Reclaiming Katie

by Gardner, M. L.

  "Katie. It's Tom Sr. Is my son there?" She could barely hear him over the baby's shrieking.

  She stiffened. "He never came home last night."

  After a long silence, he sighed heavily. "Well, he didn't show up to work today. If you see him, will you tell him to get ahold of me?"

  "Yes." The line went dead. She ground her teeth and could make a fair assumption that he had gotten stinking drunk and slept in. Where ever it was that he had decided to sleep last night.

  She turned her attentions back to her baby and what might be bothering him so. She checked for fever or rash, and though he hadn't had much of an appetite over the last few days, nothing else seemed to be out of order. He cried steadily until noon and Katie packed his baby bag to take him into town to see the doctor.

  It was a long wait at the Pediatricians. Without an appointment, the nurses worked hard to squeeze her in. Jacob screamed the entire time, annoying all the other patients and making Katie's head ache. She watched as a father carried in his toddler, bright red with fever and listless in his arms. They rushed him and his very sick child to the back room speaking in hushed tones about the flu. Katie shuttered. The flu had claimed three people in the hollow last year. She watched the toddler’s arms swaying limply as her father walked and was grateful for Jacob's full lusty cries.

  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they called her back. "Thomas Jacob Johnson."

  Katie stood, adjusted the baby and the bag and smiled. She followed the nurse back to the room, stripped off his clothes and gave a history of his symptoms. After taking his temperature and getting a weight, Katie paced the small room, beginning another long wait.

  The door sprung open and a small young woman entered the room. "Hello, I'm Doctor Monson. Is this Jacob?"

  "Yes." Katie looked down at his red, strained face.

  The waif thin doctor smiled. "What seems to be the problem today?"

  "Well, he was up crying most of the night and today he won't nurse. He screamed all morning and nothing makes him happy. He did nap briefly in the car on the way here."

  She smiled and motioned for Katie to lay him down on the examination table.

  "Until last night he'd been eating well?"

  "Yes."

  "And he's breast fed?" She smiled at him as she ran her hands gently over his back, stomach and limbs.

  "Yes."

  "Poor guy, your feet are freezing!" She held the small toes in her palms for a moment.

  "Is he wetting a diaper at least every six hours?"

  "Um, yes…I think so."

  "And when's the last time he went poo?"

  Katie went blank. "I think…er…" She bit her lip and looked away. Tears welled up in her eyes. "I can't remember."

  Dr. Monson smiled sympathetically. "That's okay."

  Katie shook her head. "No, no it's not! I should know the last time my baby had a bowel movement." She looked down ashamed and wiped tears briskly from her face.

  "It's perfectly normal, Mrs. Johnson. A new baby can be overwhelming. Between worry and concern, sleep deprivation and settling hormones, it can be a rough time."

  Katie nodded, still feeling like the worst mother ever. Dr. Monson pressed on the baby's belly gently and he let out a piercing yowl.

  "We'll start with a glycerin suppository. I think that might be this little guy’s problem." She opened a cabinet, searching for the medicine. "This is very common in babies, don't worry, Mrs. Johnson."

  She turned her attention back to Jacob. "There. I'd like you to stay here until it works."

  Katie gathered Jacob in her arms and began bouncing him, trying in vain to soothe him.

  "And I'd like you to drink more fluids. You might be a touch dehydrated yourself. Jacob's weight is good, but you're desperately thin, my dear."

  "I've only recently gotten my appetite back."

  "Are you sleeping well?"

  "Not really."

  As Dr. Monson watched, Katie avoided her eyes. "I've had a lot going on lately."

  "I know an excellent doctor who has a great deal of experience in postpartum depression. Would you like his number?"

  "No, thank you. I don't think that's it."

  "Well, if you change your mind, just give me a call."

  "Thank you."

  "I'm going to see to some other patients, but I'll come back and check on you soon."

  Katie wouldn't stop berating herself for not noticing Jacob's most basic functions. She couldn't let the mess she'd gotten herself into detract from her duties as a mother. The longer he cried, the harder she chastised herself. And then, much to her relief, Jacob stopped crying and began a concerted effort to poop.

  The doctor poked her head in just as Katie was changing his diaper.

  "Smells like it worked," she teased.

  "It did." Katie looked down in astonishment. "I had no idea a little one could go this much!" She laughed with relief as Jacob smiled and cooed, slobbering over his chubby fist.

  "Well, he certainly looks happy now."

  Chapter 14

  She was light with relief as she strapped Jacob into his car seat. She covered his little feet with a blanket and started down the road noticing what a beautiful day it was turning out to be. The last of the thin gray storm clouds were clearing and the sun shone warmly.

  Not wanting to waste the day at home, she had an idea.

  The parking lot to Hammond's Grocery had only fifteen spots. They were all full and she circled three times waiting for someone to leave.

  When a white SUV full of bouncing children pulled out, Katie slipped into the spot, only noticing after she pulled the car seat from the back, that she had parked right next to Will's truck. Her stomach fell and she debated jumping back into her car and driving away.

