by S. R. Watson
I’m so lost in Diesel right now. My pussy feels so full as I grip his every thrust. I need him deeper still, only the grip he has on my hips is restricting my movements. He is only giving me the amount of dick he wants me to have.
“Please go deeper, Diesel,” I beg and he arches an eyebrow at me. He angles his hips and slams into me a few times and my pussy becomes an inferno. He slows his pace, but I need hard, deep, and fast.
“Can’t come yet, baby,” he teases as he slides his dick out of me. My pussy immediately clenches at its disappearance.
Diesel stands me back on my feet and my legs feel weak. Holy hell this man is strong. His lifts and the flips have my head swimming. I need a second to adjust to the position change. I didn’t even know he had that in his bag of tricks. It’s hot as hell.
“Get out of your head and get your sexy ass on the bed, Lourdes,” he commands. I wobble over to the bed and crawl onto it. “I like that view. Stay just like that.” I’m on all fours for him. He walks up behind me and slaps each ass cheek again. The delicious sting has my pussy dripping with need. I clench my pussy once more to dull the ache, but it only intensifies. “So fucking wet,” he says.
“Fuck me, Diesel. I need your thick cock to fill me—to make me come.”
“In time, princess,” he teases as he kneels down to lick me from behind again. The feeling is fucking amazing, but then he stops. His teasing has me so wound up, I feel like I’m about to explode from his deprival. He builds me up over and over again, forbidding me from having my release. I don’t know how much more I can take. “Head down and ass up, baby, so that pussy opens up for me.” Fuck, I love his dirty talk. He can have anything he wants if he will just let me come.
I do as he instructs and he inserts a few fingers. He massages my insides before replacing his fingers with the tip of his beautiful cock. I throb around him. I back my ass up to him until his cock is resting at the hilt. He restricts me from moving farther, so I can feel his girth. I put a greater arch in my back to entice him to move. I need him to come undone. He wraps my hair in his fist and pulls at the same time he slams into me.
I meet him stroke for stroke, my legs beginning to feel weak as my orgasm nears. When he pulls out of me, once again before I can get my release, my body collapses in defeat. He flips me over onto my back, but I just lay there. I can no longer move. Tears stream down my face in frustration and the room blurs into a haze.
“There it is. True submission,” Diesel smirks. His voice sounds like we’re underwater. He wipes my tears away. “No tears, baby. Now I’m going to give you what you’ve been wanting all night.”
He pushes my legs over his shoulders and eases into me. In this position, his cock is almost too much. He starts slowly, but then he finally comes undone. He fucks me hard and fast. He deepens his strokes, but I’m numb.
“Fucccckkkkk, baby,” he screams as he pulls out and comes all over my stomach. I close my eyes because the out-of-body experience is a foreign one. I feel so out of control, but he seems to get off on seeing me like this. I didn’t even cum. What the hell is going on with me?
He jumps out of the bed and comes back with a damp towel. He begins to clean me up and I just continue to lay here—embarrassed that I just zoned the fuck out.
“Diesel, I—” I begin, but he shushes me with a single finger to my lips.
“Enough for tonight, baby. Let me just hold you.” He slides in bed next to me and pulls me into his arms. He kisses the top of my head and actually rocks me.
The motion is soothing. The foggy haze begins to dissipate and I snuggle closer into his arms.
“Sleep now, Lourdes,” he says. His rocking slows, and I know that he is out. I replay the night back. He stated that was enough for tonight which means he didn’t give me his all. He’s still holding something back. I don’t get it. I don’t understand what made me cry, or why it got him off, for that matter. His tender care for me afterwards proves he doesn’t want to see me hurt so why was it that he could only cum after seeing my tears. I’m so confused. I don’t know how to feel about tonight. I wanted all of him, the part of himself that he doesn’t show to anyone else, so I’ll try to understand.
I’m more embarrassed about my own actions. I had this beautiful man on top of me, fucking me like a sex god and I just laid here motionless and numb. Honestly I don’t see how he could have gotten off. I totally checked out and it was beyond my control. It was like I was here, but I wasn’t. He might as well have been screwing a corpse. That has never happened to me before. I went from insatiable to frigid. He just got his nut and then called it quits. He probably thinks I can’t handle the shit he’s into and from my reaction tonight, I’d say he’s right. I asked for this. I need to be by myself right now.
