by Lulu Pratt
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to cry, it just happened.”
“That’s okay,” Rose affirmed.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” Sharon-Ann said.
The group stepped back to give me space, and I took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry,” I said once more. They didn’t need to accept my apology, but I definitely owed them one. “I’m sorry that I got involved with our coach, regardless of my feelings for him. Obviously, I wasn’t thinking of the team when I made that decision, and it’s my job to be always thinking of the team. I put our success at risk in a variety of ways, some of which you saw play out this past weekend.”
Nobody wanted to disagree with me on that one.
“And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you once I started sleeping with him,” I continued. “I just knew that it would end — well, maybe not like this, but with either him leaving or me losing my scholarship. I was hoping that we could, I dunno, keep it a secret? But that was dumb. Of course we couldn’t. A secret that big always gets out. So I should’ve told you, or tried to clear it with the governing board, or devised some way to work around it. Instead, I lied and lied and lied until I was tired of my own lying. More than anything, I’m sorry for the lies.”
The girls gazed at me, the lines around their mouths softening. I could feel the mood changing, moving from anger to sympathy, and it was like the sun slowly beginning to peak out from thunder clouds.
“Do you love him?”
I looked around, trying to figure out who’d said that.
“Do you love him?” the voice reiterated.
Grace. It was Grace asking the question. She’d moved forward, from the back of the circle to the very front, until we were only a foot or so away from one another.
Finally able to tell my best friend the truth, I was relieved to say, “Yes. I love him.”
The team gasped, but Grace didn’t. I think she’d expected it from the moment I’d told her I slept with Simon. She was perceptive like that.
“In that case,” she said, “I owe you an apology, too. I was angry when you told me that you slept with him, angry for what it would do for the team and I didn’t stop to consider that maybe you had serious feelings for the guy. For as long as we’ve been friends, I’ve never seen you actually like someone — a man, that is — in a romantic way, so whatever this is with Simon… well, it’s obviously special. You say you love him, and I know that doesn’t happen, uh, ever, for you. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was angry earlier. Maybe that could’ve stopped me from doing what I did.” She gestured to the circle, meaning ‘telling the entire damn team.’
“You don’t need to be sorry,” I replied, shaking my head. “I was the one in the wrong.”
She said, “Nevertheless, I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?”
“Of course I do. And… do you forgive me?”
She closed the gap between us, pulling me into a big embrace. Oh, I’d missed her hugs. There wasn’t anything quite like them. The girls around me made happy noises, quietly approving of Grace and me making up.
“So,” Grace continued, pulling away from our hug. “What can we do to fix this?”
I sighed. “That’s very sweet of you, but I’m not sure there’s anything to—”
“Don’t be negative, that’s out of character. Just tell me how we can make this better,” she insisted.
Her enthusiasm was very endearing, but the only thing I could say in response was, “Can we just work hard in practice and try our best? What we can do to fix this right now, all that it’s in our power to do, is win championships. That’s what would make me happy, and I know for a fact it’s what would make Simon happy. Okay? How does that sound?”
Every single player nodded in rabid agreement. God, I loved my team.
“All right then,” I said. “Let’s hit the field.”
Smiles abounded as the girls raced to put on their gear, and I was about to join them when my phone buzzed. A text from Simon.
I’m going to do it now. I love you.
And for the first time in a long time, I had a good idea.
Chapter 27
Simon
It had been a long time since I’d put on a suit and tie, but I figured it was bad form to quit your job of just a few weeks wearing a T-shirt and jeans. Call me old-fashioned.
So that was how I wound up in a close-fitting navy blazer and trousers along with a white shirt and gray woolen tie. Looking in the mirror, I thought it was a shame that the only person who would see me in this getup was David. He wasn’t going to much appreciate the tailoring. Oh well.
I wasn’t going to schedule a meeting with David this time, but rather just walk in and hope for the best. My reasoning was that, if I tried to make a meeting, he’d ask what it was about and I didn’t want to discuss it until we were face to face. I made a far more compelling argument in person than via phone. I like to think it was because in person, my charms were irresistible. Not that there was going to be anything to argue about — I was quitting, whether he liked it or not.
Here I was, only a week after my last meeting, about to knock on his door one more time. It occurred to me that what had played out over the last week was quite exactly what I’d been worried about the last time I was at the door. Only now I was no longer worried about discovery — that part of the equation had been thrust upon me. I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was a bit of a relief to not live in fear any longer. Sure, I’d rather keep my job, but the peace of mind was worth something, to not feel like you were constantly looking over your shoulder, waiting for a boogeyman to emerge.
My fist rapped on the thick door and I straightened my shoulders.
“Who is it?” a voice called, obviously unhappy to be bothered. Not a great start.
“Simon.”
“Did you make an appointment?” The grizzled voice clearly belonged to David, nobody else had such a distinctive growl from too many years of cheap cigarettes.
