Now she had the confirmation she was waiting for: her article would be published.
She was elated, and needed to share her joy. “Travis. Hi! I did it – they’re publishing my article. To celebrate, you can come over for lunch if you like.”
Travis sounded elated. “I’m leaving now, in case you change your mind. Bye.”
He rang off, and Marissa instinctively knew he wasn’t given her a chance to change her mind.
Travis brought the car to a gradual stop.
Taking a deep breath, he slowly walked the few steps to the front door. He’d have to take things slow – Marissa’s moods were all over the place.
They’d been going out for close on two months, and still he couldn’t reach her.
What could have happened to cause her all this distress? He needed to find a way to get it all out in the open – to exorcise her demons.
So far he’d failed dismally – she just wouldn’t let her guard down. Travis ran his fingers through his hair, then looked up to see Marissa standing at the open door, staring at him.
“Hey, Babe.” He reached out, running his hands down her arms.
“Babe? No way – don’t call me Babe.” She was scowling at him now.
Marissa dragged him through the door. “You’re drenched. What were you thinking, standing in the rain like that?”
Travis lifted his hand to his face. “Rain?” He was so consumed with his thoughts, and hadn’t noticed the rain.
Marissa looked so happy today – possibly the happiest Travis had ever seen her. But her eyes – they were still shrouded with worry and turmoil. Whatever it was, he was determined to rid her of it forever.
Travis clapped his hands together. “Right. Rain.” Marissa began to dry his face with a soft towel – it felt good. It was nice to be with her again.
He reached out and covered her hands as she continued to dry him off. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, as he moved closer. Cupping her face with his hands, Travis lightly covered her mouth with his lips. Pulling back, he slid his fingers to her lips, and traced their outline. Her muscles tensed beneath his touch, and Travis raised his brows in question.
“Lunch.” She lifted her hands and gently covered each of his.
Travis felt his heartbeat accelerate. You’re acting like a damned teenager, he told himself.
“We’re supposed to be celebrating.” Marissa started to back off, but Travis held her back.
“I am celebrating. Want to join me?” he asked, as his hands slid to her buttocks.
Marissa slapped at his hands, and Travis let go, but moved forward and kissed her neck.
“Don’t tell me,” he continued to nibble – “that you,” his hands slid to her blouse – “don’t like this.”
Marissa’s breathing quickened and her face was flushed. She’d long ago slipped her arms around his waist. “Aren’t you hungry?” She wrenched his hands away and tried to re-fasten her now open blouse.
Travis stared down at her lacy white bra, and his gaze rested on her cleavage.
“Really, Travis! You are so juvenile sometimes.” Marissa continued to cover herself as she turned and walked toward the kitchen.
Travis stood at the kitchen door staring at the spread Marissa had prepared.
She avoided his enquiring eyes.
“So when did you have time to do all this?” He flung his arm out and pointed to the food Marissa had carefully laid out. “Spaghetti bol, salad, apple pie – and don’t tell me it’s out of a can. I know home-made when I see it.”
Marissa was annoyed – what damned business was it of his, what she does?
She looked up to see him staring at her.
“I thought you were too busy working? At least that’s what you told me.”
Marissa could feel the heat creep into her cheeks. She’d have to tell him.
He stood with his hands on his hips. A silent demand, she guessed.
“I had another phone call from my mum last night.” She dragged her gaze away from him, choosing instead, to stare at the floor. “She always wants to talk about Jeremy.”
Travis stepped toward her, and gently lifted her chin, forcing Marissa to face him. His brows were raised in question.
“I cook when I’m depressed,” she explained.
Travis brushed her cheek with his fingers, and his touch almost scorched her skin.
It would be so easy just to drown in his affection. To forget about the rest of the world, to never have to think again, never have to cry again.
Marissa moved forward and rested her head against his shoulder, sliding her arms around his waist.
She felt his hands come up around her back. He felt so good; she didn’t want to move. Ever.
He lifted his hand and tucked her hair behind her ear, then kissed her gently on the cheek. “Want to talk about it?”
His voice was soft, comforting, and it would have been so easy to say yes. Marissa licked her lips. This was hard – so hard. He deserved better than this. Travis had been so kind to her; so patient, and what had she done in return? She’d deceived him, that’s what.
Why would he stay with her? She’d done nothing but lie to him – well, not quite lie – just not told the entire truth.
She’d let him think...
It wasn’t her fault what he thought. If he went around jumping to conclusions, she couldn’t be held responsible. Could she?
Marissa shifted her weight, still leaning against Travis’ shoulder. She glanced up to find him watching her. His gaze almost burned her, it was so intense.
“All right, Babe?” She’d just ignore the ‘Babe’ – for now.
“Sure.” She looked up at him and smiled. “Let’s have lunch.”
Travis sat back on the sofa and patted his belly. “You are a great cook. That was a delicious meal.” He looked across at Marissa, sitting opposite. She was certainly depressed this afternoon. What could he do to lighten her mood?
Marissa reached up and rubbed her forehead with her fingertips.
“Headache?” She nodded, and Travis moved to behind Marissa’s chair and began massaging her shoulders. “You’re muscles are knotted up – I don’t know how you’re not having migraines.”
