by A. L. Brooks
She startled when the door opened a moment later, then winced as Megan stopped dead in the doorway, her face, as always, an open book. Her expression was a painful mix of confusion, fear, and hurt.
Lena pressed her hands together and took a deep breath. “Megan, I am so sorry,” she said.
Megan’s eyebrows shot up, and her eyes widened. She shut the door behind her without taking her eyes off Lena.
When Megan didn’t reply, Lena swallowed and said, “Please, could we sit down so that I can explain?”
There was a slight hesitation before Megan said, “Sure.” She shrugged out of her jacket, kicked off her boots, and walked over to the sofa.
They perched on an end each, and Lena’s hands held tightly on to her knees as she said, “I had no right to get so angry with you about the wallet. I-I was embarrassed. I thought everyone in the restaurant would notice and make fun of us. Fun of me. I’ve realised that of course that wasn’t true. I…”
She swallowed. It was going to be hard to talk about this with Megan, but she knew she had to if they had any chance of seeing what they could become. “I was picked on and bullied at school for being different, with all my little routines and habits. When I was young, maybe up to about ten years old, none of it hurt. But as I got older, I got more sensitive to it.” She looked down at her hands. “If I feel exposed, or that people might be about to make fun of me, sometimes I can have a form of panic attack. That happened while you were out and made the whole situation worse. When you came back, all I wanted to do was get home, get away from that place and all those people I thought were staring at me.” She looked up again and met Megan’s eyes. “I was so rude to you, and I’m sorry. It’s…it’s something I know I need to work on, and I’m very sorry that I let it ruin our evening.”
Megan smiled, gently, and Lena couldn’t believe the rush of relief that swept over her at the sight.
“It’s okay,” Megan said. “I understand. I won’t lie, it did hurt how you flew off the handle at me, but I can see why that situation brought back so much pain for you. I’m sorry you ever had to go through that, and I’m sorry I accidentally did that to you.”
“And that’s why I’m so disappointed in myself—it was totally an accident on your part, but all my old fears took over and in my knee-jerk reaction to the situation, I was so horrible to you.”
“It’s okay,” Megan repeated. “Really. As long as you are okay, and we’re still talking, then it’s okay.”
“Oh, I am, and we are!” Lena enthused. “Definitely.”
Megan shrugged. “Then good.” She stood up. “Okay, I’m off to bed.”
It wasn’t cold, as such, but it did seem like a brush-off all the same. Was Megan more hurt than she was letting on? Or had she already decided Lena wasn’t worth any more of her energy? That last thought twisted Lena’s insides, and galvanised her into bold and unprecedented action. She stood too, and before Megan could walk away, Lena grabbed her arm to hold her back.
“Megan,” she said softly. When Megan met her gaze, Lena said, “I-I was wondering. Would you, maybe, like to go out again? Perhaps this weekend?”
Megan’s face registered her shock, but in the next moment her mouth split into a big smile. “You…you’d really like to do that?”
Lena nodded shyly. “Yes, I would. If you would. I had a wonderful time with you tonight, and I’d really like to see you again. Well, on a date, I mean. Because I see you every day, really, but—”
“That would be awesome,” Megan cut in, grinning.
Lena’s stomach clenched, but in a good way. “Yes?”
“Yes,” Megan whispered, nodding.
There was an exquisite moment of tension between them. Lena was very aware of her hand still holding onto Megan’s forearm, of how the white cotton felt beneath her fingers, and of the strength that was apparent in Megan’s flesh beneath the fabric. Their gazes locked, and without any thought for whether it was right or wrong or what the consequences might be, Lena leaned forward, pushed up on her toes, and kissed Megan.
Clearly taken by surprise, Megan froze, so for a moment it was all Lena kissing Megan—their noses bumped, and their lips didn’t quite coordinate, and there was something strange about kissing an unresponsive mouth that was in danger of making Lena freak out. Just as she was about to panic about how messy this kiss was and what a disaster it was turning out to be, Megan came out of her stupor and—blissfully, sensuously, deliciously—her lips lined themselves up with Lena’s, and opened slightly, and the kiss transformed into something that Lena didn’t think she’d ever quite experienced. It was slow, and gentle, and yet deeply passionate all at the same time.
