Reclaiming Katie
by
Jane Carrington
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Also by Jane Carrington:
The #1 Best Selling Young Adult novel,
"Simply, Mine”
Jane Carrington also writes under
the pen name M.L. Gardner.
Those titles include:
1929
and
Short Stories from 1929
Chapter 1
Katie Johnson paced the length of her living room. As her bare feet moved silently over the hardwood floor, she shushed the sleeping baby on her shoulder. Her soothing sounds were not so much for Jacob, but for the worries and fears as she waited for her husband to come home. How many nights had she paced until the early hours? She'd lost count. It was a shame and an embarrassment for a married man to run around town the way he did. In the three short years of their marriage, he'd spent the last two gallivanting like a wild bachelor. And she'd been helpless to stop him. It was early yet; it would be a long night.
She startled at the knock on the door, jostling the baby, causing him to writhe and fuss. Peeking beyond the thin curtain, she breathed a sigh of relief, seeing her sister, Sarah, standing with a small cake.
She opened the door and smiled. "Hey."
"I thought you might want some company."
Katie stiffened visibly. She knew her sister didn't mean to hurt her. Perpetually happy Sarah wasn't capable of hurting anyone. What she meant was exactly what she said. She thought that Katie might like some company. What she didn't need to say, and what humiliated Katie, was the unsaid piece. Sarah knew; all of Cedar Hollow knew, that Katie's husband, Tom, would be out on the town. Gone most of the night.
Katie smiled and stepped aside.
"How's the little man?"
"He's well. Growing like a weed." Katie looked down and smiled at her baby; her only source of happiness these days.
"You want to do anything while I'm here?"
"No, thank you."
"You sure you don't want a long, hot shower? I can look after Jacob."
Katie looked over herself. She knew she must look a mess. It had been a couple days since she showered. Her hair was stringy and pulled into a messy bun. Her floral print dress was dirty with two days’ worth of cooking, cleaning and nursing. She wished she cared more about how she looked, but her self-esteem and personal care had faded as quickly as her husband’s love.
"I suppose I could take a bath," she said, faking a smile. "I've just been so busy, you know?" She didn't want to, but she didn't want Sarah thinking badly of her, either.
"Go. Relax. I've got the baby." Sarah took Jacob and snuggled him close.
Katie turned on the water and sat on the edge of the bathtub until it was full. She reluctantly peeled off her days old dress and sank down into the deep iron tub. Bubbles would have been nice, she thought to herself with a sigh. Wrapping her arms around her thin waist, she shivered, despite the steaming hot water. She had lost a lot of weight after the baby was born; too much even. She was bone thin. She didn't think so much of herself, but of her marriage. Where had it all gone wrong? She thought back over her roller coaster relationship with Tom and couldn't pinpoint a specific moment when it all changed. His love had just gradually slipped away. And hers, too, if she were being honest. Unfulfilled was an understatement. She was lost, alone and filled with such a wrenching loss, she didn't notice when she failed to bathe for days on end, change her clothes, fashion her hair or put on a little lipstick.
People talked, as they do in all small towns and she avoided going out at all costs. Sarah had been wonderful in aiding her self-neglecting depression, offering to pick things up for her whenever she made the five mile trek into the one stoplight town, whose biggest export was gossip. Squeezing her eyes against tears, she wondered why Tom even stayed. He spent little time at home and barely knew his child.
She sank under the water, wishing she didn't have to come up again. She opened her eyes and stared through the ripples of the water at the ceiling. So quiet, she could hear her slow heartbeat in her ears. She let a few bubbles escape. Closing her eyes again, she longed to be anywhere but here. Stay, a deep voice from within urged. Her lungs began to ache and she was forced to pull her head up, taking a deep gasp. Bathing mechanically, she scrubbed her skin long after it was clean. She stepped out of the bathtub, her flesh red and stinging and toweled her long black hair. She heard the baby whimpering in the next room and that brought her to life for a moment. He settled and so did she.
She sat, slumping on the commode, looking over her long legs, wondering if she should take the time to shave them. She shrugged and slipped a fresh nightgown over her head. Looking in the mirror, she sighed at the tired, almost ragged young woman who stared back at her.
Her once bright blue eyes were now dulled, dark rings around them. Her normally radiant ivory skin was dry and lifeless.
No wonder he doesn't want me anymore, she thought with a hint of self-loathing. She felt trapped in a terrible cycle; one where the less attention he paid to her, the more she let herself go. And the more she let herself go, the less attention he paid her.
In the beginning, she tried to tell herself it was just him. She'd known he was a playboy from early on. He was easily distracted and he'd flirt and tease out on the town with the guys, but he'd come back to her, eventually. Or so she thought when it started. The town's bad boy. Towering at six foot five with blonde wavy hair and fathomless brown eyes, he could have any woman in the county, or the country for that matter. But he chose her and said his vows in front of God and friends.
Why? She asked herself for the millionth time. Why choose me, just to knock me up and ignore me. Leave me at home to rot. Looking around the bathroom at the old wallpaper, peeling at the corners, the chipped sink and the small bucket placed under the pipe to catch a small leak, and the hardwood floor that needed to be sanded and finished, she felt the home was rotting right along with her.
