“Yeah, I know. I was expecting you to bring me some feed.”
Ash looked at him and narrowed his eyes. “I’ll get to it tomorrow.”
“You’re never late. What’s up?”
“Nothing,” Ash muttered, continuing to stare ahead.
“Bullshit.”
Ash blew out a breath. He knew he couldn’t keep it quiet forever. “Cassidy broke it off with me.”
“What? Why? You two couldn’t keep your eyes off each other at the barbeque last month.”
“She has this notion that I’m like her ex and I’ll fuck around on her.”
“Bullshit,” Brayden repeated.
“I told her I was nothing like him and I even told her I loved her and had thought she felt the same, but she just shook her head. I left. Now all I want to do is drink to forget.”
Brayden snorted. “Drinking doesn’t help.”
“Might not help but I’m gonna do it anyway.” Ash raised the beer to his lips.
“Well, at least you haven’t gotten to the hard stuff yet.”
“I did last night and probably will again tonight. This—” He lifted the beer bottle. “Is just an appetizer.”
“Shit, Ash, don’t go there.”
“I have to sleep some way, Brayden. Otherwise, I just lay in bed and think about her.” He quickly came to his feet and threw the beer bottle into the yard. “Son of a bitch.”
Brayden stood. “Do you need me to stick around?”
“No. I’m fine. I’ll get the feed over to you tomorrow.”
Brayden stared at him then nodded, and walked down the steps, climbed into his truck and drove off. Ash watched him until the taillights disappeared then he walked down the steps to pick up the beer bottle. Walking back up the steps, he picked up the cooler then entered the house with Bandit on his heels. Carrying the cooler to the kitchen, he emptied it and then headed to the bathroom to shower, knowing he had another long night ahead of him. Hell, he should just carry a bottle of Callahan Whiskey around with him since that seemed to be the only thing that could make the pain go away. For a little while, at least.
The next day, Ash cut the grain in the upper pasture with the combine as Ernie rode beside him in the tractor pulling the trailer. Ash drove the combine through the field where it would cut, thresh, and clean the grains all by themselves using rotating blades, wheels, sieves, and elevators. The grain collected in a tank inside the combine harvester, which was then emptied into trailers pulled by a tractor driven alongside, while the chaff spurted from a big exit pipe at the back and fell back down onto the field. The top of the grain was the only part used for feed.
His head was pounding from drinking too much last night. He should have just had the men do this, but he needed to get out of the house, or he’d go nuts. He would just sit and think of her, and all that did was make him hurt more every day. Instead of getting over her, his heart ached more with each passing minute. Damn her. Shaking his head, he moaned at the pain shooting through his temples. From the very beginning, he had a feeling he would fall for her, and he did. The minute she’d entered the barn with her mom, his heart had lurched, and she’d owned it.
“You should have just stayed away from her but no, you had to have her in Butte,” he muttered as he drove along.
The sun was barely above the Glaciers. The fall air was crisp, and dew sparkled on the grass. But soon snow would blanket the little town. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but he was used to it. His cell phone rang, and he pulled it from the pocket of his T-shirt to see Brayden’s number. Pressing answer, he put it to his ear.
“I’ll have it there later today,” he said, the sound of his own voice slicing through his head like a knife.
“I can come get it if you’re too busy,” Brayden told him.
“It will be there today,” Ash snapped at him then took a deep breath. “Sorry, Brayden.”
“I get it. I’ll see you later,” Brayden told him and hung up.
Ash gritted his teeth as he drove the combine through the pasture. Damn, his head was killing him, but he knew he’d drink more tonight. It was the only way he could get her out of his head. Drink until he passed out. There would be no dreams of her when he finally fell into bed. He planned to be too drunk to think, let alone dream. Once he finished this pasture, he was heading home. Ernie could drive the feed over to Brayden’s place.
Since his brother ran the equine rescue, Ash supplied him with feed. Ash made a lot of money selling his feed so to help providing feed to rescued equine was no problem. Hell, even if he had all the money in the world, it didn’t mean much without the love of his life with him. Damn her!