She moaned and let herself sink into it, her hand now clutching tightly at Megan’s arm, her body thrilling as Megan’s other arm snaked around Lena’s waist and pulled her in a little closer. Megan’s mouth on hers was all sorts of lovely and seemed to sum up everything she liked about Megan—warm, attentive, sexy.
Megan released her slowly, her lips lingering to kiss and nip lightly at Lena’s bottom lip before she lifted her head away and stared at Lena.
“Wow,” Megan whispered.
Lena could only nod; words were something she remembered being able to use in the past but not here and now.
Megan cleared her throat. “So, um, I think I’m going to say goodnight now, okay?” Her voice was husky, and Lena melted at the sound.
“Yes. Goodnight.” It was all she could manage. Her mind and body were stuck in a delicious haze that might very well last until morning.
Megan smiled, leaned down to give her the briefest of kisses again, then turned and headed to her room.
Lena walked to the bathroom slowly, locked the door, and stood in front of the mirrored cabinet. Had that really just happened? Had she, Lena Shah, kissed Megan Palmer? She touched her fingers to her lips, and a huge smile spread across her face.
Oh, yes. She had.
The warmth that pervaded Megan’s body at the sight of Lena walking, bleary-eyed, towards the bathroom the next morning meant her smile threatened to dislocate her jaw. At six in the morning it was way too early for Lena to be up—this was, however, Megan’s usual start on an early shift, as her first client came in at seven before they started whatever their day job was. Lena’s normal weekday seven a.m. start hadn’t changed once in the time they’d been living together, so it was amusing and confusing to see her at this early hour.
Lena didn’t even seem to be aware that Megan was quietly watching her from the kitchen area as she wandered by. When Megan cleared her throat to gently let Lena know she was there, Lena jumped and her eyes went wide.
“Oh, sorry,” Megan said sheepishly. “I just wanted to let you know I was here.”
Lena’s startled expression instantly melted into a warm smile, and Megan shifted slightly on the spot. When Lena smiled at her like that, she pretty much forgot her own name.
“Morning,” Lena murmured, her hands twisting at her pyjama top. It was Megan’s favourite of Lena’s, the lilac plaid looking amazing against the colour of her skin.
“You’re up early,” Megan said.
Lena shrugged, and her smile turned wry. “I haven’t slept that well all night. Something on my mind, I suppose.”
To Megan’s astonishment, Lena winked. The sight of it sent a shockwave of something powerful pirouetting down Megan’s body from her brain to somewhere much further south. Megan nodded. “Uh-huh, I think I know what you mean.”
Lena blushed then, good and red, and motioned to the bathroom behind her. “I need to…”
“Sure, carry on.”
Megan watched her walk off to the bathroom, her heart pounding behind her ribs. Six a.m. was way too early to be in a mild state of desire for a woman she’d only shared her first kiss with the night before. But, bloody hell, what a kiss it had been. All the more special b
ecause it had come out of nowhere, on the back of being made to feel so useless with the wallet incident. After the apology from Lena, then that kiss, all of that was forgotten, and all Megan could think about was (a) kissing Lena again and (b) spending a lot more time with her—hopefully kissing her a lot more.
She snapped herself out of her reverie and turned back to the lunch she’d been preparing. By the time she’d finished that, Lena was exiting the bathroom. Not sure if or how to approach Lena, Megan decided to wait. Lena made her think of a deer, someone you shouldn’t approach too fast or too boldly in case they skittered away. So she was doubly pleased when Lena walked over to where Megan rested against the counter, eased her arms around Megan’s waist, and tilted her head up expectantly.
Oh, yeah.
Megan dipped her head and savoured those incredibly soft lips once more. The kiss wasn’t long, and their tongues barely brushed before Lena pulled gently away.