“No, sir, bit of a last-minute thing,” I explained, hoping my voice didn’t betray the gravity of the situation.
There was a pause as David seemed to consider this, then he replied, “Well, all right then, come in.”
I swung upon the door and found him right where I’d left him — sitting behind that too-small desk, staring up at me rather petulantly. I wondered absently if he ever left this office or if he’d just been welded to the chair.
“Hello, kid,” he said. “What’s doing?”
“Oh, nothing much,” I replied, and then immediately cursed myself for the false casualness. Now that he’d let me inside, shouldn’t I just go right to the point of the meeting, not beat about the bush? Or maybe if I schmoozed with him for a little while, it would soften the blow, make him put up less of a fight over my departure.
Though, now that I was saying that, it was a bit arrogant of me to think that he’d give a damn about me leaving. After all, soccer coaches are a dime a dozen, and there were plenty of folks just like me, fighting tooth and nail to step up from assistant to head coach. He could probably have me replaced within the hour, just like he did the last guy.
He didn’t seem to pick up on any of my internal tension, because he replied, “I didn’t watch the livestream, but I heard you won this weekend. Nicely done. You know how much I like winning.”
Though I was, as usual, mildly annoyed by his 1950s mob boss style of speech, it was worth something that he hadn’t actually seen the game, just the results. If he hadn’t watched the livestream from the local stations that covered the game, it meant he’d only heard about our win, and not about Catya’s, er, struggles. So, minus the whole sleeping with me thing, she was at least still secure in her position as captain. Though granted, the “whole sleeping with me thing” was a big minus.
“Thanks,” I said in response to his compliment. “It’s all about teamwork.” That was an awful platitude, but I was treading water until we could get to the real stuff.
&n
bsp; “Yes, certainly.” He paused, and cleared his throat. “Well, Simon. What are you doing here? Not to be blunt about it, but folks usually make appointments with me. I do oversee all of ULA’s sports, you know.”
Yeah, dude, I know, I thought to myself. Had I offended him by not making a meeting? That hadn’t been my intention. And here I was, thinking I’d caught him in a good mood. This wasn’t promising, I should’ve known better than to assume David was even capable of good moods. But there was no time to think about it — I had love to declare. No more dilly-dallying.
Heart pounding, I interrupted David before he could begin down another line of thought, saying, “Sir, I’m here because I’m in love with a player. A player on my team, that is.”
I don’t know what David had seen in his life, but his reaction was oddly mild, as if this weren’t the first time he was hearing a proclamation like this one. It was the reaction of a hardened vet who’s been in the trenches. In fact, I would say I was more startled by his lack of a reaction than he was by my statement.
“Oh yeah?” he said, chewing his gum, which had a cinnamon flavor so powerful I could smell it from across the desk.
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
He didn’t look interested in offering any more words, so I took it upon myself to explicate the situation.
“I’m in love with Catya,” I specified. “The team captain.”
“I know Catya,” he said, his tone unreadable.
Wow, he was not making this easy.
“Sir,” I continued, despite the enormous lump in my throat, “I love her, and I’ve been… engaging in relations with her, and this weekend, the team found out. I was trying my best to keep it from them—”
“So you were lying?”
Crap. “No, no, I mean we’d only been seeing each other in any significant way for a week or two, so it didn’t seem right to tell anyone yet.”
He sighed. “Simon, it’s my job to be on your side, but I need you to shoot straight with me. You didn’t tell the team because you knew sleeping with a player would get you in massive trouble and possibly ruin your chances of championships. Is that right?”
I paused, then countered, “It’s true, I was protecting my job, and her scholarship. But I also didn’t want them to know because… because I care about her very deeply, and I didn’t want them to think that would impact how I treated the rest of them. As in, I didn’t want my view of how special she is as a person to interfere with my view on how special a player she is. Does that make sense?”
David’s eyes roved over me, judging, calculating. He replied, “And this was a consensual relationship?”
My head bobbed up and down very quickly. “Yes, yes, absolutely. I wouldn’t have touched her without her permission.”
“If I bring her in here, will she say as much?”
“Sir, she begged me not to come today because she wants me to stay. I want to stay too, of course, but only if it’s the best thing for everyone, not just myself and her.”
He nodded thoughtfully, and after a long moment, replied, “So you really love this girl, huh?”
“Yes, sir.”
“It takes guts to tell me yourself,” he replied. “Even if you are just trying to get ahead of the story.”
“I’m trying to get ahead of the story, yes, but more importantly, I’d like to tender my resignation.”
David, who had been lazily leaning back in his desk chair the whole time, suddenly sat up straight.
“You what?” he replied, incredulous.
“I’m quitting,” I said, being sure to use smaller words, in case that was where the confusion was arising.
“ULA?”
“Yes.” Not the brightest bulb, was he?
“Simon, kid, that doesn’t make sense.”
I shook my head. “It does.”
“You should at least stay on for the rest of the season.”