  Torn between wanting and not wanting to confront him, she put the car seat in a cart and marched into the store letting fate decide. It didn't take long. He spotted her in the produce aisle and while their eyes locked, neither made a move toward the other. She didn't want to turn away; that might send the wrong message. He didn't want to make a move toward her; that might send the wrong message.

  And so they stood, staring uncertainly at each other. Remembering the minor detail about the land no longer being hers, she set a bag of peaches in the front basket and took a few steps toward him. He matched the movement and they met in the middle.

  "Hey." He looked tired.

  "Are you okay?" she asked.

  He avoided her eyes. "Fine. You?"

  "Alright. I wanted to tell you that you don't need to send Tim out to plant this week."

  "I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it. Something came up but I wanted to fulfill my promise to help you."

  "I appreciate it, but I don't need your help."

  He looked up at her, surprised. "Why not?"

  "Tom sold the land."

  "Did he." He wasn't asking, in fact, he hardly seemed surprised.

  She nodded, staring at Jacob. "I wanted to explain about last Friday night."

  He took a step back and shook his head. "That was a little awkward. But you don't have to explain. It's your business."

  Katie bit her lip. "I just didn't want you to think—"

  "Katie, I'm not sure how to say this. But…well, I wouldn't want…I mean, I'd feel bad if…"

  "Spit it out, Will."

  "I just wouldn't want to think that I had anything to do with your decision."

  Smelling rejection in the air, she bristled.

  "No, why would you?"

  He lifted one shoulder gently. His eyes were deep and forlorn.

  "That's rather arrogant, don't you think, William Anderson? That in our brief encounters I'd fallen so madly in love with you that I'd throw away my marriage."

  "I didn't mean it like that."

  "Well, that's good. Because it isn't like that at all. My marriage was over a long time ago. I just didn't realize it until recently."

  She wanted to claw his eyes out and throw
her arms around him, all at the same time.

  "I'm sorry to hear that."

  Her heart sank. "Are you?"

  "I just don't deal well with divorce, Katie. And I need to know for sure that I had nothing to do with it, for my own conscience and my own reasons. That's all. I wasn't trying to be arrogant. I think you're a special woman, Katie Johnson and I just don't want to complicate your life."

  She visibly softened at his sincerity.

  "Are you ready to go, Will?" A pretty petite blonde sidled up to him and smiled. Katie took quick glances at each of them. Will started to speak but Katie twirled the cart and headed for the door.

  Shaking with threatening tears, she strapped Jacob in the backseat. Loud shrill sirens prevented her from collecting a coherent thought and it was only when she stood up and saw Cedar Hollows only two police cars speeding down the street, she realized they weren't coming from inside her head. After they passed, she pulled away, abandoning her idea of a picnic.

  At home Jacob didn't stir as Katie lowered him into his crib. She paced her living room, chewing on her thumb. She bit too hard and growled in frustration. How could she constantly be wrong about everything! Just when she thought she had learned enough life lessons to start getting things right, life had to go and prove her wrong.

  So strongly was the urge to run that she pulled her suitcase down from the closet and began packing.

  She had nowhere to go besides her sisters’, but she knew Sarah would welcome her. But the truth was, she didn't want to go to her sisters’. She wanted to get in her car and drive until she ran out of gas. Start a new life some place no one knew her. But without much money, she wouldn't get far.

  She threw her clothes in, not really paying attention to what she was taking. Slamming her suitcase closed she searched for another for Jacob's things. There was another in the garage, she remembered. She carried her bag and placed it under the window in the living room.

  Jacob might need two, she thought as she opened the warped door to the garage. She had left everything when she married Tom and hadn't acquired much for herself since then. Jacob, however, had a carload of items she would need to take.

  Finding the old red suitcase on a high shelf, she reached on tiptoe and pulled the handle. It slid, raining dust down over her. She coughed and sneezed, waving her hand in front of her as she made her way back out into the light. She heard a car door slam and her heart bounded.

  Would Tom be mad that she was leaving? Would he try to stop her? Confronting those fears never materialized as she rounded the corner and saw a policeman standing on her porch, knocking on her door. She knew him. She'd gone to high school with Bryce.

  "Can I help you?" She clutched the suitcase by her side. He gave it a long look.

  "I need to have a word with you, Katie."

  "Please come in." She opened her front door and held the screen for him. With his hands on his belt, close to his gun, he looked around carefully. His eyes stopped on the suitcase in the sunlight.

  "Going somewhere, Katie?"

  She had a dark, ominous feeling. Could Tom legally prevent her from leaving? Force her to stay in this house all the while refusing to move out?

  "I was, um." She stammered and fingered the handle of the bag she held. "I was going to leave," she said finally. "I filed for divorce yesterday."

  "I see. I wasn't aware."

  "Well, I'm surprised it isn't all around town by now. After all, it's been twenty four hours."

  "Where were you going to go?"

  "I don't know. Away. Away from here. It doesn't matter."

  "I don't think that's a good idea."

  Something in his eyes bothered her. Made her nervous and scared.

  "Are you telling me it's not a good idea to leave Tom, or that I can't leave him. Did he get some kind of court order or something?"

  "No. He didn't."