I ease his arm from around me until I’m completely out from under him. I try to remember where I first removed my clothes. I crawl around on the floor until I finally find them. Diesel turns over in the bed, but thankfully stays asleep. I throw my dress back on, foregoing the heels. I can’t find the panties so screw it. I tiptoe out of the door, with my stilettos in hand, careful not to wake him.
The music is still going strong out back, but no way am I returning to the party. I find the bedroom that Lily and I changed into our swimsuits in earlier. Luckily the room is empty. I was afraid all of the bedrooms would be taken by now. I can’t decide if I should put the lock on the door or not. Brooke and Lily may need to come in here to sleep later. On the other hand, I don’t want someone stumbling in here after I’m asleep, looking for a place to have sex. Mind made up, I put the lock on the door. I’m glad I had the idea to bring up something to sleep in. I change into my sleep shorts and tank, then crawl into this bed fit for a queen, with its million thread count sheets.
My phone buzzes on the charger next to the bed. I think it may have been Diesel waking up to find me gone, but it’s text messages from Brooke. I didn’t have my phone on me and I only pulled it out of my bag when I changed into my sleep clothes.
There are like ten missed calls and even more messages. All asking where the hell I am. I reply back to her text since I’m not in the mood to explain shit that I’m not sure of myself.
Me: Sorry just saw your missed calls and texts. My phone was upstairs in my bag. I hope my message will suffice and she can go back to partying with Jack, if she even gets this right now. No such luck.
Brooke: I was worried that you may have been drunk off your ass somewhere with some douche trying to get in your pants. Where are you?
Me: I’m fine Brooke. I’m calling it a night. I’m in the bedroom that is the first to the right. I locked the door so I wouldn’t be disturbed by people looking to find a hook up spot. I can unlock it if you’re coming up.
Brooke: I’m glad you’re okay. Keep your phone close. If things don’t work out with Jack, I’ll be joining you tonight. Let’s wish me luck though. I accidentally felt it and he’s pierced.
Me: Good luck with that. That’s Brooke. She sees something she wants, she just goes after it. Michael is a fool for not snatching her up. Most don’t even get that option.
Brooke: Thanks Chica. Talk to you in the morning—hopefully.
I leave the phone next to my pillow in case Lily or Brooke call to get in the room but I highly doubt it. Xander is not going to let Lily out of his sight, especially if he has an opportunity to get some real alone time with her. Plus Jack would have to be a dumbass to turn down Brooke, so it looks like I’ll have this wonderful bed all to myself. I’ll ponder the Diesel thing tomorrow, but tonight I just want to sleep.
It’s time to get ready for rehearsal this morning, but I don’t even want to leave this room. What the fuck was I thinking last night? The worst fucking demon I possess showed itself last night. Lourdes never stood a chance. She started us down that path of me unleashing my kink, but I should have stopped it. I look around this room now and instead of reminiscing about how good it felt to have her again, I’m ashamed. I fucked up. I didn’t proper
ly assess her readiness for the shit that gets me off. I let my own lust cloud my judgment. Orgasm denial is one thing, but my desire to completely break someone through this denial is just plain evil.
Experienced submissives will normally enter psychological subspace when denied their orgasm for an extended amount of time. The pleasure is so intense, their mind shuts down and the body surrenders to the total will of the Dom. The decision to submit comes from the body and not the mind in this instance. It is the ultimate form of submission and a sign of complete control. It can’t be faked. After I’ve reached this pentacle of control from my submissive’s body, I can then allow myself to cum. The submissive is rewarded with multiple orgasms—only this didn’t come to pass with Lourdes. I was caught off guard by her tears last night and I reacted terribly. I came so fucking hard because those tears were like a gift. A twisted, fucked-up gift. It was her surrendering to me in a way that nobody ever has before. Her intense need for me was overwhelming. I fucked her so hard to give her what she desperately needed. I wanted to feel her cum around my cock and she didn’t.