He had bought the century old home when they married and promised to fix it up into a mini palace. The first six months, he'd work on small projects diligently, but soon, his interest in home repairs faded. His honey-do list grew longer until the sight of it made her angry and she tore it up, attempting some of the smaller jobs on her own.
Jacob began wailing and Katie felt her milk let down in response. Quickly, she threw on her robe and hurried out into the dining room.
"Mama's here," Sarah said, smiling and bouncing the baby. Handing him to Katie, he disappeared under her robe and quieted. Katie arranged herself in the chair with her free hand.
"How've you been this week, Sis?"
Katie kept her eyes on her son’s downy head. "Oh, fine. Just real busy, you know."
"Anything I can do while I'm here?" She jumped up and started sorting piles of dirty dishes before Katie could answer.
"Sarah, you don't have to do that. I've just been busy is all. I was going to get to it after Jacob went to sleep."
"Well, now you can get to sleep after Jacob goes to sleep." She turned and grinned. Katie was thankful for her sweet baby sister.
"I saw Mama last week. Stopped out at her place to help her with the garden. She expanded it, you know and now she can't handle it alone." Sarah rolled her eyes.
"How is she?" A lump grew in Katie's throat.
"She's doing well. Said to tell you hi."
"Did she?" Katie asked, trying, but not succeeding in sounding desperate.
Sarah turned and gave her a sympathetic smile. "In her own way, she did."
Katie looked down before her disappointm
ent could show.
"She did ask about her grandson. I thought maybe, well, maybe I could take him out there one day. Let her see him for a bit."
Katie shook her head. "He's too young. I mean he nurses too often to be away from me that long."
"Or you could take him out there, Katie."
She shook her head tightly. "She won't see me."
"You don't know that. She might."
"She hasn't spoken to me since the day before I got married."
"Three years has passed. Time tends to soften folks. You know she's stubborn as a mule, Katie. You're going to have to take the first step and go over there."
And risk more rejection, this time by her own blood? No thanks. Sarah kept her hopeful look and Katie felt bad for her. "I'll think about it," she lied.
She began scrubbing dishes, stacking them on the counter to dry. Taking a deep breath, she gathered up all the boldness she possessed. "You could always go home, Katie. You know that if you showed up with that baby and a bag, Mama would take you in. You don't have to live like this, waiting for him to come home all the time." She bit her lip, seemingly waiting to be chastised.
Katie sat rigid and quiet.
"I just would hate to see something happen to Mama before you got things straightened out, you know, like with Daddy." Her voice dropped at the mention of their father.
To say that both her mother and father disapproved of Katie's marriage would be an understatement. Her father tried the gentle approach, with long patient talks to dissuade her. Her mother flat out gave her an ultimatum. Him or us. Being young and in love, she chose Tom and turned her back on her family forever. When her father died, she went to the funeral, but sat as far from her mother as possible. She didn't say anything to anyone through the service and left the moment it was over. Later, near sunset, she went to the hill of freshly turned earth and said what she needed to say to her father, praying he could hear her. It was all the peace that could be made.
She couldn't go to her little sister's wedding the year before; their mother would never attend knowing Katie would be there. And she couldn't ruin Sarah's special day like that. She sighed loudly and Sarah looked back at her.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
"Not worth a penny."
"Aw, Katie, don't get down on yourself like that. Come here. Let me brush your hair. It's going to dry in knots." She set a stack of dishes to soak and dried her hands. Disappearing into the bathroom, she reappeared with a wide toothed comb and pulled the bulk of Katie's hair over her shoulders. Taking small segments, she began to comb it out. Katie closed her eyes and tried to relax. The baby had stopped nursing, fallen asleep nuzzled against her breast. She tilted her head back slightly and shivered as Sarah's hand smoothed lightly over her hair and shoulder.
"You could stay with Ian and I," she said softly. "We'd love to have you and the baby."
"I'm not leaving, Sarah. You know what Mama said. I made my bed and now I have to lay in it."
"Mama was angry and nearly as stubborn as you. There is nothing saying you can't strip your sheets and start over. Who goes years without changing their sheets?" Her small attempt at humor flew past Katie and she sighed.
"We'll work this out, Sarah. All marriages go through tough spots."
"You really think that's all this is? A tough spot?"
"Yes."
"What are you going to do?"
She shrugged limply. "I don't know. Try to talk to him. Remind him he's married and has a son. Maybe..." She looked over herself. "Maybe try to pretty up a bit."
"You're beautiful first thing in the morning and if he doesn't see it, he's blind, Katie Johnson."
She gave a light smile. She tended to forget that she, too, had her pick of all the men in Cedar Hollow. And she couldn't help but think she'd made the wrong choice.
"Do you want Ian to talk to him?"