As he finished the last row, he stopped the combine, opened the door, then jumped down and looked around. A gust of wind had him placing his hand on his hat to hold it onto his head and it made him think of the day Cassidy had run down the steps of the porch to catch it for him.
Taking a deep breath, he gave Ernie a wave, climbed back into the combine and drove back to the barn. He pulled the machine behind the barn, climbed down from it, and strode through the barn and out into the sunlight, squinting against the pain behind his eyes. Removing his hat, he raked his fingers through his hair then resettled it on his head.
Bandit ran down the porch then across the yard toward him. He absently rubbed the dog’s head then walked up the steps and entered his kitchen. Glancing at the clock, Ash groaned when he saw it was only eleven in the morning. It was going to be a long day. He supposed he could do some paperwork, if his hangover would allow him to concentrate. Sighing, he headed toward his office.
Later that night, Ash sat in the recliner staring at the glass of whiskey in his hand. It wasn’t his first and it sure as hell wouldn’t be his last. He raised the glass to his lips and took a sip. The liquor burned his throat and continued to burn as it traveled down into his chest to his heart, and he welcomed it. A fire roared and crackled in the fireplace. On the opposite arm of his chair was his cell phone. Picking it up, he slid his thumb across it until her face appeared on the screen. Pushing Send, he called her not caring that it was two in the morning.
“Hello?”
“I woke you up, didn’t I?” he slurred.
“Ash?
“Who else?”
“Are you drunk?”
“Yep. Do you really think I’d call you if I were sober?”
“Why are you drunk?” she whispered in his ear and he tightened his grip on the phone.
“To try to get you out of my fucking head,” he growled.
“Ash––”
“You just wanted a good time, and I gave it to you. Damn you! I knew I’d get my heart broken. I had a feeling that I’d fall in love with you, and I did. Son of a bitch,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Ash, you need to get some sleep.”
“I will after I drink enough to pass out, so I won’t think of you. I need to get over you and move on with my life.” He pushed End and tossed the phone onto the couch.
He downed his whiskey and held the empty glass up, turning it to catch the reflection of the fire. He drew his arm back and threw it across the room to watch it shatter against the stone of the fireplace, matching the feeling in his heart. Slowly getting to his feet, he swayed then made his way down the hallway, keeping one hand on the wall to steady himself. Entering his bedroom, he walked to the bed, sat on the edge and tried to unbutton his shirt but couldn’t so he flopped back on the bed and passed out.
****
Cassie put the phone down and sobbed. She’d hurt him, hurt him bad, and that was something she’d never wanted to do. Having been burned enough herself, she hated hurting anyone but especially Ash. He was such a good man and she did love him. She was just so scared. If he did what Ross had done to her, she wasn’t sure she’d survive it. Only, the love she felt for him was so much more than what she’d ever felt for Ross. What was she doing?
“You can’t live your life in a bubble, Cassidy Lynn,” she said
aloud as she lay back on the bed and closed her eyes.
The room was dark, and the only sound was the ticking of the clock on the bedside table. She didn’t look to see what time it was, she just listened to the seconds ticking by. She knew she wouldn’t get back to sleep now. All she could think of was how she’d hurt him and how much she missed having him in her life. He was right. No man would ever love her the way he did, and she knew he was the only man she would ever want.
The next day, Cassie sat at her computer staring at the blank screen. She hadn’t written a thing in three weeks. Huffing out a frustrated breath, she closed the top, scooted back the kitchen chair, and stood. Walking to the window, she stared out at the landscape. The leaves had turned red, yellow, and orange. Fall was definitely here and snow would soon follow.
She jerked when someone knocked on the cabin door. Slowly walking toward it, she peered out the window beside it to see her sister. Sighing, Cassie opened the door, and Ariana came striding through into the cabin.
“Damn, it’s getting cold,” Ariana said as she took her jacket off and placed it on the back of the nearby sofa.