“Have a good day,” Lena said, and with that she was off, strolling back to her room, presumably to finish her sleep before her alarm went off at precisely seven a.m.
Megan was left behind in the kitchen wondering if her legs would ever work again.
Lena awoke with a jerk as her alarm trilled beside her. She grabbed her phone, hit the snooze icon, and flopped back against the pillows. That had definitely not been the best sleep of her life. She groaned and rolled over onto her stomach. Waking at six and needing the bathroom had been the final straw after lurid dreams and thoughts had churned her brain over all through the night.
Her eyes popped open as the memory of what happened at about five past six that morning slammed into her consciousness.
Oh my. She’d kissed Megan again. And she herself had initiated it. Again.
She squirmed, a grin breaking out on her face. It had felt really good. Both the kiss itself and the boldness of her action in strolling up to Megan to do it. Megan had looked stunned, and Lena didn’t think she’d ever had that effect on anyone. Well, except maybe her parents when she’d come out to them, but that was a whole different breed of stunned, and not one she ever wished to repeat.
She rolled back onto her back, and flung her arms above her head. Kissing Megan at six o’clock in the morning. She snorted. Madhu would be so proud of her.
With that in mind, she grabbed her phone again, switched off the alarm, and opened her messaging app.
Morning. Hope you are okay. I kissed Megan!!!
She suspected Madhu was still fast asleep, and she chuckled to herself as she imagined her sister’s reaction to reading the message when she did finally wake. Madhu probably wouldn’t believe her. Lena’s behaviour and even the fact that she was messaging about it was so out of character for her. She would have fun telling Madhu all about the date—she’d even confess to how badly she’d treated Megan and how she’d worked out the source of her anger and dealt with it all so quickly. She fervently hoped Madhu would be proud of that too.
She’d been at work for about an hour when her phone beeped with Madhu’s response to her message.
Tell. Me. Everything.
The office was quiet but it was still no place for that kind of discussion. She messaged Madhu back to say she’d call her in a few minutes, then quickly finished the report she was working on, e-mailed it off to her manager, and walked away from her desk with her phone clutched in her hand. Her company didn’t particularly frown on personal calls during work time, but it was best to be discreet about it. The main kitchen was empty, and she pulled a chair up to the window that looked out over a desolate courtyard four floors below.
“How? When? What was it like?” Madhu skipped any form of greeting and got straight to the point.
Lena laughed. “Last night, after our first date. She took me to dinner.” Lena filled Madhu in on the restaurant events, but before Madhu could get started with her admonishment, Lena cut in. “No, I dealt with it. Straight away. Well, about ten minutes after we got home. I worked out why it made me act the way I did, explained to her, apologised, and then, well, then I kissed her.”
Madhu squealed. “Oh, Lena, this is good on so many levels!”
“I know,” Lena said, smiling to herself.
“So how was the kiss?”
Lena cringed at the personal nature of the question but answered anyway. “It was…hot,” she whispered.
Madhu yelped, then said, “You know, I am so proud of you for getting on top of things so quickly. I mean, obviously it would have been better that it didn’t happen at all, but at least you know what the trigger was, and maybe that means it won’t happen again?”
Lena pondered that idea for a moment. “Actually, perhaps you’re right. I hope nothing like that sets me off in the future, but if it does, hopefully I’ll recognise it straight away and it’ll be okay.” A yawn suddenly overtook Lena. “Oh, sorry.”
“Was it a late one then?”
Lena laughed sheepishly. “No, I-I couldn’t stop thinking about her after I went to bed, and then my dreams were very strange all night. I feel like rubbish, actually.”
Madhu howled with laughter. “And this is before you’ve stayed up all night having sex,” she said, snorting.
“Madhu!” Lena exclaimed, a deep blush speeding across her cheeks. “I can’t believe you.”
“Oh, Lena,” Madhu said, chuckling softly. “Get over yourself.”
Lena was reading on the sofa when Megan got home at four that afternoon, and Megan did a double-take when she saw her stretched out under a blanket.