"No," Katie said quickly. The last thing she needed was her baby sister's husband trying to talk Tom into being a man and living up to his obligations. She was already slightly jealous. What Ian lacked in looks compared to Tom, he made up for in the way he treated Sarah. He worshipped the ground she walked on. Sensitive and strong, gentle but manly, he held all the qualities Katie wished Tom had. Or at least, could learn.
"Think about it," Sarah pleaded. "My home is always open to you."
Katie reached up and touched her hand. "Thank you, Sarah."
"C'mon. Lay Jacob down for a nap and let’s play cards."
Chapter 2
The next morning, Katie was up at dawn. The night before she had been lying on her side, staring at the wall when Tom stumbled in. With a little too much to drink, he was clumsy and loud as he stripped off his clothes and fell into bed, but at least he didn't wake the baby.
She rolled out a batch of biscuits, enjoying the quiet stillness that came with the dawn of a new day. When the rooster crowed and the cows began to bellow in the distance, she turned on her small radio and began frying bacon, bringing the small kitchen to life. Burning her finger on the grease, she silently cursed her husband. Shortly after they were married, he'd promised her they would hire someone to help around the house when they started a family. But that, like so many other promises, went unfulfilled.
She heard Tom snort and stretch and hoped she'd have a chance to talk to him before the baby woke up. She could mentally trace his steps as he took them, his routine so set in stone.
Sit on the side of the bed and stretch, scratch, yawn and stumble into the bathroom to take a shower. There he would leave his clothes and towel on the floor and the water dripping, walk naked to the bedroom and rummage around the closet, calling for Katie to help him find something that was right in front of his face.
This morning the routine was broken.
"Katie! How come there's no hot water?" he yelled. Great. She walked around the corner, leaned on the door frame and crossed her arms.
"It probably died. It's been making those funny noises for a month. You said you'd replace it last weekend."
He scoffed. "We can't afford a new water heater."
"Well, you could fix it."
"I don't have time for that."
"Well then, Tom, I don't know what we're going to do." Sometimes she thought he shot down her ideas just out of spite. Obviously they couldn't go without hot water, so one of the two things was going to have to happen.
He grumbled, washed his face with cold water and walked past her to the bedroom.
"Good morning," she said, her eyes following him.
Sitting down at the table he waited for breakfast with a scowl. "This isn't how I wanted to spend my Saturday."
"Did you have plans?"
"Yeah, me and the guys were going to go hunting this weekend. We were supposed to get started early today, but I overslept."
She wondered why he didn't blame that on her, too.
"What about the weekend chores. I'm not up to doing them yet." Only three months after giving birth, she looked normal, but was still bone tired and often felt weak.
He gave a heavy bothered sigh.
There wasn't much to do, really. She had slowly given up the idea of a small family farm as Tom's distractions and laziness grew. They had gotten rid of the cow, goats and pig. At first, he was glad because there were less chores. But then he complained as their grocery bill climbed, having to buy the things they used to make. They did lease out a few acres of land to a family that had some cows, but they came to care for them. There were some fences that needed mending and now the hot water heater. The front yard was overgrown and the kitchen garden needed plowing up to get ready for spring planting. One of her cabinet hinges squeaked terribly when she opened it. The faucet leaked. Other than that, there was just, oh, the whole house. It still sat with most of the disrepair it had been purchased with.
Katie sat down across from him with an egg and some toast. "Where were you last night?" she asked casually.
He stopped eating and looked at her. "What are
you, the Cedar Hollow warden?"
"I was just asking." She tried a different approach she'd heard about in a magazine article on troubled marriages. "We missed you here, is all. I thought maybe we could all spend some time together tonight."
"Who's we? Is someone coming over?"
Her smile fell flat. "Me and our son."
He went back to eating, unaffected. "I told you, I'm going hunting."
She sighed and let her hands fall limp in her lap. "Can you at least fix the water heater before you go?"
"I'll call someone to come take care of it."
"Suddenly we have the money for that?"
"I can't be everywhere at once, Katie. Just be happy it's getting fixed." With that, he tossed his napkin and pushed away from the table. The chair scraped across the floor with an irritating sound. She winced at yet another mark on the hardwood that would have to be sanded, if he ever got around to refinishing the floors.
She followed him to the bedroom and crossed her arms. She hated broaching the subject of money.
"I was thinking maybe you could take out a loan from your father to get the rest of the house done."
"I'm not borrowing more money." They still had three outstanding loans for small amounts left to pay back to his parents as it was. "Car sales have been slow, but it's spring now, it'll pick up."
"Maybe we could plow up five acres and grow something?" she offered.
He dropped his hands and stared at her. "And when am I supposed to do that, Katie? The sixty hours a week I'm at the dealership? I have to work my ass off to prove I'm not getting any special favors being the owners’ son, as it is."
"I don't understand why he doesn't make you a manager or something. At least that would be a fixed salary and benefits."
But she did understand. Tom didn't take anything seriously, except playing, and would likely remain a salesman at his father's dealership as long as he could.
"Then there'd be problems with the other salesman. They already resent me. If I started hiring, firing and telling them what to do, that'd make my life even more miserable."
Reclaiming Katie Page 1