It was then, the magnitude of my actions hit me. The woman lying there with me was lost in subspace and completely broken. I’ve never been riddled with so much guilt like this. And now to wake up and find out she’s not still here by my side, scares the shit out of me. Did I go too far? I know I need to go find her. This may have just set us several steps backwards. I need to fix this.
The house is really quiet so I’m guessing the guys are still in their rooms hungover. I’m glad I kept my drinking to a minimal last night. I search for Lourdes and I finally find her in the library of all places. Her back is to me as she admires some books in front of her. She pulls one from the shelf and when she spins around, I’m there in her personal space. She drops the book in surprise. I bend down to pick the book up for her and I can tell she doesn’t know where to look. She looks all round, anywhere but at me. I place the book back on the shelf and grab her hand. The awkwardness between us is palpable, but I have to try to normalize things again.
“I’m sorry, Lourdes,” I say for the first time.
“I don’t know why I had the meltdown. Yes, you teased the hell out of me and made me want you so freaking bad, but I can’t explain what came over me.” She sniffles. She looks away, trying not to cry. She turns her back to me—I hate when she does this. The fact that she can’t face me. “God the fucking tears won’t stop. I’m the one who is sorry. I practically begged to have all of you and then I completely freaked the hell out.”
“Fuck.” I cringe. She’s still in an emotional state and doesn’t even have an understanding of why. “Come here, baby.” I wrap my arms around her from behind and just hold her.
“Sorry, Diesel, I—,”
“Don’t you dare. You did nothing wrong. I fucked up. I brought you to subspace, not thinking about how it would affect someone who has never experienced it. I will make this up to you. Just please tell me you will let me. Please tell me that my fucked-up desires haven’t pushed you away—” She spins around in my arms and brings my lips down to hers. She kisses me slowly and this feels different. I lift her so that her legs wrap around my waist. She’s wearing those shorts again so my hands gladly palm her ass to keep her from slipping. Our tongues meet and I’m lost in her. I don’t want to let her lips go. I want them bruised from my passion and my need for her. I can feel the tables starting to turn and I’m powerless to stop it. I suck on her neck and her little intake of breath makes me hard. I won’t go there with her now, but I sure as hell want to. I want to give her the orgasms she deserves.
“Well, I didn’t fucking see this coming,” we hear from behind us. It’s Gable. Shit. “Xander is going to kick your ass, Diesel. What the fuck, man?” I have no explanations for him right now. There is nothing I can say or make up. We’re busted. I let Lourdes down and then whisper to her that it will be okay.
“I’m going to go,” she whispers back. “Talk later.”
“Don’t say anything, Gable,” she pleads on her way out. He nods at her but doesn’t give her an answer either way. She closes the library door that I fucking left open. No wonder I didn’t hear anyone come in. Not that I would have with Lourdes as my distraction, but still.
“Of all the pussy you have access to now, you choose our band member’s sister?” he fumes. “You know how Xander feels about her, man. This could ruin everything. Why her? Why take the risk?”
“First off, watch your fucking mouth. Don’t ever compare Lourdes to the groupie bitches ever again.” Now I’m the one fuming.
“Shiiiittt. It’s worse than I thought. How long has this been going on? Are you two a thing?”
“I don’t know what we are,” I admit. I purposely ignore the how-long question. Truth is, I don’t have a clue. I know I don’t want a relationship again, but I want her. Not as a fucking friend either. I want her in my bunk—free to do whatever the hell we want without hiding it. I know I can’t have that with her though, and it fuels my anger. “Look, just keep what you saw quiet and shit will be okay.”
“Whatever, man. This is going to blow up in all of our faces. You want her because you’re not supposed to have her,” he huffs and storms out.
Could he be right? I have this insane attachment to her, but what if it’s another symptom of my need for control. She’s supposed to be off limits and I say fuck the limits.
The more somebody tells me no, the more I rebel. It’s a scary possibility that what Gable just concluded is indeed my reality. Knowing this doesn’t change the way I feel. I want her. We will not have a repeat of last night, but she will be underneath me again.