Marissa leaned back into the chair. Good, she was beginning to relax. But now he couldn’t massage her shoulders properly.
“Don’t take this the wrong way.”
Marissa turned her head to look at him.
“Why don’t we move into the bedroom.” He quickly added, “It would be easier to massage you on the bed.”
She agreed, and he followed her into the other room.
Marissa lay belly down, with Travis balanced precariously beside her. He’d found some towels, and some cooking oil. He warmed the oil between his hands the way his sister had taught him, and began to rub it all over Marissa’s back.
She had reluctantly removed her blouse, and Travis had covered her with a towel. Now he was really beginning to see the results of his patience; Marissa was starting to really trust him.
His hands moved gently along her spine, and then kneaded the muscles of her shoulders and neck. Marissa groaned intermittently and Travis smiled. She was so wound up.
“How’s that?” he asked. “I’m not hurting you, am I? My sister says I have to be more gentle, that I’m a ruffian.” He chuckled. “I’m not really though, am I?”
Marissa didn’t respond. “Marissa?”
Travis leaned forward. She was sound asleep. He gently patted the excess oil from her back, and then covered her with a blanket.
Travis lay on the bed next to her, watching her sleep. Over a period of time, he watched a variety of expressions come over her face. She tossed and turned, flung her arms around, and even cried out.
Perspiration formed on her forehead and above her lip. Marissa tensed her fists, her jaw, screamed Jeremy’s name, and then relaxed.
Did she do this every night? No wonder she was tired.
When she settled, T
ravis lay back and drifted into a light sleep himself. He was lying on lush grass, the sun was shining, and it was warming his face, his body, and his heart. Marissa was there beside him. He was kissing her, more importantly she was kissing him back. His arms were wrapped around her, his hands softly stroking her breast. They were alone, totally alone, not a soul in sight.
Her heart piercing screams woke him.
Marissa sat up, screaming, sobbing, and shaking. Travis pulled her against him, stroking her hair, talking quietly to her, trying to calm her.
He looked at her questioningly, but Marissa gave nothing away. He held her tight, not willing to let go. Marissa sobbed until she could sob no more.
Travis pulled the blanket up around her now bare shoulders. “Marissa,” he spoke her name quietly.
She frowned. Had she guessed what he was about to ask?
“Tell me about Jeremy.”
“I— I don’t think I can.” Travis reached out and brushed her cheek with his fingers, then leaned forward and lightly kissed it.
“Try?”
She shook her head vigorously, and Travis could see he was just upsetting her again. Would she ever open her heart to him?
He didn’t push her, instead he made them a hot drink, and they sat in a companionable silence while they drank.
“I want to go for a walk.” Her words came out of the blue, startling him.
Marissa was over her distress of earlier. It was getting late, and the light was dimming.
“Now?”
Marissa looked at him with pleading eyes. What could he do? He couldn’t say no when she looked at him like that. “On one condition,” He had to warn her of the dangers. “That you never, ever, go out there alone.”
“Never, ever?” She was teasing him, just like he did so often with her.
“Never, ever. There is a walking path not far from here. In fact, if Daniel had a back gate, you would nearly be there.”
Those pleading eyes again.
“Oh, all right. Come on, get your coat.”
***
She had to get out. She was feeling stifled, closed in. It was as though she hadn’t been outside for years.
Marissa stood with Travis in the midst of the forest, breathing deeply. The foliage here was dense. Its fragrance, the essence of nature, overwhelmed her. This was living. This was what life was all about.
Marissa wrapped her arms around herself and spun around.
He probably thought she was mad. She had her eyes closed. She didn’t want to look at him; he was probably watching her intently, like he did sometimes. Like when she acted a little crazy.
Crazy was all right sometimes, wasn’t it? A person couldn’t be refined and sane all the time, could they?
Then again, was she ever refined and sane? Perhaps not.
She opened her eyes slowly. There he was, staring at her. Laughing at her. Marissa didn’t care. She needed to feel free. Free from life, free from the world, free from... Jeremy.
There he goes again, slipping into my brain.
“Leave me the hell alone!” Marissa screamed it out, and then ran off into the bushes.
She took him by surprise. What the hell was she playing at? What had she meant? She didn’t mean him, that much he understood. It was that damned Jeremy again. He was sure of it.
“Marissa.” He called her name. He couldn’t see her; she’d run so quickly out of sight. “Marissa!” He could hear the urgency in his own voice. If he didn’t find her fast, she could get lost out here – it was nearly dark.
What the hell had he been thinking, bringing her here at this hour of the night? Yes, it had been her idea, and yes, he gave into her pleading eyes. So, yes, it was his fault. “Marissa! For God’s sake, where are you?”
He heard the breaking of twigs not far ahead. “Marissa?” He turned to see a fox scampering deeper into the bushes. Damn.
He had to find her. He spun around as he heard a sound.
“Travis!” Thank God. He would never have lived with himself if anything had happened to her.
He couldn’t continue to exist without her. What did he do before she came into his life? He barely survived; he thought he was alive before, that was just a fallacy. Life with Marissa was living, really living.