“Sir,” I replied. “I know from my orientation that this raises some serious Title IX issues, and could impact the rest of the girls’ season in any variety of ways. I care more that they have a successful season than—”
“Than that you have a job?”
“Well, yes.”
David seemed remarkably unfazed by my mention of Title IX. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. Old guys like him were practically the reason Title IX was created. There was no reason to be taken aback by his casual disregard for it.
On the one hand, I was glad that David seemed to be relatively on my side, but on the other, these laws existed for good reason, and it was a touch discouraging to hear him ignore them so. But I didn’t question it further. I didn’t want to raise my more pressing reason for quitting — that I was concerned my continued employment might put Catya’s scholarship in jeopardy. I thought that, if I even brought up that point with David, he might unfortunately take it and run with it, and Catya would once again have to face the blowback of my actions. So I kept quiet and sat on the truth.
He leaned back in his chair once more, and said, “I’m hearing you, and I admire your chutzpah. Takes balls to do this, to quit your job for the gal you love. Now, do I wish that girl wasn’t a player at my institution, where your romantic involvement with her could screw over an entire team? Sure. But I respect you for walking in here and telling me yourself. That’s worth something in my book.”
“Thanks, sir,” I said, not sure what to make of his response.
“Simon, you gotta sleep on this for a few days.”
“With all due respect, if I sleep on it, I might change my mind. But I know this is the right thing to do so I’m doing it now, before I can chicken out.”
His face flashed with admiration. “Don’t you wanna stay in the country?”
“Yes, in a perfect world.”
“So you’re willing to risk your immigration status for this girl, for Catya?”
My heart pounded, but I had to give him the truth. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because she’s worth it. From here, from England, from anywhere in the world — she’s worth it. All that matters to me now… well, it’s not even being with her. It’s making sure that she’s able to be happy. That’s all I want for her. It might sound a bit naïve, but I guess love makes you young, right?”
There was a long pause, which David at last broke, saying, “You’re a good man. Shame we gotta lose you over this one.”
“I know, sir, and I’m sorry about it. I didn’t mean to disrespect the job, it’s just that nothing like this has ever happened to me before, and I knew that it was special enough to be worth seizing.”
“Carpe diem,” he pronounced. “Well, all right then. You sound like you’re pretty set on this one, correct?”
It took all my willpower to nod. Yes, I was set on it, but that didn’t mean quitting my dream job was an easy task.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m set on it.” I pushed back my chair and began to stand. I knew if I was in here for any more time, I might change my mind. What? Being noble didn’t have to be easy. In fact, it was better if it wasn’t.
David returned, “Okay. In that case, I’ll get our team to draw up the necessary paperwork and then you can be on your way. Sounds go—”
Without warning, there was a loud noise, like some kind of rumbling outside the office. David and I whipped our heads around to see what was going on, just in time to catch the door swing open.
I stammered out, “Catya?”
Chapter 28
Catya
Moments after I read Simon’s text, I had an idea. A good idea.
See, his message, besides putting in words his love for me, also included a precise description from Simon about what, exactly, he was about to do. He announced that he was going right to David’s office, to quit on the spot and that if he was forbidden from campus or something like that, I needed to watch after the team. He went on to say that I shouldn’t try to stop him or do anything reckless.
Oh, Simon
. He really thought he was going to give me the time and location, and expect me not to act on it? Foolish boy.
Looked like we wouldn’t be able to practice today. Simon would probably be angrier about that then anything else, I thought to myself with a laugh.
“Girls,” I called out to my teammates, who were splayed around the sidelines of the field, putting on gear and stretching.
“Yeah?” Tanya said in reply.
“Can you gather back around?”
They all looked at one another, then immediately dropped whatever they were doing to move in my direction. I smiled, thinking how nice it was to have friends like these.
“What’s going on?” Riri asked as the team coalesced around me.
I read them Simon’s message, which explained his plan to quit. They listened, rapt and in shock. Once I was done, Sharon-Ann proclaimed:
“We’re not going to let him do this, right?”
Nora seconded that, saying, “Simon’s a great coach, and you’re obviously in love with him. Nobody should have to quit over that.”
“Yeah,” Beth chirped. “If we’re all cool making it work, the school should be too.”
“What do you want us to do?” Max asked, and the gang grew silent, waiting for my answer.
I straightened up, and replied, “I was thinking… how’d you like to help me stop him?”
The team erupted in cheers of agreement — girls waved their hands in the air, others jumped up and down. They were on my side, forever and always. How could I have even doubted that?
I held my hands up in the air to indicate that they should simmer down, and they did.
“What’s the plan?” Grace asked with a smile. I could see that we’d put our differences behind us, and that now, all she wanted was for me to get my happily ever after. Good, because I’d missed her.
“The meeting sounds like it’s happening right now,” I replied, addressing the whole team. “What if we, I dunno, go plead Simon’s case?”
“Like with David?” Nora asked.