How many times had he stood here in this very spot and done this very same thing? And how many times had he seen, really seen, all these things?
Rarely – Marissa had opened his eyes to his surroundings. Marissa had taught him to live.
Travis looked up at the sky. Dark clouds were moving in – soon it would be raining.
Marissa had replaced his ring on her finger practically the second they walked in the door. Now all they had to do was work out the fine details for the wedding.
He was roused from his thoughts when Marissa’s hands went up around his body.
She stood behind him, and Travis placed his hands on hers. “Sleep well?”
“Best for ages.” Marissa twisted around to face him, then brushed her lips lightly across Travis’.
Placing his hands on her shoulders, he could feel the tension. Her muscles were all twisted up.
“A spa,” he told her, “would make a world of difference.”
When Marissa walked into the bathroom, she could hardly see through the steam. Travis had forgotten to turn on the exhaust fan.
He added something to the water apparently; bubbles were floating on top.
She breathed deeply. The fragrance filled her nostrils, filled her whole being. What was it? Lavender? No, not lavender, geranium, that’s what it was – the fragrance of beautiful flowers.
Marissa removed her clothes and carefully folded them, placing them on the bathroom stool. She then removed her jewelry and sat it on top of the clothing.
She checked the water temperature with her foot, and then climbed in, gradually moving down under the water until her entire body was submersed.
Marissa sighed. The water eased her tired muscles, and helped her to relax. Travis had set the switch so that tiny streams of water pushed against her, gently pummeling her arms, her legs, shoulders, her whole body in fact.
She leaned against the edge of the spa, molding herself into it, and relaxed. Marissa closed her eyes. She listened to the soft sound of the bubbles, and breathed once more, the fragrance of geranium.
She lifted her hand and let the water run slowly through her fingers. It was soft, silky, and nice to touch. Marissa felt like she was living a dream. This wasn’t happening, couldn’t be happening. The events of the day hadn’t happened. How could she put Jeremy out of her mind, out of her life, despite what Frank and Anne had said, had done?
She lifted her hand to her face, brushing her fingers against her cheek. What made her think she could rid herself of the pain, the sorrow, the emptiness that she had felt since Jeremy’s death?
But she had to do just that. She had to start anew. Marissa had to live her life, she shouldn’t, couldn’t, just exist, not if she wanted to keep her sanity.
If she wanted to keep Travis, she had to move on.
***
Marissa took a deep breath.
She stood in her bra and panties. What should she wear?
It was to be a small gathering. Just some close friends and family. Travis had arranged everything – the food, the cake, and the invitations. Everything.
He was an angel, an organized angel, unlike herself – she couldn’t even organise herself to get her novel finished.
So, what should she wear? It wasn’t a formal party; more a ‘meet the parents and friends’ get together.
Okay, so it was their engagement party. Her engagement party, and she didn’t want to go. There. She’d finally admitted it. She should have just told him.
Told him what? See, it’s like this, Travis. I don’t want to go to our engagement party. I don’t want to meet your parents, and don’t want you to meet mine.
Sure – that would go down well.
Maybe the truth would be better – I don’t want to face everyone knowing they could be thinking: how could she do this so soon after Jeremy’s death.
Marissa couldn’t breathe, her chest was tight, she couldn’t think straight, and she definitely couldn’t breathe. She would probably die because of it. Okay, she admitted, she was panicking.
She leaned forward and put her hands on her knees, taking tiny breaths, trying to take in some oxygen.
Now she was hyperventilating. Great!
Slow, steady breaths, she told herself. Try to breathe normally. This wasn’t like her, she didn’t normally have panic attacks.
She thought back to that day with Jeremy’s parents. Perhaps she did after all.
The bedroom door opened.
She could see Travis’ reflection in the full-length mirror. He was frowning. She watched his reflection walking toward her.
He put his hand on her back, gently moving it in circles.
“Take some slow breaths,” he told her. “Everything will be all right.”
She raised her eyebrows at him. “I – don’t – think – so.”
He eased her backward onto the bed, and lay Marissa down. She lay there for a minute then pushed herself into a sitting position, still trying to breathe.
Travis slid himself behind her and began to massage her shoulders. “Tell me what’s bothering you.” It felt so nice, with his hands moving over her shoulders and neck. She could actually feel her muscles relaxing, unwinding. Her breathing gradually became normal again.
Marissa twisted her head around and looked him in the eye. “I can’t face them. They’ll tell me it’s too soon.” It was that simple.
Travis felt his heart give a little twist. When would her suffering be over?
He moved next to Marissa, to the other side of her, so that he could hold her close. “It’s been over a year now. No one will judge you.” Marissa leaned her head against his chest. It felt nice, wonderful in fact, to hold her like this. He loved to be with her, to touch her, to be near her. But he wanted her to be happy.
Marissa looked up at him. “How can you be sure?” Her eyes seemed to be challenging him, wanting proof, assurance, and a guarantee that he just couldn’t give.
“There are no magical answers,” he told her in a low voice. “But one thing’s for sure, if you don’t show, I’m going to look one hell of a fool standing there by myself,” he grinned, “giving a speech about the woman I love, when she isn’t even there!”