I head to meet the guys at rehearsal. They look like shit, but we’re doing this. Gable is already here and doesn’t make eye contact. Fine by me. What I do with my dick is none of his business.
“Keyser and Xander, set us up with the rifts from Ben Khan’s Drive,” I suggest. They nod and give me the distraction I need. Gable joins us on drums and the rehearsal begins. I love the sexiness of this song. The sensual lyrics against the melody are definitely a panty dropper. “Let’s have sex in the back seat,” I sing.
Reckless Ambition walks in just as we begin and Anderson immediately takes his place next to me after grabbing one of the mics. He begins to sing an octave below me and the shit just works.
“Fuck yeah!” Ivy yells, looking to find another mic. Xander nods in the direction of one sitting on the piano we’re not using. She grabs it and winks at me. I guess she’s not too upset with me anymore. “Let’s have sex in the back seat,” she joins in a couple octaves above us. We look between each other with grins on our faces because we know we have straight fire with this one. Even Gable is smiling now.
We find another song for Ivy and I to do a duet to before we wrap it up. Tonight is going to be epic. Now to fix things with Gable. No need for shit between us to be weird. I get his concern. Taking the high road can be pretty damn exhausting, but I need our band focused on our music and not on my sex life.
“Where did you disappear to last night?” Lily inquires. We’re backstage watching our guys perform from the monitors in their dressing room.
“I was around,” I answer nonchalantly,
“You hear that Brooke? She was around,” Lily giggles.
“I heard,” Brooke says joining the laughter.
“Funny thing is. I guess Diesel was around too. I overheard the guys looking for him a couple times to do some shots. They assumed he was with Ivy, but I happen to know she was upstairs hooking up with the lead singer, Jude, from Insanity.”
“That little slut. I guess she likes her lead singers,” I joke. This news makes me immensely happy. Let her move on to someone else.
“Uh-uh.” Lily shakes her finger. “Don’t try to change the subject. Did you have your own hook up session going on with a lead singer?” I try to turn away from her because I don’t want her to see my guilty expression, but I’m too slow. “You little bitch,” she laughs.
“Hush it. Brooke went off with that Jack dude and you were with Xander. I was a sitting duck,” I explain.
“And what? You ran into Diesel and your legs fell open?” Lily teases. Brooke cracks the hell up.
“That’s the real reason you didn’t return my texts until later, isn’t it? He wore you out and then you needed to go to bed early,” Brooke jokes. If she only knew how accurate she was.
“You two are terrible.” I roll my eyes. “I’ve already said too much.” I’m not going to give them a play by play. Their vanilla minds couldn’t handle it anyway. I wonder how one would classify my mind since it’s no longer vanilla yet I’m not all that experienced either?
“We already know you were with Diesel,” Brooke says. “I hope you know what you’re doing. The mouth always says one thing and the body does another. Be careful and don’t let your guard down. If you’re just getting a little of that yumminess for yourself, I say good for you.”
I give her the thumbs up. “I agree,” Lily says. “Now that the mystery of where you were is figured out, let’s fix ourselves a drink.”
“One drink,” I agree. I don’t need a repeat of their last show where I needed a babysitter and had Xander pissed at me. I pour myself some Jameson from the guys’ stash and I’m hit with memories from last night. A tingle hits me between the legs, remembering drinking from his mouth. I’m watching him perform with Anderson and Ivy but he has my complete attention. He’s singing about having sex in the back seat and all I can think about is wanting that with him. My pussy picks now to get her act together—when I’m not actually getting the dick.
I see Ivy put her slutty hands on his chest as she sings the lyrics with him and I swear my heart skips a few beats. Diesel backs away to keep from being obvious in his diss. He smiles at her but then goes to the front of the stage and seduces the women in the crowd. He lifts his tank to show off that fucking washboard of his and they go nuts. His reaction to Ivy was subtle, but not so much to us. Brooke and Lily turn to look at me and we smile because he didn’t give into her advances. She needs to just stick with that Jude guy and leave Diesel alone. I finish my Jameson straight and watch the rest of their performance on a high. He is going to get so much pussy for that move. I’ll see to it.