barbarian."
"Your son, if given the opportunity, is the only person who can stop Emperor Kahn. But first he must be conceived, and then, he must become the American President. In order for that to happen, you must live. And your survival has a very low expectancy, given that Venus has sworn to see you dead."
"Why does it have to be my son who bells the barbarian?"
"He will bring a number of necessary character traits to the Presidency: honesty, integrity, commitment, love of America, and a damn the torpedoes determination when he believes he is right. He will take Emperor Kahn back to hades, from whence he came."
"That is too much."
"The future of the free world is in your hands, or should I say, in your womb. Flee Betty-Jo, flee!" Lord Worthington's ghost wavered, and then faded away.
Betty-Jo pinched herself to make sure she was really awake. Then she woke Brad and told him Lord Worthington's incredible tale.
"Let's check out this gray ghost of yours on the Internet," Brad said. Then he booted up his laptop.... "Your gray ghost is real alright. Damn it! From the first moment I saw you, I was afraid that chancing upon Betty-Jo Chance was something other than a miracle."
The American Princess - Best Love Story Ever Page 27