Marissa laughed, and Travis felt relieved. He sure would have looked like a numbskull having to tell everyone the party was cancelled.
It was late. She’d been sitting out on the veranda for over an hour.
She could hear the music from out there, and the air was chilly, but she wasn’t ready to go inside yet.
Travis had been great. He’d let her be. Let her have the space she needed. And boy, did she need space right now.
It wasn’t like she didn’t want to be with Travis. She loved Travis, wanted to be with him, and wanted to bear his children.
Jonah had curled up on her lap and promptly went to sleep. And it wouldn’t be right to move him, would it?
Marissa heard yet another car pull up out the front, and was tempted to go inside.
Why did they bother to tell anyone? Couldn’t they just stay wrapped in their own little cocoon, leaving the world behind, blocking out everything, everyone?
Jonah stirred as Marissa wrapped the blanket further around herself. Life really wasn’t meant to be easy, she decided, then took a deep breath and went inside.
Marissa made her entrance holding Jonah.
If that was what it took to calm her nerves, then that was fine, Travis told himself.
It was difficult, almost impossible in fact, but he’d forced himself to stay away, to let her get her head together before coming inside.
He stood as she entered the room, and walked toward her, hands outreached. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, and was certain they’d also be on Marissa.
Apart from the music, silence filled the room, and he closed the gap between them as quickly as possible.
The muttered voices resumed again, almost as quickly as they’d stopped, and Travis breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t want Maris
sa upset, spooked, unhappy, and if he had to, he’d send everyone home.
Don’t get paranoid again, he warned himself, when his imagination started to run on a course of its own.
He’d spent a lot of the evening getting to know Marissa’s parents, Richard and Ellen, and explained about recent events. It was important to Travis that they liked him, trusted him, and that they understood how he felt about Marissa.
After the accident, they explained, a blanket of protection had been thrown around her. Everyone wanted to look out for her, to make everything all right again.
Well they hadn’t, Travis decided, and only he had allowed Marissa to do the one thing she needed desperately to do. And that was to grieve.
He’d asked them to give her some space, to keep the past in the past.
They understood, they’d said. Of course they understood; they went through it all too. Not as much as Marissa, naturally, but Jeremy was to be their son-in-law. Now he, Travis, would be their son-in-law. Jeremy was Marissa’s fiancé, now he, Travis, was her fiancé.
He felt a tiny shiver go through him. He’d never thought about it that way before.
Marissa smiled at him and reached out to him with one hand. Travis kissed her on the cheek. Jonah jumped out of her arms and landed gracefully on the carpet.
“Okay?” Travis asked, trying not to look concerned.
“Fine.” She smiled and Travis felt relieved, but when he looked into her eyes, he noticed tiny lines surrounded them.
Travis led Marissa onto the makeshift dance floor; he’d cleared a space in what was once the bar in the old pub – now the family room.
He pulled Marissa to him and they moved to the slow rhythm of Unchained Melody – her favorite song – which played softly in the background.
Their fingers intertwined, and Travis brushed a light kiss along Marissa’s lips, his other hand resting just above the small of her back. She sighed, then molded herself to his body.
No, she wasn’t as unperturbed as she appeared.
Everyone was clapping – Travis had just finished his speech.
Her parents seemed to like him, and she liked his parents, although Travis’ mother seemed to still be deciding about her. But, they do say no mother thinks there’s a girl good enough for her son.
And she’d got to meet Shelley, Travis’ sister – the one that taught him about massage. Smart girl.
Marissa really liked Shelley. They got on well. And Travis hit it off with her brother, Ralph. Poor boy, he’d never forgiven their parents for that name. It was a family name, their father had insisted, and must be carried on. Ralph was the one who had to put up with the sneers, not their father.
It was pretty obvious to Marissa that Travis’ family were from money, just from the way they dressed. She should have realized just from the fact that Travis had been left this beautiful old house by his grandfather.
His mother, Elizabeth had talked about a huge wedding, but his father had seemed indifferent.
Neither Marissa nor Travis wanted that. They both wanted it to be very informal, much like their engagement party, with just close friends and relatives. Travis had assured her they would get what they wanted.
Marissa wasn’t so sure.
***
It was dark, pitch black, the sky was speckled with stars, and the air was crisp.
Marissa sat on the back step, a blanket wrapped around herself and with Jonah on her knee.
“A penny for them.” Travis stood casually in the doorway watching her. He could hear Jonah purring from where he stood. That cat was so spoilt lately, Travis decided.
Marissa turned to face him and the moonlight bounced off her eyes.
“It’s just beautiful.” Marissa turned back to the skyline.
“Beautiful?” It was not exactly how he would have described it – tranquil, serene, relaxing maybe. Beautiful was not a word he would have used. Still, it was peaceful, and Travis could fully understand why Marissa liked to sit out there whenever she got the chance.
The sky was almost like an artist’s palette, with splashes of color here and there, different hues streaked across the sky, and the sun had begun its decent toward the horizon. He could certainly understand why Marissa would enjoy sitting out there.