“Hey, everything okay? How come you’re home so early?”
She walked over to the sofa and looked down at Lena, who looked very sorry for herself.
“Well, it’s a bit embarrassing, but I had to come home because I was too tired.”
Megan chuckled.
“Don’t laugh at me,” Lena said, but her tone was light and a dazzling smile painted her face. “It’s your fault.”
Megan laughed louder. “Hey, I’m more than willing to take the blame.”
“It’s so stupid, but I also think it was a bit of a catch-up from the previous two weeks at work, which have been intense. My manager was pretty good about it—she laughed, and said she understood. Everything I was working on can wait until tomorrow.”
“But it is just tiredness? You’re not ill?”
Lena shook her head and reached out a hand. Megan took it without thinking, then marvelled at how good it felt to be so natural about holding Lena’s hand in hers. “No, really, I’m fine. I’m chilling out with my book, and then I thought I might make us some pasta for dinner.” Her eyes widened. “Oh, wait, I’ve assumed you’re home for the evening, but maybe you have plans?”
She made to pull her hand back, but Megan held on tight. “No, no plans as such. I did promise my mum we’d have a big catch-up on the phone, but apart from that, I’m all yours.” Now it was her eyes widening as she realised how that might sound. “I mean, as in, I’m—”
Lena snorted, and Megan stopped talking, blushing furiously. “I knew what you meant,” Lena said, laughing softly. “Don’t worry.” Then her expression turned serious. “I… Well, actually, I did want to talk to you about that.”
“About?”
Lena coughed and looked away. “Um, us. And what we are, or…might be. About the fact that we’re dating but we share a flat. And, you know, physical stuff. Between us, I mean.”
“Oh. Um, okay.” Megan let go of Lena’s hand and walked around the sofa to perch on the edge next to Lena’s reclined body. “Well, I am happy to date and see where this leads.” She shrugged. “I know we share a flat, but we don’t get to see each other that much. And we know the sharing is only temporary too, so for me, that’s not really a big issue. Does it worry you?” Please don’t let her want to put a halt on things until she’s moved out.
Lena sighed. “A little, I g
uess. I think you know I value my own time and space. A lot.”
Megan smirked and nodded.
Lena chuckled. “But you’re right, we don’t actually cross paths that often so I’m sure we can manage this while I’m still using your spare room. But, I’ll be honest, I’ll feel more comfortable about this once I’m back in my own flat.”
Relief swept over Megan. “I can understand that.” She smiled as something prodded at her mind. “So, am I to take it that if you’re looking ahead like that, you are also happy to carry on dating and see where we end up?”
Lena smiled shyly. “I am.”
“Cool.” Megan’s grin was wide. “And while we’re talking about…us, I want to get it out there that I want us to be exclusive while we date. I believe in monogamy.”
Lena nodded. “Me too,” she murmured.
“Okay, good.” Megan smiled gently. “So, okay, as for physical, what exactly do you mean?”
Lena was silent for long moments, and Megan waited, not clear what was coming but knowing she had to be patient. Eventually, Lena turned back to her, her hands fiddling with the book held between them.
“It’s just, I don’t want to rush into anything. This is very new, between us, whatever it is. I know some people would jump right into things, but I’m not like that. I mean, I’ve loved our kisses—” Megan gave an enthusiastic nod, which made Lena smile “—but I’m the sort of person who needs to take…other stuff a little slower. I suppose I’m telling you to see if you are okay with that.”
Megan shifted in her seat. “I,” she began, daring to reach out a hand and gently run her fingertips down the softness of Lena’s cheek, “am very okay with that. I’m not a rusher, either, all right?”
Lena’s relief was palpable. “Oh, okay. Good.”
Megan traced her fingertips across the fullness of Lena’s lips. “Would it be okay to have another one of those kisses though?” she asked quietly, and smiled at the small moan that escaped Lena’s throat. Without actually waiting for an answer—the moan told her everything she needed to know—she leaned down and met Lena’s lips with her own.