“What are you doing here?” Cassie asked with impatience.
“Well, nice to see you too, Cassie.” Ariana folded her arms and stared at her.
“Sorry. I’m just busy.”
Cassie watched as Ariana glanced at the table behind her then looked at her and raised an eyebrow.
“Busy, huh? Doing what? Obviously, you’re not writing.”
“I just stopped to get a cup of coffee,” Cassie growled.
“Since when you do you close up your laptop to get coffee?”
“Since today. What do you want?”
“Mom said you haven’t been around lately. What’s going on?” Ariana walked around the sofa and took a seat on it.
“I’m writing.”
“Sorry, but I don’t believe that. Are you still seeing Ash?”
“No.” Cassie refused to say more.
“Why not?”
Sighing, Cassie walked to the overstuffed chair and flopped down onto it. “It went as far as it could,” she said, shrugging.
Ariana’s eyes narrowed as she stared at her. “Mom told me she confronted you about Ash. That you were scared Ash would be like Ross. Do you seriously think he’s like Ross? That same piece of shit you were married to? Come on, Cassie. Ash Beckett is nothing like him, and you’re crazy to even have an inkling of doubt.”
“I’m too scared––”
“Stop. You can’t go through life being scared. Do you plan to be alone the rest of your life?”
“Mom was right to tell me to break it off before I hurt him.” Cassie thought back to the phone call this morning. You already hurt him.
“I have a feeling he’s already hurting. I saw how he looked at you at the barbeque and I also saw how you looked at him. Even Derek mentioned it. Everyone saw it, Cassie. You’re so in love with him. Don’t let him go. He’s your soulmate.”
“You believe in soulmates?”
“Of course, I do. I’m married to mine. Ash is yours. I want you to be happy, sis. You deserve it after the way Ross treated you. He’s no man and Ash is. Ash would commit to you in a way that Ross never did.”
Cassie quickly blinked her eyes to keep from crying, but a tear slid down her cheek anyway. “I hurt him.”
“Then make it right. Tell Ash how you feel. I guarantee he’ll tell you he’ll be faithful to you and his word is his bond. It’s the kind of man he is. Do you want another woman to take him?”
Cassie snapped her head up. “No.”
Ariana tilted her head. “Really? Why not?”
“Because I—I love him,” she whispered.
Ariana smiled at her and stood. “Of course, you do. So, go get him. I’m sure there are a lot of women out there who’d love to have Ash Beckett for themselves.” She put her jacket on, kissed Cassie on the cheek and walked out.
Cassie stared at the door then stood quickly and ran to the bedroom. Ariana was right. Ash was a good man, and she wanted him in her life. She just hoped she hadn’t messed it up already and he was ready to do what he said he would do—find someone new to share his life with and have children.
Grabbing a pair of jeans and a sweater, she tugged her T-shirt off over her head then her lounge pants off, and quickly dressed. After pulling on her boots, she ran to the living room, pulled on her jacket, picked up her keys then ran outside and climbed into her SUV. She just hoped he didn’t throw her off his ranch. Putting the gear in Drive, she headed off to see Ash before it was too late.
****
Ash sat in the living room staring into the fireplace. The blue and orange flames cracked and snapped as they wrapped around the logs and reached up into the flue. He loved the smell of burning wood as it filled the room. The one thing he liked about the colder weather was being able to have a fire roaring in the hearth. Bandit lay at his feet with his head resting on his paws. Ash knew the dog sensed something was wrong with his master but didn’t know what to do about it.
Suddenly, Bandit raised his head then stood and barked. Pushing himself up out of the chair, Ash followed Bandit as he ran to the kitchen. He stood at the door, glancing at Ash and back to the door.
“All right, give me a damn minute,” Ash muttered as he made his way to the door and peered out the window.