They stood in the near-darkness, just holding each other. Travis had never been so petrified in his entire life.
She was shaking, still terrified from her ordeal, and he wasn’t much better. He couldn’t leave her alone. Not now.
Not ever.
“Come home with me. I have to go and feed Jonah, but I don’t want to leave you here alone.” It was an excuse, merely an excuse, and Marissa probably saw through it.
She scrutinized him, and he felt almost violated. He deserved it, letting her go like that. Taking her into the damned forest to get lost.
Daniel hadn’t told him she was like this – terrified, lonely, and sporadic. Maybe if he had, things would be different.
Probably not, Travis decided. Can’t go blaming poor Daniel, who’s thousands of miles away. This, Travis Johnston, is your own damned fault he scolded himself. Just tell the girl you love her and be done with it. That way, she might settle down. She also might tell you what the hell is eating her up.
Jonah was at the backdoor waiting. He rubbed himself up against Marissa’s leg, as if she was the one who fed him.
“Traitor,” Travis told him as he unlocked the door.
Marissa hadn’t seen Jonah for ages, but he still seemed to recognize her. She leaned down and patted his soft fur.
“Meeeooooooow,” he responded. Travis held the door ajar, and Jonah scampered in.
Marissa stood in the open doorway. She shivered as a chill went through her, and Travis reached out and rubbed his hand across her back.
She was really glad Travis had invited her over. She didn’t want to be alone tonight. Jeremy was even invading her days now; he’d gotten to her in the forest.
She’d tried to get away, but he stayed with her, always with her. It was fruitless; Jeremy would always haunt her, forever haunt her, and Marissa knew it.
How could she explain to Travis? It was bad enough having to think about it, let alone talk about it.
She was still standing in the doorway; Travis’ voice broke into her thoughts.
“I said,” he was telling her, apparently not for the first time, “what would you like for dinner?”
“Huh?” Concentrate, Marissa, concentrate, she warned herself. “Dinner? Don’t worry about me, just fix Jonah up.” She shrugged her shoulders. What was wrong with her? She hadn’t heard a thing he’d said. Was she in shock? Could a person go into shock without that person knowing it?
Marissa helped with the feeding of Jonah, then put on the jug at Travis’ request. He wanted her to have a bath, or a shower. Said it would make her feel better.
Make her feel better? Nothing would make her feel better. At least, not until Jeremy left her alone – let her get on with her life.
She felt his arm slip around her shoulders, but knew it was imagination. Ghosts aren’t solid – you can’t feel ghosts.
“Are you all right, Marissa?” It was Travis’ voice. Thank God – it was Travis. Perhaps she wasn’t going mad, after all.
“I, I think maybe I should have that shower.” What made her think a shower would make everything all right again, she didn’t know. But Travis seemed to think it would help, and at this point in time, she was willing to try anything.
She folded her clothes in a neat little pile and placed them on the bathroom stool.
Marissa stepped into the large shower cubicle. Travis had a nice place. He even had a spa-bath. How she’d love to own a spa; to climb into the gently bubbling water at night, full of relaxing salts or oils – whenever she felt like it. She’d soak for hours. At least, until the water cooled down. Yes, a spa would be lovely.
The hot water sprayed on her face, and trickled down her shoulders, onto her back and legs. It felt wonderful, ca
scading over her like that.
The pressure must be better in this part of town. She couldn’t get this sort of spray at Daniel’s place.
“Mrffsa.” What was that? “Marissa.” Loud and clear this time.
Marissa stuck her head around the shower door, keeping her naked body covered.
“Travis?” What was he doing in here?
“I forgot to give you a towel.” He stepped into the bathroom, and his eyes drifted toward her. “It sure is steamy in here.” Travis flicked on the exhaust fan.
Marissa watched him walk over to the stool and drop a thick towel on top of her clothes. “You can go now,” she told him, but noticed him staring.
What did he look like without those clothes, she wondered. What would it be like, making love to him? What would it be like, making love to him on that fluffy rug in front of a roaring fire? Marissa was getting aroused just thinking about it. She’d never had these kinds of thoughts about Travis before. Or had she, and she’d tried to deny it?
It was time to take control of her life, her destiny.
The steam had cleared, and so had the shower screen. Travis stood rigid, couldn’t drag his eyes away. God, she was beautiful.
“You have two choices – one, get the hell out of here, or two; climb in with me.”
Did he hear her correctly? “What did you say?” He shook his head. No way – she didn’t invite him into her shower.
“I said, get the hell out of here, or climb in with me.”
Travis slowly began to unbutton his shirt. Had he taken leave of his senses? Could this be seen as taking advantage? Would she hate him in the morning – would he hate himself in the morning?
He stood stripped of every piece of clothing – Marissa had watched him undress. It felt right somehow. As though it was the most natural thing to do. With her – only with her.
He opened the shower door and stepped in. Marissa had her hair tied back, to keep it dry. He preferred it down – but it suited her this way too.
What the hell was he thinking? He was in the shower with a naked woman, with Marissa, and he’s thinking about her hair?
A Winter Sabbatical (Books We Love holiday romance) Page 5