“Do you always have to answer with a question?” Her smile lit up her face against the moonlit backdrop.
“Isn’t that what you just did?” His laughter bubbled to the surface, and Marissa laughed with him.
As Travis sat down, he handed Marissa a glass of champagne. “To love, life and happiness.” He clinked his glass against Marissa’s.
She took a tiny sip of the bubbling contents, and then brushed at her nose as the bubbles tickled her. “To us,” she laughed.
Travis looked at her over the rim of his glass. What was she thinking? She looked happy enough, but was she really? Or was he being paranoid again?
The evening had gone without a hitch. Once she’d come inside that was. Perhaps their visit with the Saunders had finally laid Jeremy to rest. “To inner peace.” He clinked their glasses together again.
Marissa closed her eyes briefly. Travis held his breath. Perhaps he’d gone too far this time.
She opened her eyes and smiled. “To inner peace and a renewed life.”
He slipped his arm around Marissa’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “I know I haven’t said it much.”
Marissa turned to look at him, her brows furrowed.
“But I want you to know how much I love you.”
She spread her hands in front of her. “This much?” she asked, a grin creeping across her mouth.
“Uh, uh.”
She widened her hands. “This much?”
“More.” Minx.
“This much?” Marissa spread her arms as wide as they would go, spilling her champagne over Travis.
They both burst into uncontrollable laughter, with Travis almost rolling about on the steps. When their laughter finally subsided, Travis pulled Marissa close again, his fingers roving down her cheek, her neck, her shoulder and came to rest on her hands. Their fingers entwined, and Travis moved in to claim her mouth.
Marissa lifted her hand to Travis’ cheek, her other hand resting on his chest. Travis felt his breathing quicken, and pushed himself closer to Marissa until her breasts were tight up against him.
He moved sideways on the step as he began to slowly undress her, and then leaned even further into her.
“Reeeeeoooooow!”
Marissa looked at Travis wide-eyed. “Poor Jonah,” she said, pulling the blanket up around her shoulders, and straightening her disheveled clothes, standing, staring after him into the night.
Travis shrugged his shoulders and joined Marissa as she tried to find Jonah. He suddenly reached down and lifted Marissa up, letting the blanket drop to the ground.
He felt her arm slip around his neck, and Marissa’s other hand came up and cupped his face, then she ran her fingers along his five o’clock shadow. God, it felt good when she did that.
“You need a shave,” she whispered. Marissa looked at him and their eyes locked.
What was she thinking? He wanted to kiss her, longed to kiss her. Marissa just stared at him, what was the matter with her?
He felt a few spots of rain on his face, then a sudden downpour.
“You do realize it’s raining, don’t you?” She was shouting, trying to make herself heard over the almost torrential rain.
A clap of thunder shuddered through the sky, and Marissa gripped him tighter. “Not afraid, are you?” he asked, surprised when she nodded.
Travis turned toward the house, and a bolt of lightning struck not far away. Marissa’s startled cry encouraged him to go inside.
Low embers were burning in the fireplace, and Travis threw some twigs on them to get it going again. They were both drenched, totally and utterly saturated, and Travis stole a sideways glance, reveling in the way her clothes now clung to her body.
Marissa shivered
as she pulled off her clothes, her long hair dripping relentlessly into a puddle around her feet.
“Towels. We need towels,” Travis said, running toward the bathroom. Well, der, that’s obvious! Why did he always have to put his foot in his mouth?
When he returned, Marissa had stripped off most of her clothes, and was wearing only her bra and panties.
Travis threw some small logs on the fire, and then stripped off his shirt. Marissa unclipped her bra. Travis removed his trousers.
His groin flew into action.
***
The fire was warm, inviting, but a shower would be even nicer.
She was chilled to the bone, and so was Travis. Still, that hadn’t stopped him becoming unabashedly aroused.
She’d watched him discard his wet clothes, watched the water drip from his dark hair. His muscles rippled as he’d thrown his clothes to the floor. Something deep inside her responded.
Their eyes locked; she licked her lips. The flames roared; she stood glued to the spot. Thunder clapped and Marissa yelped.
Travis threw her a towel, then dragged Marissa to the bathroom for a shower.
***
The water was hot, almost burning her skin at first, but once she’d warmed a little, it wasn’t so bad.
She let the water roll down over her body, hitting her face, saturating her hair.
They stood together, hands entwined. Travis leaned down to her level, and they stood with their foreheads together.
The room steamed up.
“You forgot the fan, again.” She brought her hand up to his cheek.
Travis stood to his full height and looked down into her eyes. Their gazes locked.
He ran his hands down her arms. She moved closer. His hands came up her back. Her hands rested on his buttocks. Still their eyes remained locked.
Marissa tried to wrench her eyes away. She couldn’t do it, she was mesmerized, hypnotized. Spellbound.
“Marissa,” His voice was soft, husky, sexy, and she felt compelled to look at his lips. They were calling to her, wanting her to kiss him, urging her to kiss him.
A Winter Sabbatical (Books We Love holiday romance) Page 10