At first, his heart lurched in his chest, but then he frowned when he saw Cassidy step out of her SUV and hesitate as she looked at the house. Ash watched her take a deep breath and blow it out. A puff of air formed in front of her. He feared she would change her mind and leave but then he feared she might stay too. He couldn’t go through being rejected again.
When she walked up the steps, he took a deep breath. Just as she raised her hand to knock, Ash opened the door and folded his arms.
“What are you doing here?” he asked as he frowned at her even as he wanted to pull her into his arms.
She seemed startled by his reaction to her being here, but squared her shoulders. “I’d like to talk to you.”
“About?” Ash kept his arms folded to prevent himself from reaching for her.
“Can I come in? It’s cold.” She rubbed her hands up and down her arms, and bounced on her toes.
Ash blew out a breath and pushed the door open wider. She moved past him and entered the kitchen. Her light perfume assaulted his nose. Bandit ran to her, sat down in front of her, and put his paw up.
“Traitor,” Ash muttered.
“What?”
“Nothing. What are you doing here?” he asked again as he closed the door and stared at her. God, she was beautiful, and it took everything in his power not to grab her and kiss her senseless.
“Um, can we go in the living room?”
“Christ, Cassidy, just tell me why you’re here,” he said through clenched teeth.
“I’m here to say…I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? For what exactly? Thinking I’m like your ex? Leading me on? Breaking my heart? What exactly?”
Cassidy took her jacket off and hung it on the back of a kitchen chair then looked at him.
“All of the above,” she said softly.
Ash ran his hand down his face and huffed out a breath then opened the door.
“Fine. Please go.”
“No. I’m not finished.”
“Really? Because I am.”
“Ash, please.”
“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath as he shoved the door closed again then strode past her to the living room and took a seat in his recliner. Picking up the remote, he aimed it at the TV and turned it on. His mouth dropped open when she took the remote from him and turned the TV off again then took a seat on the sofa. Refusing to look at her, he raised the footrest and ignored her or at least tried to. He wanted to bury his face in her neck or between her legs. He heard her take a deep breath then blow it out.
“Ross treated me like dirt. It’s bad enough that he cheated on me, three tim
es that I know of, but he lied about wanting to have children. That was the most despicable thing of all. To say my trust issues are low where men are concerned would be a huge understatement. I can’t tell you how many times we’d go somewhere, and I’d go to the restroom and come back to see him talking to another woman. That wasn’t bad enough, but then I’d see him watching her walk away like he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Much like you did when you were talking to Angie at the rodeo.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? It is in no way the same thing.”
“I saw you watching her. I also saw her stick a piece of paper into your pocket.”
“A note, that I didn’t even know about until I got home and took my jeans off. It was her number, and I threw it away. As far as watching her walk away, I watched her because I knew right then I was happy I never married her because if I had, I wouldn’t have you in my life. What a joke that turned out to be because that very same night you kicked me out of your life.”
“I didn’t know––”
“You should have said something,” Ash shouted as he closed the footrest with a loud thump and jumped up out of the recliner.
“You’re right, but I was scared. So very scared. I knew I’d fallen in love with you and the thought of being hurt again, especially by you, terrified me.” She rose from the sofa.
“Especially by me? What the hell does that mean?” Ash was so mad he couldn’t see straight.
“If Ross had broken my heart, you would’ve destroyed it. I’d never love again if I had you and then lost you.” A tear slid down her cheek.
“Cassidy, I told you before, I am nothing like him. I believe in commitment. I believe in marriage vows. I would never cheat on the woman I love. Why would I when she’s everything I’d ever want? I’d cherish her for the rest of my days, and I’d show her every day how much I love her. When I said I loved you, I meant it, and nothing would change that. You broke my heart, no…shattered it, when you said you didn’t love me.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t love you. I shook my head because I knew if I opened my mouth, I’d tell you I did.” She stepped toward him. “Ash, I love you so much it hurts. I don’t want to be without you anymore. I’ve been miserable.”
Ash: A Beckett Brothers Novel Book 2 (The Beckett Brothers) Page 16