  "Then, I don't understand. Why can't I leave."

  "Because he's dead. State trooper found him in his truck out off highway twelve."

  She felt the room go liquid beneath her. "What do mean, he's dead?" she asked slowly.

  "Shot in the head in the front seat of his truck. Looks like it happened sometime late last night."

  She vaguely remembered finding her way to the couch.

  "I don't need to tell you that it doesn't look good to find you packing right about now."

  She shook her head weakly. "No, I guess it doesn't." She looked up, hoping to find the sympathetic eyes of an old friend. "Wait, you don't think I had anything to do with this?"

  "Disgruntled spouse is always the first suspect. Of course we both know Tom had pissed off plenty of people around here."

  "Where is he now?"

  "Probably still at the hospital. His parent's made the ID and are making plans for him."

  "What do I need to do?" The room had finally stopped dancing around her head.

  "Nothing right now, except answer a few questions for me. That and don't leave town."

  She stared blankly at the floor.

  "You told me that you had filed for divorce. That tells me things weren't all roses between you and Tom?"

  "No."

  "What was going on?"

  She raised her head, meeting his insistent glare. "He was cheating on me."

  "And did that make you mad?"

  "Mad enough to file for divorce."

  "And what about the party at his parents’ house. They told us it didn't go well and you were very angry at Tom that night. They told us you weren't acting yourself. They said you were nervous and distracted all evening. Paranoid, even, the way you were always looking over your shoulder."

  She groaned internally.

  "He announced in the middle of the party that we were getting divorced. He embarrassed himself, me and everyone else."

  "That probably made you mad."

  She narrowed her eyes at him. "I've been plenty mad at Tom for years—"

  "Years? Really." He jotted down notes in his small binder.

  Her nostrils flared and she spoke through her teeth. "Yes, years. That's why I filed for divorce."

  "Did Tom ever hit you?"

  "Once."

  "When?"

  "A few weeks ago."

  Still nodding, still taking notes, Katie's temper flared. "Bryce, you know me. We go back a long way. You know I could never kill anyone."

  "I haven't talked to you in a long time, Katie. People change. And knowing you doesn’t change the way I do my job. Now, I just have a few more questions."

  Bryce left with several warnings not to leave town, and even a threat of posting an officer nearby, if he needed to. She glared at him, knowing he loved the authority he held. Having been a scrawny kid in school, he was bullied for years and now he reveled in calling the shots.

  She half wondered why Tom’s parents hadn't called her. Jacob made small squeaking noises and Katie's head swiveled in that direction numb and robotic.

  The memorial service, held at Adrienne and Tom Sr.’s house, was tackily over decorated. His mother wore a dramatic black veil and needed help walking everywhere. They all seemed to be glaring at Katie and no one spoke to her.

  In the torrent of emotions, she simply shut down, refusing to feel anything. They all whispered at the fact that she didn't cry. Sympathy and gifts of food and flowers went to his parents while she sat numbly in the corner. This was, she swore to herself, the last time she'd set foot in this house. It was the worst afternoon of her life.

  Afterward, she drove for hours. Driving through and around the small town until her gas gauge read near empty. She had nowhere to go but home. She desperately didn't want to go there. Not right now. She couldn't bear to sit and let the walls quietly close in around her; mocking her life's decisions, ridiculing her judgment. Reminding her of her failure, ridiculously blaming her for Tom's death. No, she couldn't go home.

  She sat at a green light, staring blankly ahead of her. Trying to pinpoint where her life had gone so drast
ically wrong, home was the only place she could think of. Suddenly she knew exactly where she needed to go. She punched the gas and turned onto the two lane country road.

  Her mother's house sat just as she remembered it, with white siding and a flower lined porch. The living room windows were open and a light breeze made the sheer curtains sway. She pulled Jacob out of his car seat, disturbing his deep slumber. Putting him on her shoulder and walking with determination, she climbed the steps.

  Swallowing hard, she hesitated, and then knocked. She heard her mother's footsteps and felt a little queasy. Vicky opened the door with a bright smile that stiffened when she saw Katie. Her face was mingled tense and disbelieving as Katie stared at her for a moment before she spoke.

  "I messed up bad, Mama," she said as her face shattered into tears. Taking a step forward, she fell into her mother's arms and wept.

  Every tear she hadn't cried for the last several years found her and she sobbed to the point of heaving. She tried to speak but couldn't form a coherent sentence. Her mother pulled her inside and guided her to the couch, sitting beside her and pulling Katie's head to rest on her shoulder. Stroking her hair, she stole her first peeks at her grandson. He stared back at her curiously, clinging to handfuls of his mother’s hair.

  When her sobs had settled to whimpers, she lifted her head and sat slumped, cradling Jacob.

  "Isn't he the most precious thing," her mother whispered.

  Katie looked up with swollen eyes. So lost in the grief of her past, she'd forgotten this was the first time Jacob was meeting his grandmother.

  She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Do you want to hold him?"

  Vicky nodded and held out her hands.

  She gave a light sigh as she held him close, smelling the fine downy hair on his head. "How I've waited for this," she said quietly.